My Husband Thinks I'm Copping Out

[Scaredy Cat 92]

I have another support group meeting very soon. I'll let you know if he changes his mind any

[taralynneRN59 20]

Not "Copping Out; but Stepping UP"

My husband is very supportive, but after discussing the upcoming event "pre-op" diet and the following "life style changes" he said to me "it seems like a really hard way to do this!". I do admit however that I am not telling my family about it including the kids. I do not want to even deal with the worry, possible disapproval or constant questions on how I am doing, especially if I have a hard time of it! I do not want to have to "justify" my decision which has come after many years of disappointing attempts to lose weight. When I am recovered, thinner and off of diabetes; high cholestrol; high blood pressure; GERD and arthritis medications, then I will tell them what I have done.

After re-reading this it sounds like I have a terrible family and I don't. It is just that after having breast cancer with bilateral mastectomy and chemo (5 year out WOO! HOO!) my family is all about - "Your alive and your cancer free, your weight does not matter". I know they worry about me, but I have to take this "ME" time and worry about myself right now, not worry about how they feel. If it is selfish, I will apologize later!!!

So I do not feel we are "Copping Out" - I feel we are "Stepping UP"!!!!! My surgery will be next month, I hope we can keep in touch!

[Scaredy Cat 92]

Thank you and congrats on beating cancer!! My husband had colon cancer a couple years ago so I know it's not an easy road to travel. We are all stronger than we think we are!

[Teriiann 34]

My husband is all for it. The only thing he has said is I will leave him when I get thin. We have been together for 30 years! I tell him I want to be healthy and I want not to be lazy when he says let's go do something. I only want to be where I was when we got married. At that time I was considered to be over weight. It's all new to him he will come around.

[iegal 460]

TaraLynnRN59...I love your response. Can't say it any better.

My DH saw me try and try and try and try only to fail. I am not a loser or a quitter. Just unable to conquer on my own without a assistance. Thank goodness he didn't feel this way when I gave birth to an 11 lb baby, (no I was not diabetic either) that I could do this on my own. Would have died without medical assistance. He got it, I needed medical help to lose the weight.

I love my sleeve and have no regrets.

[Finding MeMe 204]

I say it is the smart way out, I tried the exercise way and it didn't work. I do agree that losing wt. is 75% diet. what we eat and 25% exercise. I also think that exercise is extremely important to wt. loss and good health overall. I know that It is making my heart, muscles and lungs healthier and younger. I am a much healthier person with exercise than without. Good luck to you.

[shannon cruz 4]

My husband don't want me to get the sleave. He keeps saying you can do it on your own! It makes me angry.i supported him when he had gasto bypass done

[wdrake_98 22]

WOW. This is exactly why I'm here!! My husband is very much against me getting this surgery.

Like many others he's saying I just need to eat right and be more active.

I don't know what to do.

We are newly married, only 1 month, and he's viewing MY decision about MY body as much more. He feels I'm defying him as my husband.

[Mich grand 35]

Not "Copping Out; but Stepping UP"

My husband is very supportive' date=' but after discussing the upcoming event "pre-op" diet and the following "life style changes" he said to me "it seems like a really hard way to do this!". I do admit however that I am not telling my family about it including the kids. I do not want to even deal with the worry, possible disapproval or constant questions on how I am doing, especially if I have a hard time of it! I do not want to have to "justify" my decision which has come after many years of disappointing attempts to lose weight. When I am recovered, thinner and off of diabetes; high cholestrol; high blood pressure; GERD and arthritis medications, then I will tell them what I have done.

After re-reading this it sounds like I have a terrible family and I don't. It is just that after having breast cancer with bilateral mastectomy and chemo (5 year out WOO! HOO!) my family is all about - "Your alive and your cancer free, your weight does not matter". I know they worry about me, but I have to take this "ME" time and worry about myself right now, not worry about how they feel. If it is selfish, I will apologize later!!!

So I do not feel we are "Copping Out" - I feel we are "Stepping UP"!!!!! <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> My surgery will be next month, I hope we can keep in touch![/quote']

I HAVE TAKE THIS " ME " TIME.

HURRAAAAAY, thank you for these six, count them. Six little words.

I say (probably for the first time in my life) "it's all about ME for a while.

There, I said it and it feels so good.

[swizzly 901]

We are newly married, only 1 month, and he's viewing MY decision about MY body as much more. He feels I'm defying him as my husband.

Um, what?? Defying him? You're his spouse, not his child...?! THAT is not a good sign. I hope you can follow your own conscience and needs.

[ozeedonkee 145]

We are newly married' date=' only 1 month, and he's viewing MY decision about MY body as much more. He feels I'm defying him as my husband.[/quote']

Oh Lordy.... You stick to what YOU believe is best for you.

[Lissa 2,631]

WOW. This is exactly why I'm here!! My husband is very much against me getting this surgery.

Like many others he's saying I just need to eat right and be more active.

I don't know what to do.

We are newly married, only 1 month, and he's viewing MY decision about MY body as much more. He feels I'm defying him as my husband.

I'm certain you didn't spring the idea of WLS on him after you got married, so he's not being supportive of you as his wife. As your husband, he should want the absolute best for you, even above himself. If he's using the religious view of marriage to try to keep you from having surgery, you need to tell him that the rest of the verse is that a husband should love his wife even as Christ loved the Church. Meaning, hubby should be willing to lay down his life for yours. Tell him to put that in his pipe and smoke it.

[IsB 209]

WOW. This is exactly why I'm here!! My husband is very much against me getting this surgery.

Like many others he's saying I just need to eat right and be more active.

I don't know what to do.

We are newly married, only 1 month, and he's viewing MY decision about MY body as much more. He feels I'm defying him as my husband.

What you do is take care of yourself. He may grumble but he loves you so he's going to have to deal with it. Come your 5 year anniversary he's going to be grateful to have a happy and healthy wife.

[kmoore 97]

I have to admit' date=' the 'easy way out' thing is not such a big deal for me. Because, for ME, this has totally 110% been the easy way out -- I've had zero complications or problems, apart from never losing my hunger (at least head hunger hasn't been a huge deal). The phrase that comes to mind when someone says 'easy way out' is 'so what'? What is inherently 'good' about doing things the hard (and ineffective!!) way?? There's no virtue in effort for effort's sake, and there is tons of sniffy judgment embedded in the idea that one shouldn't have an easy time of it -- after all, we're fatties, we DESERVE to be punished, right? So yeah: NO. I reject that 100%. Easy way out=I SO deserve it after all the years of the hard way totally not working. Anyone who doesn't like it is of course welcome to their opinion, but I'm not going to share it with them LOL.[/quote']

So very well said! I MUST print this out and plaster it to my fridge

[Scaredy Cat 92]

Please do not think that I am in any way, shape or form showing any disrespect to breast cancer survivors. My family is loaded with them and I have empathy beyond measure. But I wanted to reach him at his level. My husband went through colon cancer a couple years ago so I finally thought of a way to explain how I feel to him with the following analogy.

My husband went through colon cancer a couple years ago so I finally thought of a way to explain how I feel at his level.

If I got news from my GYN doctor that I had breast cancer; I would certainly have choices over the kind of treatment I should receive. I could do nothing, live in pain and mental torture and eventually die of it (or complications of it). I could have a lumpectomy and pray the cancer didn’t return, or I could go for the mastectomy and know that with this procedure, I had the best chance of recovering from the disease.

Well, obesity is a disease! I am morbidly obese; I would certainly have choices over the kind of treatment I should receive. I could do nothing, live in pain and mental torture and eventually die of it (or complications of it). I could go on yet another diet and pray that the weight didn’t return, or I could go for the weight loss surgery and know that with this procedure, I had the best chance of recovering from the disease.

I think I got his attention