Divorce

[Butterfly07 0]

Wow. Such anger and resentment to someone just reaching out for compassion.

I started this thread because in my view the band and resulting weight loss & self esteem boost are the reasons for me to see what I should have seen & dealt with many years ago. I wanted to see if others had experienced the same thing because of the band.

I see that people post things about the president, american idol, overpopulation, friends in crisis, moral dilemias, religion and politics, so why am I being attacked? If you don't want to read the thread, then perhaps the easiest thing to do is to not do it.

To those of you who have continued to support me, it means more to me than words can express. Feel free to PM me and I will give you my e-mail address.

If people would care to post their opinions on if I should stop posting I'll consider their arguments. I'm just looking for support during the most difficult time in my life. Sometimes it's easier to pour your heart out to people you've never met who are objective. I don't mind people saying things I don't want to hear, I even appreciate a different perspective, but I do NOT appreciate hostility and people being cruel, I live with that enough.

There is more drama, and I HAVE filed papers 5 weeks ago to get the court to order changes, I was waiting to post until he found out by being served with court papers. Instead he found the court docket so he knows about the motion for temp orders but not the specifics. No court date yet. We are hoping for late January. This lack of information on the posts was on the advice of my attorney. I continue to post to reach out, I don't care if he sees that, I just didn't post details she advised me to keep private. Hopefully this makes sense to you all now.

Thanks again for those who care and have been kind.

[Carlene 12]

God help America!!!!!

PLeease, enough with the WONDERKIDSMOM drama!!!, honestly, the woman keeps saying that she is afraid of her husband reading her posting,and still she keeps writing,everybody tells her to get out or kick the hubby out of her house, but she stays!!! Welcome to LAPBAND TALK...lapband!! not DRAMA-BAND, or POOOR-ME band talk!!!!.

Been there done that, blaming EVERYBODY else does not solve the situation. Find HELP, LEGAL help!!!!!!!!!

If you are irritated by this thread, please just don't read it instead of attacking this poor woman (WonderKidsMom). In fact, that goes for ALL members and ALL threads....can't you let people vent and just ignore their posts if don't want to be bothered? It's one thing to disagree or offer constructive criticism, but to suggest someone NOT post about something - or stop posting about a particular topic - is high-handed and hateful.

PS....you misspelled "persistence".

[green 6]

God help America!!!!!

PLeease, enough with the WONDERKIDSMOM drama!!!, honestly, the woman keeps saying that she is afraid of her husband reading her posting,and still she keeps writing,everybody tells her to get out or kick the hubby out of her house, but she stays!!! Welcome to LAPBAND TALK...lapband!! not DRAMA-BAND, or POOOR-ME band talk!!!!.

Been there done that, blaming EVERYBODY else does not solve the situation. Find HELP, LEGAL help!!!!!!!!!

I, too, have been growing increasingly irritated by the smug and less than compassionate tone of this writer. Her advice may be solid enough but her delivery leaves a lot to be desired.

It strikes me that the strength of this website is that the membership is free to post on all sorts of issues, those directly concerning the lapband, weight, and those that have to do with other aspects of life in the 21st century.

Wonderkidsmom has come to us with a very serious problem, and why shouldn't she? In presenting her issues to us she is able to draw upon the expert advice and emotional support of a lot of women who have already worn the divorce T-shirt. All she is seeking is advice and emotional support.... Here she is able to do this in a safe environment, away local gossips or anyone else who might have an agenda.

It seems to me that the above quoted writer has not been reading this thread very carefully or else she has been projecting something of herself, something of her own situation, something which does not belong here. She ends her post by screaming at Wonder to "get HELP, LEGAL help!!!!!!!!" In fact Wonder has often stated that she does have an attorney.

I for one would like to see this thread continue. I wish to hear how life unfolds for Wonderkidsmom.

[Kat817 19]

Thank-you Kare, Carlene, & Green---I know this is not my thread, or my problem at the time, but I have been there, and while in hindsight I know I made mistakes, I know at the time I was doing my best, as I feel "wonder" is. You have restored my faith in us as supporters.....I love when women can show support for one another rather than tearing one another apart. Something I have always felt men did better than women---supporting their own gender! Glad to know y'all are out there!!!

Kat

[TruBlueSue 0]

Hooray! I say ditto to all you strong women.

[barbara465 2]

Keep on posting WonderkidsMom. I for one want to be here for you as you go through this. Some of us have been there already and know from where you are coming. Remember that you have to go through all the stages of grief before you are through.

 

We are here for you. Others can just skip over this thread and get on with their own life. We don't need negative support.

[Kat817 19]

Hi all-

I just received an apology from Persistance, saying she did not mean to come across to hard on our WonderMom here. When responding to her, I realized, I too had handled it wrong. While she was harsh in the way she said things, she too is honestly looking out for Wonders safety. She deals personally with abusive relationships, and has seen the worst happen. NONE of us want that for Wonder, we all have different ways of voiceing that, and advising her. Some of us wish we could just go pull her out of the house, and fix it all for her!!! We can't. Dammit!

Anyway--please know wonder, that we all just want the best for you, we worry about you. Many of us have been where you are, and know it can go from bad to worse very quickly, and we just want you to be proactive rather than reactive to things he says and does.

Keep in contact with your attorney, and with us---even when we say things you don't like it is done, hoping to help you.

I really do not believe anyone is trying to be unsupportive, we all just show it in different ways. Tough love is afterall still love---just wrapped up differently. Hang in there Wonder---we're all here!

Kat

[Persistance 0]

Thanx Kat:

You are a lady and little angel waking the earth..God Bless

[green 6]

Well, if Persist wants some kind of absolution or to give a simple explanation why doesn't Persist post on this thread instead of giving you a private PM, Kat? She has undoubtedly hurt Wonder by these harsh and thoughtless posts and she has certainly irritated a number of other individuals who are engaged in Wonder's current situation.

As for yourself, what did you handle the wrong way? I don't see anything wrong.

[Kat817 19]

I don't want to hijack Wonders thread here, I just feel like I stepped in and judged something that was not my place to do---I hate it done to me, and then go and do it myself---go figure!!!

What I did not want was for this thread to turn into an arguement concerning approaches, and how to properly provide support and advice, as opposed to simple, everyday support for Wonder. I am glad to see it is not.

Kat

[Carlene 12]

Hi all-

I just received an apology from Persistance, saying she did not mean to come across to hard on our WonderMom here. When responding to her, I realized, I too had handled it wrong. While she was harsh in the way she said things, she too is honestly looking out for Wonders safety. She deals personally with abusive relationships, and has seen the worst happen.

I received a similar PM, although I did not feel that any apology was due me (only WonderKidsMom). I'm not sure I'm buying the "just thinking of her safety" excuse, though. Twelve step programs are all about support, first of all, and Persistance (sic) was NOT supportive. Secondly, it would have been much more productive to PM a note to Wonder saying, "Call me. I am concerned about you." Flaming the poor woman for posting was a very poor way to "protect" her.

[MarySue33 0]

Thanks, Kat, for posting the other side of the story. Green, for all we know, Persistance has PM'd her own apology to Wonder and just did not want to share it with all of us. I think we, as posters, sometimes forget that just because a forum is a public thing that every comment does not need to be in the public view -- hence the PM option. I have been PM'ing Wonder, myself, through all of this to share some of my own personal experiences with her -- experiences to which I do not necessarily want the entire world to be privy.

Let's not all beat one another up. In email forums, as in life, there will be those who are more 'touchy feely' and nurturing and those who are more direct and who hope to push people to make decisions that will have a positive impact on their lifes. I fall into this category and I know that my advice can be more harsh at times than some of yours would have been, but I really worry about the well-being of both wonder and her daughter as long as they are in the same house with him. Sometimes we get frustrated with our friends, but that is the wonderful thing about friendships -- we can be honest with people we care about -- even if it is not always what they want to hear. Often (we hope always) they will later realize that we just had their best interests at heart.

As you may have noticed, I have not posted on this thread recently. It is not because I do not care, but because I have become frustrated with the situation. I am someone who has been there -- as have many of you -- and I find myself easily frustrated with women who make any number of excuses to stay in situations that are not healthy for them. I suspect that I become easily frustrated with them because I was that woman -- for far too long. Let's not all beat one another up. In email forums, as in life, there will be those who are more 'touchy feely' and nurturing and those who are more direct and who hope to push people to make decisions that will have a positive impact on their lifes in a different way.

Let's get back to the true focus of this thread -- supporting one of our own who needs us. We won't do it all the same way, but that's ok. Sometimes it is that mix of the nurturing and handholding and the action seeking advice that is just exactly what is best for us when we are in need, as we all respond differently to advice.

[Butterfly07 0]

I have not received any PMs from persistance.

I appreciate those of you who have been so kind as to leap to my defense in light of what I do believe was comments not well itended and that did indeed hurt.

I also can appreciate that my situtation and sometimes passive response - or lack of - is frustrating to you, as well as my every day local friends. But please believe me that no one is more frustrated than me.

I have resolved in this new year to be more proactive and less reactive and so far have been pretty sucessful. I believe firmly that once we have a court date and things begin moving along in the legal system I will regain some sense of control. There are more things developing that are very positive. Will post more when I can.

Also, my primary focus has always been the children and their best interest, and taking the high road, but I also have realized that as they will tell you at the beginning of an airplane flight, you can;t help your children with their oxygen if you haven't taken care of yours first.

So, please bear with me, your support and even advice I don't like is my lifeline to sanity dueing this most difficult time in my life.

Again, thanks to all of you.

[Persistance 0]

I did try to Pm you wonder...your profile said no contacts listed.

Maybe Kat can tell you why I'm concerned...if the other people understand or not ...well, there is not much to do. About me pming certain people,that is due to the respect I feel for their oponion,regardless of what some may think. Good luck.

[Butterfly07 0]

Not sure why you can't PM me, several others have been sucessful at this...Feel free to post to me if you continue to have trouble reaching me through Pms.