Needing Some Advice------i Have To Lie About My Surgery Is That Terrible?

[MarySue33 0]

I have a different situation at work, but still a sticky one - I work in HR and with a bunch of busybodies and gossips. I have opted not to tell anyone at work what I am having done. I started off by just saying, "It's kind of personal." That did not deter some of those whose mothers did not teach them good manners. One lady came up to me today and said, "I forgot what you told me you were having done...what did you say it was, again?" I just said, "I don't believe I mentioned it..." but she was still pushing for an answer. Unbelievable. She is not the only pushy one. To some of the others I have been 'alluding' to it being something 'female-related' (I'm a female, after all, so it isn't a total lie.) I don't feel like I am lying...it is nobody's business.

[shell04937 0]

There are a few reasons 2 days is not enought. First post op you will not be allowed to lift more then 20 lbs. THat is 2 gallons of milk. Doesn't a nanny do alot of lifting?

Second what if something happens to the kids while you are working? Your employer could say it is from the effects of the anisthesia.

Have you had surgery before? Do you know how you are going to react to the anisthesia?

I have had my gall bladder out and 2 c-sections. THis surgery in my eye's was as hard as those 2 surgeries.

Do you have any co morbidies? you know high blood pressure, Esophageal reflex, diabetes, asthma?

If you had reflex you could say that you need to go in and have a laporscopic surgery to see if there is anything that can be done to help with your problem. Explain because of the effects of the anisthesia, the surgical wounds thought they maybe be small need time to heal just like major surgery. If you explain this to them then maybe they will be more understanding and you would not be truly lieing to them because this procedure Does help a multitude of health problems and if you have reflux my Dr told me this extreamly sucessfull treating reflux.

THat is my personal opinion....Good luck.:nervous

[coltonwade 27]

This may not be a great answer or something that you want to hear .

But if this is a big deal and I can see how it would be being such an intimate work situation. Some people or empolyers im sure pepole could tell and they would be ok with it. BUT what about missnig the friends wedding and using that time off for the surgery . It seems to be that taking the proper amount of time off for the surgery and to make sure you have enough time to heal ( i am not banded yet ) and make sure you do not over do it is more important than making sure your at your friends wedding. Granted I know its important to be at your friends wedding. but if your friend truely is your friend I think given the fact that it seems you kind of have to make a choice she SHOULD Understand. Or can you not take as MUCH time off for the wedding ?

It was just a suggestion that I didnt see mentioned yet. And probaly something I would do since the surgery is so important to you as well as me. I would miss just about anything in order to do it. lol

HTH

Mindy

[jennac 0]

I still remember Ann Lander's advice when asked a too personal question:

"Now, why would you ever ask a question like that?"

It puts the "answering" back to the busy-body. Love it.

jenna

[faybie 0]

I have a nanny for my children and I would rather her take a week off then come to work in pain. She is so busy and does a lot for us, I couldnt imagine her being able to do that at 3 days post op. Do they know anyone that can fill in for you while you are gone? What about Wednesday before Thanksgiving?

[Boo 3]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep some things private!

I honestly can't believe that your employer would "never trust you again" if you did not divulge all the details of your "medical procedure." You are her nanny, not her property. You have a right to your privacy and to take time off from work for medical attention. Are you concerned that she would fire you?

She already trusts you and appreciates you for caring for her children. I'm sure that she will be concerned for you, but if you reassure her that there is nothing major or life-threatening wrong, she will understand. You are taking a step to improve your health and that will only benefit those around you.

You will be sore, and a bit weak after the surgery due to lack of solid food. Can you handle the job after just a weekend off? Is there someone to cover for you when you can't be there?

I have chosen to NOT tell. I am a private person and want to succeed first. (I never divulged pregnancies until my fifth month.) And I don't want people watching me eat, passing judgment or asking nosy questions. Later, I can choose to tell, if I feel so inclined.

That is just how I am most comfortable. The choice is yours!

[babyjessica 0]

I think you should tell them you need time off for surgery. And tell them its a personal matter and would rather not talk about the details (although they may think you have cancer). You may need more than the weekend off after surgery. Some can go back to work after a couple of days but not everyone.

If you have to life a child or anything above 10lbs then that will be a problems. I am 3 weeks out and I still don't lift my 45lbs 4 y/o yet.

But do tell them you are having surgery and put it in a way as not to say too much about what type of surgery it is. I am still in the closet and only 3 people know about it. Not even my best friends know about it. I am just not ready to disclose that information and am not sure if I will ever be able to disclose that type of information. This is a personal matter and war I am trying to fight

[Yoda 0]

You absolutely do NOT have to tell them. It doesn't mean you are "lying". In ANY professional job...you are not obligated to tell the "why" of needing any type of sick leave (it is NOBODY's business if you choose for it not to be). Just tell them you are having a medical procedure. End of story. Of course, they will ask if it is serious (cause they will likely be worried) and you can say "no". If they incessantly bug you and you feel required to tell them something; merely tell them it is to have a hiatal hernia taken out (it is the same type of lap surgery with the same type and time of recuperation).

Do what is RIGHT for you....regardless of what anyone else tells you or advises you.

[Carlene 12]

Other than the woman who told me to "put my big girl panties on"...I appreciated everyones advice

I am really sorry you were offended by this phrase. Where I live it's like "cowboy up"...it just means working up the courage to do something you don't really want to do.

I use it with my DH all the time....."Put on your big girl panties, Bob, and just do it." My granddaughter thinks it's hilarious.

[Marimaru 7]

I think that you should tell them you are having something done. I bounced back from surgery very well (surgery friday, flying monday, work tuesday), but I work at a desk. I definately could not have done major housework, or done very much to take care of children. If the kids are older, you could probably manage it, but there's also the chance that you will have complications (heaven forbid, but you still have to consider the possiblity). I'm sure they'd rather know about it and plan for you to have some days off, than for you to try and do it over a weekend and have a complication, and then they have no one to nanny, and no notice to get someone else.

:confused:

[Jodi-T 0]

I decided not to tell my co workers I was going to be banded. I just asked for time off for a medical procedure and a few days to heal. Now the whole place is talking behind my back. A friend of mine said people are asking her if I am having Gastric Bypass. It pisses me off that they right away assume that. Don't fat people have other procedures. Arrghh. I decided if people must know I will tell them. I said I am having a vestectomy. That shut em up.

[MarySue33 0]

I was worried about the same thing with some of the gossipy busybodies where I work, so I 'planted a seed' with a few of them. I didn't lie...just 'alluded' to the fact that it was something 'female/plumbing related' and kinda personal and that I would appreciate if they didn't disclose anything to anyone else. (First, I didn't tell them anything specific that they could disclose and second, I know they will blab and that the rumor mill will be flying at top speed. By the time I get back to work who knows what they will have come up with -- you know how stories get so convoluted.) I'm actually banking on them blabbing and the story being that I had something totally different by the time I return. That's how these women operate. I'm counting on it! :confused:

I also have started eating healthy at work to 'throw them off' these few weeks before surgery and have commented that maybe I can use the time after my surgery to eat less while I don't feel well and I am recuperating. Since we won't lose as fast as gastric bypass, they should not have a clue.

At least that is what I am hoping. The other good thing is that if someone is bold enough to ask if I had gastric bypass (and I wouldn't put it past the rude ones) I can honestly say, "No...I haven't. I know a lot of people who have had the surgery, but it is just too extreme for me."

[MarySue33 0]

Great idea...it will keep the busybodies in a tizzy for weeks! Hmmm...now I just have to think of something fun to mess with them! Thanks, Jack. :confused:

[reredc 0]

I agree 100% that your medical history, procedures, and treatments are confidential between you and your doctor. Your employer only needs to know that you are taking time off to have minor surgery.

Where I work, people were both concerned and nosy and so I told everyone I was having a hiatal hernia repaired which also explains my current pureed diet.

I would say that unless you have a very intimate relationship with them, they should not be upset that you omitted the specifics of the surgery. And if you do have an intimate relationship with them, I think they would be supportive of your trying to improve your health. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Serendipity4124 1]

You could tell them that you are having surgery but dont tell them what kind, just say minor out-pt surgery, nothing serious and leave it at that. I have told everyone (I'm not good at secrets :confused: ) but sometimes it comes back to haunt me. Like when I havent lost in a week and someone asks me how much I've lost and I have to say the same thing I said last week it gets me a bit down, but it also helps me to keep on track knowing everyone is watching. So I guess its good and bad to have everyone know. Also, my family gave me a lot of negative feedback when I was at your stage but now that they see that I'm okay and I'm healthier and losing the weight they have nothing but compliments and hugs all around so dont worry so much about other people, do it for you and only you...