Needing Some Advice------i Have To Lie About My Surgery Is That Terrible?

[apinksoprano 0]

Okay, so I was so confident about going for my consultation next month and getting everything going so I can eventually have this surgery but except for one thing. I do not have anymore vacation time left at work due to a week I have to take in June for a friend's wedding out of state...Anyways I am a nanny and I work for a family so it's a very personal job and I know I wouldnt be able to get the time off if I told her I was having weight loss surgery, I could see the negative opinions flying now and I dont want to tell her or anyone for that matter. BUT, that means I have to lie about it....I need to take the time off for something and I was going to use a cover surgery story but my dad just made me feel like total shit telling me not to lie to be truthful but I dont want to lose my job. So, do I ignore my dad and just cover it up and lie, which I dont ever lie but I feel that I have too. Please give me your advice good or bad.....Thanks

[Arcael 0]

I think you should take your fathers advice. What if your employer finds out you lied, how professional would you look then.

People are pretty understanding.

[Carlene 12]

An outright lie is rarely the best course of action. I think you should just put on your big girl panties and do it. Lay the whole thing out for them, including how much healthier you will be a year from now and that the surgery will make you a better employee. A nanny needs to be in good shape! It will be their gain, as well as yours.

[jgandg 0]

You are in a really tough situation b/c of the personal relationship you have with your employer.

I think there are 2 things going on:

1 - you need time off for something that is none of their business

For this reason, I don't see why you can't say " I need time off for something very personal. I hope you will understand." I would not make up a lie since you are close to them - it can come back to haunt you.

2-you work in their home, not a business, so taking time off is a big deal

For this reason, I would be truthful, and honestly, if they are not supportive and understanding, they are not a good employer. This is about your health, and your energy, and your future. If you explain it to them as something your doctor supports, your health needs, and you really want, I think you have a good chance of them being understanding.

Good luck to you.

[sunflower123 0]

I think you should say that you need time off for a personal reason, and leave it at that, for two reasons. First, naturally thin people are , in my experience, REALLY not supportive because deep down they think that it should be easy to just put down the fork, and we know it is not that easy. Second, as an employer of a nanny, because it is such a close and personal job, sometimes both the nanny and the family really don't need to know every little detail about eachother's lives.

It's okay to just make up your mind to do it and avoid those who might not be supportive.

They would probably be happier if you found someone who could cover for you for the days off.

I did it on Monday and came back to work Wednesday, and didn't tell anyone at work. It all went fine, but my job is less physical than a nanny job.

Hope that is helpful.

[Dianechef 3]

I agree. Be truthful. It will come back to bite you in the butt & you don't want to lose their trust. :confused:

[Malice X Girl 0]

Be truthful. I took off for "gallbladder surgery" and low and behold...now I have to REALLY have my gallbladder out.

[hulia goolia 0]

Definately tell them the truth. It will work out for you. Don't let your fear of telling them discourage you. You can do it!!

[sea 0]

Do you have weekends off? Or two days anytime? Have the surgery the day before. PEOPLE TEND TO POST WHO HAVE A HARD TIME. BUT I AND MANY OThERS WERE FINE THE NEXT DAY.

[apinksoprano 0]

Other than the woman who told me to "put my big girl panties on"...I appreciated everyones advice....I think what I am going to do is try and do it over a weekend and not say anything at all...I am an adult and want to keep this private, I have already gotten very very negative opinions from friends and family members I have told and I dont need it in the workplace too....I struggle every single day of my life with my weight and I want it to end and that is why I am here. I just am going to keep in mind what is important to me and not let anything stand in the way....BUT I WILL NOT LIE, THANKS....

[want2lose 1]

I don't feel you need to tell them it is for WLS, just simply saying for a medical procedure should be sufficient. Do you get time off around Thanksgiving or Christmas? One other question...are you a nanny for small children that you need to pick up? This could complicate your recovery period.

[Lois Lane 0]

You have to do what you feel is right for you. I just started a new job and have no vacation time what-so-ever. I told them the truth that I was having the lap-band procedure and everyone has been very very supportive and I haven't even had the procedure yet. I don't know if I will get time off paid or not and frankly I don't care...we are doing this for our health. I wish you luck--be strong and do what you gotta do.

[laphappy 0]

Just my two cents:

I initially thought that I had to tell everyone the truth, and if I didnt I would be a bad person. I had so much guilt and stress about it. But then I spoke with others who had the surgery and the WLS counselor. She said, look, this is personal. Your private medical information is your business and you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want.

It's a personal decision, and there is no "RIGHT" answer for everyone. Only a "RIGHT" decision for each individual. Some people will do better with open honesty, others will feel better with more privacy. I think the point is, this is not about what everyone else thinks. It's a big step to come to the decision of changing your life for the better, and not everyone will understand. But it's about you, selfish maybe, but thats what it boils down to. Thats what has helped me most. Either way, tell or not - there are up and down sides. I think for me, focusing on what I could live with worked the best. I didn't want anyone watching everything I ate, judging if I had or had not lost enought weight etc. To avoid that, I was willing to lie to my employer. But thats just me.

We beat ourselves up enough about our weight, what others think of us, what we think of us. When it comes to having this surgery and who or what to tell others/employers. We should give ourselves a break and just do what makes us comfortable either way. :confused:

[Constance 0]

Um, I lied to about 12 people and I don't regret it for a second. It is none of anyone's business but yours! You can never "un-tell" people. I personally did not want to be under the microscope about what I was having for lunch, how much I'd lost or gained, etc. Just read the threads here - there are countless bandsters who say they regret telling people. The very few people in my life who DO know even get on my nerves examining my every move.

Listen, do what you need to do. You are not telling a lie if you say you need some time off for a minor surgery. You can even say "it's embarassing, so I'd rather not go into details". Or, like someone else said, just take one or 2 days off.

Don't feel guilty! You deserve privacy!

[Goannabanda 0]

You need to tell the truth, if you don't and get found out later, your employer would never trust you again and you would could lose your job.

I wouldn't personally make up any other types of surgery in case you had to go back at some point in future and really have it done, and besides, it's also a lie that if found out, would lead to trust issues with your employer. As an in-house nanny, you need to be super-honest and trustowrthy - these people trust you with their kids and their house, and I imagine that therefore they would be super-sensitive to any unethical or dihonest behaviour from their staff.

You have genuine need for time off so you can deal with a health issue. Your employer should be reasonable enough to accept that and manage to provide you leave in advance. Your employer needs to know if you can't do any lifting etc for a while afterwards.

However, telling the truth doesn't mean you have to tell them all of the details. Here's what I did, it worked a treat:

Just say that "I need time off for a minor surgery, it's nothing major really, but will put me out of action for a few days afterwards". Just leave it at that, the rest is none of their business. Being female, people assume it's "women's surgery", and don't ask any questions. Even if they did ask questions, just say "It's very personal, I'd really rather not talk about it". And leave it at that. Repeat yourself as many times as necessary. But stay calm about it. Your employer is not entitled to an explanation about your personal life or health issues.

Good luck!