What's Worse?

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Being obese but having been skinny in the past, or having been obese all your life?

I read several posts by people stating they can't wait to get back to the way they were. I cannot relate to that. I've been fat all my life. In school I never once had a class where I wasn't the biggest kid in there. I've had no friends bigger than me. I remember getting teased in the first grade by the other kids. It caused me to develop a bit of a temper.

Now I've got several friends who are trying to kick their weight loss into high gear because I'm about to be smaller than them. To them I've always been, and must remain, the fat friend. They just can't see me skinny and neither can I. Most of my friends are in their forties, so for them the scale is moving the wrong direction. I wonder if they would try this hard if I used to be skinny.

[Supersweetums 1,164]

I have struggled literally my entire life. I started putting on weight in Kindergarten and by grade 5 had been on the SlimFast diet (shake for Breakfast and lunch, then food for supper). I lost weight in high school after working my a** off and got as low as 153lbs. I only stayed there for maybe a year, 2 tops before I started putting weight back on and was the heaviest I have ever been the day I got married. I was ridiculed constantly in school, so I know what you feel like.

I think for people like us that really have no idea what it is like to be thinner, it is a really difficult adjustment. I am now a healthy 136lbs, wear a size 4/6 and still have trouble seeing it in the mirror. I still looked a thin women and wish I looked liked them, and I still feel like people are looking at me sometimes thinking, she can't wear that, she's too fat. It has been almost 2 years since my surgery, and only now am I starting to see myself as a normal size person.

As for your friends, it probably is strange. They can see the changes to the outside probably more than you can. Change is hard for people, and to see you getting smaller and not being the fat friend anymore is most likely a challenge for them and intimidating. Are they still being supportive?? If their attitudes change towards you, then I would not consider them very good friends. If they are still supportive and they are happy for you, you could give them a little slack. Think of yourself as inspiring them to get healthy!

[LibbyLou 59]

B the Bean,

Good topic! I have always been the fat one...school, family, friends. Not sloppy fat but I am 5'9" and big boned, too. Not easy for girls. Usually the tallest in class, too. Thick. Lately, just plain ole fat. Haven't been on this journey long but I know the time is coming. I come from a fat family, both sides. Everyone was always comfortable with their weight as long as I was around... 'she has such a pretty face'...

I have been smaller and really enjoyed it, but it never lasted long. Going for the long-term fix this time!

What I really would like to know is why, when I was single did all the short guys always hit on me? A challenge, like Mt Everest?! lol

We can do it!

[Ready4success 380]

I've experienced both. I was a chubby kid that slimmed down in grade school. I was normal size through junior high and high school, and started gaining after I had my daughter in college. I was a cheerleader and on drill team during that time, so when people see me now, they're surprised. It's embarrassing, so I avoid being seen in my home town, if possible.

[COsleeveDude 273]

Hard to say. Having been thinner and in shape when I was in my early-mid 20s, I think there is a big embarrassment factor because some people you know remember the way you were.

Then again, I find I'm having what seems to be an easier time than some getting back into shape because I've been there in the past, my body remembers it and I know how to eat right and work out. I'm hoping that's a bonus for my skin shrinking back to a more normal size, but who knows?

[mokee 588]

Been fat my whole life except for a very few years. Read my last Blog. It has been so long since I was anything close to normal ( never was normal) I don't know what it will feel like. My weight and my age and the pain I am in has made me depressed and a recluse. I find out tomorrow if the doctor will do the surgery and it will go to the insurance for approval. Everyone please say a prayer for me.

[BigGirlPanties 957]

LibbyLou...I'm with you! Been the "fat friend" for as long as I can remember, lost weight and gain it back.... this new tool is going to be awesome!!!

I also agree that if your friends are not supportive of your changes, they are not true friends...

Always the big girl in class...tallest...biggest... kids were HORRIBLE...

I am SO looking forward to being "normal"... and many people have said they have a hard time seeing their new normal in the mirror... good luck to you all! :wub:

[notime 340]

Well...I didn't start putting on weight until I became 40. Even as I gained weight, I thought of myself as slim with extra pounds added and my self-image remained high. (Yes, I know obesity and poor self-image do not necessarily go together.) Seventy pounds have flown off my still overweight body and when I look in a mirror I see myself getting back to where I have "always" been. So far, being smaller has not required a mental/emotional adjustment.

[Spatters3 315]

I have been obese since I was 6 months old (my grandmother thought I was too tiny and decided to fatten me up) - the fat just never went away. Oh, I have lost thousands of pounds and they always came back plus more. I was always strong and active - not organized sports but loved hiking and biking and dancing (rock & roll !) - but always obese. Then I had children and got super morbidly obese and I couldn't lose weight anymore and my knees wore out and now I am a cyborg (titanium knees, plates & screws in my foot). Cool, but not really.

So, how do I picture myself at 150 lbs (that is my pulled-out-of-thin-air goal) ? I just don't. I know I will look like an empty used brown paper bag (the joke is "you had better tie a string on her when the wind blows") but that's ok because I'm old and nobody who would care is ever going to see me naked

I really don't know how I am going to be and I haven't had a lot of time to ponder it (got diagnosed with uterine cancer a few months ago and am busy with chemo & radiation right now) but I am pretty sure I will handle it just fine.

Maybe I will go hiking and biking and dancing again !

[FishingNurse 1,210]

Being obese but having been skinny in the past, or having been obese all your life?

I read several posts by people stating they can't wait to get back to the way they were. I cannot relate to that. I've been fat all my life. In school I never once had a class where I wasn't the biggest kid in there. I've had no friends bigger than me. I remember getting teased in the first grade by the other kids. It caused me to develop a bit of a temper.

Now I've got several friends who are trying to kick their weight loss into high gear because I'm about to be smaller than them. To them I've always been, and must remain, the fat friend. They just can't see me skinny and neither can I. Most of my friends are in their forties, so for them the scale is moving the wrong direction. I wonder if they would try this hard if I used to be skinny.

I am with you 100%... my friends have all been busting their butts to lose weight too

[Ready4success 380]

I have been obese since I was 6 months old (my grandmother thought I was too tiny and decided to fatten me up) - the fat just never went away. Oh' date=' I have lost thousands of pounds and they always came back plus more. I was always strong and active - not organized sports but loved hiking and biking and dancing (rock & roll !) - but always obese. Then I had children and got super morbidly obese and I couldn't lose weight anymore and my knees wore out and now I am a cyborg (titanium knees, plates & screws in my foot). Cool, but not really.

So, how do I picture myself at 150 lbs (that is my pulled-out-of-thin-air goal) ? I just don't. I know I will look like an empty used brown paper bag (the joke is "you had better tie a string on her when the wind blows") but that's ok because I'm old and nobody who would care is ever going to see me naked

I really don't know how I am going to be and I haven't had a lot of time to ponder it (got diagnosed with uterine cancer a few months ago and am busy with chemo & radiation right now) but I am pretty sure I will handle it just fine.

Maybe I will go hiking and biking and dancing again ![/quote']

Spatter, I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis of uterine cancer, but glad that you were diagnosed early enough for treatment to make a difference. Take care of yourself.

[vsginnj 415]

Wow bean my childhood was similar I was reading this and remembered how dreadful it was to go anywhere in elementary school , "ok line up tallest in front" or "tallest in back".Everywhere we went I had to walk next to Lisa coal ,so skinny we called her coal the pole. Must have looked like the old hamburger and hotdog!!

[dar1983 751]

I wasn't a fat child, and during my teen years, I was always active in sports and dance lessons. While I wasn't fat then, I was usually the biggest girl in class..."healthy". During college, I lived with six girls who were all smaller than me. I still wasnt fat, but what you would now call "thick"...curvy. I was married 2 years after graduating,and I went to hell in a handbasket! I was a stay-at-home wife and mother, cooking 3 meals a day, and no longer exercising.

I think I was fooling myself into believing I wasn't THAT big...but I was. I thought because I had really nice clothes, and looked neat and clean, I wasn't that bad. What a lie. I did the Optifast liquid diet about the same time Oprah did, lost 50 lbs, and gained it back within a few months. Just 5 years ago, I lost bout 45lbs, looked great, and I was so happy. Fast foward to March-2012 when I went to my first surgical consultation, I was at a whopping 284lbs! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

To answer the original question, I am looking foward to a skinnier version of me, and while I am beyond excited about the future, I have a hard time picturing me in smaller clothing sizes. The smallest size I can recall is a 14 while in college. Before then, I don't know. Since my July 3rd surgery, I have lost 40 or so pounds. I say or so because I am in a nasty stall, then gain the same 2-3lbs back...depending on what scale I am using!

ALL of my friends are smaller than me. Trust me, none of them need to lose weight to catch up with my slimming frame! Like another poster above, I have a pretty decent self image, have great friends, and an active social life, so I don't have any head issues holding me back. While I am unsure what the final outcome will be, I know I will stare in every mirror in wonder!!!

[sexyme 24]

I was small for a rally long time, but even when I was small I still thought I was fat . I'm talking two piece bathing suit sexy.... And then I got pcos and gain about 80 lbs. Over the years I lost and I gained I've been like this for about 8 years.

When I gained weight I did not know how to dress . I have to wash three to four times throughout th he day . I use to not put deodorant on but please let me try now....

[Cookeeeeez 269]

So, I suppose it depends how you look at it...

*There can be more embarrassment returning to old friends having gained weight than facing the expectation of fatness and not disappointing ...

But this same embarrassment can be caused by divorce, poor employment, baldness, and myriad other misfortunes and inadequacies.

*getting thin after being fat all your life can make it hard when you realise your friends are not really good friends but the same can happen if you gain weight and find out your friends are superficial!!!

*healthwise, I've struggled with mental issues more than physical but I've found that the newly fat tend to struggle more with their physical problems! They remember being pain free and not being so cumbersome... I'm kind of used to it and have developed mechanisms to deal with my obesity... I know my limitations and adjust accordingly...

*confidence-wise: this all depends on the person and their own self-image... Anecdotes aside, there are newly-fat and long-term fat who struggle with confidence or who excel despite their appearance... This is a zero-sum point, I think.

Finally, to my friends? I don't have a lot. The ones I did in high school knew me as a fairly fat kid who lost a lot of weight, got real sick, and then started putting a little back on... They might be surprised at how big I am but not that I'm big. My college friends mostly liked me for my personality but a few girls were very passively nasty! I'm not friends with them anymore... Another college friend has put on a lot of weight and feels terrible but is having trouble getting back on track. I do feel she would be a little jealous deep down if I were thinner than her, but its just because she feels bad about herself. I hope I could help her to tackle her weight issues but maybe setting an example is a good start. My partner met me fat, I met him slim, he's put on a bit of weight and his family are constantly judging him. The thing is why they feel ok to vocalise their thoughts to him, but not me? Although they all have a very very healthy routine, so I think it's more about his bad habits than his looks!! They actually see me as a little healthier than him because I'm more active...

I think maybe having been thin then gained weight is worse in many ways, but the bullying through childhood (simply because of the weight) is worse!! But then this excludes people who were bullied and left out for other things...

This is a real can of worms butterthebean!!!