Post Op September Sleevers, Roll Call

[N/A 96]

Hi everyone! I came across a situation last night that made me so disappointed and this morning I still haven't let it go much yet. I'm hoping you might have advice how to deal with this kind of reality.

My daughters and I recently in the past month started salsa dance lessons and the venue is held at a sushi restaurant near our home. The restaurant is a local neighborhood place which recently remodeled and has added a wine bar. They partner with the restaurant where the cover charge is refunded from the dinner if you stay and eat, so essentially the lessons are free. We have become comfortable getting to know the instructors and getting used to this type of exercise, and it's all ages who join, very friendly down to earth people. My daughters are nearly 15 and 21 and we have enjoyed sharing this new experience.

I carpool a student with my daughter to high school in the mornings as their high school is quite a distance from where we live. The student is a really nice kid and he was invited to dinner and lessons last night with us. My daughter and he have been friends since 3rd grade. I don't know his parents that well but being from the same schools and church, and the carpooling, they seem like a really nice family.

Last night the mom drove my daughter and her son to the restaurant. I don't know if things have been stressful for her but I hadn't seen her since a high school football game last August, and I'm 70 pounds lighter since then. The minute I met them in the restaurant, the atmosphere was so tense. She literally looked me up and down, she wouldn't smile, she was extremely apprehensive and disapproving. My daughters and her son immediately picked it up. I became very uncomfortable and nervous and tried to lighten the atmosphere saying he would really enjoy the food and the lessons. After some discussion, she decided she would allow him to stay for a half hour into the lesson and pick him up, declining my offer to drive him home. When I went to the hostess, my daugters said she gave the up and down look twice more behind my back. She left and apparently sat in her car not leaving the restaurant, and after the kids and I were seated and had ordered, she texted her son and told him she was not ok with this and he had to leave. I felt so bad for him. He was so embarrassed and kept apologizing and offering to pay and I told him I completely understood and I respected his mom's decision. The mom had texted her son twice and my daughter once, but she has my phone number and didn't contact me. My daughter walked out with him and the mom told her that she didn't like that it was a bar and that people would get drunk and she didn't want her son in that atmosphere. My daughter tried to explain that it's a restaurant with a small wine bar, and that the tables are pushed back afterwards to accomodate dance lessons so it's not a night club atmosphere. Long story short, we felt she judged me (not the restaurant) after her surprise at seeing my weight loss. I felt like she viewed me as an "inapproppriate single mom who brings her daughters to a bar" . There has never been a problem between us prior to this. I do respect her protectiveness as a mother, but I'm equally so with my own children. This venue is not a pick up type of place and it hasn't been until I lost weight that I have now been courageous to go out and learn something new, and sharing with my girls. I asked my girls if I was dressed inappropriately and they said no.

Sorry for the vent but I would love some advice to learn how to deal with future reactions such as this. My self confidence has been returning since the weight loss and I felt really disappointed about this, and bad for our kids who were in the middle. Thanks!

[slnrtcv 8]

I had my first knee replacement surgery two weeks ago. Thanks to the sleeve I had lost enough weight to let the surgeon do the muscle sparring. Because he didn't have to cut my muscle it allows healing so much quicker and less pain too. I get to do the other knee in 8 weeks after completing outpatient therapy. This has been a long journey for me but hopefully I am getting to the end of having surgeries and being healthy again. Enjoy reading everyone's posts!

[newgrandmother 725]

gypsy thats a hater move right there. i hate that feeling all my life i have felt that way when i look good. comes from when i was a kid and my aunt use to make me feel that way, and made me where a girdle in the 5th grade saying i dont need to be having a shaking ass. i was a kid for god sake. now i am umcomfortable with compliments and around anyone that seems a little bit jealous. i dont know how to get over that either. when i lose wieght i am fine as wine girl and some ppl cant handle it. one lady at my old job told me one day to go put something else on she didnt want her husband looking at me. so i know the feeling just keep your head up and know you have done nothing wrong and that she has the problem, is she overwieght?

[N/A 96]

New Grandmother, thank you so much for your support. I really needed this, thank you.

To be honest, I don't know if she is overweight. That sounds kind of funny, but I was always so self concious of my own weight, that I have never looked at others that way. So I honestly can't say if she is. I talked this over with my 21 year old daughter briefly today because I told her that I felt bad that I hadn't shaken this off yet, and she said that she didn't blame me because it was terribly apparent last night from her actions last night. I just hope it doesn't continue where it will affect our kids.

I know rationally that this isn't about me, or you, or anyone else finding themselves in this kind of situation. I guess I was so blindsighted and confused by this last night and I was trying to be friendly to her and put her at ease for the tension that I didn't understand.

Thank you again! Let's continue to feel beautiful because we are and it isn't about our weight loss.

[lisa2job 130]

I have lost almost 90 lbs so i can tottally feel you, I was told by a co-worker that his wife wouldn't let him have lunch with me anymore. I guess now I am a threat to her, when I was 338 lbs she had no problem with it... say nothing keep smiling and let the people whom have problems be their problem not yours life is too short to worry about it. !!

congrats on your weight loss

[N/A 96]

Lisa, congratulations on your own weight loss! How wonderful!

Thank you for your advice! I think this bothers me because her son is such a nice kid and he and my daughter are really good friends. I think you are right for me to not say anything about this further to his mom and see if this ended last night.

And you are right! Life is too short and we've got a lot to smile about! Thank you!

[ibehere10 163]

As NGM said, don't let the haters get to you. I feel bad that your daughters friend has a mom who is like that though. Poor kid must feel humiliated by his mothers bs!

I am grateful that I have not had any negative reactions to my weight loss ( at least not to my face, lol)!!!! You ate doing a great job and what a great gift you are giving your daughters, a healthy fun loving Mom!!

[greenfamily004 172]

Hello Ladies!!

Been following along and I am so proud of everyones success! I notice we all seem to stall and lose at the same times! I have been doing pretty good. I am down close to 60 pounds! More than I could ever do on my own that is for sure. I love the sleeve and soo glad I did it people are FINALLY noticing.

Keep up the good work girls!

Congrats to you Parker!!! You are doing a great job and I agree that the Sleeve is the best!!!!

[greenfamily004 172]

New Grandmother' date=' thank you so much for your support. I really needed this, thank you.

To be honest, I don't know if she is overweight. That sounds kind of funny, but I was always so self concious of my own weight, that I have never looked at others that way. So I honestly can't say if she is. I talked this over with my 21 year old daughter briefly today because I told her that I felt bad that I hadn't shaken this off yet, and she said that she didn't blame me because it was terribly apparent last night from her actions last night. I just hope it doesn't continue where it will affect our kids.

I know rationally that this isn't about me, or you, or anyone else finding themselves in this kind of situation. I guess I was so blindsighted and confused by this last night and I was trying to be friendly to her and put her at ease for the tension that I didn't understand.

Thank you again! Let's continue to feel beautiful because we are and it isn't about our weight loss.[/quote']

I'm sure this had nothing to do with you personally. After reading the story it sounds like she had a problem with the Bar and didn't want to say anything to upset her son. She may be a person that judges the situation without truly knowing all the answers. She may be the kind of person that thought how dare this woman invite my son into a Bar. My Mom is just like that. If a place is labeled BAR then it's evil. They could be feeding the poor and nursing the sick inside but the word BAR would make her hate the place.

I'm sure she noticed how beautiful you are now compared to years ago. Don't fret over it any more. Continue to enjoy life with your girls and making memories. Smile and be happy because you deserve it. She has her own issues.

[greenfamily004 172]

I have lost almost 90 lbs so i can tottally feel you' date=' I was told by a co-worker that his wife wouldn't let him have lunch with me anymore. I guess now I am a threat to her, when I was 338 lbs she had no problem with it... say nothing keep smiling and let the people whom have problems be their problem not yours[sup'] [/sup] life is too short to worry about it. !!

congrats on your weight loss

Lisa 90 pounds!!!! Congrats girl!!!

[greenfamily004 172]

I had my first knee replacement surgery two weeks ago. Thanks to the sleeve I had lost enough weight to let the surgeon do the muscle sparring. Because he didn't have to cut my muscle it allows healing so much quicker and less pain too. I get to do the other knee in 8 weeks after completing outpatient therapy. This has been a long journey for me but hopefully I am getting to the end of having surgeries and being healthy again. Enjoy reading everyone's posts!

I hear knee replacement is tough. Congrats that you have lost enough weight to have the surgery. I wish you a speedy recovery. Soon you will be out shaking it girl with your new body and knees!!!

[Momofthing1thing2thing3 116]

Hi everyone! I came across a situation last night that made me so disappointed and this morning I still haven't let it go much yet. I'm hoping you might have advice how to deal with this kind of reality.

My daughters and I recently in the past month started salsa dance lessons and the venue is held at a sushi restaurant near our home. The restaurant is a local neighborhood place which recently remodeled and has added a wine bar. They partner with the restaurant where the cover charge is refunded from the dinner if you stay and eat, so essentially the lessons are free. We have become comfortable getting to know the instructors and getting used to this type of exercise, and it's all ages who join, very friendly down to earth people. My daughters are nearly 15 and 21 and we have enjoyed sharing this new experience.

I carpool a student with my daughter to high school in the mornings as their high school is quite a distance from where we live. The student is a really nice kid and he was invited to dinner and lessons last night with us. My daughter and he have been friends since 3rd grade. I don't know his parents that well but being from the same schools and church, and the carpooling, they seem like a really nice family.

Last night the mom drove my daughter and her son to the restaurant. I don't know if things have been stressful for her but I hadn't seen her since a high school football game last August, and I'm 70 pounds lighter since then. The minute I met them in the restaurant, the atmosphere was so tense. She literally looked me up and down, she wouldn't smile, she was extremely apprehensive and disapproving. My daughters and her son immediately picked it up. I became very uncomfortable and nervous and tried to lighten the atmosphere saying he would really enjoy the food and the lessons. After some discussion, she decided she would allow him to stay for a half hour into the lesson and pick him up, declining my offer to drive him home. When I went to the hostess, my daugters said she gave the up and down look twice more behind my back. She left and apparently sat in her car not leaving the restaurant, and after the kids and I were seated and had ordered, she texted her son and told him she was not ok with this and he had to leave. I felt so bad for him. He was so embarrassed and kept apologizing and offering to pay and I told him I completely understood and I respected his mom's decision. The mom had texted her son twice and my daughter once, but she has my phone number and didn't contact me. My daughter walked out with him and the mom told her that she didn't like that it was a bar and that people would get drunk and she didn't want her son in that atmosphere. My daughter tried to explain that it's a restaurant with a small wine bar, and that the tables are pushed back afterwards to accomodate dance lessons so it's not a night club atmosphere. Long story short, we felt she judged me (not the restaurant) after her surprise at seeing my weight loss. I felt like she viewed me as an "inapproppriate single mom who brings her daughters to a bar" . There has never been a problem between us prior to this. I do respect her protectiveness as a mother, but I'm equally so with my own children. This venue is not a pick up type of place and it hasn't been until I lost weight that I have now been courageous to go out and learn something new, and sharing with my girls. I asked my girls if I was dressed inappropriately and they said no.

Sorry for the vent but I would love some advice to learn how to deal with future reactions such as this. My self confidence has been returning since the weight loss and I felt really disappointed about this, and bad for our kids who were in the middle. Thanks!

You know, that sounds like you had absolutely nothing to do with it. It is the mom's problem. However, if it continues, I might say something. If it continues to affect the children, because that is unacceptable. But they do seem old enough to understand that some people just cannot be happy with others successes (whatever they may be). As horrible as it sounds like it was, you didn't do anything wrong, the kids didn't do anything wrong and I wouldn't be surprised if that young man went home and said something to his mom about her behavior. But bottom line, you're good. This is totally her issue and not yours. If you were closer with the mom I might suggest talking with her, but it seems like you are not, so just chalk it up to one more person who is only comfortable with "fat" friends cause it makes them feel better about themselves. I've know, unfortunately, people in my life like that. It's always about them. As awful as it makes you feel, cause you're a good person, it's all on them. Forget her and enjoy your sushi and your lessons!!

[kparker0501 88]

Gypsy- I have to agree with Green. I used to go to a pentacostal church when I first became a Christian and they were sooo strict. We could not dance, drink, listen to any type of secular music etc. Some people forget that we have freedom in Christ to do these things and we are not going to go to hell for taking a salsa dancing class or having a drink here and there!!. And, she probably saw that you were looking all hot -like and was seething with the thought of you shaking your groove thing "in a bar" in front of her son. As a Christian, if someone offends you, you go to that person (in love) and get down to the bottom of things. Remember Romans 12:18- If possible so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Yes the EASY thing to do is say "screw her" but If you are going to have to interact with her on a regular basis, I personally would try to have a sit down. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION, no one better give me any crap, LOL!!!

[N/A 96]

Ibehere10, Green and Parker, thank you all so much also for your advice! I really appreciate your responses! Today is a better day too. I think the situation is a combination of all of the factors all of you ladies helped me with. Yes, her son actually addressed her behaviour in front of my daughter and told her he was so mad and embarrassed. However, it's two days later and our kids are fine and unless it continues on her end, I'm feeling much better about it. We actually will be seeing each other again tomorrow night because our kids are going to a high school Sadies dance in a group of six kids, so we'll be bringing them to the gathering spot for group pictures.

I want to thank you ALL for taking the time to respond. It really did bother me and all of our kids, and she wasn't hiding her actions at all. You've really helped!

Kparker, I had actually given the Christian viewpoint quite a bit of thought too before posting this for your advice. I wondered if that had something to do with it, but the up and down stares she had given in front of me and behind my back added to the guessing. Of course, after my confusion about everything and trying so hard to be gracious, I had felt defensive and felt Christian fortitude and Christian righteousness was all good, but what about Christian charity? LOL!

[Jordan1923 27]

well said green and parker