Have You Lost Friendships/relationships Since Weight Loss?

[N/A 96]

This topic has come up in pre-op discussions and I was curious if it does affect relationships. What signs to look for? Thank you.

[PEvette 297]

I honestly havent had this issue, yet...I know its coming but as of right now I haven't had it yet...

ALthough there are some co-workers of mine who used to talk to me on a daily basis last year, will not even look at me now....I dont take offense to it, everyone has to deal with themselves, its not my problem....

[Susmcmur 124]

My surgery was on 4/30, and I'm down 60 pounds. As a 53 year old post-menipausal woman, im pretty thrilled with the progress. (6 pounds to wedding weight!) Pretty much everyone at work knows I was out for WLS and I'm like the poster girl now, receiving lots of attention and (for the most part) encouragement. Some folks are weird, much more attention from men, and most people are just kind and curious. There are 3 other sleevers at work: one who is a total success, one who lost then gained a lot back, and one who just recently had surgery and is eating a lot of sugar and fried stuff and complains about getting sick all the time(!) Coworkers openly compare me to the others and it makes me uncomfortable ( I say things like, "we each have our own challenges...)

My BFF is a year out from a successful double mastectomy, chemo, radiation, and other ravages on her poor body. She is about 100 pounds overweight and we've talked very frankly and openly. She's jealous of my weight loss, she knows it hasn't been easy, she would like to look into it but doesn't want to put her husband and two young sons through more medical drama right now. It is kind of awkward between us at times. We used to bond over meals; not a big option for me now. She is very conscious of what I eat and curious about how it could possibly be okay.

Finally, my family is supportive and happy ad long as I continue to crank out dinner every night and stock the pantry and fridge. Fortunately, my sons are all athletes and my husband appreciates healthy, well balanced meals. Still, there are slider foods in my house, and some days that's a challenge.

I love my sleeve but I have to say it has changed pretty much everything! Most for the better....

[TamaraS 235]

Great question, I hope to see more responses as I am curious also!

[doxieville 799]

I have. A person who I thought was a close friend rarely contacts me anymore. Basically her attitude has been 'lucky you' & jealousy. Even though I tried to explain the process and then downplayed how lucky i am. She's lost and gained the samw 70 pounds over and over again.

I gave up. A person who's a truly good friend would support & be by my side. Very sad. But at 51yrs of age, I'm way past changing to make people like me. Give me a few really close 'sister friends' rather than a room full of aquaintances.

[ShoeLover 141]

I haven't lost any friends yet, but I do see some jealousy and competition. Now a lot of my friends are on fad diets and exercising in an attempt to "keep up" or maintain their status as smaller than me. Maybe I should be flattered that I motivated them to make some changes, but it really makes me feel awkward because of what I think their motives are.

[LaBelle509 326]

I haven't lost any friends yet, but I do see some jealousy and competition. Now a lot of my friends are on fad diets and exercising in an attempt to "keep up" or maintain their status as smaller than me. Maybe I should be flattered that I motivated them to make some changes, but it really makes me feel awkward because of what I think their motives are.

I'm pretty much experiencing the same thing. A few girlfriends are on super strict diet and one goes to the gym twice a day. She sat quietly while another coworker that has not seen me in a month, started complimenting me on how smaller I looked. When she was asked: can you believe how great she looks? She got up and said: I see her every day, so she looks the same to me and walked away.

I was a little surprised but said nothing. She came back and asked me if I brought my lunch with me, stupid question, to which I replied yes. She then screamed: great see you at lunch sexy!! and gave me a big, awkward, hug!!

She confessed to our other friend what she did. She tried to bring it up a few times. I shut her out every time. But yes surgery did change the dynamic of my friendship with her.

[Jolie_KeMi 345]

I lost a friend who I was extremely close with. It was the typical story: she's always been thin, I've always been bigger than her. She would get all the male attention while I played the wing(wo)man role. You all know how it goes...

When I told her I was getting surgery, she hit me with the "Why don't you just diet and exercise? Get a trainer, not a surgeon!" and a few other pretty hurtful statements. I have seen her twice and spoken to her maybe 5 times since surgery; even though I have reached out to her several times. It used to really bother me...now not so much. It's her problem, not mine. I'm focusing on the positive people and things in my life.

I haven't lost any friends yet, but I do see some jealousy and competition. Now a lot of my friends are on fad diets and exercising in an attempt to "keep up" or maintain their status as smaller than me. Maybe I should be flattered that I motivated them to make some changes, but it really makes me feel awkward because of what I think their motives are.

@ShoeLover: I agree! & when they ask about my progress I wonder if it is because they care about my journey or if it's for the "unspoken competition". It's strange.

[samsmom 54]

Other than my hubby, daughter, 3 very very close girlfriends and 2 coworkers, I didn't tell anyone else (not even my siblings/relatives). They were suppose to be sworn to secrecy! After seeing my weight drop drastically, one of my coworkers blabbed on me....I was hurt, surprised and bewildered! She had been on my pre-op journey with me for over a year! Not only did she just tell of the surgery...she broke it down and told people to watch what I eat and how small my portions were! I mean, nobody paid attention to what I ate or that I was losing weight until she said something about it...I really thought I pulled off my secret well! When other coworkers started asking me about a "rumor" going around bout me & surgery, I asked her if she told....she halfway denied it like she didnt know what I was talking about...totally lost a friend from that point on! She knew that I knew it was her! I never outright confronted/jumped on her about it, I just stopped associating with her completely, and she started avoiding me...afraid I was gonna get on her about it! I did damage control by telling people that I had hernia surgery and was on diet pills. Altho I still have people eyeballing and whispering behind my back, nobody asks anymore. Im in my 9th month post-op now and thank goodness im a slooooow loser, so my continued weight loss is not so noticable.

[aviiva 140]

I told a few people but all of my co workers have noticed my weight loss and have been so supportive and complimenting me all the time. My family has also been great. I have not lost any friends that I know of and if I have I guess they were not my friends so far this has been a great journey down 63lbs about 25 more to go

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[ShoeLover 141]

I lost a friend who I was extremely close with. It was the typical story: she's always been thin, I've always been bigger than her. She would get all the male attention while I played the wing(wo)man role. You all know how it goes...

When I told her I was getting surgery, she hit me with the "Why don't you just diet and exercise? Get a trainer, not a surgeon!" and a few other pretty hurtful statements. I have seen her twice and spoken to her maybe 5 times since surgery; even though I have reached out to her several times. It used to really bother me...now not so much. It's her problem, not mine. I'm focusing on the positive people and things in my life.

@ShoeLover: I agree! & when they ask about my progress I wonder if it is because they care about my journey or if it's for the "unspoken competition". It's strange.

Yes, I almost don't want to tell them about my progress, and I NEVER bring it up to them. But of course just the sight of me if they haven't seen me in a while will spark their curiosity. I haven't figured out a way to not tell them the truth when they ask. But If I want to brag a little about my accomplishments, I post here.

[iggychic 1,405]

I wasnt going to tell people but then when push came to shove and I wasnt accepting dinner requsts a week past surgery, i realized i HAD to tell the truth. I take the truth seriously and I think it owuld ruin my credibility if i started lying to people at this point over such a trivial thing. Yes I had a weight loss procedure is my answer when asked, though complications have lead me to NO Fing WEIGHT LOSS but since i'm stuck on bed rest for six weeks people ask why.

we should all take our own path but i'd rather sya "hard work and portion control" than gall bladder surgery and diet pills. Keep to the truth it will set you free

[cantw8t2bme 24]

I have been honest since day 1 with my entire family(mom, brothers & sisters,aunts and uncles). I wanted their input & to ensure i had their support. Once i knew this is what i was doing for sure i shared with friends and co-workers. Everyone has been supportive and i found out more ppl who have had it. My husband is very insecure and tells me daily that he gives us a year until we are divorced. We have major issues that were here well before surgery. That is my only concern is losing him & my family falling apart! Has anyone had a marriage fail post op?

[aviiva 140]

Someone posted an article regarding that subject I think it started it does cause problems in relationships but as you started there were problems before the surgery . I think some partners who are insecure cannot handle our new confidence level.

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[doxieville 799]

This just reminded me, included in the surgoens paperwork that I had to sign was a statement that said something to the effect that patient is aware that this sugery can cause relationship issues which could led to divorce and that the surgoen suggests counseling but is not liable for the demise of any relationship. I found that kinda sad.......