How And When To Tell Someone Your Having Surgery..

[Queen In Me 36]

Hey everyone...I'm new to the site but i've been lerking around for a little while now...I decide that I want to have the Sleeve surgery and I started my process as of August the 30th. I am so excited to get this thing on the road...but no ones knows about my excitement (except you guys now...lol). I'm so nervous to tell anyone, especially my family about my plans to have surgery for weight loss. My biggest thing is I don't want to hear a whole bunch of grief about " your young enough to lose it I on my own" or "eat less, work out more" blah blah blah...I'm 26 years old and I been considering this surgery for at least the last 2 year, I've tried working out, dieting...all of the above and it hasn't worked (Sorry for venting) But to get to the question...My question to you all is how do you tell someone that your having this surgery, how did they react and at what point did you mention it to your friends, family and etc that you was getting surgery...

Thanks for reading...

[VSGJean 68]

I have only told a few people. My in-laws don't even know and I live next door to them (which I don't recommend). When I told my sister, she thinks I'm crazy!! My best friend thinks I should work-out more, but she has come around.

I will tell people once I start losing weight.

[rmbtcb4evr 29]

I had a hard time telling people that I was considering surgery. I thought there is no shame to my game so why should I hide it? However, people shared their opinions and stories and a lot of them were not very positive. I wish I wouldn't have shared it with everyone. If I could do it all over again, I would tell my family because they love me no matter what. I would only tell my closest friends because I know that even if they don't approve, they will support me. Other than that I would've kept it to myself until after surgery. I am proud of you that you made a decision that will change your life forever. Do not let anyone get in your way! It sounds like you took a lot of time to consider your decision. Good Luck to you!

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

how do you tell someone that your having this surgery

told my family, mom, 4 sibling and more - they were supportive,. in my moms case especially, she has always wanted to see me get rid of this weight.

don't know that many other people, a couple of people on my block - and they reacted nicely to the fact that i had WLS. i also told people that worked at my various dr.s offices - everyone was supportive too until........................

yesterday i told 3 different people - there reaction was not as good, it surprised me. i started to explain myself to them, saying stuff like "this is not the easy way out" - and they are nodding - i'm thinking to myself then and now - why am i explaining myself to them

i decided not to tell anyone else - unless the situation seems right

as far as people/family telling you that you can do this on your own - diet/exercise etc. - listen to what they have to say, and then firmly put in your .02 that you are going through this procedure - maybe say you have tried to lose this weight before, it just keeps creeping back - or whatever the correct answer is

just stick to your guns - if you don't want to talk much about it - thats fine too - stand firm if they give you any trouble - on the other hand - they might surprise you and be somewhat supportive

good luck

[Queen In Me 36]

Thank you guys for your response, as of right now I really don't plan on telling anyone until I have to or until I am actually approved for surgery through insurance. Its not that I am shamed of my plans for surgery, I just don't want to hear all the opinions. And I don't want the suggest on what I can do when chances are, i've already tried it. All I want is support without any feedback. They don't have to approve of my decision but I just want the respect....ugh this is on my mind heavily...

[Squisha 99]

I have told everyone. I was so excited i didn't care who knew, and still don't. So far i haven't got any negative feed back. I actually post each week how much i have lost on face book and i think it is great all the support i get from friends and family.

[fallingwhisper 187]

I've been telling most people I'm getting sleeved, and thankfully I haven't ran into anyone rude enough to say something not so nice. I'm lucky to have the bestest friend ever who's going to be there with me when surgery finally happens

[Cookeeeeez 269]

Heya! Most people on here know I'm pretty chatty about my plans for the sleeve, but I do know it will be hard and some people will be worried for you and others will say its "the easy way out"...

I do think it's easier if you're ready to engage in a conversation rather than just stop at the first negative especially with your most loved ones it will be an ongoing process to reassure them that you have really considered all the options.

But then remember its your body, your choice, and if some people are stubborn then I suppose it's best not to bring it up.

Overall though, there will be a lot of times where questions will come up (especially when you're in the liquid phases) and its best if youve been honest beforehand I think, rather than it coming as a shock or having to make up stories...

Good luck

[Nacol 76]

My hubby has been supportive from the very beginning (considered this back in 2010 but chickend out). He told his parents; I forgot to tell him I did not want to include many in on this...they have always been supportive and will not share any negative feedback whatsoever, just how they are...my family like Mom, etc are not like that. I have no plans on sharing this with my judging Mom until later on because I simply don't want to hear the negativity or the weekly weight checks. For example, I have been preparing for this surgery since March by working out with a personal trainer and carrying on a workout schedule. I have lost weight w this routine. My mother tells me "that's why you are losing, you are not doing it on your own". That was my sign...at this point, I don't need the negative comments, in my head, I have enough issues all on my own. I am so looking forward to Friday!

[BrokeMyHalo 107]

Once you tell, you can't untell.

Id only tell a few people... Never know what could happen down the road!

I told many about my Lapband, when I gained my weight back I felt such shame. This time around I'm only telling 4 people.

[Queen In Me 36]

My hubby has been supportive from the very beginning (considered this back in 2010 but chickend out). He told his parents; I forgot to tell him I did not want to include many in on this...they have always been supportive and will not share any negative feedback whatsoever, just how they are...my family like Mom, etc are not like that. I have no plans on sharing this with my judging Mom until later on because I simply don't want to hear the negativity or the weekly weight checks. For example, I have been preparing for this surgery since March by working out with a personal trainer and carrying on a workout schedule. I have lost weight w this routine. My mother tells me "that's why you are losing, you are not doing it on your own". That was my sign...at this point, I don't need the negative comments, in my head, I have enough issues all on my own. I am so looking forward to Friday!

That is something I am worried about with my mom. She gave so much grief with my God mom about her surgery. She always says that "she just should of had a brest reduction" "She wasn't that big to have the surgery"...on and on..I just know me and I don't want to hold grudges because of a certain comment...

[IMSKINNY 160]

Thank you guys for your response' date=' as of right now I really don't plan on telling anyone until I have to or until I am actually approved for surgery through insurance. Its not that I am shamed of my plans for surgery, I just don't want to hear all the opinions. And I don't want the suggest on what I can do when chances are, i've already tried it. All I want is support without any feedback. They don't have to approve of my decision but I just want the respect....ugh <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> this is on my mind heavily...[/quote']

I took that same position initially, but then eventually had to tell a couple of my friends because I needed someone to drive me to the hospital and drive me home. I told my brother who can keep a secret because I wanted him to take me to the hospital, but he was going to be out of town for work. Finally, I told my parents. I had to have a hernia repair too so that's what I told them. But, my mother figured it out. So, I told them the truth and just said that if I was at 300 at 46, where would I be at 50? They accepted it. They have been surprisingly supportive and are proud that I had the courage to stop the cycle. I don't regret telling the people I told. The moral of the story is that it's really hard doing this alone, if you have a close friend or family member you can trust, think of telling them because you might need help.

[JMarshall 352]

When you are telling someone that you think will have something negative to say, you have to lay the ground rules. You must first let them know that you ARE having the surgery and that your mind is made up. If you give them the chance they will try to be negative and talk you out of it. Also let them know that any negativity will not be tolerated. Let them know that your are doing this for your health and that you would appreciate if they supported your health and well being. Dont let them tell you stories about someone who had the surgery and gained it all back , or had problems. Once you start entertaining there nonsense you have already lost. Be firm and assertive and dont give them the chance to be negative.

[Banned member 320]

My husband has been very supportive so he was the first person to know that I was considering VSG. I told my mom who at the time seemed supportive, she in turn told my sister and I'm sure the whole family knows by now. I actually feel a huge relief because theres nothing to hide. I haven't really told anyone that I live around because it just never came up but if they ask me what I've done to lose the weight I will more than likely tell. I have made friends with others who are having wls and that's great because if we all go out to eat there wont be any pressure to finish our plate or order dessert.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

I have only told a few folks. Ones that I knew would not give me their opinion in a negative way and try to convince me that I do not need surgery. If I do decide to tell them, it will be after. I think we all know who in our life we can tell and who we can't tell. Most people at my job know how hard it is for me to lose weight. They have seen me bust my ass for over a year with little to NO results. So I know when I start dropping it will not be a secret. By that time I really don't care if they know or not. You have to decide who in your life needs to know. For those that you think will not be supportive, I recommend waiting until after surgery. I think we all beat ourselves up enough during this process, we do not need others that have not walked in our shoes beating us up too. Good luck!