Emotional Vampires & Toxic People

[@DomLorenVSG 107]

Emotional Vampires & Toxic People... I'm doing an inventory of all my relationships, family, friends, etc. who have been instrumental in giving me bad advice, not being encouraging, or just breaking my heart, and hurting my feelings. How many people are really my friends because they like having a fat friend as a wingman? My family who tells me that WLS is a cop out? The exbf who said he's just not that attracted to "big girls". It's time to clean house, and dump the negative and replace it with the positive. Who are your emotional vampires and what are you doing to change it?

[thehappycat 91]

I had some emotional vampires in high school and I have left them long in the dust. I'm very careful about who I let into my life now. Life is hard enough without people bringing you down.

Good for you for getting your support system in order. It's tough to do, but you need to be surrounded by helpful, positive people now.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Time to kick them to the curb! I only want people in my life who love me for who I am. I have no time for negativity! Good job!

[init4me 45]

I did most of the housecleaning when I was still heavy. Most of the people I have around me now are pretty positive. I say most because I have two people I work with that are pretty insensitive. They made it very known that they did NOT support my surgery decision and made it known to patients ( we work in a dental office and I would let patient know about what I was going to do and these two yahoo's would take them in the back to work on them and tell them that they don't support it and why). Now they have egg on their face...I'm now 80 lbs down AND off all my diabetic , blood pressure and cholesterol meds...that's 13 pills I'm NOT taking because I was so stupid to do the surgery. I make it very known that they can kiss my lily white ass ( oh and by the way...it's now a smaller ass to kiss). So I love being around by supportive family ( friends, family and other co-workers). The others...well what ever.

[kimmy*custis 276]

I cleaned house of all that years ago....I only have a few, really close friends and those are the ones who would do anything for you, drop what they are doing to help at a moments notice. Life is too short for toxic people!

[LibbyLou 59]

Friends who run to you when they need a shoulder but never have time to listen when you need one. Never said a word about it just quietly dismissed them from my life.

[Curvy Girl 140]

People who are always telling my husband, "What are you gonna do when she gets skinny" or "You better watch it when she gets skinny"

Is just me or is that an insult to both of us?

[init4me 45]

People who are always telling my husband, "What are you gonna do when she gets skinny" or "You better watch it when she gets skinny"

Is just me or is that an insult to both of us?

My own sister said that this will cause a divorce....I was stunned. She has MS...so I just attributed that to it, but I let her know that she overstepped her boundary with me. She hasn't talked to me since BEFORE the surgery...June 25th...oh well.

[SkinnyMinnie2Be 255]

People who are always telling my husband' date=' "What are you gonna do when she gets skinny" or "You better watch it when she gets skinny"

Is just me or is that an insult to both of us?[/quote']

Ugh. What ignorant people. Don't they realize that ur husband loved u when u were bigge and obviously he will continue to love u after surgery? I hate those kinds of comments. People like that are clearly insecure about themselves

[IMSKINNY 160]

Amen! I have a former good friend (she doesn't realize she's fallen into the former category yet) who is the Ms. America type! All eyes were always on her. So, she attracted the men at the parties, but I had the personality to keep them around! Boy, was I the classic fat girl wingman! People always said she was jealous of my life anyway, but I think a smaller me is going to finally put a whole in that friendship coffin!

[@DomLorenVSG 107]

So let me describe SEVERAL of the issues I'm dealing with right now, and why I'm closely analyzing who may or may not be in my life. I have know for sometime I've had several friends who used me as the "fat wingman"... little comments like "when you lose weight you could totally knock them dead" and "but your just bigger and there are guys that like big girls, just not the ones you are attracted too." Sounds horrific to hear so called "friends" say this, but here's the catch:

I'm a PhD student. I'm 28. I'm a single mom. I work for th University that I attend, and I do pretty damn well. Oh, and since I got my full time student status back I'm also a collegiate athlete playing Water polo under the NCAA. When you find someone who's doing as much as I am, at the level I am- let me know, cause I want them to be my new best friend.

I'm a threat. When I got divorced 4 years ago, I had so many wives drop me like bad habits because they didn't want a single successful woman around their husbands. I was devistated. Last year when I got accepted for my PhD my family told me no man would ever want an over weight woman with a PhD. I was devistated yet again. Last month I went out with younger college friends to Celebrate the start of the semester, and I literally had a guy walk up to me and say "wow if you could only lose like 50 lbs you could totally compete wtih these other girls." I wasn't devistated- I was mortified.

Since the surgery I've decided to take time off from dating or going out. I decided to focus on my training and weight loss. People I consider my friends I'm watching very closely as the weight comes off. Girls don't like to be threatened and they don't like competition, and boy oh boy am I in the wrong place. I have thousands of light weight co-eds competing for attention. I'm not 21 anymore, and I have a child and responsibilites. But for the few older friends I have, I'm waiting to see who isn't interested in having the fat wingman anymore. WHo starts forgetting to invite me places. And I know I'm not paranoid because when I had several serious conversations wtih people about it, they're responses were all the same... "Oh dom, you will always be Dom the Mom, nothings ever going to change..."

uh huh. Let's see what happens when I drop 70 lbs and hit my goal weight and see what they say.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

My only friends right now are my bicycle, my jogging shoes, my weight bench and my food scale.

And my dogs.

God my shorts are getting baggy. I need to go shopping.

[@DomLorenVSG 107]

I'm so busy in my schedule, that all I have time to do is work, go to school, take care of my son, and play Water polo. That's why I think I'm also realizing I don't have time for the toxic people. I'd rather stay home and recover and sleep and do laundry than play the rat race game out with friends. Maybe in a few months I'll try online dating or something. For now, I'm totally content focusing on what's right in front of me. I just don't want to waste any unnecessary time dealing with people who aren't worth my time to begin with. I put up with them before to get love and attention and feel wanted, now I'm just sitting back going - love yourself and you won't depend on other people to do it for you. Novel idea.

[Cookeeeeez 269]

Hmmm my college girl friends always used to tease me about the men I was with, like "ewwww" etc! Sometimes it was upfront sometimes behind my back. I thought, hmmm maybe my taste is funny- until my 21st birthday when the tall handsome guy they had all been flirting with (and I thought was too good looking for me, so I was just being friendly) decided to kiss me! When we all went home one of the girls actually pulled a meat fork out of the kitchen drawer and stuck it in my bum in front of everyone as a "joke"! I was mortified and thought the guy would never want to be near me again if I was the brunt of these sort of jokes!

Now it's been 7 years and we've been living together for all 7- we moved in together shortly after we met because he didn't like the way my roommates were treating me!

I dont have many friends, I'm just too anxious around people because of the way I've been treated before, but as long as I have my Pat I can gain or lose whatever and know ill always have at least one true friend!

Oh and butterthebean- your dogs are almost as gorgeous as you! Lookin good!!!

[@DomLorenVSG 107]

Hmmm my college girl friends always used to tease me about the men I was with, like "ewwww" etc! Sometimes it was upfront sometimes behind my back. I thought, hmmm maybe my taste is funny- until my 21st birthday when the tall handsome guy they had all been flirting with (and I thought was too good looking for me, so I was just being friendly) decided to kiss me! When we all went home one of the girls actually pulled a meat fork out of the kitchen drawer and stuck it in my bum in front of everyone as a "joke"! I was mortified and thought the guy would never want to be near me again if I was the brunt of these sort of jokes!

Now it's been 7 years and we've been living together for all 7- we moved in together shortly after we met because he didn't like the way my roommates were treating me!

I dont have many friends, I'm just too anxious around people because of the way I've been treated before, but as long as I have my Pat I can gain or lose whatever and know ill always have at least one true friend!

Oh and butterthebean- your dogs are almost as gorgeous as you! Lookin good!!!

Wow. I'm so, so, sorry they did that to you. I guess cause I am older, and wiser (and married for 7 years then divorced) I don't pay too much attention to what they say or do, but let's be honest, words do hurt, and when people bring you do down, friends or not you got to find someone to uplift you! I'm so glad you have someone that loves you no matter what! Your journey will only be that much sweeter in the end! And if anyone ever came at me with a fork, joke or not- they wouldn't be standing up by the time I was done with them. Bless you, and I can't wait to see where your journey takes you!!!