(not yet banded) How can you stand yourself?

[Bella 0]

Hi,

Having a low day - my date is Jan. 23rd so I've got a long wait.

I'm going nuts because I think I'm overeating more now and everytime I look in the mirror . ECCCCCK!

I can't stand myself! (just venting:faint: )

Any words of encouragement?

Thanks!

[Tracicat 0]

BELLA, STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!! I'm saying this to you, because I would have wanted someone to say this to me when I started my LB Journey 7MONTHS ago. That's from consultation to surgury date which is 9/28. I know you wont believe me, but the time has flown by. The first couple of months I pigged out and sulked because I had so much time untill my surgury, but then I decided to just live my life and put it out of my mind. I keep myself occupied by doing fun things and spending time with my buddies and my family. You know how much time they can take up. I had the bad days when I would stand in the mirror and pull at fat and BE REPULSED!!!! I stopped doing that because even though I have an abundance of fat, I also have a whole body that works, with all of it's senses, and I can walk and laugh and love. I know it's corney, but it helped me. When I start sulking, I think about all of the people who are dying of some horrible disease, and would trade places with my fat "healthy" ass in a heartbeat. After that I'm thankfull for the opportunity to better myself and make myself more healthy and Celebrate by buying myself an outfit. Me and you are around the same size. I'm 5'6" and I weigh 240. Yeah, we're cubby, but it aint the end of the world IMO. I'm pretty sure you're cute so just play that up! You're date will be here before you know it. Look at it this way. You'll be able to eat all that yummy holiday food, and then at the beginning of the new year you can focus on the new life ahead. Just trying to be helpfull, even if I made no sense at all. If you ever need to talk just write...... tracicat.....good luck to you!!

[leighhoffman 0]

Hang in there! Time will pass and before you know it you will be posting things like my banding is tomorrow and I am so excited!!!! Take time to look forward to the holidays and what a new year you will have! Keep posting here on lap band. Everyone is great! I used to not be able to stand myself either and as the weight started falling off and I was able to deal with unhappiness other than my fat arse things got alot better. Love yourself. That will help you along your journey. I am sure you are beautiful and you will see it too.

[Bella 0]

BELLA, STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!! I'm saying this to you, because I would have wanted someone to say this to me when I started my LB Journey 7MONTHS ago. That's from consultation to surgury date which is 9/28. I know you wont believe me, but the time has flown by. The first couple of months I pigged out and sulked because I had so much time untill my surgury, but then I decided to just live my life and put it out of my mind. I keep myself occupied by doing fun things and spending time with my buddies and my family. You know how much time they can take up. I had the bad days when I would stand in the mirror and pull at fat and BE REPULSED!!!! I stopped doing that because even though I have an abundance of fat, I also have a whole body that works, with all of it's senses, and I can walk and laugh and love. I know it's corney, but it helped me. When I start sulking, I think about all of the people who are dying of some horrible disease, and would trade places with my fat "healthy" ass in a heartbeat. After that I'm thankfull for the opportunity to better myself and make myself more healthy and Celebrate by buying myself an outfit. Me and you are around the same size. I'm 5'6" and I weigh 240. Yeah, we're cubby, but it aint the end of the world IMO. I'm pretty sure you're cute so just play that up! You're date will be here before you know it. Look at it this way. You'll be able to eat all that yummy holiday food, and then at the beginning of the new year you can focus on the new life ahead. Just trying to be helpfull, even if I made no sense at all. If you ever need to talk just write...... tracicat.....good luck to you!!

*******************************

Thanks for the help Ladies.

I really appreciate it.

Tracici - I just wanted to tell you you words have made such a difference to me. I just burst out crying (I'm crying) right now - because I know you are tell me the absolute truth.

The thing is - I never cry - which I think maybe part of my problem. You know we are all fat for a reason -right? Me? I think I've been hurt so much in my life .. that I just shrug things off and repressed it all.

Trying to deal with the reality ...

Thanks ... :nervous

[Mari 0]

Hi Bella

I so share your feelings and often have black thoughts about the way I look. I am waiting for my first appointment with the surgeon, and that is just for a pre-visit, still have long to wait. I hope to get banded early next year. So like Traciat said, I don't have to worry too much about Christmas and the food (although I shall not be overeating). I just couldn't face having to be on a liquid diet around that time of year.

Traciacat, your advice is precious - I feel like it was written to me, that's how much it makes sense! I also try to remember how well my body works compared to some people worse off than me. However, the focus seems to creep back on the weight issue whether I want it or not. I mean, it is just so in my face all the time, right? But I shall keep working at pulling my mind back from the 'black hole' when it hits me.

Bella, all my best wishes and encouraging thoughts go to you - hang in there

Mari

[Bella 0]

Hi Bella

I so share your feelings and often have black thoughts about the way I look. I am waiting for my first appointment with the surgeon, and that is just for a pre-visit, still have long to wait. I hope to get banded early next year. So like Traciat said, I don't have to worry too much about Christmas and the food (although I shall not be overeating). I just couldn't face having to be on a liquid diet around that time of year.

Traciacat, your advice is precious - I feel like it was written to me, that's how much it makes sense! I also try to remember how well my body works compared to some people worse off than me. However, the focus seems to creep back on the weight issue whether I want it or not. I mean, it is just so in my face all the time, right? But I shall keep working at pulling my mind back from the 'black hole' when it hits me.

Bella, all my best wishes and encouraging thoughts go to you - hang in there

Mari

*******************************

I guess Tracici's words helped us both. Such simple words but ... they make a difference.

I was driving home today thinking of how squashed up my butt feels in the car seat when I stopped for the stop light and watched this woman cross the street.

There she was neatly dressed in her jeans with her head held high like she didn't have a care in the world only ... she was about 2 feet tall. Yes, she was a little person.

So yes, I thought - I have to thank God for my big butt because I CAN correct that ... but it you are a little person ... you have to find the strength to go through life as God made you.

Taking a lesson from this...

[Tracicat 0]

I'm so glad I could help my dear friends. I know how hard it is, believe me. When all you want to do is "feel" beautiful and funny, you want to fit in be light and feel comfortable in your skin. I will share with you some of my lows. I'll go into the mall and I will tell myself "I will not compare myself to ANY other woman in this mall". "I will walk my self in this store, and try on clothes and be proud of my beauty". This never last long.... I would go through the racks and search for my size....low and behold I find one. I puff up my chest proudly walk to the fitting room like I too belong, I get into the room, and quickly the demons attack. I pull off my clothes and I gasp. "How did I let myself get like this?" "I don't blame men for overlooking me." "Who would want to lay with this mess?" The tears quickly swell up as I try to pull up the pants over my thighs. I could have sworn I got the right size... let me look. Yup, It's my size alright. O.k., I continue to stretch, pull, wheeze, suck the fabric over the mounds of flesh. I hear seams ripping.... My mom's outside the door knocking "How do you look honey? The tears roll down my face as I see a beautifull outfit turned into a monstrosity. I yell at my mom to go away, I pull my flesh out of the material, which is just as hard to get off as it is to get on, and I try to sneak out of the dressing room unnoticed. The attendant ask me if I want to make a purchase and I tell her I didn't like it very much. She knew better.

I know it's hard not to be so vain and self centered. It's hard not to think about weight ALL of the time. I know you just want to get a "grip" and focus on the things in life that matter. That's what people tell you.... everyone a size 12 and under. Everybody has there cross to bear, I know and the things I tell you, I have to tell myself the same things EVERY DAY, or I will lose my ever loving mind. There are times (which is most of the time) when I don't want to anything, and hibernate in the house. I tell myself nobody wants to party or dance with a fat girl... when everybody's hooking up and I'm left standing in the middle of the floor, what will I do? Go to the bar and get drunk, that's what. So, I avoid the whole aggravation and just stay home. The point to all of this crap in my head is that I know what your feeling. I don't want you to think I'm self righteous at all... I'm not and I go through the same struggles as you. Honey the winds of change are blowing and I hope you keep in touch with your progress. You're going to do magnificent. I will let you know all about my surgery if you'd like to hear about it. Make sure you take care of your heart as well as your body......... much love tracicat

[Mammysm 10]

Hello All

Hello Bella , hope that you are feeling better now. And I sure do hear you when you talk about little people. My daughter in law has dwarfism, and thus my granddaughter too has dwarfism, I am so worried that my granddaughter will be picked on. As for my daughter in law she has like 17 major surgeries to have her legs stretched. She has had some incredible pain going through it and she really didn't gain much, but she is a beautiful young lady, And my granddaughter is too. My son who is 6ft 2 inches , they say opposites attract. and their son is very tall. But that is only an example of things we cannot change.

I am waiting for my date. I am in NH and will be in Portsmouth for the surgery. I hope that some of my buddies are out here and will write to me too and everyone as far as that goes. I have been working at this since June and know from where I stand that it is a very long wait for us who are in Portsmouth. We really had to go through alot of appointments and we all at a weight that we have to lose before the surgery, which I am not to yet but am struggling to get there. Please write any of you and I promise to answer, Donna Smith in New Durham, NH

[SherryA 0]

Bella

Congrats on making the decision to have the band! My advice, for what it is worth, is to start making little cahnges here and there. Since you have quite a little time to do this, it will probably work out better for you once you are banded.

I was banded Sept 11th, but started making life changes (and I do mean life changes!!!) in July. First, I cut out soda. I didnt do it cold turkey, but started with only allowing two sodas a day, then after a couple of weeks, one soda a day, then one every other day adn so on. I mention soda because I was addicted to it for almost 34 years!! I havent had one since Aug 5th and do not miss it now..

Another was chocolate, and did the same type of deal...Just focus on one thing at a time. Try to think you are lucky you have time to make little changes instead of jumping into it all at once! I really think the extra time helped me be as focused and successful (so far!!) as I am right now!

GOOD LUCK!!

[AngelaT 2]

Hi Bella,

While I am waiting for mine I will be doing liquids only one day a week, to get used to it and also to help my body detoxify and also to help me not gain any weight until then. A couple of Protein Shakes and any amount of clear broth and Water. Some homemade juice is ok. through out the day, but drink mostly water.

[Bella 0]

Hi All!

Thanks ever so much for your words of encouragment!

I am feeling better - though I'm still tearing up ... but this is a GOOD thing for me. I need to let my feelings OUT instead of keeping them bottled up all the time. You know - always the strong one.

In my case, I lost pretty much all my family .. just me left these days so I have to tend to myself as best I can .. which is percieves as being pretty good to other people. That's why people think I'm so strong. Maybe it's my fault to have given out that impression ... but it's all about my pride. I can't let people know that I have weaknesses.

Yes, I'm working on it. )

Anyway, I don't know WHY I'm even upset though as it seems most of you have had to wait longer than I will. :|

I decided on this 3 weeks ago only ... so what am I whining about a 4 month wait for?

About the changes ... well, I am the QUEEN of eating healthly. I've been on a million diets so I know how to cut things out of my diet etc... My problem is 'maintaining' the program.

I can be a real exercise freak too - another story.

My pattern is always the same - you can 'make book' on it.

When I get stressed from work etc... I revert back to my pizza eating and Chinese food habits and I don't feel like drinking Water or working out ...so that 6 pounds that took me a month to drop ... will come back in about 7 days. :party:

Then I start the cycle all over again ... this is my problem:(

That's why I want the band.

I WILL do the right thing for several weeks BUT the minute something goes wrong (and it always will) I will want to fall off the wagon. But with the band I will immediately be aware that I cannot have the whole dag gone pizza.. I might be able to have a few bites - but that will be it! In truth a few bites of pizza once a month is reasonable.

So yes, I WILL fall ... but unless I just lose my mind and want to risk slippage and vomiting and pain .... I can only slip a LITTLE bit ... before I HAVE to straighten up and fly right.

When the hard time passes - I can back to eating right again.

This is my pattern ... I'm either ON a diet and IN the process of losing weight or ... I just fell off the wagon and I am IN the overeating stage.

There is NO inbetween for me.

Actually, the overeating stage only lasts week or two (until my body just feels bad and I have to stop) but I can do sooooo much damage in that week or two!

Okay, all. I am feeling better.

I will continue to post and watch for your replies.

THANKS BUNCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mamanysm - It sounds like your family is quite beautiful ... where it counts. :car:

[Bella 0]

Bella

Congrats on making the decision to have the band! My advice, for what it is worth, is to start making little cahnges here and there. Since you have quite a little time to do this, it will probably work out better for you once you are banded.

I was banded Sept 11th, but started making life changes (and I do mean life changes!!!) in July. First, I cut out soda. I didnt do it cold turkey, but started with only allowing two sodas a day, then after a couple of weeks, one soda a day, then one every other day adn so on. I mention soda because I was addicted to it for almost 34 years!! I havent had one since Aug 5th and do not miss it now..

Another was chocolate, and did the same type of deal...Just focus on one thing at a time. Try to think you are lucky you have time to make little changes instead of jumping into it all at once! I really think the extra time helped me be as focused and successful (so far!!) as I am right now!

GOOD LUCK!!

GOOD GRIEF!:clap2: I just noticed your weight loss! WONDERFUL! I want to be just like YOU when I grow up!!!

[raynie 0]

Bella! Its ok Girlfriend! Cry, cry, cry.... let it all out. I have cried recently in the past few weeks too! Its amazing isnt it? How many emotions being fat makes us feel. I could so relate to the story by Tracicat in the fitting rooms! that is so me! It actually felt good knowing that others feel like that too. I am not alone. Heck girl- you get to eat this Holiday! Geez, if I knew last year that that was my last freaking holiday meal, I would have ate a little more and enjoyed it more! So this year email me when I am crying and suffering cause i get too sip some liquids, and you get to chow down on the good stuff! Enjoy it! Remind me of how good it tastes! You'll pass these next few months fast, soon it will be Jan! dont feel bad about how you look now. we are all beautiful people! Concentrate on weaning out the crap in your life- sota and junk food. It will be easier in the long run. practice not drinking with meals. and practice chewing and sipping small amounts. And think of it by the time you get the surgery- you will already be a pro at it and it will be much more rewarding and less of a struggle!! Hang in there girl! you can do it! *hugs*

~Raynie!