Dating A Sleeved Person

[Amandazee13 57]

I am 22 years old living in NY and I'm nervous that since I've been vsg'd that men may find me a lot less appealing since I've had this surgery. Has there been any women here that have been sleeved and found it harder to date? I know people like us Are judged, and I'm nervous that if I find a guy he may be turned off by it? I've been single for a long time and a part of this surgery was hopeful to make me More attractive as well as all of the other great things that goes with it ( having heart disease and such)

I posted this thread in the wrong forum, but this thread belongs here ! :-p

[PEvette 297]

I've found the opposite to be true....since I've been VSGed guys approach me more...it could also be because my self-confidence has improved....

I've lost close to 60 pounds....so I guess I'm coming out of my shell more...

[WednesdaysSun 6]

20 something NY girl here as well

Personally I wouldn't volunteer sleeve information to new guys in such early stages. Give it some time, check out their character and all that and when you're comfortable, you mention it. Young guys, at least a whole lot of them can be critical about things they don't understand particularly with someone they don't know that well yet. I guess all people can be that way. Point is, its your journey, your body, pace yourself and when you're ready, go ahead and share your story

Major point to note though - a guy who isn't open minded about your journey probably isn't going to be an ideal match. Really and truly. You want to be able to be yourself with the person you're with! Cliche concept but SO true!

[Mr_Worm 129]

well from a guy, GIRLS ARE ALL OVER ME...they don't care if I'm sleeved or not and my scars are not noticeable at all *flexes*

[Sleevorama 56]

I'm not a girl, but do agree. Tell the guy when you're ready. I'm married.....so it has nothing to do with dating, but I still am choosy who I tell I have had surgery because as WednesdaysSun said there will be people that don't understand and will be critical.

On a side note, from your picture you look beautiful, so you should feel comfortable with yourself first, before you worry about what some dumb guy thinks of you. Find the guy that cares for you as you.

[WednesdaysSun 6]

@ Mr_Worm ha ha thats pretty awesome

[nyxa 159]

i saw an episode of dr phil called something like "my mate isn't hot enough for me!" one of the ladies that was on there was 145lb & had, had an RNY. she was 300lb. she had extra skin. the guy that she wanted to date refused to commit to her & love her the way that she loved him.. he dated other women & stuff.. but he just couldn't stand the idea of having sex with her, because of her loose skin. she couldn't afford plastic surgery to fix it. the guy could afford it, but didn't want to make that kind of financial commitment, especially since they weren't dating or living together or etc... but at the same time, he didn't want to date her or live with her BECAUSE of her excess skin. she was very hurt & sad about it.. dr phil told her that their "relationship" was toxic.. she said he was her best friend... dr phil said if he really loved her, he would find a way to work with her & help her.. but he won't... she said that this wasn't the first time that a guy said that to her.. about her skin. apparently a lot of guys she's dated didn't want to get intimate with her, because they were grossed out by her skin (which i didn't think was that bad)...

one thing the guy this girl was so into also said (or it was mentioned on the show) was that he was also afraid that if she got the surgery, she'd be too hot & other guys would be all over her... or that the scarring may be too bad... so basically he was saying there was no hope for them.. but the girl still wanted him anyway... REALLY bad... she kept saying that they had a connection.. and that he was her best friend..

in the end, dr phil agreed to pay for her plastic surgery, but told her that their "relationship" wasn't healthy or good for her & that once she gets her excess skin removed, she will likely ditch him & move on to greener pastures.

just telling you that story, because people can be very shallow. however... there are a lot of good, decent people out there & you don't have to tell anyone you were sleeved. they don't need to know, unless you're ready to tell them & want to tell them. that's YOUR business. also, if a guy has an issue with you having had the surgery to help yourself... he's not the one for you. there's a lot of men out there that would treat you with kindness, respect and love and that would adore you, no matter what... you don't need or have time to deal with shallow morons.

[Amandazee13 57]

Thanks guys , im not planning on telling people flat out. Only 15 people in my life know about this surgery (mainly family and a few very close friends). Im just worried , what if i fall for a guy and tell him and he is turned off! I feel like it is just one of those things... I wish i could meet a guy that has had bariatric surery too, that would be ideal!!

[WednesdaysSun 6]

I know just how you feel - kind of dealing with those thoughts as well. A guy who went through it as well would be really great. We're different though in that I only told my mom and thats gonna be the end of that. For a normal person though (lol) I would say whether its weight loss surgery, or some things about the past, or what have you, everyone has there "stuff", you know? And thats typically the risk right? Just really hoping someone we care about accepts us.

I really do wish you the best of luck because the worry really sucks and finding love is hard enough as it is. Just hang in there, temper your expectations, and go with the flow. Awesome vibrant people who learn to love themselves end up attracting the like anyway!

[Amandazee13 57]

Is there some place to meet batiatric people? Lol

[bettyanne6249 50]

I've always wondered what it will be like because of we go to dinner and he would notice that I'm barely eating anything. I kind of want to be up front and honest but then again I could always just say that I was nervous lol. I feel like it would be so much easier to date a guy who has gone through the same surgery!

[Amandazee13 57]

I've always wondered what it will be like because of we go to dinner and he would notice that I'm barely eating anything. I kind of want to be up front and honest but then again I could always just say that I was nervous lol. I feel like it would be so much easier to date a guy who has gone through the same surgery!

I agree 100%!

[illgeturhairdid 176]

I can totally relate to this issue. I can say that as I lost weight I gained the confidence to start dating again. And who did I end up meeting and clicking with? A darn-it-all chef. He figured it out before I actually came right out and said I had surgery. He has been totally supportive and tries to find creative ways to cook foods I can eat. He has asked some questions about the future. ie. how will this surgery effect my ability to have a healthy pregnancy. We've talked it over and he understands everything and has become my best friend. Almost three weeks ago he got down on one knee. You can successfully meet someone who will love you for you and not care about your surgery. You will have to be comfortable answering their questions because if you have a future with that person they are going to want to know how it will effect the future.... Especially if he wants to have kids with you. But, I'd just enjoy dating and take it as it comes. Don't lie about your surgery- remember that up until the decision to get married or start a family it is probably the best decision you have made. Embrace it!