Rough Morning...

[smrt1997 5]

I was going through pictures I had boxed away this morning to find pictures of my friend for his surprise 40th birthday party. Well, it really took a toll on me. I see myself through different eyes now and when I look at those pictures, I see a much larger person that I ever thought I was. I feel so disgusted with myself because of the way I looked. Now, the even more depressing part is, I wonder if I am seeing myself through those same eyes and wonder if I am much larger than I think I am. I am losing around 3-4 lbs per month since my 6 month anniversary and it's all right after my monthly cycle. but those other three weeks I get scared that I will never reach my goal. I know it's my own fault because I am not exercising at all and I am not eating the best things. Not going crazy and definitely not overeating, just not on the right track, I think. Just so sad with what I saw in those pics, there were pictures with an ex boyfriend that I saw that I never thought I looked that bad at that time. I was disgusted by it and it really got me down.

Just feeling very overwhelmed.

On a different note, my husband is going to have the surgery in early november. Besides the great news of him getting healthy, I know it will help me to make this a complete lifestyle change because I will have him eating the same things, amounts and no junk. But, that time cannot get here soon enough!!! I keep thinking to myself, a year from now, we will be in an amazing place and I hope that this struggle I am having with keeping up with the right choices will no longer be an issue.

[ahealthierme2 0]

You have done amazing, over 100 pounds down!!! Try not to be so hard on yourself - that was the past, look at the progress you've made! Kudos!!

[smrt1997 5]

Thank you for the support. I am normally doing mostly ok but today am def not in the best place. I get discouraged when I see so many folks who are so upbeat and excited on the forums and always wonder how they do it. I am still tired and lazy and tempted at so many times. I need to get back to my therapist and work on this head thing. I just don't always see progress in my thoughts and my head hunger, and that scares me.

[smrt1997 5]

oh, and i think another trigger right now is tomorrow at work I have been put in charge of 15 new hires for two days. I have pretty significant stage fright, so I am VERY VERY anxious. Just hoping this week flies by!

[ahealthierme2 0]

Stress has always been a trigger for me too. At least you're recognizing it, that's a good thing! Hoping you have a great week!

[Sassygirl06 962]

I wrote on one of the forums about 3 months ago, pretty much the same thing. I said that I wanted to cry for her, that person that I see in those pictures. It is really hard to look at them and not be sad, but you have to just move on and put it out of your mind. you are a different person now, so live it up!

By the way, the way that you are losing is exactly how I would lose. Only right after my TOM. So needless to say, I started looking forward to getting my period every month! haha!

[traceyinflorida 499]

Sometimes I feel the same. I would look in the mirror and while I was not really happy with what I saw, I didn't think I looked that bad. Then I would see a photo of myself and get a reality check. You have lost 103 pounds! That is AWESOME! You are so close to your goal, that I am sure you are not deluding yourself into thinking you look better than you do. You need to snap a few new pictures of yourself and compare them to the old pictures. You will see that you are rockin your sleeve!

[clk 3,519]

I had a similar loss pattern. It took me 17 months to lose 107 pounds, and I lost, on average, just over six pounds a month. I had two nine week stalls along the way. I also lost all of my weight in the last few days of the month, after being the same weight for most of the month and bouncing up a few pounds around my cycle.

It is pretty normal for the folks that lose more slowly to fall on and off because our journey is longer and we can't help but compare ourselves to others that lose more quickly.

The important things to focus on:

Not everyone loses at the same rate, and a loss is still a loss. Try to accept that this is simply how your body works, and be thankful you have a sleeve to help you maintain a healthy, low calorie diet long enough to get to goal. For me, losing the weight would have been impossible without my sleeve - 17 months is too long to hang in there with any diet if you don't have help.

Work on overcoming the poor eating habits and emotional eating habits that might have helped you become overweight in the first place. Being a slow loser gave me a great opportunity to work on these issues while I was still plodding my way to goal. I got to goal well adjusted and without the desire to binge or bury my emotions in food. This is the BIGGEST factor in long term maintenance; overcoming the bad habits is necessary if you want to keep the weight off forever without living on a diet forever.

Because you're a slower loser, you might find that like me, you can safely incorporate more carbohydrates and eat a more balanced diet before you get to goal. Once I stopped shaving my calories and carbs down to nil, I found that I was still losing at the same pokey pace but that I was feeling 100 times better. Not only did I feel better and have more energy, but that feeling of deprivation was gone, and I no longer beat myself up with the expectation to see a loss on the scale every single morning.

There comes a point when regardless of our size or weight we need to learn to love ourselves. It can't only be dependent on the scale, or you'll live your life in fear instead of embracing it with joy. It's hard to overcome the negative ways we view ourselves. But you need to realize that you are a success. You will reach your goal. You can do this. Try to be nicer to yourself.

Keep it up. You know what you need to do to lose weight, as you've already shed quite a bit. If you're off track, record your food again. It's worth the hassle and the time spent. Go back on shakes, and eat Protein first. You know all of this. You just have to decide that you're worth the effort, and that you want to work that surgery you had to it's maximum potential.

Good luck,

~Cheri

[smrt1997 5]

Thank you all so much. I will lift myself back up again and just quit beating myself up.

Thank you, Cheri. Your experience and guidance really struck a cord with me

[Justine13 264]

Omg you are beautiful! Great pic!

[smrt1997 5]

Thank you, Justine. You are very sweet and very pretty too!!

[Justine13 264]

Thank you' date=' Justine. You are very sweet and very pretty too!![/quote']

Ha! I wouldn't go that far.

I do know what you mean about seeing yourself smaller until a damn picture or you walk by a reflection in a window though- O MG. reality check! Yuck yuck yuck

[Deana 42]

You will do GREAT and you look AMAZING!!