What Are Friends For...no Support

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

In the immortal words of Ice Cube "I love a woman with a big ass, not a big ass woman.".

Don't take me wrong, I'm not slamming you at all. But I am trying to create some perspective. Your friend is doing what she is supposed to do, she is loving & showing concern for you.

Think about your response. It was easy for you to stay big because your your friends made you feel comfortable with it. So it's their fault for being supportive?

Now one friend isn't comfortable with this decision & you're down on her for being unsupportive? She is saying how she feels. She is uncomfortable with WLS probably due to some misconceptions or maybe 1 or 2 bad stories she's heard or seen.

I think you are very lucky to have someone who cares enough to be uncomfortable, rather than just smiling and saying what you want to hear. If I were you I'd ask her why she thinks it's too dangerous and see if you can educate her on what she may be misinformed on. And if she can't be comfortable with you having WLS acknowledge that and appreciate her position. Let her know that you feel you need this (if you actually feel that way) and even though you understand her concerns you'd really appreciate her friendship and hope she will support you even though she may not agree with the decision.

[iggychic 1,405]

Iggychic....thank you for sharing. I'm sorry things didnt go so well. If you don't mind me asking what happened? I hope things are getting better.

I had internal bleeding after the surgery. If you go to the stories section post off my post explaining it all is called something like the story you don't want to hear but should.

[iggychic 1,405]

In the immortal words of Ice Cube "I love a woman with a big ass' date=' not a big ass woman.".

Don't take me wrong, I'm not slamming you at all. But I am trying to create sone perspective. Your friend is doing what she is supposed to do, she is loving & showing concern for you.

Think about your response. It was easy for you to stay big because your your friends made you feel comfortable with it. So it's their fault for being supportive?

Now one friend isn't comfortable with this decision & you're down on her for being unsupportive? She is saying how she feels. She is uncomfortable with WLS probably due to some misconceptions or maybe 1 or 2 bad stories she's heard or seen.

I think you are very lucky to have someone who cares enough to be uncomfortable, rather than just smiling and saying what you want to hear. If I were you I'd ask her why she thinks it's too dangerous and see if you can educate her on what she may be misinformed on. And if she can't be comfortable with you having WLS acknowledge that and appreciate her position. Let ER know that you feel you need this (if you actually feel tat way) and even though you understand her concerns you'd really appreciate her friendship and hope she will support you even though she may not agree with the decision.

[/quote']

Wow what great advise!

[VerticalMorey 31]

I

[VerticalMorey 31]

I had internal bleeding after the surgery. If you go to the stories section post off my post explaining it all is called something like the story you don't want to hear but should.

I pray for a speedy recovery so sorry this happened to you. Please keep up updated on how you're progressing.

[evonnrae 39]

In the immortal words of Ice Cube "I love a woman with a big ass' date=' not a big ass woman.".

Don't take me wrong, I'm not slamming you at all. But I am trying to create sone perspective. Your friend is doing what she is supposed to do, she is loving & showing concern for you.

Think about your response. It was easy for you to stay big because your your friends made you feel comfortable with it. So it's their fault for being supportive?

Now one friend isn't comfortable with this decision & you're down on her for being unsupportive? She is saying how she feels. She is uncomfortable with WLS probably due to some misconceptions or maybe 1 or 2 bad stories she's heard or seen.

I think you are very lucky to have someone who cares enough to be uncomfortable, rather than just smiling and saying what you want to hear. If I were you I'd ask her why she thinks it's too dangerous and see if you can educate her on what she may be misinformed on. And if she can't be comfortable with you having WLS acknowledge that and appreciate her position. Let ER know that you feel you need this (if you actually feel tat way) and even though you understand her concerns you'd really appreciate her friendship and hope she will support you even though she may not agree with the decision.

[/quote']

Otr..great perspective. I totally get it. I'm not knocking her support aka concern. I'm just a little put off by her approach and the nerve of her to say she would workout with me and be my accountability partner. Mmmm....this is coming from someone who made so many broken promises to work out together, be that accountability partner, and the same one who rooted me on to go for wls. Again I appreciate her concern and I did humbly thank her, re explained my position...she understood. I'm a bit defensive when people who have never struggled with their weight want to weigh in on what I should or should not do.

[pinkiguana 12]

I love those people. "How about a yogurt instead of ice cream?" as if this was some new revelation my fat a** did not consider. When you get to be more than 100 lbs overweight, then cursory diet and exercise will not do it. I only kept getting bigger and bigger. Right now, I am not a happy woman by any means, but I am better. My blood pressure is down to normal, I don't get out of breath because I walked up a flight of stairs and I can say "I've looked worse" when I look in the mirror. The surgery gave this to me. NOTHING ELSE WAS WORKING. Unless you needed to lose a lot of weight, you just wouldn't understand.

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

Soooo....I have a good friend who has been my weight loss buddy for the last 4 years. We have some of the same struggles except she is 165 lbs and has only 10lbs to lose. Meanwhile I'm 300+ lbs and need to lose a good 100 +. O work out try and eat right and she doesn't. I thought by sharing my decision to get sleeved would bring the same amount of support....well not so much.

At first my friend was happy and encouraging. I guess She has now taken sometime to think abt it and decided to call me to tell me my decision is a bit extreme and risky. She suggested to eat right and workout hard since I had done it before. What she failed to remember is that I was also on phentermine and now have gained 30 of the 80 lbs I lost. She then went on to say my skin is going to sag , I'm going to lose too much weight, and I basically have mastered being sexy for my size so I need not focus so much on the # and to lose 50 lbs. I'm kinda pissed by all of this. This is one of the reasons I allowed my self to become so overweight because people have made it acceptable for me to be comfortable in my "bIg sexy " skin.

So I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced this from friends and family and how you dealt with it. It was a bit discouraging yet I thanked her for her opinion, told her I was still going thru with it and disconnected the call.

I have a similar situation except my friend was a lot bigger than I am. She had the RNY done and had no comorbities (lucky her) and has lost 120+ lbs in less that 8 months. and I am happy and was very supportive of her decision at all times. Never thought anything of it.

Well because I have a high bmi, diabetes the medicine for the diabetes makes me very, very sick. My dr. suggested the sleeve and I agreed. When I shared my decision with my friend, she was all against me having it done. I was floored at her reaction. She said that it has been one of the hardest thing she has done, but she'd do it all over. That I should really think about it. Uhmm! what part of being diabetic and having a reaction to medications and dr. suggesting it did she not get? I don't know.. My surgery is in a couple of weeks and she has not once asked me again how the process is going.

It's very hard for me to try to understand why she acts that way but at this point in my life she is the least of my worries.

I left everything in the hands of God and if this is surgery is meant for me it will happen without any issues.

My family has been supportive and that really helps me.

Good luck to you.

[isajck 229]

I think you need to remember that she, for the most part, is normal sized so there is no real understanding of what life is like at high weights like ours. Having said that, she is a friend who is showing concern for you and yes, that is what friends are for. No matter what she says you are going to do what you want so take her concerns for what they are and continue on.

Good luck on your journey!

[Ready4success 380]

I have a similar situation except my friend was a lot bigger than I am. She had the RNY done and had no comorbities (lucky her) and has lost 120+ lbs in less that 8 months. and I am happy and was very supportive of her decision at all times. Never thought anything of it.

Well because I have a high bmi' date=' diabetes the medicine for the diabetes makes me very, very sick. My dr. suggested the sleeve and I agreed. When I shared my decision with my friend, she was all against me having it done. I was floored at her reaction. She said that it has been one of the hardest thing she has done, but she'd do it all over. That I should really think about it. Uhmm! what part of being diabetic and having a reaction to medications and dr. suggesting it did she not get? I don't know.. My surgery is in a couple of weeks and she has not once asked me again how the process is going.

It's very hard for me to try to understand why she acts that way but at this point in my life she is the least of my worries.

I left everything in the hands of God and if this is surgery is meant for me it will happen without any issues.

My family has been supportive and that really helps me.

Good luck to you.[/quote']

Our story is exactly the same. My best friend had open RNY back in 2001, but had no co-morbidities. We were in our early 20s and I thought it a bit extreme, but supported her anyway. I traveled from out of town to see her when she was in the hospital. She's gained back probably 65-75% of the weight back, but still no co-morbidities. Me, I'm 36 now, on diabetes meds and 2 different b/p meds, and I felt it was time to do something more than just trying to diet and exercise. After I told her my plans, she basically ignores me when I mention it, it's upsetting because she's so passive aggressive about it. Don't get me wrong, I've never needed anyone's approval for anything, not even my family's, but I felt she should've returned the support, regardless of her issues. My advice to you is to stop talking to her about it, gain all of your support from the positive people. Either she'll fall in line and be happy that you want to be healthier, or she won't. If she doesn't fall in line, is she really a friend? Good Luck!

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

Our story is exactly the same. My best friend had open RNY back in 2001, but had no co-morbidities. We were in our early 20s and I thought it a bit extreme, but supported her anyway. I traveled from out of town to see her when she was in the hospital. She's gained back probably 65-75% of the weight back, but still no co-morbidities. Me, I'm 36 now, on diabetes meds and 2 different b/p meds, and I felt it was time to do something more than just trying to diet and exercise. After I told her my plans, she basically ignores me when I mention it, it's upsetting because she's so passive aggressive about it. Don't get me wrong, I've never needed anyone's approval for anything, not even my family's, but I felt she should've returned the support, regardless of her issues. My advice to you is to stop talking to her about it, gain all of your support from the positive people. Either she'll fall in line and be happy that you want to be healthier, or she won't. If she doesn't fall in line, is she really a friend? Good Luck!

Goodness our stories are very similar.

You know I don't think that she understands that I am doing it because I want to be healthy. She thinks I'm doing it only to lose the weight. I have come to the conclusion that I will no longer tell her anything that has to do with my health. Before I even had my surgery date she had asked me what was going on and I texted her and told her what the dr. had told me and she didn't reply to my text she totally ignored it. I know she got it but she decided to ignore it. So since then I have not called her nor have I text her. I have also ignored her calls. I don't need negative people in my life. I have found a lot of positive people here.

Thanks for your support.

[iggychic 1,405]

That's a very small thing to throw a friend away for Hun.

[Ready4success 380]

That's a very small thing to throw a friend away for Hun.

The question here is, "Are you a friend if you can't support someone even if you can't agree with what they're doing?" It is childish at best, and manipulative at worst. Everyone has issues, no doubt, but would you rather see your friend lose their eyesight, possibly legs, and have to have dialysis 3 times a week due to diabetes to make YOU happy?" I don't think any sane, rational person would want that for someone they care about. My opinion is that her friend will become supportive after she realizes this is what her friend wants to do to get healthy, and nothing will change her mind, not even ignoring her.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

Let's just face it WLS is a very personal decision. If you tell someone something they are gonna give their opinion. You know what they say, "Opinions are like assholes everyone has one and they all smell!" Even if you don't ask for their opinion they will still feel the need to give it because that is what friends do. So you will ultimately have friends that support you and friends that don't. If you guys are friends you should be able to tell her you respect her position, but you are going forth with your decision. If she is your true friend she will still be your friend after the surgery. You just need to know you may have to find support elsewhere. I am sure we have all been in relationships and we do not agree with something the person does or doesn't do. However, a real friend will still be there even if they think the person is making a mistake.

I opted not to tell my friends because I don't want to hear all the opinions and advice. I think I have beat myself up enough about my situation and my decision. This is not an easy process and not one to take lightly. It is an emotional roller coaster.

[prettysleeved1 173]

Most of this answer is about you and how great you have it. This woman was reaching out for help not your brag bag.

Where was she bragging?