Depression While Waiting For Surgery?

[aumum 41]

Hello all,

This is my first post here so my apologies if it's in the wrong spot.

I'm just feeling so sad at the moment and on the verge of tears most of the time. I have 10 months to wait untill my health insurance will cover my op. I have my 1st appointment with the nurse of a surgeon next week so i haven't even started the process really. All I know is I have been thinking about it and researching online for about 6 years. The main reason I haven't gone ahead yet is because I have 4 kids and wanted to make sure we were finished with all that before having a surgery.

It feels like 10 months might as well be 10 years away I just want the surgery now.

Lately I have been noticing the way people treat me because I am fat. So many times I will be out with my husband and he will see a man he knows thru work and the man will not even look in my direction let alone say hello. It happens all the time. I may as well be invisible.

I have a friend who I have been close to since high school and she's quite superficial. She was in my wedding but I wasn't in hers. Instead she chose 2 friends she hasn't known as long as me and fights with all the time. I know the reason she did this is because I'm fat and wouldn't look good in a dress or pics.

This friend likes to hang out with me and we chat all the time but when it comes to Facebook she puts pics of her and her skinny friends up but we don't even have pics of the two of us.

Speaking about photos my husband has a pic of our kids and our dog on his desk at work but not me

My husband took some awful pics of me playing with the kids when my shirt lifted up because I was busy playing. I wondered if he was just taking them to make me feel bad. My sister did the same thing, took a horrible side on pic of me when I had no idea I looked awful and she put it on Facebook and thought it was funny. I wonder if they are trying to humiliate me on purpose? Do they think that will inspire me to loose weight?

I used to be a pretty, skinny attractive blonde teenager so I know what it's like when people treat you well and give you attention. Now I am 5'3 and 106kg. I also carry all my weight on the top half so it looks ridicules. I envy bigger women who at least have their curves in preportion. I wear the clothes of a 60 year old because I'm just choosing whatever covers everything.

I'm dont lie, cheat or back stab and I'm not greedy, boastful or egotistical. I'm kind, caring, sympathetic and none of that seems to matter to anyone because I'm fat.

It's not in my nature to be nasty but I do feel like if go thu this and become attractive again and these people try to be nice to me again I'm going to tell them to go to he!!.

Sorry for the long rant I just had to get it out somewhere

Thanks.

[Cuaya 14]

I totally understand how you feel.

I was a pageant queen, very outgoing and always all smiles. Now i find myself depressed and with no intrests because of the weight and the medical issues than came with it.

No one seems to understand.

NO ONE!

People in my life feel like they help motivate me by telling me everything that is wrong with me and trust me it does not help at all. It makes me get deeper in my rut!

First thing you need to do is tell yourself that you are having surgery for YOU! Not so anyone else will have you in pics or anything like that. I find that people who have learned I am having surgery still have not so good things to say. So, really its liked you're wrong either way. Do it for your health and for your kids...NO ONE ELSE!!! Not even your husband, as bad as that may sounds. In these ten months get yourself ready dont just sit around waiting for the day. You will emotionally stress yourself. I hope I was able to give you some comfort. Here for you if you need someone who understands.

[xavtay2 85]

Aiming so sorry that you are not feeling your best! The fact that you are here is awesome because this website is full of love and support. We are here for each other because we can relate to you and how you feel. I was also small most of my life until my late 20's and people do treat me different now that I am fat. I can't seem to get a man to look my way at anytime! Don't feel bad about your husbands co-worker because I am sure once you lose weight they all will take notice of you even your husband. Keep your head up and know that you are someone beautiful and special with or without the weight... Wishing you much success on your journey

[aumum 41]

Thank you so much for your replies. It means a lot to have someone else understand.

[Cuaya 14]

You welcome! Keep strong! time flies and apparently weight does too after the sleeve!

[mom2han 5]

I started my journey 10 months ago and I just got my surgery date. The time goes by really fast but I understand how you feel.

One thing I recommend is to stay on you doctor. I went to my primary on January 3rd and was told ok we will submit a referral. I waited 4 weeks and was then denied because I needed 6 months of education classes. When I finished my education classes I was told they couldn't refer me because I hadn't done anything else I needed. I said you are the doctor you need to tell me what I need to do! They said I needed an EKG do they did a referral, I waited four weeks for and appointment I went to the cardiologist twice over six weeks and was then told by the primary that I needed a current EKG and I shouldn't have been referred out in the first place. I flipped out! There have been many other delays but I'm sure you get the point. That was two months ago and since then I have called them almost every single day sometimes 3 timed a day. I tracked every piece of paper and every fax that went through that office. The referral girl actually called me twice this past week just to let me know she had taken care of the things she needed to. Friday morning she finally called to say I was approved! My surgeon is Dr Suh and his office is great and are the ones that told me to stay on my primary. Sorry to ramble but hang in there, your time will come quick!

[Eat That Frog 53]

Most people that are overweight do experience various forms of discrimination, so it probably not your imagination. Your depression is normal because you are anxious to get the process started and the wait can be excruciating. I have a week until surgery and it seems like an eternity. Hang in there, it will all be worth it. You are worth it!

[Cookeeeeez 269]

Hey aumum!!! Maybe we can be global sleeve buddies!!!! I have to wait until June 2013 for my 12 month insurance too!

I'm having big problems somedays, and then feel fine others, but I keep telling myself even when I get sleeved it will still take time to lose the weight... So it's a long journey baby!

I think if you can find a therapist (psychologist or spiritual alternative) then it will help you cope with the big changes that are going to happen as you lose weight... My affirmation is "I feel safe to move in new directions".. I will part with the unhealthy eating habits and the fear of bullying, unacceptance, pain that comes with them...

God bless and keep you through these difficult times!

[just_kari 9]

I have struggled with depression on and off throughout my life. I really understand where you're coming from. Looks like we will be looking at the same window for surgery. I am expecting an early June date (I will be eligible before then but need to wait until I have the time off work). I'm looking forward to keeping in touch as we move closer to our surgery date

[Izuri 428]

I am sorry you're feeling so awful. I would be pissed if my sister did that to me. I don't have a sister, but I imagine I'd give myself a little break from her negative energy for a bit while I am getting myself back on my feet mentally.

I know what you mean about people treating you differently. I swear I have the superpower of invisibility most of the time. People look through me usually unless on the random occasion that they're saying something rude. I look forward to this eventually changing, but at the same time I wonder if I will feel any resentment. I hope by that point I will have mentally worked through that a little better. But you are worth the time for people to talk to and get to know! You have to try and remember, that it's their loss, not yours.

Have you talked to your husband about how you're feeling? Is he supportive of the surgery?

It's a totally personal decision, but I would pull the friend aside and have a heart to heart about how she treats you and how it makes you feel. If she doesn't change then she's not really a true friend. What's the point in having a friend that just pushes you even more down in the dumps? That's just my opinion though - and maybe part of why I don't have all that many close friends =p I'd rather be alone than in bad company.

Maybe make a calendar of when the surgery is and start crossing off days. 10 months will come sooner than you know it - I know, I know, everyone says that, but think of the past year....It flew by for me. And every day you get closer to the surgery is a victory for you. You are one day closer to making the change you need in your life.

In the mean time, make some changes that make you feel good. Make a point to get your nails done once a month or style your hair a new way. Try and start doing a pre-op diet and working out. Losing some pre-op will probably help your confidence and at the same time will decrease your surgical risks. Maybe get involved in the community if you have free time. Take up a hobby. Try new recipes - become the master of post-op recipes so you're totally prepared once you hit post-op.

Anyway, I'm really sorry that you're feeling awful. We all know how heavy obesity ends up weighing on our hearts and our minds. It's a dreadful thing, but even if those people at the store don't see you, we see you. You are worth our time, and we know that you are worth the time to feel better about yourself. It may not be the same person posting to your thread each time, but collectively, we're here for you =) I hope that you feel better and that you take the time to see yourself how we see you - as a great person stuck in a body that just doesn't want to cooperate.