Lot's Of Changes And Struggling To Help.

[Chris S 7]

My wife and I were both sleeved. We've had a lot of changes in our lives. Last October we became full time caretaker's to her parents when we moved them into our house in Alabama. A week prior to that we had a really bad car accident when a little girl (16 year old) decided to pull out in front of us. We walked away from that, but have a few underlying aches and pains as a result.

Taking care of my wife's parents proved to be too much for she and I to do alone so we've moved to Arizona. We have a daughter here and my wife has a couple of ineffective sisters nearby. My wife still works from home so her job transferred. Meanwhile, I'm getting ready to start a temp job in advance of a full time job on 10/1. I can't wait for that!

Here's the issue we're having. My weight has remained pretty stable. I hit a low of 167 and have rebounded a bit to 172. My body responds very well to hiking and other cardio type exercise. My wife has gained around 20 lbs since hitting her low. She still looks amazing, but her self esteem is taking a hit. She gets out and walks a couple times a day, but due to her parents is unable to do much else. Honestly, I just want her to love herself, but that's difficult. She's feeling like she has failed.

We have not found a doctor out here yet. We've had some recommendations but most are not on our insurance. Surprisingly the Phoenix area is still on the lap band bandwagon. I'm confused by that given the data that is out there.

At any rate, just a bit of a rant this morning. I'm just trying to get a grip on this.

[Need-a-Sleeve 211]

Have you explored options for placing her parents in a care facility nearby? Most families take in their parents due to lack of finances but there are other options--Medicaid assistance is one, group homes are another.

We would all love to care for our parents the way they cared for us but when it starts to affect our health, may need to look for other options.

[traceyinflorida 499]

Chris, what an emotional and stressful year you and your wife have had! My first thought is thank goodness you both are sleeved because without it would be so easy to slip back into old habits and gain a ton of weight with all you've had going on! The first thing I say to your wife (after sending a big hug) is you are NOT A FAILURE!! You have been dealing with so much, caring for your parents, moving, working. I imagine there is little time left to think of yourself. I have a husband who has muscular dystrophy and is confined to a wheelchair. He is completely dependent on me for everything and unfortunately we do not have any help on that end, so I am pretty much on call 24 hours a day. I have two teenagers who are very active in school and sports, so on that end we are very busy too. So I know all too well how easy it is to put everyone else and their needs first and forget or run out of energy to take care of yourself. That being said, it is important that she take care of herself. The weight gain, the stress etc are all taking an emotional toll on her that is not good for her, you or her parents. If I were talking to her, I would say cut yourself a break. It has been an emotional and stressful year and things have gotten off track for you. It happens, but now is time to start taking back CONTROL and taking care of you. Go back to basics of when you first started this journey with being sleeved. Start with the pre-op diet of Protein shakes, and one meal of lean Protein and veggies for two weeks. This will clear any sugar and carbs out so any cravings that are creeping back in will be eliminated. Go back to tracking what you are eating. Focus on eating Protein first, veggies second and sticking with only complex carbohydrates. You've done this once, you can do it again. Make time for yourself to excercise daily. You need it for the stress relief and some 'ME' time. If she cannot get out of the house long enough because of her parents, consider investing in some help if you can swing it, even if it's just hiring a neighbor to hang out at the house a few days a week for an hour while she exercises. Maybe her sisters can come for a couple hours, a few days a week. You mentioned they are ineffective (I am sure there is a whole story there) but maybe if they are asked to do one specific thing, for a specified period of time with a schedule you can all agree to, they can be of some help to you. Alternatively, you and she may need to work out a deal...she gets up early, gets to the gym or for a hike or ride before you go to work. Or you give her a chance to do what she needs after you get home. I feel for you guys. Things sound a bit overwhelming right now, to say the least. But now that you are getting settled, it is time to find a way to refocus some of your energy on taking care of each other. YOU BOTH CAN DO IT!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!