Telling Family

[Barisaxylady 154]

I feel like a big baby but I'm afraid to tell my mommy. I am totally into getting sleeved but I'm afraid that she is going to be dissapointed and/or try and talk me out of it. She has weight problems too and doesn't want to consider surgery. She won't even look into getting her knees done. I am 39 years old and I want to be able to go outside and play with my kids and fit on the roller coasters next summer. Should I tell her now or wait till afterward? She knows how to lay on a mean guilt trip. My sister is having some other medical issues and she won't tell our mother either and I know my mom is hurt by this. Any advice would be appreciated.

[traceyinflorida 499]

Your mother will be even more hurt if you do not tell her until afterward. The last people I wanted to tell were my parents. I was convinced they would be dead set against it and try to talk me out of it. I could just hear my dad saying, you have to just eat less and exercise more. (like after 20 plus years of battling my weight I did not already know this) I ended up telling my mom when I had a medical crisis. I had my first mammogram at age 44 and it came back with abnormalities. I was freaked out because I have been putting off my own health for so long and now I finally decide to start taking care of things and I get this! While I was crying on the phone with her, I decided I might as well confide it all in her and I told her about the pending surgery. I think she was so worried about consoling me on the other issue that she did not have a chance to over react to this news. In the end, after several nerve racking proceedures, all was fine on the breast end. But more importantly, my parents were surprisingly supportive about the surgery and insisted that I try to hurry up and get it done before they left to go back up north for the summer so they could be around to help.

I am not suggesting you have a different medical crisis in order to break the news to your mom (although it was very effective.. ) but I do suggest you find a way to tell her. Have your reasons and your research ready to go and shore up your resolve before going in. She may have objections and she will certainly have questions, so you need to be prepared to address them. Remember, at 39 you are an adult. Our parents have a way of making us forget that sometimes. Is your sister someone you have told and can confide in? If you have her support ahead of time, then you can at least turn to her to talk to if mom decides to pull the guilt trips on you. I hope she surprises you with support the way my parents did.

[Frza 194]

I put off telling my mom for as Lin as possible. When I did tell her she was VERY supportive, it shucked me. Telling her was almost like coming out of the closet. It was a huge relief and I'm so glad I told her. I realize not everyone will have such a positive experience but I think you'll feel better even if she isn't into the idea. Good luck!

[NDN_RN 527]

54 here. Not planning to tell my mom or dad. She is great and very protective, but very opinionated and controlling. I adore her at arms length because she has a way of saying hurtful things diguised in a joke or a " story". My dad will defend her no matter what. Over my lifetime i have had episodes of months and even years when we did not speak. She is nearly 76, and I don't want to go there again. So to answer your question, it depends on your personal relationship with her, what you feel comfortable with.

[prettysleeved1 173]

You're 39. If you don't want to tell her, don't tell her.

I didn't tell my folks. Don't plan on telling them either because....I'm an adult and I didn't need their permission nor endorsement.

[CNTWT2BMINIME 78]

I feel like a big baby but I'm afraid to tell my mommy. I am totally into getting sleeved but I'm afraid that she is going to be dissapointed and/or try and talk me out of it. She has weight problems too and doesn't want to consider surgery. She won't even look into getting her knees done. I am 39 years old and I want to be able to go outside and play with my kids and fit on the roller coasters next summer. Should I tell her now or wait till afterward? She knows how to lay on a mean guilt trip. My sister is having some other medical issues and she won't tell our mother either and I know my mom is hurt by this. Any advice would be appreciated.

I'm not telling either one of my parents.....syne after the surgery. I don't want them to try to talk me out of it OR worry about me. I told my two sisters and a handful of friends.

[LouiseC 1,031]

When I was reluctant to tell my parents a good friend asked me how I would feel if one of my children had major surgery and did not tell me. That was enough to give me pause to reconsider my decision. Then I told my parents. And my kids.

[Liamlover2011 66]

I was nervous to tell the few people I have told. I felt so relieved once I did and they have been so supportive. Good luck.

[notime 340]

I didn't tell my mother until several weeks after the surgery. It was not her decision to make.

[puppyphat 397]

I told my parents I was having the band, which I was, and they were very supportive. Then insurance knocked me back for the band, but I could still get the sleeve. When I told them about the stitch, they were dead against it, thought it was too drastic. A few days later, told them it had been a mistake, I was getting the band. I have been sleeved for a week. If they ever ask me which I have, I'll tell the truth, until then, there's no harm in them thinking I have the band.

[Kayargh 112]

I told my sister as we are very close- thinking that she would be there as a back up when I told my parents....instead her response was that she is against the surgery and infact did not even believe in it. All I had to do was stop being lazy and start walking. I was so disappointed. However being that she herself is around 90kg (close to 200 pounds) I have decided not to take too much notice of her opinion. My parents were unhappy about it, but said they would support me.....although they do tend to laugh at me asking "how on earth are you ever going to even get through the pre-op liquid? " and my personal favourite "I know you, you won't finish this, you won't stick to the pre-op diet an then you won't be able to get the surgery. Seems like a big waste of money to me"

But then I remember that I am a grown woman of 33, I know I can achieve this and clearly there was a bloody good reason I left home at 16!!! Lol.

[Barisaxylady 154]

My mom is also very opinionated and controlling. She runs away with everything, planning my wedding, toys and clothes for the kids... I am pretty sure I will tell her pre surgery but I want a date in hand so she knows I'm serious and it's not just a spur of the moment thing. Not looking forward to telling her at all but as many of you said, its my life. Just because she gave me life doesnt mean she gets to run it.

Not too long after I got married she showed up unannounced at my house (she lives over an hour away so it only happened once) and she saw our motorcycles in the driveway. I get the phone call "since when do you have a motorcycle?" I simply said, since I am married, have my own home, have a job and pay my own bills. That was the end of that. I will have to put the same big girl panties on and just put it out there.

Thanks again all.

[gustavo52974 369]

I didn't tell my mother or any of my family. They're judgmental and vain people and I don't need their poison.

[Red_Charms09 102]

Wow, my mom and sisters are 100% supportive of my WLS because they had surgery lol but grandma doesn't know she'll tell the own town.

[iggychic 1,405]

I would wait to tell her until you are nearly at your date...ie mom on Thursday I'm going in for surgery, but if you care for her at all do tell her. While its rare, this is major surgery and anyone of us has a chance of dying on the table. To not have told my mother that and have her find out...that would be cruel. I only say this because while I can tell she exasperates you, I also heard in your words about your sister that her being hurt bothered you.