What Do You Tell People?

[Raven21 121]

It's no one's business but my own and if people push me, which they will, I'm saying I had ulcer surgery which made it tough to eat so now I'm making the most of it with diet and exercise. I don't consider anyone a "liar" because they prefer to keep their personal life personal! I would rather tell them it's none of their damn business, but...

If people do think I'm lying, or suspect I had surgery, I don't really give a ****! I'm telling my husband, my two best friends, and probably my parents and sister. Not sure about my kids. I feel like a failure for not being strong enough to do this on my own and I'd rather they didn't see that side of me.

And no, I don't need any advice on whether or not this is the right way to handle it. Only I know what's best for my life, as does everyone else here for themselves. Let's try not to judge others on what they feel is best for them.

This is hard enough to do without worrying about what others think. If you're worried, like I am, don't tell them! You don't owe anyone any explanations and are totally justified in saying whatever works to make YOU comfortable.

[gustavo52974 369]

No, I understand that ... but my question was, if I don't tell people about my eye surgery, and now I can see fantastic, you are saying that is an ommission of the truth and a loss of integrity?

That my shoulder surgery should be mentioned before I play tennis because my serve is not like it was before. I had surgery which made it better.

The sleeve is not solely responsible for my weight loss. It is a tool that assists me to do exactly what I am telling people who feel it is OK to inquire about something I consider personal.

Now, if I said smaller portions and exercise and they followed up with, "And that's it?", then you cross into the area of integrity by ommission or telling them something else, I think. But I am not going to explain every tool that I use in my life to get by day to day. As I said, if you feel you do, then God bless you, but it kind of feels like you are getting on a soap box here.

Are you reading my posts? I'm not the one who said he/she had integrity because they don't lie!!! I DON'T THINK INTEGRITY HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU TELL PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR SURGERY. Do you still not understand? Am I speaking into a vacuum?

[PdxMan 4,292]

You're obviously missing my point, which is: don't claim to not lie because you have integrity and then intentionally omit the fact that you had surgery when you tell people you just diet and exercise. A lie of omission is still a lie.

... Just don't think you're keeping your integrity unblemished because you think you're not lying when you're clearly omitting some of the truth. I'll say it again, a lie of omission is still a lie.

... John leaves out part of the truth to intentionally mislead. This is a lie of omission. A lie of omission is still a lie. Therefore John is lying. Moreover, John can no longer claim he has integrity.

I'm summarizing your quote. I hope I don't take anything out of context. Please correct me if it do.

Also know that I am not angry, upset or anything. Just having an exchange of ideas here, so let's not get heated.

Might be a good time to mention THIS article again.

As far as speaking into a vaccuum, I used to be a Hoover, for sure, but not anymore! (get it ... Hoover ... )

But I interpret your posts as saying if I do not also mention that I had surgery to aid in my eating less and being able to exercise, than I am ommitting the truth which, is lying, therefore affecting my integrity.

If this is not your intention, then I am misinterpreting your posts for sure.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

I think on he integrity issue it's totally situational. If you say smaller portions & exercise and they accept that everybody moves on and is fine. However same scenario and they respond with " I wish I had the strength to do that" or "I wish that was enough for me". Then I think it would be an integrity issue to not tell them the rest.

[Ryokokitty 26]

I think its a personal choice. If you don't want to share, that's your call. My choice was hard because I knew I was going to get some negative reactions among the positive. I chose to start a blog at first for myself as a personal journal and told no one else about it. I then decided to tell everyone and explain in my own way how I felt. I don't mind talking about it and I don't care if they think its the easy way out. If the end result is that I'm happy and healthy, who cares how I did it? Its definitely not easy, and I tell them so.

When I took the Options class, one of the things the instructor said was to be a hero. He said that I should talk about my weight loss surgery and struggles with weight to inspire others. When my friends ask me questions, they are genuinely interested in what's happening to me so I don't mind talking about it. I've inspired a few of them to get back to working out, buying equipment and joining a gym. In a way, it puts the pressure on me to keep to my workout regimen. I want to show them that I'm working hard, that there's no easy way out about this at all.

[LeaveItToSleever 80]

I'm sick to death of the tell vs. don't tell argument. I don't care what anyone else does, WHY in the world does anyone care what I do?

And for the record, I am even MORE sick of the condescending explanations of what words and concepts mean, as if readers who have different opinions are imbeciles who just didn't grasp the point.

[DanaInNewOrleans 513]

One of the greatest things that this surgery has taught me so far (post op almost 5 mos) is that no one should ever have to care what others think. For the year prior to surgery I only told close family and a couple friends because I didn't want people to talk me down the entire time. But while I was in the hospital recovering I came out of the closet on Facebook and it was def a positive response. I'm sure there's people that disagreed, but they didn't say anything outright. It is totally up to you when and what to disclose and I know that as you lose more weight your confidence is going to shoot right up and pretty soon you're not going to care if people think what you did was right or not.

The only problem I see happening with telling people that you're losing via diet and exercise, is that they will see the great results and start asking for specifics of what your doing for advice. So just be prepared. Congratulations on the surgery and the start of your new life!

You know what cracks me up about all the people who are negative about bariatric surgery? Apparently they think it would be better for us to stay morbidly obese living a half and ruining our health. It defies logic.

Ok. i just decided what I will tell people if they have anything negative to say... Those two sentences above this one!

[Nurseypoo 7]

You know what cracks me up about all the people who are negative about bariatric surgery? Apparently they think it would be better for us to stay morbidly obese living a half and ruining our health. It defies logic.

Ok. i just decided what I will tell people if they have anything negative to say... Those two sentences above this one!

I think you're right, but if you think about it, the people who say negative things about the surgery are naive, and probably were being condescending about us anyways for not being healthy and overweight. So when we do something to change that, because it isn't the way they think we should "get healthy" then it's the wrong way. I don't think anyone will ever win with people like that. Ignorance.

[sramos89 260]

I was thinking about not telling people either, but now that I am aware of how I will be eating, I have been recalling lunch meetings with certain skinny friends and wondering if they had wls. After fighting my weight my entire life when I ask someone how they are losing weight, I mean it! I am not asking to get into there personal business, I am asking because I have what I feel to be a "uncontrolled self-inflicted disease" and if someone has found a way that I have not tried and they care about me, they will share it with me.

[Renea77 84]

I feel it's a personal choice, if you want to share, then share if that's not what you want to do, don't share. Just because someone asks you a question or you think people want to know what you are losing doesn't mean you have to tell them, you can always smile politely and say what prompted you to ask?

I have found that the people I work and see daily don't really notice, I find those I don't see often have noticed and commented on my weight loss and it has been positive.

[Lyra 43]

I told some of my coworkers, but not all of them. When my weight loss became apparent I told them I had a 'lifestyle change'. That I cut out the carbs, sugar, fat, meat, etc and ate fish and lots of veggies and that I exercised a lot. The important thing is to not let people bully you into telling them. I've kept to my guns about my 'lifestyle change' (because it's actually the truth...more or less, ya know?) and eventually they stopped asking and I now just get a thumbs up when they see me.

[deb_fox 42]

I am not the type of person that asks personal questions of people, so I am alway's amazed by the questions people will ask. It is nobody's business. If I see someone has lost weight and looks good, I tell them that they look good and leave it at that.

[ToDream 18]

I am getting closer to 1.5 yrs out. Very very very few people at work know I had WLS, all of my family and close friends do though. My family/friends are all on board and frankly some are thinking about doing it for themselves! The thing is, since my surgery I have changed branches/provinces ... so no one in the new branch at work knows my new weight is actually NEW since they've only seen me at THIS weight.

But I have a bad habit. I get PISSED when people that clearly have not had weight issues make comments about how other's eat/their weight/etc.... and start to get annoyed quickly and comment how regardless of their diet, its no one's business how they are as a PERSON/MANAGER... etc... they have NOTHING to do with each other. It really makes me MAD when people in my office do that and I'm not quiet about it either.

My weight is MY business. If I chose to tell someone about m WLS, then I will. Mostly I will tell others that struggle with their weight but even then, its a slippery slope. You don't want to offend. In their place, I would be so seriously embarrassed if someone brought up my weight. As much as I want to help those people, I know who might actually benefit from a life changing surgery such as this... its certainly NOT for the faint of heart.

[ldydrgnkpr 49]

I told those who mattered. However upon my return to work everyone noticed I dropped 20 pounds and it was noticeable. Now I have had three friends that I work with have the surgery and three more investigating. So if anyone asks me I tell them the truth. When all of the obese ladies I work with are getting thin rather quickly it is easier to tell them what I did to lose weight. However when they inquire about my friends I tell them why don't you ask them. I haven't had any negativity from anyone. It is a personal preference to tell or not to tell.

Deb

[Man Sleeved 21]

I'm a weird place because I work in my local ER as an RN. I know all the Dr's and Nurses there. If something ever happened to me these are the people I want knowing the truth so I don't get steroids, NSAIDS, inappropriate treatment/diagnosis', etc. Also they have all seen me diet and diet and try everything. I have had a couple coworkers attempt to talk me out of it but for the most part all have been happy for me. After I had surgery a week ago the outpouring of support has been humbling and alot of co workers who have had wls have come out of the woodwork to encourage me. Bottom line: I weighed the pros and cons and have accepted responsibility for possible complications and my own compliance and I am proud of my decision and investment in myself, if they don't like it, that's fine. They can kiss my (soon to be smaller) @$$. Lol