What Do You Tell People?

[gustavo52974 369]

Look, I normally don't like to lie either. But I do get tired of people's inappropriate curiosity. And I really don't see the difference between lying and prevarication ("I've changed my eating habits" or "I've started exercising" without mentioning surgery). Look up prevarication in a thesaurus: it's synonymous with lying. And a lie of omission is still a lie.

Additionally, I don't think it's about integrity. I think it's about not being anyone's business. You can't claim you have integrity because you don't think you're lying when instead you obfuscate or circumvent the truth. And if you think you avoid abandoning your integrity by not mentioning the surgery when asked about your weight loss, then your understanding of integrity is woefully misinformed. You can't abandon your integrity when it becomes inconvenient or it ceases to be integrity.

It's also not about negative comments or nay sayers. It's about what I'm comfortable sharing with people. I couldn't give a fig about what other people think. But I'm not comfortable telling everyone I meet that I just had surgery. As mentioned earlier by others, not everyone wants to hear about surgery in polite conversation. And I don't think this surgery is for everyone, so I'm not going to preach about it.

[MoreganK 164]

I knew at my office, that there was no way it was going to be a secret, because I had to tell my manager (and she was part of why I had sleeve surgery, she had it done) and one of my co-workers. And I have another team I support, who my leave was going to affect, so they found out... and I knew it was pointless. So if someone in my office asks, I tell them. As far as outside the office, I have told a few friends, and of course my family. As far as distant people I know, or strangers... I just say I've been working hard at it.

I do like the idea of telling people that its a doctor supervised calorie restricted diet and exercise... thats not a lie, thats the truth!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I think I want VST business cards with my Screen name on them so I can just hand them to people that ask. That way I can just hand them one & say this will explain everything.

I guess that means I would have to finish filling out my profile though.

Hilarious idea. I may have to steal it. Or get a t-shirt made. Something.....

[Butterthebean 8,146]

?.... I guess I feel like its my opportunity to help educate people regarding WLS...in the hopes of eliminating some of the stigma that still seems to be attached to it.

I feel the exact same way. I hate hate hate the stigma. If we were having knee surgery this question would not even be an issue.

So many people do not understand.

We need to have an annual WLS parade. If we have it soon, I could still be a float. If we wait too much longer I'll be too skinny.

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

I have family that pushing me to take Phetermine even tho I have high blood pressure and it made my bp sky rocket when I tried it. They said " keep taking it, you need to lose the weight to be healthy" It also caused insomnia and I was not myself.

Then I decide on wls and those family members only have negative things to say, sometimes you just can't win with people.

[Wheetsin 714]

This is tough. When I had my lapband (2006) I was open about it. I didn't lie, but I didn't advertise it either. If someone asked what I was doing, I'd tell them about the band. But I didn't walk around bragging, if that makes sense.

Right now, 4 people know my band has been removed and that I have the sleeve. My parents, husband, and one close friend. Most people know I had surgery "around my esophagus" that required a graduated eating program (for recovery), and am now losing weight. I would assume they're drawing the conclusion that something related to the surgery prevented my band from working, and now it is working again and I am losing weight. A few ppl I even told that my band had to be unfilled for the procedure (true), and now things were back in working order (true).

I know that's a slightly different situation than having no prior WLS. If the sleeve had been what popped my WLS cherry, I'd probably generically tell people something like I was just watching what I ate, trying to eat high Protein and low carb, exercise, and throw in something like, "It's working really well! I should have done this 5 years ago!"

If I was with someone who specifically questioned my portions, I would probably say something like, "Yeah - I'm doing that to help my metabolism. This is all I'm going to have for lunch, but in 2 hours I'll be having another snack. Many small meals spread out during the day."

Both scenarios are accurate, just omitting key details. I'm not really one to get hung up on whether or not I'm lying to someone. If I feel like I have to lie to be comfortable, then it's a question you really shouldn't have asked in the first place. So all the "Oooh, you're a liar..." people - whatever. We've all said our day was fine when it wasn't. I have no problems with omission in the case of private medical affairs.

I have only told my family and two friends (not even my Bff's) about the surgery. And I think part of me was thinking I could have it done and lose weight without anyone really asking questions. Now that I am 3 weeks out and already down 20 lbs since surgery (31 total) I know people are going to start asking. So my question is what do say to people that you don't necessarily want to know that had surgery???

[Des0520 28]

I just say I have a thumb stomach. If they don't get it I hold up my fist one one hand and say this is yours, then hold up my thumb from my other hand and say this is mine. I love the stumped looks. Eventually they get it. I don't mind telling anyone about my surgery though, I've talked to many people I know that are considering it and so I'm open and honest with them. I'm not ashamed of it and I know there is a stigma attached, but I know the reasons that lead to me having it and what I did before hand to lose it on my own. So if people want to judge that's on them and Karma will find them.

[DanaInNewOrleans 513]

I think I want VST business cards with my Screen name on them so I can just hand them to people that ask. That way I can just hand them one & say this will explain everything.

I guess that means I would have to finish filling out my profile though.

This is actually a good idea! I mean, you know people are going to plead for the secret!! It would be cute to make it a little lighthearted to hand them the card and then whisper..." this is my secret but don't tell anyone....."

[PdxMan 4,292]

Look, I normally don't like to lie either. But I do get tired of people's inappropriate curiosity. And I really don't see the difference between lying and prevarication ("I've changed my eating habits" or "I've started exercising" without mentioning surgery). Look up prevarication in a thesaurus: it's synonymous with lying. And a lie of omission is still a lie.

Additionally, I don't think it's about integrity. I think it's about not being anyone's business. You can't claim you have integrity because you don't think you're lying when instead you obfuscate or circumvent the truth. And if you think you avoid abandoning your integrity by not mentioning the surgery when asked about your weight loss, then your understanding of integrity is woefully misinformed. You can't abandon your integrity when it becomes inconvenient or it ceases to be integrity.

It's also not about negative comments or nay sayers. It's about what I'm comfortable sharing with people. I couldn't give a fig about what other people think. But I'm not comfortable telling everyone I meet that I just had surgery. As mentioned earlier by others, not everyone wants to hear about surgery in polite conversation. And I don't think this surgery is for everyone, so I'm not going to preach about it.

Maybe I'm just thick, but I'm not exactly sure how to interpret your post.

So, if someone comes up to me and says, "You look great, how did you do it?", if I don't tell them I had surgery, then I have no integrity?

I had lasik surgery 10+ years ago ... about a week ago, I'm at the swimming pool and someone comments to myself and another person what a beautiful sunset it was. I agree, but the other person says that he can't really tell because he doesn't have his glasses on. So then, I am obligated to tell him that I had surgery on my eyes and that is why I can see the sunset without using eyeglasses? Is that true?

I am a tennis player and my serve was suffering from shoulder pain. I had surgery to remove a quarter inch piece of bone which did the trick. After healing, my serve was smoking fast and far more accurate. After each ace, does my integrity suffer because I don't explain that I had surgery?

Prevarication is to intentially mislead ... is that what we are doing?

A co-worker approached me about my weight loss because she was concerned about my health. We had recently had another co-worker leave work because of cancer and the treatments were not allowing her to continue. I think she had a valid reason to ask me and I responded the way I mentioned above. Again, she agreed and was happy that I was healthy.

Now prior, I had neighbors ask me and I told them the truth. I was then drilled as to why I can't do it on my own ... don't I have any willpower ... haven't I ever watched biggest loser ...

It is what I am comfortable with and that is all that matters. Everyone should do what they feel is right and not feel obligated to be the WLS poster child if that is not what they are comfortable with.

If that is your thing, then go for it. More power to you. Seriously.

** edit **

Now, if someone came up to me and told me they were needing help with weight loss or related issues, or wanted me to help them do what I did, then no doubt, I would tell them my story. But until then ...

[Nurseypoo 7]

One of the greatest things that this surgery has taught me so far (post op almost 5 mos) is that no one should ever have to care what others think. For the year prior to surgery I only told close family and a couple friends because I didn't want people to talk me down the entire time. But while I was in the hospital recovering I came out of the closet on Facebook and it was def a positive response. I'm sure there's people that disagreed, but they didn't say anything outright. It is totally up to you when and what to disclose and I know that as you lose more weight your confidence is going to shoot right up and pretty soon you're not going to care if people think what you did was right or not.

The only problem I see happening with telling people that you're losing via diet and exercise, is that they will see the great results and start asking for specifics of what your doing for advice. So just be prepared. Congratulations on the surgery and the start of your new life!

[gustavo52974 369]

Maybe I'm just thick, but I'm not exactly sure how to interpret your post.

So, if someone comes up to me and says, "You look great, how did you do it?", if I don't tell them I had surgery, then I have no integrity?

I had lasik surgery 10+ years ago ... about a week ago, I'm at the swimming pool and someone comments to myself and another person what a beautiful sunset it was. I agree, but the other person says that he can't really tell because he doesn't have his glasses on. So then, I am obligated to tell him that I had surgery on my eyes and that is why I can see the sunset without using eyeglasses? Is that true?

I am a tennis player and my serve was suffering from shoulder pain. I had surgery to remove a quarter inch piece of bone which did the trick. After healing, my serve was smoking fast and far more accurate. After each ace, does my integrity suffer because I don't explain that I had surgery?

Prevarication is to intentially mislead ... is that what we are doing?

A co-worker approached me about my weight loss because she was concerned about my health. We had recently had another co-worker leave work because of cancer and the treatments were not allowing her to continue. I think she had a valid reason to ask me and I responded the way I mentioned above. Again, she agreed and was happy that I was healthy.

Now prior, I had neighbors ask me and I told them the truth. I was then drilled as to why I can't do it on my own ... don't I have any willpower ... haven't I ever watched biggest loser ...

It is what I am comfortable with and that is all that matters. Everyone should do what they feel is right and not feel obligated to be the WLS poster child if that is not what they are comfortable with.

If that is your thing, then go for it. More power to you. Seriously.

You're obviously missing my point, which is: don't claim to not lie because you have integrity and then intentionally omit the fact that you had surgery when you tell people you just diet and exercise. A lie of omission is still a lie.

I believe you should tell people whatever you want to tell them. Lie or don't lie, whatever. I don't think it has anything to do with integrity. Just don't think you're keeping your integrity unblemished because you think you're not lying when you're clearly omitting some of the truth. I'll say it again, a lie of omission is still a lie.

I'll break it down simply. John believes he has integrity because he doesn't lie. A lie of omission is still a lie. John leaves out part of the truth to intentionally mislead. This is a lie of omission. A lie of omission is still a lie. Therefore John is lying. Moreover, John can no longer claim he has integrity.

I'm not saying that people who lie or leave out part of the truth has no integrity. I wasn't the one who made this claim. I just responded to it because it was illogical.

I just don't like people getting on their high horse based on a logical fallacy.

[gustavo52974 369]

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[Butterthebean 8,146]

I want to stand up and be counted as one of those people who USED to criticize others for not being honest and open about surgery. Yes, I was a judgmental jerk. I've read so many posts on this forum by people who could not tell their family, friends, parents...even their spouse about the surgery because they didn't want to hear the negativity or criticism. I used to think those people were weak, but not anymore. I know now that those people are strong, because they had the surgery anyway. They did what they had to do to be happy and healthy. No one can do more than that.

Have the surgery. Lose the weight. Save your own life. Whether you tell or not, you will live a better life.

[PdxMan 4,292]

No, I understand that ... but my question was, if I don't tell people about my eye surgery, and now I can see fantastic, you are saying that is an ommission of the truth and a loss of integrity?

That my shoulder surgery should be mentioned before I play tennis because my serve is not like it was before. I had surgery which made it better.

The sleeve is not solely responsible for my weight loss. It is a tool that assists me to do exactly what I am telling people who feel it is OK to inquire about something I consider personal.

Now, if I said smaller portions and exercise and they followed up with, "And that's it?", then you cross into the area of integrity by ommission or telling them something else, I think. But I am not going to explain every tool that I use in my life to get by day to day. As I said, if you feel you do, then God bless you, but it kind of feels like you are getting on a soap box here.

[SpecialK1960 252]

I have been pretty open to anyone that matters. If it is just someone in passing, that you do not want to go into a long conversation with - tell them the truth: "massive lifestyle change, eating less and taking better care of myself." People that are closer to you or when you have more time, tell them all the details.

I am not ashamed of it. I was of being so big, though. I'd rather be thin and talk about VSG than be big and talk about the weather...