What Was Your Final "straw That Broke The Camels Back"

[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

Aww thank you @@Applebootom9 i really appreciate that.

Actually writing that out and having that cry was quite therapeutic.. it reminded me why i want to go back to being healthy and slim and what i do not want to be anymore.

Well, i am getting there.. 28 down and only 57 pounds to go till goal!!

[Applebootom9 164]

Aww thank you @@Applebootom9 i really appreciate that.

Actually writing that out and having that cry was quite therapeutic.. it reminded me why i want to go back to being healthy and slim and what i do not want to be anymore.

Well, i am getting there.. 28 down and only 57 pounds to go till goal!!

Woohoo!

[wfhmomtx 4]

Surgery scheduled for 29th. Excited and scared.

I found a few old journals when cleaning out a cabinet. Reading them again, I realized that it's been 30 years of fighting this weight--lose 20 pounds, put it right back on, lose 30, gain it back, etc. Made me angry and sad--what a waste of time and energy, when I could be living the life I really want. When I told my husband, he just calmly looked at me and asked, "So are you ready to win the fight?" We started serious research, and now I'm a couple of weeks away.

I've watched my mom struggle to walk, breathe, and get comfortable. I refuse that future.

So let's get this done.

[RonnieRab 31]

My final moment when i decided to do something was after i gained weight after being at goal for 6 years and having my band removed, hence gained weight.

I was standing in front of a full length mirror... i looked at myself and my body and actually thought i was ugly... i realised at that moment that i no longer loved myself.... i was critical of every feature.

I would look at my face and think i was no longer pretty

I would look at my stomach and sigh in disgust

I would decline catching up with friends because i did not want them to see what i had become

I stopped going out and doing things i enjoyed out of fear of judgement

I stopped doing my hair, nails and make up because i thought it was no use

I didn't participate in life anymore because i felt i had no life in me left

I hated that i had come so far only to go back to where i started

I felt no one would love me

I thought i would die alone as no one could love me.

Omg i am actually in tears...

But thank god i woke up... i did this because i love me... i am beautiful inside and out, i am a good person, i am intelligent, kind, honest, thoughtful, and have so many good qualities.

Yes, i am unhappy about the outside, but the inside is good .. i just needed to do this because i did not love me anymore.... and no clothing tag size or number on the scale could fix that.

Im sorry, i am just really emotional right now.... this is the first time i have ever said these things out loud...

You are on the right path. Keep moving forward one step at a time.

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[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

@@RonnieRab

Thank you... i was having a bit of a "moment" i appreciate your support.

You would think this being my 2nd time around it would be easier... but its not... the emotional issues i had dealt with when i lost all the weight initially all came back.

Just goes to show that this is not a cure... its something that needs to be worked on for life...

I went shopping today... and the self loathing came rearing its ugly head... i have lost weight, am looking better, but obviously my brain has other ideas... i went into the change room and tried on some clothes.

The clothes i grabbed were way to big... hence looked horrible. . Instantly my reaction was to blame my body not the clothes... not the fact that my brain hasn't caught up... argh...

[Applebootom9 164]

@, keep your head up and start reading positive affirmations to build your self esteem. Maybe you have a favorite poet or female personality that you enjoy listening to ie.. Fran Drescher, Suze Orman, Maya Angelou-Phenomenal Woman. I found this one here:www.omharmonics.com/blog/affirmations-for-women this is just a piece of the affirmation from this page check it out. hope it helps. Keep in mind your not alone a lot of us are going through the same changes just like you. Keep up the good work.

Affirmations for Women

• I am the co-creator of my life.
• I accept responsibility for my life.
• I am strong, beautiful, graceful and elegant
• I set healthy boundaries that honor my values and truth
• I am worthy of love, respect, success, wealth, health and happiness
• I am surrounded by beauty, peace and love
• I am resilient, flexible and adaptable
• I am as yielding and as powerfully unstoppable as Water

[RonnieRab 31]

@@RonnieRab

Thank you... i was having a bit of a "moment" i appreciate your support.

You would think this being my 2nd time around it would be easier... but its not... the emotional issues i had dealt with when i lost all the weight initially all came back.

Just goes to show that this is not a cure... its something that needs to be worked on for life...

I went shopping today... and the self loathing came rearing its ugly head... i have lost weight, am looking better, but obviously my brain has other ideas... i went into the change room and tried on some clothes.

The clothes i grabbed were way to big... hence looked horrible. . Instantly my reaction was to blame my body not the clothes... not the fact that my brain hasn't caught up... argh...

I watch a lot of wl YouTube videos. One girl I love to watch, Clusie L, recommended checking yourself out in the mirror alot. It helps your brain take in and understand that you are physically changing. It probably makes more sense to do it at home where no one else is looking at you funny because you're staring at yourself. Always catch a glimpse of yourself in reflections out in public also. You will start to realize that your brain is making the connection and always tell yourself positive things.

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[RonnieRab 31]

@, keep your head up and start reading positive affirmations to build your self esteem. Maybe you have a favorite poet or female personality that you enjoy listening to ie.. Fran Drescher, Suze Orman, Maya Angelou-Phenomenal Woman. I found this one here:www.omharmonics.com/blog/affirmations-for-women this is just a piece of the affirmation from this page check it out. hope it helps. Keep in mind your not alone a lot of us are going through the same changes just like you. Keep up the good work.

Affirmations for Women

• I am the co-creator of my life.
• I accept responsibility for my life.
• I am strong, beautiful, graceful and elegant
• I set healthy boundaries that honor my values and truth
• I am worthy of love, respect, success, wealth, health and happiness
• I am surrounded by beauty, peace and love
• I am resilient, flexible and adaptable
• I am as yielding and as powerfully unstoppable as Water

Thank you! This is helpful for me too. I never feel like I'm saying anything good to myself.

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[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

See... this is the strange thing with me.... i lost all my weight with my band... got to goal.. had the "i see myself as bigger than what i really am" phase.... my brain finally caught up and i knew i was slim and everything was normal and in proportion.

Fast forward removed the band, gained weight quickly over 12 months... and my brain thought i was thinner than what i was....

Now that i am sleeved and losing... my brain thinks i am bigger than what i am...

So it funny how your brain creates an illusion to what you really look like. Now i try to get family members to point out people who are a similar build, so i can get it right in my head.

Its amazing how your mind plays tricks on you.

You would think after going through the process, all the head stuff would be easier to recognize and deal with.... but nope!

Edited June 17, 2016 by AussieGirl81

[Applebootom9 164]

@@RonnieRab, Thank you I like that idea.

[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

@@RonnieRab

Hehe i always weigh myself just before my morning shower.... I'm always nekked and do a quick once over hehehe

I watched all of clusies videos when i was pre op....

I actually took half nekked pics the night before my surgery... my 8th week is next week so it might be time for an updated one.

Somehow i don't think ill be posting them on here though hahahaha i don't want to scare the little child lol

[Deborah Bennett 81]

After after back surgery 13 years, and 3 knee surgeries. I been trying to lose my weight and keep it off so much of my adult life. Recently again I been going through back injections for pain in my back. My Dr., whom I've been with for about 25years, and I came to this decision. My husband is 8 years older and we do not have children. The thought that I wouldn't be able to do things by myself if something happened to him really made the final decision. He is with me every apt. Thank god for making this gift possible.

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[Eustacia Vye 12]

At age 21, I was 5'2 and weighted 140 pounds. In the next 7 years, I gained another 60 pounds, I lost my will to live, got in to severe depression and there would be days when i wouldn't even bother to brush my hair. My younger sister took care of me as if I were her baby. People who looked up to me for my sense of style or fashion choice would comment on how i had let myself go. I wasn't as big as some other people I came across but my health issues were pretty much damaging me internally. I couldn't fit in to anything and no matter how much I dieted, the weight came back. In the last three years, I became insulin resistant, pre diabetic and developed the periodontal disease. I also hadn't had my period for over two years regardless of how many times I was put on promethium and Metaformin.

When my skin color started changing due to the over production of melanin in my body and my doctor told me I could save my teeth for 10 more years maximum unless I had a surgery for 7000 dollars, I figured it was best to take care of the root of the problem rather than that. Imagine being told you will have to wear dentures in ten years at the age of 28..

I did it. I booked my appointment, spoke to the only person who supported me, ignored everyone else and got the surgery done in Mexico. I didn't show it but I was scared as hell. I knew things were going down hell anyways so whatever risk I was going to take was inenvitable. At the end, the surgery wasn't bad at all. A piece of cake in comparison to the emotional pain I had been going through all these years.

Edited June 20, 2016 by Eustacia Vye

[chavonjb 24]

When my thighs was too big to close roller coaster bar

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[biginjapan 647]

Wow - I've been reading a lot of these stories and some reasons are familiar, but even the ones that aren't really resonate with me.

For most of life - from my teens to my early 30s, my weight went back and forth over the years and I usually ranged from a size 10 to 14/16. Not obese, but always overweight. But I was an active overweight person, and I felt much healthier than many of my skinny friends who did not exercise and ate junk all the time. I did hit a healthy BMI when I was 24 from all the dancing I was doing, but knee problems forced me to quit and the weight slowly crept up. I did manage to stay under 200 pounds until about 8 years ago the weight started to pile on and nothing I did would last long. WW, Southbeach diet, etc worked for a while, then I would stall and the weight would come back + more. I was depressed and the weight gain just made the depression worse. I remember my personal trainer talking to me about what I needed to do if I was serious about losing weight and I walked out on her - I was angry that she thought I wasn't doing my best, but at the same time I didn't want her to see me break down in tears. I never went back.

Like many people here, I had a lot of "well, I'll never let myself get to _____ weight," but it has happened time and again. The first WGD (weight gain defeat) was hitting 200 lbs. Around the same time, realising that I had stop fighting myself in the regular stores - the size 18s were barely fitting, and department stores like Sears had nothing I wanted to wear - and walking into a dedicated plus-size store for the first time. Walking from the parking lot into the store was really embarrassing, but once I was inside I was surrounded by clothes that fit and very positive people around me. Then I hit 220. Then 250. Now I'm fluctuating but hitting a high of 275. Over the past 10 years I have gained, with consistency, 10-15 pounds a year and nothing I do seems to stop it. My overall activity and eating patterns haven't changed (except when I try a new diet or exercise). I don't drink alcohol or any carbonated beverages anymore, no junk food other than chocolate (!), and I still get over 10,000 steps a day.

I had a couple of minor health problems last year that really reduced my ability to move and exercise, which is why I've gained so much in the last year (at least 20lbs). At the time I realised that I have no one to help me. I'm single and live alone. Most of my family and close friends are 1000's of miles away. I thought about "what if I die here" (in case of a worse case scenario - some recent events that happened to other people made me more aware) - because being an expat means you can't rely on what you know from home - and realised that it would be much cheaper for my family to cremate me, rather than to have my body flown home (airlines charge by the kilo). But even then, there was no "straw" that broke the camel's back. I woke up one morning, decided to (randomly) research weight loss surgery in Japan, came across a post from this site, and I haven't looked back since.

Maybe my brain, my subconscious, whatever, was quietly making a list of problems that I just couldn't ignore, so that when I woke up that morning about 6 weeks ago, it knew that I needed to start making some real changes in my life and that this would be the best way to do it. Now that I've decided to do it, this surgery, this new life plan, has become my new obsession. It's the most positive thing that has happened to me in a while, and I really hope it works out!

None of these is the straw, but they've all contributed:

• Living in a country where absolutely no clothes fit me (I don't even know where obese Japanese women get their clothes - I have a feeling quite a few make them)
• As a result of the above, spending a ton of money on online shopping and shipping, knowing that it's not worth returning if it doesn't fit, and having to make do with what comes
• Also because of the above, spending a lot of time looking for stores with plus-size sections when I do travel abroad because I need clothes - bottoms fall apart in the heat and humidity here, and tops seem to shrink with time
• Worrying about fitting into plane and train seats when I travel
• Having to bring extra clothes when I travel in case things (especially pants) get ruined by the dreaded chub rub
• Having to deal with extra heavy or larger suitcases because of my bigger clothes
• Having 90% of my shoes not fit anymore because of the weight gain and edema (especially in the summer)
• The looks I get from people all the time. It's not disgust, more like amazement - how can somebody be that big? She must eat 24/7!
• The fact that people feel they can comment on my weight at any time - from my little nephew asking me why I was so fat, to a Buddhist monk in Burma commenting on my need to exercise more and eat less (!). I'll never see the monk again but I hope the next time I see my nephew he won't even remember asking me that question.
• My brother laughing at me when we Skyped over Christmas. He hadn't seen me for a few years and he had no problems making me feel humiliated when I was already so depressed. His "just eat one meal a day like I do" didn't help either
• Friends "forgetting" about me - I get a lot of excuses when I ask people to do things, but they never get back to me about getting together when a time is convenient for them
• Still single. I've accepted that part of my life but I also want a chance of happiness with someone. That will never happen while I'm in the obese part of the BMI. The only time men seem interested me is when I weigh less than 150 pounds, and it's been a long a time since I was that low.
• Realising that, over the past 6 years, I have missed 2 family reunions and have avoided visiting friends from a thinner time in my life because I don't want to see the look of shock on their faces when they see the current me. Every time I see that look (like "what the he!! happened!") it's just so depressing
• Also realising that I keep postponing trips and activities I want to do because I know my weight will either prevent me from doing all that I want, or will really get in the way
• Looking at photos of myself with my students or other people and realising I am more than double their width
• Hitting 275. That's a big blow and I definitely do not, cannot, will not hit 300.