Screw It! I'm Ready For This!

[DanaInNewOrleans 513]

Hi,

I read a post on here the other day that summed up my life and feelings about doing this. I'm pre-op but would have never considered this just a few years ago. Fear of surgery I guess. I wish I could remember the posters name because it made an impact on me. Being fat has stolen my life. And I mean that literally. EVERY single choice I've made for 30 years has been influenced by fat. High School, college, career, hobbies, sports, dates, clothes, vacations, love/hate food, relationships...EVERYTHING. Every single thought I have is filtered through fat and self loathing. I go to sleep with thoughts of being fat. I worry if I die they will find my fat ass and the medics, coroner would have to lift my fat ass. I think about how humiliating that would be --- I can even be humiliated DEAD. I AM DONE WITH THAT. I am 49 years old -- I want to LIVE my life, not just exist and watch everybody else LIVING. Screw it! If I die during surgery, well, it was meant to be for some reason. I have a serenity about it, which is really amazing to me. If I could do this today I would. And if I'm successful (please God, let this work) I plan to use my 401k for plastic surgery. I want the last half of my life to make up for the first half of being a shell of who I really am.

I want to thank everyone on this board who takes the time to respond and help everyone else, even when they are past their crisis or struggles. This board is an amazing resource of hope and help!

Thanks everyone!

Dana

[kimmy*custis 276]

I was the same way Danaln, I was sooo ready for my surgery! I too was so tired of being fat controlling my life so I went for it....and I will never look back! This was the best decision I have ever made for myself. Best of luck to you!

[mufasas-mom 170]

Way to go...we are on the same boat. just last night I was thinking of how am I going to pay for plastics??? Now that I'm finally taking back control of my life I realized that it's all within my reach - finally. I think in 2 yrs I'll be using my 401K and my medical reimbursement account for plastics.....I'm so excited that there is a plan in motion.

Good luck to you on your journey....mine is around the corner on Sept. 10.....finally.

[Rootman 1,101]

Yep, nearly all of us were there too. At one point I could not imagine life without, as you say, filtering all my life's experiences through my "fat me" filter. I just couldn't fathom exactly WHAT I would even think about. I'd look in the mirror "Gee, I'm fat", Try and sit somewhere "Geez, my fat ass barely fits in this seat". See someone I thought was slim and fit "Man, I wish I were even CLOSE to that". It's a never ending conversation with yourself because of being fat.

In a few months I'll be two years out. I never reached goal but I am far, far closer than I have been in my entire adult life. I now see things totally different. I now think "I CAN sit there", "I CAN do that now", look in the mirror and see a thinner individual staring back - I'm still surprised at times by my new "me". And oh, by the way, those people whom I admired before? Turns out most of them are a bit tubby too, they just didn't have mounds of fat suffocating them the way I did and in my "fat" eyes they looked thin back then.

Make no bones about it, it's a big change PHYSICALLY and PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

Yep, nearly all of us were there too. At one point I could not imagine life without, as you say, filtering all my life's experiences through my "fat me" filter. I just couldn't fathom exactly WHAT I would even think about. I'd look in the mirror "Gee, I'm fat", Try and sit somewhere "Geez, my fat ass barely fits in this seat". See someone I thought was slim and fit "Man, I wish I were even CLOSE to that". It's a never ending conversation with yourself because of being fat.

In a few months I'll be two years out. I never reached goal but I am far, far closer than I have been in my entire adult life. I now see things totally different. I now think "I CAN sit there", "I CAN do that now", look in the mirror and see a thinner individual staring back - I'm still surprised at times by my new "me". And oh, by the way, those people whom I admired before? Turns out most of them are a bit tubby too, they just didn't have mounds of fat suffocating them the way I did and in my "fat" eyes they looked thin back then.

Make no bones about it, it's a big change PHYSICALLY and PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

I am seriously considering this surgery and I can not wrap my head around how I can do this. How do you go from always thinking about food to not. Any advise can you give to someone contemplating the surgery? I can not even imagine what it would be like NOT to be so consumed with my size and losing weight all the time!

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Dana, I love almost everything you are saying here this is a huge step forward in your life. I'll say it's the best decision I've made aside fom marrying my wife & having my daughters.

The only thing I beg you to reconsider is going to your 401K for plastics. The potential risk to your future there is huge, besides youve got about 2 years after your surgery that your skin will still be shrinking. I think you could put together a plan to cash flow the surgeries you will need/want.

You've done such a great job asking questions & gaining perspectives for this journey, all I ask is that you continue to explore and find the best options for your financial future also.

[Was a humpty dumpty 35]

Dana

Good for you making this choice. I was 49 at the time of my sleeve surgery.

I have never regetted my choice and only wish this was around 30 years ago.

[Izuri 428]

I have never been a healthy weight as an adult. I am scared about what it is going to be like when I reach there, but I am also incredibly excited. I have felt very out of control of my life for a number of years and this is really a good step forward for me. I was letting my fat control my life. I really relate to Rootman's post, everything is through a 'fat me' filter right now.

I'm not sure what else I will think about than food, but I already am starting to see changes. It definitely forces me to confront some issues that I was coping with through food. When I was anxious, I'd eat. When I was bored, I'd eat.

I've taken steps to try and fill these holes in my life with things I enjoy. I've started working with stained glass, walking, spending more time with family. I know once school starts back up it will be easier to stay busy. As I continue to lose weight I hope I also continue to find new areas of life that I've never explored that will open up to me. I look forward to vacations that I'll be able to have (I will actually feel like I can ride on a plane!), learning how to climb one of those rock walls, going hiking, riding roller coasters, there are so many possibilities! Many I will spend all my time thinking about those instead!

Anyway, I think the attitude in your post is contagious - and I love it! I completely agree and I think you're gonna do amazing =)

[DanaInNewOrleans 513]

Dana, I love almost everything you are saying here this is a huge step forward in your life. I'll say it's the best decision I've made aside fom marrying my wife & having my daughters.

The only thing I beg you to reconsider is going to your 401K for plastics. The potential risk to your future there is huge, besides youve got about 2 years after your surgery that your skin will still be shrinking. I think you could put together a plan to cash flow the surgeries you will need/want.

You've such a great job asking questions & gaining perspectives for this journey, all I ask is that you continue to explore and find the best options for your financial future also.

Hi OTR,

You're right of course. Maybe I could take out a plastic surgery loan instead of new car loan -- and just drive around in a jalopy --- BUT I'd look gooooood in my jalopy!

Thanks for the reality check...

Dana

[traceyinflorida 499]

Dana, that's awesome!! My fear of dying was that my family would not be able to find something nice in my closet that was not too tight for me to wear for the viewing! Now my only fear of death is that someone will have to see my house all disheveled! (but that's a whole other issue I will work on later....) You will do great with this surgery. It is a life changer! I am only two months out and I am floored not only by my weight loss, but by the HUGE psycological change that has come over me.

Amazon13, I feared what you did about the food issues. I am not very far into this process, but I can honestly say that food NO LONGER RULES ME! It is not always easy, particularly in the first month, but my brain seems to have undergone an unexpected transformation. It is a lot easier to make good decisions about food when you are not hungry!

[DanaInNewOrleans 513]

Yep, nearly all of us were there too. At one point I could not imagine life without, as you say, filtering all my life's experiences through my "fat me" filter. I just couldn't fathom exactly WHAT I would even think about. I'd look in the mirror "Gee, I'm fat", Try and sit somewhere "Geez, my fat ass barely fits in this seat". See someone I thought was slim and fit "Man, I wish I were even CLOSE to that". It's a never ending conversation with yourself because of being fat.

In a few months I'll be two years out. I never reached goal but I am far, far closer than I have been in my entire adult life. I now see things totally different. I now think "I CAN sit there", "I CAN do that now", look in the mirror and see a thinner individual staring back - I'm still surprised at times by my new "me". And oh, by the way, those people whom I admired before? Turns out most of them are a bit tubby too, they just didn't have mounds of fat suffocating them the way I did and in my "fat" eyes they looked thin back then.

Make no bones about it, it's a big change PHYSICALLY and PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

Oh My Gawd!!!! I just looked at your profile before and after!!! Unbelievable!!! You look amazing! Congratulation!

[alliecat1095 128]

Dana I am 50 and feel and felt the same way. I am self pay and scheduled for the 29th of Aug. It's truly a blessing to be able to read everyones response to every question , how they managed their road to recovery.and I love to read about all the success stories.. sometimes I am jealousy (just for a minute) that they are 2-3 months out. Good luck and God bless to all of us in this forum..

[DanaInNewOrleans 513]

Dana, that's awesome!! My fear of dying was that my family would not be able to find something nice in my closet that was not too tight for me to wear for the viewing! Now my only fear of death is that someone will have to see my house all disheveled! (but that's a whole other issue I will work on later....) You will do great with this surgery. It is a life changer! I am only two months out and I am floored not only by my weight loss, but by the HUGE psycological change that has come over me.

Amazon13, I feared what you did about the food issues. I am not very far into this process, but I can honestly say that FOOD NO LONGER RULES ME! It is not always easy, particularly in the first month, but my brain seems to have undergone an unexpected transformation. It is a lot easier to make good decisions about food when you are not hungry!

Tracey,

I've seen a number of your posts...and every time I see one I think --"she is so pretty!!"

I laughed and laughed at your funeral worry.... I have the exact same thoughts....I have forbid Jay to have an open coffin...oh and I think about how big the coffin would have to be.

What a miserable way to live .... but I can laugh about it. I've always been able to laugh about miserable things and it isn't to hide the pain. I don't hide my pain!!! EVERYBODY knows I hate being fat because I tell them all the freakin time!

[Rootman 1,101]

My fear of dying was that my family would not be able to find something nice in my closet that was not too tight for me to wear for the viewing!

Wow, I'm with you there. 2 years ago I was picturing being showed and buried in sweats because I would be too fat to wear anything else I had in the closet. I also imagined the undertaker having to postpone the funeral while he special order a "fat" casket to fit me.

It's funny the stupid stuff your mind thinks up when pressed with something like this.

[MegInNOLA 531]

I am seriously considering this surgery and I can not wrap my head around how I can do this. How do you go from always thinking about food to not. Any advise can you give to someone contemplating the surgery? I can not even imagine what it would be like NOT to be so consumed with my size and losing weight all the time!

Hey Amazon 13 (and hi Dana!):

Let me tell you you're not alone in this. My husband and I are both sleevers. He was a BIG EATER pre-surgery--let me say BIG again. We used to plan our trips around which restaurants we wanted to be sure to hit. We made family-size meals for just the two of us. I never ate the volume he did, but I had my own issues with slow metabolism and eating junk.

I used to lie awake at night in fear that I would, at some point in the near future, end up having a heart attack in my sleep--and having the paramedics saying stuff like, "Oh, well, geez, no wonder, look at the size of her," etc. etc. I used to walk around in a big ball of sweat from being so hot just from walking around. My long-term outlook was not very positive.

Once my husband was sleeved (April 2010), he almost immediately reported to me that he wasn't hungry and actually forgot to eat on numerous occasions. He literally FORGOT TO EAT. To this day, he doesn't think about food very much--he does get hungry, as do I, but it's different now. I was sleeved in April 2011. We eat in an entirely different way now; we approach food differently. We still eat delicious, yummy stuff, but our definition of what that means is different--we still eat Tex-Mex, but we eat a lot less of it. We eat a lot more veggies and fruit. We have the occasional treat, but those are different, too--my husband is addicted to sugar-free popsicles, and I love Skinny Cow ice cream treats, which I have every so often (not daily!).

I think once you're there, you will be surprised by how easily you slide into a new relationship with food. It will not dominate your thoughts or your life any more. You will enjoy it and you will be in control. It seems so much easier now to make healthy decisions, which makes it even easier to keep going and keep making progress. And you will be surprised by how much LIFE is going on around you--there's so much to do and see and be a part of when you're not worried about where your next meal is going to come from or if there's a chair you can comfortably fit into or if it's going to be hot (because that's another thing that changes--your internal thermostat shifts out of constantly being on "hot").

My husband had read online that people who had the sleeve were really surprised at their lack of concern about food post-op, and he never believed it would be that way for him, since he was such a huge volume eater. But it was exactly like that, and absolutely from the beginning. I actually worried about him, since he was just not eating very much after surgery and I was so used to seeing him put away massive amounts of food.... Now I know it was just how things go with the sleeve.