Who Are We On The Inside?

[dexter 205]

Be heard many times we are thin people on the inside. Heck,'when I dream, I'm not the size I am. I'm really the size I was 19 years ago.

So my question is this...

After WLS, do we become a fat person in a thin body? We will always carry the scars and experiences. I even heard a friend say of another who had just had WLS, that she still thought like a fat person.

So... What do you think?

[Lissa 2,631]

I think that changing our thinking is the hardest part of the journey. I loved Ourborous' post about "Holy Crap, I'm Getting Hot" because it shows that he's making that mental 180 to seeing himself as he really is now. That's a tough thing for most of us to do and it requires some major introspection.

I joke that I'm always waiting for security to come and make me return to the plus size section of the store when I'm shopping, but it's part of the mental part of this journey for me. I'm working really hard to exorcise that 352 pound woman who lives in my head...and it's taking some real work to do it.

[MegInNOLA 531]

Yep, I'm with Lissa (as on so many other things, LOL!!). I still think of myself as the fat girl, although I realize I'm not, and I certainly feel better now. My husband teases me that men are noticing me and I'm completely oblivious--because I went through so many years of deliberate invisibility (or as invisible as a super tall girl can be!) and because my mindset is sort of clueless about that.

On the up side, it's getting easier--I'm more relaxed in group settings, don't mind being in crowds so much, look forward to social gatherings (before I would avoid as many as possible--who can enjoy themselves when you're worried you'll take up tons of space and it will be hot and you'll be all sweaty and uncomfortable, etc., etc., etc.). I'm really glad to say that I feel like I "fit in" with any crowd now, and, in fact, I'm sometimes the least "fat" person in the room. THAT was something strange.

I think it just takes time. I certainly don't approach food in the same way i did as a fat person. Now it's about fuel and energy and feeling good, not about volume and treating myself (what a joke!) and the cycle of eating/guilt. I don't approach dressing in the same way--I enjoy shopping a LOT, and getting dressed in the morning is actually a lot of fun instead of a dreaded chore. I don't approach other people the same way--I feel more open, more confident, less worried that they won't take me seriously or will think that I'm somehow deficient or defective because of my size--and keep in mind, others always accepted me, treated me professionally, never made me feel awkward--it was always ME doing that to ME.

I'm thinking that if we keep working at it in little steps, it will one day become our true new nature.

[MoreganK 164]

I think its a different story for each of us. I know that when I look in the mirror, I see someone and right now she is not me. In my head, I'm already the "new" me. I also sometimes still struggle looking in that mirror to really SEE what I look like. i still see me at my starting weight, while, I'm 47 pounds lighter. Clothes fit, or are too big, but I still see old me in the mirror. So, my head and my eyes are not agreeing very well right now.

[CelticHarpist 26]

I actually think of myself as when I was thinner, so seeing pics of me at my fullest weight or even now can feel discordant to me. I think I am going to feel "more myself" again when I lose weight. I know this isn't everyone's experience but I think it may be where I am headed. The hardest part for me may be the loose skin and flaps or folds when I lose weight, as that I didn't have before when thinner. It will remind me though of my journey. I hope that by hiding it under clothes until I can afford to do something about it, doesn't undermine my newer regained self esteem.