Holy Crap, I'm Getting Hot!

[ouroborous 519]

...and I don't mean the temperature!

OK, this will sound like bragging, and it IS a little, but remember where I'm coming from: I had been obese my WHOLE LIFE. I first had to wear size 38 jeans in junior high school. And now I'm wearing size 34, bordering on size 33.

I was at the gym this morning -- it was arms day, biceps, forearms, trapezius, and deltoids (shoulders) -- and was working out HARD. I was looking in the mirror to check my form, and suddenly I thought -- who IS this guy? I realized that I'm looking... well... A-MAZ-ING! I mean I'm 42, so I don't look like a kid; I have laugh lines on my face, and (when I don't shave my head) a little gray around my temples. But my shoulders are broad and muscular (amazing what deltoid workouts will do, guys; wanna look broad-shouldered and thick through the chest? WORK. ON. YOUR. SHOULDERS!). My chest is just slabs of flat, hard muscle. My forearms literally RIPPLE with muscle when I move my fingers. My legs are turning into little tree trunks, and a lot of HARD work on my glutes (butt) has rescued me from the dreaded "white guy ass" -- I am getting a nice, muscular butt. I still don't like my midsection; the remaining flab and loose skin are all there, but sometimes when I move and the light is right, you can see my rectus abdominis quite clearly. Another term for rectus abdominis? SIX PACK! ME! A SIX PACK!

I wished I could have taken a picture to show you, but I'm not THAT vain; I don't bring my camera to the gym with me

I have to compare and contrast this with just two years ago, when my face was lost in a SEA of chins. My legs were big, but it was all just flabby, jello-y fat. My arms were big... with fat. They JIGGLED. And my midsection... oh dear god, what a train wreck; I had to wear size 3XL shirts just to avoid too much plumber's crack! I couldn't walk 200 yards without being tired. My feet hurt all the time. Men treated me with scorn, and to women I was simply invisible.

Now, men often do submissive body language (you know, hunched a little shoulders and eyes down) or challenging, threatened (puffed up chest, swagger, frightened/"tough" glare) body language. The one thing they don't do is scorn me. And women... well, as often as not, women have a sort of "hungry" look in their eyes when they're looking at me. I've even caught women out with their husbands/boyfriends "checking me out" and then looking away, embarrassed when I smile at them.

Am I bragging? Yes, I am. But this is all so bloody new to me. I'm a hunk! I have to avoid turning into a vain douchebag (and this obviously borders on douchebaggery already), but I figured that "Gastric Sleeve Surgery Success Stories" was the place to put this bragging if anything was.

Two years ago, I was obese, depressed, hated my body, sore, sick, tired, a clear "beta male," invisible to women, and probably on a fast track to diabetes, heart disease, cancer, or some other form of slow, painful death.

Now? I'm fit -- within 2% of my "normal" body weight according to the height/weight charts. I can run several MILES without running out of steam or injuring myself. I lift weights nearly every day. I am happy, healthy, have a strong libido, a good sex life, and I *like* what I see when I look in the mirror. I would NEVER have believed it possible two years ago if you'd asked me. NEVER.

And, while I'll take credit for eating right and going to the gym/doing other physical activities regularly, the weight loss and health I owe completely, 100% to the sleeve.

THANK YOU, SLEEVE. Getting the surgery was the single best decision I've ever made. It saved my life, literally -- it's given me a whole new me, one that I never would have believed I could be.

Thank you, sleeve.

[Lissa 2,631]

Go, O, Go!!! I've been telling you for months that you're hot, hot, hot! Congrats on accepting it mentally! You've done a terrific job and, while the sleeve helped you get started, YOU have done the work to make it all come together. Pat yourself on the back...if you can reach it over your muscles!!

[Star1221 270]

Thank you. This is exactly what I want to feel like (a little of what I feel now lol). We work so hard to get where we are. And after all of the years of looking down on ourselves, don't we deserve to be, dare I say, cocky? Yes we do dammit. Yes you do. So strut your strut and enjoy every moment. Congratulations. Did a little happy dance for you at my desk

[Ready4success 380]

Lol, I LOVE this!!!! Way to go, dude! Your future is so bright with the women, that you gotta wear shades.

Corny, I know.

[MegInNOLA 531]

From this woman's perspective, a guy who's been working hard and getting results can definitely brag a bit--I like the swagger. :-) Earned confidence is super attractive. You walk the walk, you can talk the talk.

[Chuckles 28]

You have earned the right to brag! Enjoy every second of it

[ouroborous 519]

Well, I don't do it ANYWHERE but here, trust me. I even waffled and thought about deleting this post because I thought it was just too vain! But it's true. I LIKE my body now (and apparently others do, too ) And this is the "Success Stories" forum, after all -- if my story of going from being a giant blubbery tub-o-lard to a sorta hunky middle-aged guy can motivate one guy to get the sleeve and/or do the hard work necessary to build and strengthen his body, then it's worth a little good-natured teasing over bragging a bit

Now if I could just get rid of the last saggy bits around my midsection. I've 99% decided to get a tummy tuck/lower body lift for that, and then -- watch out, world!

Thanks for the kind words. And ladies... ah, this is a g-rated forum, so I'll shut up

[Lissa 2,631]

Please don't delete your post, O. I think it's great that there is a man on here brave enough to say how he's feeling. There are tons of us ladies who post our success stories, but not nearly enough from you guys saying how much better you feel. I especially like that your post addresses stuff we gals would never think to talk about, like the info about guys either bowing up or bowing out now with the submissive body language. Few have the ability to articulate that like you did, even though we all know the pecking order exists.

[Piplula 709]

There is nothing wrong with admiring your progress..I am glad you feel sensual In your new body...I look forward to the day I can turn heads again..knowing that I am making them look..and I can tease a little...can't tease too much ..hubby wouldn't like it.

[ouroborous 519]

Please don't delete your post, O. I think it's great that there is a man on here brave enough to say how he's feeling. There are tons of us ladies who post our success stories, but not nearly enough from you guys saying how much better you feel. I especially like that your post addresses stuff we gals would never think to talk about, like the info about guys either bowing up or bowing out now with the submissive body language. Few have the ability to articulate that like you did, even though we all know the pecking order exists.

It's true. Whether we feel like we should be more "evolved" or not, there are still clear dominance hierarchies among humans. If you watch body language you can see it; with men, look for averted gaze, slumped shoulders, looking "small" (submissive behaviors), challenging grimace or scowl, aggressive eye contact, puffed up chest, exaggerated swagger (threatened, frightened, challenged behaviors), or clear, straight gaze, strong, erect posture (dominant/confident behaviors).

With women I'm less clear what the body language is, but I'm 100% certain that there are hierarchies as well. One body language that seems to be cross-gender is this: if you look at a group of men OR women, look to see who everyone looks at, whose conversation everyone listens to, even something as simple as who everyone faces; this will most likely be the most socially dominant one of the group.

Like it or lump it, I've discovered that I'm sort of turning into an alpha male. Not in the swaggering, chest-beating, gets-in-fights kind of way (that's not dominant behavior, anyway; it's frightened behavior... it's the behavior of a male fearful of losing his status in the "pack"). But just in the sense of being very confident of my worth and strength and sexuality.

It feels so very odd to talk like this. You're not SUPPOSED to talk this way about yourself. You're supposed to be humble and downplay your strengths! But it's the truth, and I want to point out that THIS is what you can gain from losing the weight and doing the work, guys. You can be the man you wanted to be (assuming it's what you want to be; and if not... don't get the sleeve, because you'll be all hot and confident and happy and you wouldn't want THAT!)

[ouroborous 519]

There is nothing wrong with admiring your progress..I am glad you feel sensual In your new body...I look forward to the day I can turn heads again..knowing that I am making them look..and I can tease a little...can't tease too much ..hubby wouldn't like it.

Well, I had a best friend say "hey, a man on a diet can still look at the menu." Meaning that it might not be TOO bad to remind hubby that you're a catch, and he needs to work to keep you. You don't have to hurt his feelings or anything, but reminding him that you're a hottie and he needs to be damned grateful and proud to have you as his wife...? Yeah, that's not a horrible thing.

[MoreganK 164]

I totally think you should toot your own horn! It's totally been earned!!

[Lissa 2,631]

Well, I had a best friend say "hey, a man on a diet can still look at the menu." Meaning that it might not be TOO bad to remind hubby that you're a catch, and he needs to work to keep you. You don't have to hurt his feelings or anything, but reminding him that you're a hottie and he needs to be damned grateful and proud to have you as his wife...? Yeah, that's not a horrible thing.

I read some research about this that said a man WANTS a woman that other men find attractive. It boosts his own self-esteem and gives him standing in the "pack" so to speak.

I also noticed this yesterday during my plastics consult. The doc was showing my DH pictures of what is possible with plastics once I reach goal. The doc suggested THREE surgeries and my DH is on board not only with my having those surgeries, but was ready to open his checkbook and pay for them right then and there. At first I was kind of offended, then I realized that he thinks it's worth it to have a woman who is THAT hot on his arm. And, believe me, with all that work, I'd have no choice but to be THAT hot!

[ouroborous 519]

I read some research about this that said a man WANTS a woman that other men find attractive. It boosts his own self-esteem and gives him standing in the "pack" so to speak.

I also noticed this yesterday during my plastics consult. The doc was showing my DH pictures of what is possible with plastics once I reach goal. The doc suggested THREE surgeries and my DH is on board not only with my having those surgeries, but was ready to open his checkbook and pay for them right then and there. At first I was kind of offended, then I realized that he thinks it's worth it to have a woman who is THAT hot on his arm. And, believe me, with all that work, I'd have no choice but to be THAT hot!

Yup! Men want eye candy, and they want arm candy.

We shouldn't it's shallow to want it and vain to want to be it.

But we still want it, and we still want to be it. I think that for me, what's changed is that I'm just not going to apologize for feeling that way anymore As MoreganK said: I've earned it!

[CelticHarpist 26]

I looked up a Will rogers quote for you - looking it up to get it right. It came in this context on the internet with this paragraph. I think it applies:

[ Legitimately earned self-esteem comes from performing well, because you have worked so hard to reach the top. It means you have developed your natural talents to their optimal point. The kind that Will Rogers was talking about when he said, “If you done it, it ain’t bragging.” ]

Congrats on taking the VSG and running with it - it was just a tool and you have used it well!

Will Rogers also reportedly said: you might be on the right track, but you aren't going anywhere if you just sit there. Congrats on YOUR efforts to be your best!