Bummed At People's Reactions

[AngelBaby 153]

Hi everyone, I just got home from a good friend's house and it was the first time I've got to see her and sit and chat since I decided I was definitely going ahead with surgery and got a surgery date.. I was hoping she would be excited for me but instead I got the "why don't you take that money and spend it on a personal trainer and a nutritionist instead? I can show you how to eat vegetarian and you can come work out with me whenever you want." She just doesn't get it and I was so disappointed.. I really shouldn't have expected her (or anyone for that matter) to be supportive and excited. But seriously, I can't believe that in this day and age there are still SO many people who just don't get it. She actually told me that she understands because once when she was younger after having kids she had to lose 30 lbs. LOL I guess I just needed to vent a bit because I'm so tired of people who tell me to "just diet". Like I've never done that

Anyway, I've decided that all the important people that I wanted to know about my surgery now know about it and will be there for me to support me next month when I have surgery. I feel like I need supportive people in my life right now and so I'm SO grateful for all of you!! The rest, well maybe I'll tell them someday and maybe I won't.

God it was so disappointing to have such a good friend be so judgemental about WLS though. *sigh* It reminded me to not have expectations of other people and to be grateful my family is so supportive!!

Thanks for letting me vent.

[LizInTexas 125]

This is exactly why I'm not going to tell anyone (other than those who are VERY close to me that I see or talk to on a daily basis and that's 3 people), at least not until they start asking how I'm losing weight, and even then it's just going to depend on who they are as to what I tell them. After all, telling them that I'm eating much smaller portions and exercising isn't a lie I have enough doubts and fears without any outside influence, and I have judged myself enough to last a lifetime... Hang in there

[So Cal Kurt 32]

Don't let their negativity or lack of understanding dissuade you. VSG is by no way an easy way out but speaking for myself, it is the only way I have been able to maintain a substantial weight loss. This is a tool and nothing more. Once your friends see the changes, hopefully they come around. You might be wise to keep it to yourself and people you know are going to be supportive. You are doing this for you and no one else.

[AngelBaby 153]

thanks guys, you are SO right! I am doing this for me because it's a tool that's available and I want to be healthy.

oh and YES I have judged myself MORE than enough all by myself!! it's crazy how hard we are on ourselves isn't it?!

[AngelBaby 153]

was just thinking it's easier to discuss religion or politics with people than it is to discuss WLS hahahahaha

[isajck 229]

My close friends and family members were very supportive when I told them of my plans, too supportive and it was actually a little off putting. Now that I am post op, I sort of wish someone would have told me what your friend said. Look at it this way, at least she cares enough to try and help instead of just jumping on the bandwagon for a serious life altering surgery. Give her a little slack, if she has never been seriously overweight then she has no idea what you are going through. Maybe when all is said and done, she will jump on board with the support that you want from her.

[juny 93]

I"m telling very few people as well. the one bit of advice that I got that I found helpful was simply that no one can really understand the path you're on and they can't really know what you need like you do. You have to accept that you have to do what's best for you regardless of the opinions of others. my mom respects the choice I'm making. this is not to confuse with actually supporting my decision. It's a difference that irks me but I have to accept that she can't possibly know what it's like to lug around 170 extra pounds and have the opportunity through insurance to help solve this life long problem. I have to do what's best for me, it scares the crap out of me but I'm out of options. I'm doing my diet, counting calories and working my butt off and this is just going to be another step in the getting healthier direction.

[SunnyCox 245]

At least she offered what she could to help. She was trying, but she wasn't educated enough to really help you through your situation. Sometimes diabetics need insulin, and sometimes they only need to make dietary changes. Explain to her that you have already tried the dietary changes, but now you have to go to the next step to find relief for your obesity. And while she still may not understand, let her know that you have made your decision and need her support. You will gladly take her diet tips and recipes once you are able to eat regular food again.

[LizInTexas 125]

if she has never been seriously overweight then she has no idea what you are going through.

Absolutely correct. If she hasn't ever been morbidly obese, she has no idea what it's like. Personally, I've always made it a strict policy NOT to give advice on things I know nothing about. I find that most of the time in this situation that a friend is just looking for a shoulder to lean on, not unsolicited advice. I can still support them even if I don't agree with them. It's not my place to push my opinion on them, unless they specifically ask for my opinion, and my friends know that I'm a shoot from the hip kinda girl, though I'm never unkind as so many have been to me simply because I'm obese.

[zoey1176 58]

I know how you feel. All the people in my life I've told about 10 out of the 10 my husband (o and my boss) are the only ones to support me in this decision. Everyone else had the same answer as your friend. *roll eyes*. Very disappointing, I don't even talk about it any more, but in January I will be going to Mexico to start my new journey with or without the unsupportive people behind me, because this is for me.

[clk 3,519]

shake it off. People just don't understand and she probably feels like she was offering good advice to someone she wants to help.

If dieting was the answer, you wouldn't be where you are today. Weight loss is not one-size-fits-all or our first attempt at Weight Watchers would work like magic and we'd all be thin. Your friend probably means well but believes what every doctor and media source tries to tell us: if we're not thin we must lack willpower or the knowledge to succeed.

Well, it's not always that easy.

You have to do what's best for you, regardless of what other people think. I only told a handful of people prior to my surgery. Now that I'm at goal if people ask I tell them how I lost the weight. Prior to surgery you're opening yourself to judgement - and it's nobody's business but yours and your family's. Afterward, it doesn't matter what they think. The surgery will work, you'll lose the weight, and they might think you took an easier or more risky way out but you won't care at that point!

Don't let this bother you. You're making a great decision to change your life permanently for the better. She'll come around in time when she sees how happy you are how successful it is for you.

~Cheri

[kmoore 97]

I have been putting off telling my step-mom (dad is deceased) and my mother (who lives in another state). I know their reactions would be less than supportive. I finally told my step-mom last Thursday. I see her every week for choir practice and we eat a healthy dinner beforehand, but there would be no way of explaining why I was on a pure liquid diet for 4 weeks without spilling it about my surgery...so I finally just told her. Yup, less than supportive. Then, at church Sunday, a lady pointed out that I was looking great and to keep up whatever I am doing (I have lost 33 lbs on the 6-month managed diet). Step-mom's response was, "See, people think you look great. You shouldn't jump the gun and do surgery when you could still lose it without it"! I felt bad because I did snap at her a little. Told her that I wasn't asking her permission. I made my mind up about this several months ago and that she didn't "live" IN me. She doesn't know how I feel. And furthermore, it's not really about how I LOOK...it's about not dying young like my dad because of all of my medical issues. She still made a snide remark or two, but agreed she wouldn't bring it up again. I thanked her for that, and then apologized for snapping.

I don't think my mother will be quite so judgmental, but because she will be afraid for me, will still try to talk me out of it. I feel badly about having to tell her over the phone and not face-to-face. She and I are close and can normally talk about anything to each other.

My husband, my co-workers and my best friend are all very supportive...but I do wish that the other 2 would be as such as well.

[amykins 202]

Based upon previous conversations with my mom, I know she would not support me. My mom and dad are good people, but are very overweight and sedentary. When I have lost weight before, it seemed she would try to sabotage me. She knows my trigger foods and has them when she knows I'm coming over. I'm sure it's because she feels better that I'm heavy too. Like she's not different. She has knee pain, joint and back pain, and refuses to go to the doctor or dentist. I think it's because she is so self-conscious but its not a topic for discussion. My dad would just be more concerned about the dangers of surgery. He probably needs to lost 80+ pounds, but I've never seen him try to lose weight since he retired from the military 20 years ago. He would FLIP if he knew I was going to Mexico. Honestly, it would not be pretty. So I have only told 3 people, not even the people I work with. I don't know why I don't tell people I work with. They are a great group, I'm just not ready to share yet.

[alliemm 24]

I'm sorry your friend didn't understand. I lost 2 "close" friends of mine over my decision. I have another friend who almost mimicked yours, but she has been my most supportive friend. After having those reactions I didn't post to the world on FB about my decision till 2 days before my surgery. I did not get 1 single non supportive comment. It really made up for my first experience about sharing my decision. I wouldn't let anyone's reaction influence your decision, and that's advice to anyone who is receiving mixed reactions. Congrats to your decision to a healthy, happier new you!

[Kayargh 112]

I told my sister first, thinking she would be support for me when I told my parents but no. She said its a load of rubbish, a waste of money and I just needed to stop being so lazy and get out an exercise. None of my family have been supportive about it- even laughing at me saying how was I going to go a whole 2 weeks on the liquid diet before surgery if I can't even stick to a normal diet. Even my mother said things like 'I know you, you wont be able to finish it' that they just know I won't be able to do it (liquid diet) without cheating. Thankfully I have told 3 amazing friends who have been over the moon and just as excited as I am. How crazy that these friends have already organised who will be taking what shifts to visit me at the hospital but my family will not be coming up to see me.