How will I keep my secret in this situation?

[sweetsue 1]

Hi All,

Perhaps you can help me with this question. I'm pre-banded and I'm hoping to keep my surgery confidential. Here's my situation, I have the good fortune of belonging to 2 social groups who dine together. I'm wondering how I'm going to be able to keep my little secret among these groups? Is it going to be even possible? I really don't want them to know - it will be like telling the whole town. Can I push my food around my plate to make it look like it's been eaten, hide some on my husband's plate, clear the table so noone sees how little I actually ate?

One group is called the "international dinner club". It consists of 6 couples where we dine on a home-made ethnic meal every other month. This is a a pot luck where we all contribute a part of the the meal according to the country chosen by the host. It's always a really delicious multi-course. Unfortunately, these dinners are often a variation of chicken - which is not easilly digestable for a banded person. Also - appetizers, Soup, salad, bread, entree, veg, dessert - all home-made!

The 2nd group is called the "lunch bunch". It's a group of 8 women who get together for lunch to Celebrate each other's birthdays. We had been meeting in restaurants but now we've decided to save money and instead take turns hosting these celebrations in our homes. The hostess will prepare the entire luncheon. Eating in a restaurant would have been easier because I could order what I want, but when you eat at someone's home, you get what they serve. What's a bandster to do and still be polite? A typical lunch will be chicken ceasar salad or cruisant sandwiches.

How am I going to be able to keep my little secret in these groups? Is it going to be impossible? Some of you will say, just be honest and tell them. But I really don't want them to know - it will be like broadcasting it to the whole town.

Lapband will be a stigma for me. Forgive me for being crude, but I actually know a guy who had his penis shortened because it was too long. Now everyone who knows his secret must associate this guy with the thought - "Damn, this guy's dick was soooooo long he had to have half of it cut off". I made the mistake of telling too many friends about my breast reduction. Call it paranoid but I often wonder if people imagine that I have Mrs Frankenstien's tits and cringe when they think of the scars. I know people just love to gossip, I'm no fool.

Thanks for your feedback!

Susan

[vinesqueen 2]

Hi Susan, you can certianly do all those things you mentioned to hide how little you are eating.

But I think it will be easier to hide than you think. Perhaps it is just me, but I sure don't sit around watching other folk's plates, being the food police. I don't think there are too many out there. You always have the option to say, oh, I'm on yet another diet, I'm just doing liquids.. what ever.

Do not lie about your surgery, I think that will only come back and bite you in the butt.

I think everyone knows about my surgery, and how little weight I've lost.

But as for folks needing to talk, well, I say just give them some thing to talk about and they will be happy. But I don't care what fools think. And yes, I've lived in small towns and big ones, so I understand how people talk.

[leatha_g 4]

Hi All,

Lapband will be a stigma for me.

Susan

Forgive me for asking, but will it be more of a stigma than being overweight?

[barbara465 2]

Its easy. They will not notice if everyone is busy talking and visiting. The hardest part is cutting small enough so you can eat and then chewing, chewing, chewing. Once you start to lose weight they will notice. You can just say I'm dieting and I don't eat as much. Both are true statements.

It's your business and you have the right not to tell people how you are losing weight. Just act natural. I missed the first few of my social obligations by saying, relative in town, business trip, or under the weather. Its the first couple of months that are the hardest.

I hosted a dinner a few weeks ago for 14 people. No one noticed what I was eating (or not eating).

[gonnabethin 10]

I think you can do it! Everyone is so busy shoving food in ( as I have Watched preparing for mine) that they do not notice you are not eating. As for the lunch bunch order soup!! Women usually eat lighter infront of each other- and if they notice tell them you have had to drastically cut back at the threat of your doctor! Im not telling either and I AM going to pull this off- I may tell later and I wont lie "Drastically Cutting back" is not a lie. Or Im having to make some major lifestyle changes- thats the truth also!!

Good Luck

[giveyouthemoon 4]

Shoot, you can do this. Just say you are on a diet and trying really hard to eat less! They will ALL be jealous!

Just act confident. If you act like something's up, they'll sniff it out. If you just shrug and say "hey, I'm trying to get a couple pounds off" you'll be ok.

I'll advise you tho...when you are having one of those get togethers...remind yourself to CHEW and chew and chew. I get to talking and that's the surest way to get stuck...and hiding a pb is a hard thing to do.

Have fun!

I've kept my surgery a secret quite successfully! You can do it too!!

[diane5467 0]

If the food is homemade, you have control over the portions you put on your plate. Just tell the truth, you are trying to eat smaller portions.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Susan, I know I shouldn't say this (but that has never stopped me before), but are you sure you want to stay in those clubs?

I would think that clubs like that are one of the reasons that people wind up needing a Lap-Band.

[KariK 0]

You'll be able to hide it just fine. I have told noone and we have get togethers all the time in my family. I just say im trying to eat less calories. People are more interested in their own mass consumption than they are of your lack there of. Seriously noone will know. Chew chew chew. And I've told ppl I've quit eating bread, that really helps. Im really glad that noone knows, it would drive me nuts to have ppl watching what I eat all the time and questioning me to death about it. But hey thats just me.

[faybie 0]

Hi Sweetsue,

I am 12 days post op. I am not on a strict diet from my Dr. like most. I can have fish or chicken just not beef. I have had no problems what so ever digesting chicken.

I am sticking strictly to eating 4 to 6oz per meal. I have been out to lunch and dinner with several friends. I section the portion off that I am going to eat (it is always good to have a visual of how much you intake so you never over do it on accident) and ask for a to-go box for the left overs.

My friends 1) never noticed that I divided my meal and 2) didn't ask a single question about why I was taking my food to-go 3) had no idea I was taking small bites and eating slower.

We sat and chatted, I would put my fork down, pat my mouth pick my fork back up and continue eating.

Goodness I can think of so many excuses you could give people for not eating much:

1. I had an unexpectedly big breakfastlunch so and so brought xyz I couldn't refuse.

2. I haven't been feeling well today and I seemed to have lost my appetite.

3. I have decided that regular diets aren't working for me so I have chosen to cut back on portion size, seems like a happy medium that I can live with.

4. I am going to a big dinner with so and so and I want to eat light at lunch today.

I have been eating ridiculously small portions for Breakfast where I used to walk into work with a breakfast taco, kolache, bagel or croissant sandwich every morning. No one has even blinked an eye or noticed the change.

I have also sat at my desk eating a meal of 2 oz of cottage cheese, 3 oz of fish, etc. No one has noticed that either.

It is a lot easier to mask than you think. I don't think you should tell anyone that you don't feel comfortable telling.

[mbprn 0]

Sue,

I understand what you feel like, I only told my DH and my 2 best friends. I have always felt like I stuck out :oas the fat girl and I didn't want any attention. I was afraid people would be judging me "Should she be eating that?" or whispering :gossip:"she had wt loss surgery"

People who have never struggled with obesity don't understand obesity, just like I have no idea why people suffer with anorexia ( I used to dream about catching that-isn't that awful) Don't get me wrong -I understand from an educated stand point but not from an I've been there stand point.

My DH is a naturally thin person (jerk) and has no comprehension about my struggle. He has always been supportive but once when I was having a discussion about wt with him he says "Just eat carrots and celery instead of junk food and then you'll lose wt" :hungry:

Oh- is that all it takes,my bad. He has been biting his nails since childhood so I told him it would be the equivalent of me saying "Well if you just quit biting them then you will stop" A lightbulb :lightbulb:kind of went off then. He really is a great guy though and has never made one comment about my expanding waist line.

Anyway I have been banded for 7 wks and I have done just fine going out and such. When I was on liquids I would ask for Soup and eat the broth. When I was on mushies I would order something like a baked potato or Beans. If people asked I said "I just had some minor surgery so I'm on a limited diet for now." I have lost about 24 lbs so people are starting to notice if they ask "have you lost wt" I say YES!!!!!!!!! If they say how I say "I'm eating less and exercising" which is not a lie :lie:so I don't feel bad at all. This is a very private journey to me.

My husband inadvertantly :phone:told my inlaws and I was very unhappy:cry . They are all thin people who can eat whatever they want so now of course they keep asking "hows it going with your diet?" and then I got an email from my SIL who said "I heard you're doing great on your diet!!" I just wanted to barf :puke:because now she knows as well. When I see them I know they will be watching what I eat and I didn't want that but such is life.

You should do what feels comfortable for you. If you don't tell at first and later you decide to anyone who really cares about you will understand your need for privacy.

Not that I have an opinion about this either way...

[Gummiebear 0]

I have found it impossible to hide since I am in such a small town I only told some of my closest relatives who were involved in taking me to my appointments and "somehow" some of them have slipped. Maybe you wont be so unfortunate but now it seems like everyone knows even tho I didnt want anyone to. All I can suggest is to be careful who you tell including relatives if you wish to keep it a secret.

[*susan* 1,709]

I honestly don't have anything to add that everyone else hasn't already said. My philosophy has aways been, "if they are talking about me, then they are leaving some other poor soul alone."

[Scribby 0]

I dont have anything to add either because I am still laughing my ass off thinking of why in the world somone would need to "cut half thier dick off"....

[GayleTX 1]

Thanks, scribby....my mind is still there, too....and we think we have problems!! And I'm asking 'why"? Did somebody complain???