female only Having Boy Problems, I Feel Bad For You Girl...

[hannah 5]

Today is a week post op for me, I am still a newbie to the site but I thought I would put myself out there this way. I was around 70 pounds lighter four years ago when we started dating. He has made it known that the weight has been an issue for him. "Are you really going to eat that?" "You want more?" "Maybe we can work out together" "Is it your weight that makes you not want to have sex?" Before surgery sex was a chore for me.. When I thought about it, I got tired thinking about shaving my legs and the whole thing seemed like a chore. Probably because he wasn't so subtle with letting me know that my weight was an issue.

But beyond that.. Like I said, I am one week out. All together since my consultation, giving up pop, liquid diet, surgery and this week post op I have lost 37 pounds. Not once has he said something about it on his own. When other people notice he is all "yeah I see it". Today we were in bed watching Fringe and he kept trying to instigate sex.. Which I GET. Its been a while. But I just don't feel up to it yet, chalk it up to healing my body and my self esteem. So when I finally get him to understand I am not going to give in, he is mad. Which again, I get. There have been plenty of times I wanted to be with him, and then I think about how he doesnt like my body.. whats jiggling during that shouldnt be.. and I get disgusted. So you know what he does? He gets a big bowl of chili (MY FAVORITE) and eats it right next to me. I wanted to flip that bowl of hot chili on his lap. Can you say Hormonal Hannah?

I had a point, this wasn't going to be just a rant but thats kind of what it turned out to be. When I did my psych evaluation that is what she said to me. That problems like this would be amplified. The fact that I know he wasnt completely satisfied with me before and that he would more then likely be more interested in me after would bother me and I had to find a way to work it out with my self esteem.

Has anyone had this issue? Or maybe something like it? What did you do?

[Back~To~Amy 307]

Wow! I'm sorry your boyfriend is treating you this way. I was in a situation where my partner was very superficial about all kinds of things so I can somewhat relate. I will tell you the best thing I did was get out of the relationship. Obviously, we all have to make our own decision but it sure doesn't sound like he is a very good guy with the way he has treated you and some of the things he's said to you. And, I agree with the psychologist. You will resent him for wanting you more when you are thin. It says to you that you are now good enough and you weren't before. No one needs someone who doesn't love them unconditionally. Life is just too short.

Congrats on your surgery and best of luck to you on your journey!

[MJ's comingN2form 103]

LOL...I love it you just keeping it real. MEN!!! I haven't experieince that because i'm single but my friend was just talking to me about this yesterday saying her husband wanted sex and she is only 2weeks post op. Look they have to wait until our body get's healed. We already depriving ourselves of the food we love 1 chore at a time...1st chore is getting back to you and doing you!

[Des0520 28]

I am fortunate to have a supportive husband and one that never was bothered by my weight no matter what I weighed. You should have dumped that chili on him. I would have. He should be supportive of you and help you, not be rude and mean. Hand him some lotion and introduce him to Palmela. Put yourself and your happiness first.

[hannah 5]

@Amy I think I love him. I have loved him and I think its still there. In fact I am pretty sure its still there. Everything is just messing with my head. He wasnt overly rude when he would say things about my weight. Its mostly my self esteem that needs to catch up to my body. I have fat girl syndrome and I am worried it will not go away.

@MJ. I am trying to keep it real. When he came in with that chili I am serious about wanting to dump it on him. Sneaky little bastard, I know he did that on purpose. I had lousy yogurt, I hate yogurt. And HE KNOWS IT

[MJ's comingN2form 103]

LOL..post like this I can appreciate.. Girl my mom and sister came home 3 days after my surgery with some McDonalds. Now let me tell you I love french fries I can eat them everyday. I wanted to take one of those fries and let it marinate in my mouth until it went down like Jello..I cooked last week for my daughter a casserole with chicken and cheese, some got my hand and I didn't hesitate to lick it off.. Oh I can't wait to get hold of some REAL food!

[hannah 5]

Shoot, I wont lie. I have wanted to chew food up until it feels like I have eaten it and then spit it out.

[mdefabio 73]

I think you should just concentrate on your recovery and the hell with everything else. One thing at a time. Right now it's YOU time. That means to take care of yourself and everyone else can take care of themselves. Get it???? There's always a front door for whomever doesn't like it!!!! Good luck on your surgery. Remember you're beautiful no matter what. The person you're with should be able to see passed your weight and see your beauty.

[prettysleeved1 173]

He should wait until you feel healed enough to engage. That's why he has hands. The good news is that he's a boyfriend, not a husband. If you feel you can't put up with him, you can solve that problem with a simple "goodbye."

[MJ's comingN2form 103]

@preetysleeve1 @mdefabio ya'll betta preach!!!

[mdefabio 73]

@MJ

[Sammi25 18]

i had not one, but TWO guys i dated tell me they liked me better heavier. that my 120 pound weight loss made me LESS attractive to them, and that ALSO makes me resent them. what, was i just a fat girl fetish? we all go through resenting someone at some point but the best thing u can do is not let him upset you. i know it's hard but if he is being malicious, it might be time to let him go and focus on yourself. there will be plenty of new guys who will appreciate your body as is, and in the future.

[Back~To~Amy 307]

I totally respect your choice in who you spend your time with, but just because you love him isn't a good enough reason. What if he was physically abusive? Should you stay with a man who beats you? Of course not. What he is doing is emotional abuse.

To me statements like "Are you really going to eat that?" "You want more?" are very rude even said in the nicest way. And, getting mad because you are recovering and don't want to have sex is rude. Where is the understanding and support from him? Finally, eating something you love right in front of you is just down right rude.

Again, I respect your choice to stay with him because you love him. I just don't understand it. Please take good care of yourself.

[mufasas-mom 170]

wow - sorry you are going through this, but like prettysleeved1 said - at least he's not a husband. Sorry to say this, but your psychiatrist is 100% correct, these issues are going to continue to grow until they are dealt with, honestly. Don't stay with someone just to have someone....I see this so often and it's so sad....everyone deserves more. I stayed in a bad marriage for 9 years as he always made comments like you posted initially - and i was a SIZE 3 - just had 2 kids.....and was told I was fat....finally woke up and left him and never looked back. I see my friends in relationships where they are always trying to change the guy - and then complain when it doesn't happen. I prefer to be alone and happy - then with someone and miserable.

I'll find mine again....but now I have to concentrate on ME and getting this surgery towards better health is the first step.

I wish you the best, but please don't let anyone make you feel less of person - that is NOT love.

[traceylynn 33]

I totally respect your choice in who you spend your time with' date=' but just because you love him isn't a good enough reason. What if he was physically abusive? Should you stay with a man who beats you? Of course not. What he is doing is emotional abuse.

To me statements like "Are you really going to eat that?" "You want more?" are very rude even said in the nicest way. And, getting mad because you are recovering and don't want to have sex is rude. Where is the understanding and support from him? Finally, eating something you love right in front of you is just down right rude.

Again, I respect your choice to stay with him because you love him. I just don't understand it. Please take good care of yourself.[/quote']

I have to agree with amy!!!how could he eat that chilli infringe of you!almost like a slap in the face....concentrate on yourself and your goals and I'm sure this will settle itself out in the end:)hope things get better!