Thinking Of Postponing My Vsg

[ljperez 87]

I am scheduled for Sept. 5th and honestly I'm not afraid at all. I think this is the first time in my life I am not afraid of something. I've been thinking about the surgery for 2 years and when BCBS approved the sleeve I decided this was the time. I've been going through the process since January and have my date I am ready mentally but the problem is my family.

Nobody wants me to have it. I have 3 girls 19, 16, and 13 plus my husband (who hasn't been such a great one for 20 years). They all say I am being selfish. I am afraid I will not have the support I need once I have the surgery. I have given my life for my family and whenever I need to do something for myself I put it off. I thought they would be happy for me. All of the support meeting and things I've had to go through to get approved constantly said you need a good support system.

I work full time and take care of all the housework. I have started to make everyone accountable for chores for the past couple of months but it's been a battle. I think I started to late and I should wait until they can handle this. I keep getting constant remarks that I'm taking the easy way out. I know this is not easy believe me. I have battled with my weight my whole life and have lost and gained enough weight, I want it to stop.

Please I know I have done the damage of not making them more responsable and I realize that now. Like I said It's been a tough 20 years and I thought if I just did it all they wouldn't notice the bad things.

If any other Mothers have had this problem I would like a little help.

Thank you,

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

I am a mother and a wife, but can not relate. However, I did want to comment. You are being selfish? Why because now you have chosen to concentrate on yourself? It sounds to me like they are trying to manipulate you into not doing something for yourself, so that they do not need to take care of responsiblities that you have always taken care of. We as moms always tend to take care of everyone elses needs forgetting our own. I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you decide to proceed on with the surgery. By investing in yourself you will be better all the way around. As far as your relationship with your husband, from what you are saying it doesn't seem like he has been supportive of other things in your life? I am just guessing based on your statement. Maybe it is time for some couples therapy to get to the root of the issue.

[shellbell33081 115]

maybe this surgery is what they need to be forced to take responsibility. you have to do this for you. my daughter is only 5 so i don't know what you are going through. however, i am single and recovered without help. i am my own support system and i've been successful. it's tough but i feel your family is being selfish. they need to realize your health is more important than doing laundry and dishes. i hope you follow through with the surgery. it's the best gift i could have given myself.

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

In my opinion, they will never be able to handle it. I think you should be selfish and want better for yourself. It sounds like you've sacrificed for your family for many years before this.

I work full time and am married and the mother to 4 children (1-biological and 3 step).

[Lissa 2,631]

You're being selfish if you DON'T have surgery. Your obesity is making it harder for you to do your job as a parent and a wife. Once that weight starts coming off, you'll feel so much better that you won't let your family's crazy comments register. It's time they all learned how to help you a little bit...and you're doing your kids a disservice if you don't make them learn how to take care of themselves. No time like the present for them to learn this lesson.

BTW, your husband has the right to say something to you privately, but he does NOT have the right to express his opinion in front of your kids. HIS job is to support you, mentally and emotionally, as well as financially. He needs to support you in front of the kids whether he agrees with you or not. You guys aren't running a democracy...it's a benevolent dictatorship and the kids need to learn that now.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll make the right decision, but IMO you should have the surgery now and start that journey to a new, healthier, life.

[scorpion509 107]

I don't think you need to postpone the surgery.

I even think you need to go for that. base on the age your kids are big and all of them including your husband can take care of themselves.

I think now is time for you. you need to be healthy to take care of them later on.

about recovery, I think you will be able to do it on your own, but I am sure your girls would help.

[aviiva 140]

This is not the easy way out by any means. there is alot of work involved in using this tool correctly. Your children will be gone one day on to their own lives, this is your time enjoy it and do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

[dooter55 35]

I don't have kids of my own and am still pre-op, so I probably shouldn't interject but I really hope you proceed with your journey. You have waited two years and now it is just around the corner. Don't let their fear, selfishness or entitlement detract you from making this amazing change in your health.

My twin sister had this surgery about a year ago and it has completely changed her life. She is happy again, able to have relationships with people again and feeling so much more confident. When she first started talking about the surgery, I wasn't as supportive as I now wish I would have been. I was being selfish because she was going to change...I was going to be the fat twin. food, which has always been the center of our life together, wasn't going to be anymore. I got over it and realized how brave she was to do this for herself regardless of my ignorance. I am excited to start the journey for myself now.

If you think that you are postponing because of your family is really an excuse to postpone because of your own fears, then that's another story. I tend to project so have been guilty of this in the past on other issues.

I wish you peace and luck on your journey, whatever you decide.

[luckylady131 51]

Well, I'm a mother of 2 (6 and 2.5) and a wife. My husband has always been very supportive of me, and things I wanted to do. But he was quite hesitant of me having this surgery. We actually fought pretty bad about it once. He wanted to know WHY I wanted the surgery. He never specifically told me it was the easy way out, but he did say that that's what people (who don't research) tend to think.

After that I fight I thought long and hard about all the reasons WHY I wanted to have this surgery. I'd researched this procedure for over 3 years. I knew the ins and outs of it. I was comfortable with my decision to have it. So I wrote him a long letter explaining every detail of what I felt about myself without surgery, the reasons for the surgery, why I wanted to do the surgery, what I felt like my girls would learn from it, what I expected out of myself afterwards, and that I hoped he would still support me in my decision. It was about a 4 page letter by the end of it.

In the end - I came to realize that this surgery was about ME. No one else. And I had NEVER made anything just about ME. Everyone else always came first. And that was something that was a little eye opening for me (and I think for him).

I had surgery a week ago. He took the week off and stayed home with our girls while I was in the hospital (ended up staying an extra night). Today was his first day back at work, and he has checked on me throughout the day. After giving him that letter, he understood they reasons why, and he has been completely supportive ever since.

Sit down and really talk with him about how you feel. And hear how he feels and what he has to say. But in the end, it's your body and your decision.

[belaire30 20]

My husband was not supportive of me getting the surgery for years he's always try to help

Me in other ways because he finally came out and said he was afraid for me to have comlications after the surgery. He at his biggest is 180 he's trying to gain weight I'm 400 lbs trying to lose go figure !! He will never understand a day in my shoes. But after talking to the doctors and researching the sleeve it had put his mind at ease an he is on board 100% my kids are 6 and 3 so they excited to have a mommy that can do things with them.

Do this for yourself it's your life you want to be able to live it !!! If my husband didn't approve this time now that I have gotten so big I told him I either do it with you or without it your choice.

[iPrincess 39]

I am scheduled for Sept. 5th and honestly I'm not afraid at all. I think this is the first time in my life I am not afraid of something. I've been thinking about the surgery for 2 years and when BCBS approved the sleeve I decided this was the time. I've been going through the process since January and have my date I am ready mentally but the problem is my family.

Nobody wants me to have it. I have 3 girls 19' date=' 16, and 13 plus my husband (who hasn't been such a great one for 20 years). They all say I am being selfish. I am afraid I will not have the support I need once I have the surgery. I have given my life for my family and whenever I need to do something for myself I put it off. I thought they would be happy for me. All of the support meeting and things I've had to go through to get approved constantly said you need a good support system.

I work full time and take care of all the housework. I have started to make everyone accountable for chores for the past couple of months but it's been a battle. I think I started to late and I should wait until they can handle this. I keep getting constant remarks that I'm taking the easy way out. I know this is not easy believe me. I have battled with my weight my whole life and have lost and gained enough weight, I want it to stop.

Please I know I have done the damage of not making them more responsable and I realize that now. Like I said It's been a tough 20 years and I thought if I just did it all they wouldn't notice the bad things.

If any other Mothers have had this problem I would like a little help.

Thank you,[/quote']

Hello, I'm having my surgery Sept 25. I'm a mother also, with (8, 11) kids, 2 grown kids, 1 of them still at home w/kid can you imagine. I work full time but I am off work now due to an injury that might require surgery. Husband work a lot so it's really me now doing everything. I have had surgeries before and what I can tell is that don't worry about anything. Just think about yourself getting healthy to live the rest of your life. In the end your family will understand that you have to do things for you no one else. I hope you will continue with the surgery you are so close don't wait you have waited long enough. Best wishes!!

[melbelinc 33]

I'm not a mom but that doesn't mean I don't understand. I don't think you should push the date. KEEP IT! If this is something that you want to do and feel that you need ( which I am assuming you do like the rest of us) then you need to do that. If you want to be a good mother then that means being around longer and this could make the difference of how long you are here. You have thousands of people here that are here to support you. I know it is not the same as your actual family but I know for myself that It is wonderful knowing there are people I can communicate with that understand what I am feeling and going through. Not only am I member if this forum but also of the Sassy Sleevers on Facebook. I love those people and feel like I have become friends with them. But I do feel strongly that you can be an even better parent when you feel good about yourself and your health. If you ever want a buddy Feel free to message me. I may not be a mom but I know one reason I did this is because I want to be one. So in a way, its almost the same thing. Not only doing it for yourself but for your family, present or future.

[Tiffany Talbert Corbet 46]

I'm similar to dooter55....single, no kids, pre-op. But PLEASE have the surgery. If you don't do it now, when (they will keep knocking you down each time you bring it up)? I don't think it's so much that they don't want you to do it because they want you to keep doing everything....I think they're scared you'll change and not be the "you" you are now. Your girls are used to you as you are, and your hubby may just be afraid of how beautiful and happy you will become and realize you don't need him any longer to make you happy.

GO FOR IT!

I'm in the same shoes you are in the way that I have been overweight all my life. A few years ago I was actually pretty successful with Gorge Cruise's 3-Hour diet and lost about 80 lbs. When I was losing so much, and would go to visit my sister's family, my niece and nephew were SO loving. Then we were sitting at dinner, and my niece (who was 15 then) burst into tears and begged me to not lose anymore weight because I wouldn't be here "Aunt Tiffy" any more. She liked all of the "me" she got to hug when I would come to visit. I had to convince her I was the same person, she just got to hug me closer. This is why I believe it is fear on their part.

Have you considered attempting family counseling to try and get someone to help get them to where they understand this isn't a bad change? Change is hard and they may need a little more help than you can give them to get them to see the light.

Regardless....if you don't do this for yourself, you will end up mad at yourself in a year because you had the chance and you let it pass you by.

PLEASE take advantage of this opportunity while you can.

[Gene1970 179]

You should absolutely NOT put off having the surgery. It sounds like they will NEVER be ready for you to have it and will never understand. This is not a case of being selfish... it's a case of wanting something better for yourself... namely your health. If they can't understand that, if they are not ready for that, if they think that you are being selfish... then that is their problem, NOT yours. It sounds like they have been pampered way too long and this is one time that they are going to have to figure out that you are not their personal assistant just waiting for them to ask something of you.

I hope you keep your surgery date... you won't regret it. I also hope that while you are recovering you don't give in to what they think they "can't do" and just take care of yourself. Let the dishes pile up to the ceiling, the garbage can overflow and let them wear dirty clothes if they have too... maybe then they will appreciate everything you do for them. NOW is the time to be selfish!!!!

[ljperez 87]

Thank you to all. I've really gotten a lot from the web site and thought I would through this out there since it's been tough at home. I wish I never told anyone I was getting it done.

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. My kids are really great in everyother way. They are great in school and respectful. I just messed up with housework and cooking. I was very surprised at their reaction. I did have a feeling it was fear driven. The problem is it can be hurtful when you give so much to and get this in return. I know I read that you weed out the people that do not support you but I can't really do that with my kids. I'm still on for 9/5 I haven't cancelled yet. Thank you all again and I enjoy all of your comments and replies to all the questions on the forums.