female only Husband Is Confused...

[Heatherr 149]

Marriage counseling. He needs an outside party to back you up, and you both need help communicating with eachother. What you're both saying and hearing from eachother is clearly not getting through clearly. This is where the counseling will help. If you are both hearing and choosing to just ignore, then you have larger issues that won't be helped and you have to decide if you can live with it or not.

Your husband is a douchebag. I'm not a counselor, so I don't have to be nice about it.

[cherrybombknits 184]

My hubby was "confused" at one point as well. Counselling was the best thing we could have done. Having an outside ear to help mediate issues is really helpful. Also, sometimes explaining your beliefs to a third peson helps you realize how rediculous they are.

[sassypants 674]

if you let him be how he is for this long what makes you think he will change?

Its like cooking and cleaning all day everyday for say 2 years then one day saying oh by the way hun I am no longer cooking or cleaning that’s your job.

Its not how you have worked things out so to expect sudden changes is never gonna happen.

How you were spoken to isn’t right but you kinda created a rod for your own back by letting him do only 2 weeks of super dad before you took over and assumed all responsibility for child rearing.

I am not going to tell anyone how to bring up their children but you can’t be one way for 18 months and now want change overnight.

I get it was a simple request but from your husbands point of view he doesn’t do that stuff you do and now he must all of a sudden it’s a shock to his system.

[Ready4success 380]

This is the reason I told my current boyfriend on our first date that I don't cook (the reason I needed WLS) and I don't clean. I'll work OT every week to pay someone to do it. His response was,

"Make that money, honey." :-)

[iggychic 1,405]

Those are your values. They are not wrong' date=' but they are different to others values. We get to be different as humans in society, we get to have different values. Your sister's ex is not the OPs husband. You can't just project your own bad experiences into others reality and expect them to match.

I am completely comfortable with having different values to you. I also know my own father may not have been chief cook and bottle washer in my parents marriage, but he was a damn fine parent in ways my mother would never have been. I don't judge parenting ability, or marriage-ability, on each doing exactly the same as the other.

Marriages, like any partnership, thrive when people work to their strengths. It may be that this guys strengths are elsewhere in their marriage. I sure know that if we are travelling and get a flat tyre I stand back and let my husband change it. Not that I can't change a tyre, but he is way better at it, way more confident at it and also I plain don't like getting my hands dirty. By your rationale, I am not a keeper for this reason. And I think that is nonsense. My husband and I work to our strengths and our adult children now see us as an effective team despite the division of labour not being to your exacting standards.

I am curious to know if your own successful marriage manages to have an exact 50/50 split in all household and parenting chores?[/quote']

You are seriously equating two people in a disabled car, one being more proficient than the other at rectifying the situation and thus taking on that duty, to the crock of crap that the op heard from her spouse? Are you nuts? If neither of you knew how to fix the car and had no communication and it was pouring down rain and he had just had open heart surgery but you sent him cuz you don't like to get dirty....ya, not a keeper. The other comparison, not even apples to oranges.

And as to my marriage...

First OTR I have lost so much respect for you reading this. I had a great deal but this was some disappointing reading to say the least.

On a daily basis my husband runs an almost billion dollar company. When he is at home he is the primary cook. I only bake for social functions or make special foods for our son (he is Ill). He changes as many diapers as I do, wipes as many butts, etc. he does his laundry, I do mine and my mother, bless her soul does the rest lol cuz I hate doing laundry. When he is gone, which is often as we had to move from headquarters to provide a better living environment for our sons health, I do most of the work with our son (he is in school and has a nanny/therapist for three hours three days a week). But I deal with the constant illnesses, barfing, blah blah, unless dh is home and then we take turns.

Housework is 20/20/60 (the most is the housekeeper) and by choice the gardens are mine though I do have help. Anything involving "men's work" on the house...plastering, wiring, painting, reglazing windows, trim carpentry, is all my work. And btw, I work outside the home too.

Our marriage is not 50/50. We are both in it 100%. When you have a child together you should be in it at the same level. I'm literally ashamed of any man who can say...even worse, proudly say, they have never changed a diaper in their life. There has never been one point that the mother was so damn tired of waiting on you and the baby hand and foot and didn't just need that tiny bit of relief? If you say yes you are lying to yourself.

Btw big "provider". I have worked many positions and was known nationally in my previous career in industry circles. I worked sun up to sun down and provided damn well. THAT was a damn site easier than being a parent!

[Queen of Crop 1,104]

To iggychic: Personally I think your response was rude. The poster came here for support and yes, maybe some advice, but she (or anyone here) doesn't need to be lectured or judged or compared to your marriage. (And by the way, many many couples can't afford housekeepers). Only she can decide what's right for her and her marriage. Lighten up and try being a little more empathetic.

[iggychic 1,405]

To iggychic: Personally I think your response was rude. The poster came here for support and yes' date=' maybe some advice, but she (or anyone here) doesn't need to be lectured or judged or compared to your marriage. (And by the way, many many couples can't afford housekeepers). Only she can decide what's right for her and her marriage. Lighten up and try being a little more empathetic.[/quote']

If you would adjust your glasses on you would see I was responding to Louise and OTR.

Not to the op.

Perhaps you should now attack the gal who called a douchbag? Or could you read that?

[Huntingnurse 510]

He's a doucher.... feel free to tell him another MAN and FATHER said so. I'm a NICU nurse and do that in and out on a daily basis. It's not the end of the world. Grow up.

[tracylea69 0]

Well' date=' yes, it was 2 times. Hence the use of the term couple(couple means 2)

And let's see, since this is apparently a "religious" debate, please tell me what scripture instructs a man to "toss his wife out" while menstuating.

Eating of pork, if this were to be an issue, which it's not, that was an old testament requirement that was removed by the new testament.

Working on Sunday, did you miss the fact that Jesus worked on the sabbath, there was also a parable of the trapped sheep. I believe Jesus' words were that "the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath". Which means it is a day of rest that we may take, not that we are required to take.

Oh yeah, just so that you know, the sabbath is actually Saturday, not Sunday. I can't recall why we started observing on Sunday, but I can look it back up if you like.

As for the rest of your references, stoning, selling of daughters etc, you should really pay attention to context. The we're cultural things that happened & were not commanded of God.

Did you miss the part about the adulterous wife that was to be stoned to death? What was Jesus' response? I believe it was "let he who hath no sin cast the first stone".

And if you have a problem with the man and woman having different roles, well, then your problem isn't with me, you should take that up with the author of the book.

Of course all this actually only matters if you believe in God. If you do, then it only makes sense that he is 100% correct and if your beliefs differ from his, the, well he's not wrong.

If you don't. Then this is all academic.

Oh yeah, I'll give you the powder room thing, I don't really pay attention to that. It all falls under "current" on the iPad app.

The 1st statement here I agree with 100%

The scripture quoted actually says for man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Not as you love yourself. This means to be willing to sacrifice your life/safety to protect her. It has no connection to wiping Jr's behind.

We don't get credit for having a job(providing for our family) because it's what we are supposed to do. Hmmm, that train goes both ways. You don't get to pawn your duties off on me, because it's what you are suppose to do.

And as far as comparing physical labor, let's talk real world. Because most men do not have the luxury of a desk job. I've done my wife's deities at home while she traveled for school, I did them better than she did, and was done with everything by noon most days.

And my skid marked underwear don't exist. Believe it or not, big boys know how to clean themselves. & if by chance something went horrifically wrong an a pair did get "damaged" they would never make it home. I know where I can buy new ones.

And believe me, my wife has gotten "fed up" a couple times and left, only to realize that her life was pretty sweet.

[/quote']

Wow what would men do without women. Dumb***

[BigFatLoser 331]

OTR- you're a self righteous d*ck.

That is all!!!

[sunshyneqtie 73]

My fiancé and I have the opposite roles. I work two jobs and he takes care of the house and kids. I am crazy tired when I get home, but I'm a woman. My kids are what inspires me to work so hard, and I know my man will burn out if he has todo everything all the time, so I try to take over as much as possible when I am home. Just sayin. That is a basic difference between the man and the woman being the one that stay home.

[ebonisekim 1,713]

First off' date=' a marriage is never 50/50. If either one of you is only giving 50% it will never work. Secondly, I've seen the name God in this thread a couple times. Well, honestly if you believe in God then you might want to check the handbook. It's kinda the way God designed it, the mans "job" is to be a provider, and the woman is a "nurturer".

I'm in no way saying that he shouldn't help, but to pick and choose what parts of the bible you want to accept and fill the rest in with modern secular feminism is quite inconsistent.

Is he a good provider?

Do you have to work a job outside of the home? And not because you may want to, does your family need it to get by?

My wife & I have 3 kids. I have never changed a diaper. It is simply not something I can do, not because it's "women's work", I just find it so repulsive.

[/quote']

I'm a a believer of god but I think u shouldn't be quoting things from the bible cus it could be taken the wrong way ... But I hope things turn around for u .. I don't think in my opinion this is a deal breaker ..I think u kno what u have to do for your family