female only Husband Is Confused...

[skym34 12]

So my husband and I have an 18 month old. He used to work off for two weeks at a time so I pretty much did everything for the baby. Even when he was home I did everything. So now he's working in town so he's home all the time. He hasn't changed a diaper in over two months, he's never fixed a meal for our son, he will occasionally bathe him but won't put on his PJ's.

So the baby started antibiotics yesterday. I forgot to give him the probiotic and he got diarrhea. I've changed 5 poopy diapers already-one of which required a bath. I asked husband to change the last one. He did it but he was mad. He says why did you want to have a baby so bad if you don't want to do the mommy stuff. And I said he's OUR kid and we are supposed to be equal partners. And he says it's a mother's job to do diapers and bath time and all that other stuff. Am I missing something? Is it 1950 again?

[sabstar22 25]

oooo I'd be a mad, very mad, wife. The father of my child isn't even his biological dad, and he helped me with everything, and wanted to or he wouldn't have been around. Good luck with that, I know what I'd do...but he needs to step up.

[iggychic 1,405]

That guy isn't a keeper Hun.

[LouiseC 1,031]

Did you not have a conversation prior to having kids? Values are not easy things to shift.

There is no right or wrong here, but you do seem to be at a values clash. I am surprised that this has not come up over the past 18 months of your child's life. Either it has only just started to bother you or you have been keeping it quiet. I can understand how your husband would be confused if you have not complained about inequity until now.

[LouiseC 1,031]

That guy isn't a keeper Hun.

They are married and have a child together. Do you really see family as being that disposable?

[dithdith26 3]

We have a four year old. Granted it was all talk when we opted to not be so "careful" anymore and thought it would happen when God wants it to happen. He was nothing but talk until the baby came. I was the one up in the middle of the night, I was the feeder, I was the burper, I did laundry, I cleaned, I did it all. He did the cooking....yet we both worked. Then people still ask me to this day why we are not having any more kids.....Um I wonder why!!! I wound not given up, sometimes they turn around. When he gets frustrated with the house not being done to his satisfaction, he cleans. Same thing with dishes. Sometimes they need you to be a little "too busy" tending to other things to get things done to their satisfaction. Good luck with everything :-D

[prettysleeved1 173]

Sorry OP. Sometimes we make the wrong choice and don't realize it until our heart is deep into it.

Whether you stay or not is your choice. In this situation I wouldn't advocate either way. The bright side is that soon your child will be out of diapers and you can elect to not have anymore children.

[LizInTexas 125]

I'd say he's more than just a little bit confused... He's out of his little mind ! A marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, a 50/50 PARTNERSHIP ! And that means that the care of your and HIS child is a SHARED responsibility. No one likes dealing with a sick baby, or poopy diapers, but that's just part of having a kid. He needs to grow up, and unless your name is June, his name is Ward, and your kids name is Beaver, he needs to be shaken out of his delusion and do his part ! I haven't had wls yet, but I lost around 200 pounds already; weight that was holding me down and destroying multiple relationships in my life; but most importantly, my relationship with me. It's called the DIVORCE diet ! Having a kid to take care of is hard enough, so who needs a lazy adult baby to take care of as well ? If he won't even take care of his own child, how do you think he'd treat you if you needed his care ??? I know I'm a bit harsh, but I spent 16 years trying to change someone who cared only about themselves and their needs. You can't change them; only they can change themselves; but they can drastically change you, and rarely is it for the better. We'd definately be having a "come to Jesus" meeting... Marriage isn't easy, and it definately takes alot of work, but like Dr. Phil says, a child is much better off coming from a broken home than living in one... Just my 2 cents... for what it's worth.

[Queen of Crop 1,104]

I find the question a curious one; not because any of us know what the right answer is for you and your husband; only you know. But are you just now becoming more aware, or more outspoken because you've had the surgery and you've lost weight and are becoming more confident and more empowered?

[skym34 12]

We did have the discussion before we had a baby. He was going to be the best dad-way better than his sorry excuse for a father. And for the first two weeks he was super dad. After that it was downhill. Kid usually cries when dad does stuff like changes his diaper or picks him up. I assumed that's why he quit doing it. Confidence has never been an issue. I always speak my mind. But this is an issue we are going to have to deal with sooner than later. It might be time for some therapy!

We've gone through many changes over the past two years. Hubby hasn't adjusted well to any of them. Thank god for women! Without us the world would fall apart!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I strongly recommend marital counseling. Dad needs to have a relationship with child. U need his help, it sucks having to be a super mom and wife.

[iggychic 1,405]

They are married and have a child together. Do you really see family as being that disposable?

For the health of the baby...absolutely. My sister was married to "this guy". It doesn't last and if it does then they pass on their horrible parenting skills to the next generation. My husband cooks, cleans, changes diapers, wipes noses, etc. he is both a partner to me and a father to our son and he is teaching our son that there is no such thing as "women's work". Yes do counseling and see if things change....but anyone engrained enough to say that line, is HIGHLY likely to not be a keeper.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

First off, a marriage is never 50/50. If either one of you is only giving 50% it will never work. Secondly, I've seen the name God in this thread a couple times. Well, honestly if you believe in God then you might want to check the handbook. It's kinda the way God designed it, the mans "job" is to be a provider, and the woman is a "nurturer".

I'm in no way saying that he shouldn't help, but to pick and choose what parts of the bible you want to accept and fill the rest in with modern secular feminism is quite inconsistent.

Is he a good provider?

Do you have to work a job outside of the home? And not because you may want to, does your family need it to get by?

My wife & I have 3 kids. I have never changed a diaper. It is simply not something I can do, not because it's "women's work", I just find it so repulsive.

[LizInTexas 125]

O.T.R. : I only find two places in this thread where the name of God was mentioned.

1) We have a four year old. Granted it was all talk when we opted to not be so "careful" anymore and thought it would happen when God wants it to happen.

2) We'd definately be having a "come to Jesus" meeting...

The first was referencing the conception of a child. The second is nothing more than a figure of speech, not a literal reference. If I overlooked one, you get my point anyway... And regarding your claim of "modern secular feminism" insertion.... OH PULEEEEEZE !!!! Let me "pick and choose" a few more for ya....

Do you toss your wife out of the house 7 days a month due to her uncleanliness ? Have you eaten or touched any pork, worked on a Sunday, or trimmed your hair and beard ??? According to the bible, these things, among many others, are abominations that call for death as a punishment. Don't even get me started on the other parts that sanction things like selling your daughter into slavery, or getting the entire town together to stone someone because they were blasphemous or cursing. It goes on and on, ad nauseum....

Yes, you are correct that no marriage is 50/50, I stand corrected. A marriage is 100/100 and in the 21st Century, yes, if you want to live well above the poverty level BOTH parents work outside the home, unless one of you has an unusually high paying job,. No one was selectively referencing the Bible, and quite frankly, I find the concept of "man" being the hunter/provider and "woman" being the subservient little wife who is supposed do everything else including wait hand and foot on her "man" absolutely laughable, and I am a christian woman. "Providing" for your family is about SO much more than "providing" a paycheck. Children do benefit from having both parents in the home, but only if BOTH parents participate in a thoughtful, productive, and supportive manner. It's 2012, not 1912, and a woman "needs" a man, like a fish "needs" a bicycle !!!

I kept a trash can handy when changing diapers and I barfed into it way more than once, so I "just couldn't handle it" either, but I damn sure did it anyway; repulsive or not; and so did my barfing ex-husband. He "just couldn't handle" it either, plus alot of other things, and that's how he became an ex.

P.S. Perhaps making a chauvanistic, he-man macho comment in a forum named : powder Room - Ladies Gone Wild wasn't such a great idea...

[Rootman 1,101]

Well I would ask him to stand up very straight and place his hands on his head and close his eyes, and then kick him square in the nuts as hard as you can and promise to do it again if he ever pulls any more crap like that.

Yes, marriage is a partnership, unfortunately sometimes it seems lopsided and some times duties cannot or should not be divided 50/50 - sometimes it just doesn't work out that way - but that's for you BOTH to decide, not just HIM.

Get some counseling and get this straightened out as soon as you can before the kid starts being affected by it.

P.S.: And please do NOT air any more of your dirty laundry in public, this can work against you both emotionally and legally.- if it comes to that. Take care of your business or confide in JUST your close personal friends - and even be careful there. Don't try and get answers from a public forum like this. It could prove humiliating if he ever finds out.