Another Rant About Husbands/spouses

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

Last night while I was getting a bath, me and husband were talking. I was telling him how once I reach goal, and maintain for awhile ( which is quite a ways away as I still have 72lbs to loose to get to goal) I want a boob job and a Tummy Tuck. Out of no where my husband starts ranting about how he doesn't want me to have those surgeries because of the "risk". I was like, where was that concern while I was getting my stomach cut up like Frankenstein ? He said that was a medical necessity for me, then went on to guilt trip me about how would he explain to Cole, my 5 year old, if something happen to me while having plastic surgery? And that he's happy with me the way I am. I told him its not about him, it's about how I feel about myself, and I don't want boobs hanging down to my belly button or flabby belly if I make it to goal and if I maintain. After much heated discussion, because since my surgery I'm a total hot head , he admitted its his own insecurities that doesn't want mr having plastics.

Personally I don't get it, I love my husband, he had loved me at almost 300lbs. I feel I'm going to love him no matter what happens. This is something I want, it's hard to think about going against something he wants because he gives me everything I want, and is sooo good to me. This whole incident is totally out of character for him.

I'm always saying I think my sleeve is making me crazy, cause of my out there mood swings, looks like its rubbing off on him.

[gustavo52974 369]

Obviously, he's insecure and jealous. He probably thinks that if you become more desirable to other men he'll lose you. He's probably starting to feel inadequate.

[BunnyFoodRocks 23]

When you both have some quiet time to think about it, you may want to let him know that the journey you are on is and will be a challenging road for you to navigate. There will be times when you will want and need him to hold your hand and listen to your hopes and fears and share his hopes and fears as well.

It is likely hard for him to envision what you are feeling and may not know how to express himself.

Partners can develop insecurities of their own when they see changes and while they love us and are proud of us, they may fear losing us as we become healthier, more confident and forward looking...when you explain to him that you understand his concerns and while you are considering plastics when you reach goal it is to continue to improve your self esteem and that many people choose to complete their journey in that way.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you'll raise it with him when your ready to share and I bet he'll receive in a more understanding way :0)

[vssupermodel 15]

I think he just fears loosing you in a sugery and is afraid to end up alone with the little one, without you, I think it is a indicator that he loves you the way you are, I think you could be wasy on him, he may just be sayng you are perfect for him...

[traceyinflorida 499]

He probably just needs a little time to wrap his head around it. My husband tends to react negatively to anything major, especially if it involves money. That is both a major medical and finanial. I have not even gone there with my husband yet. Start doing your research, pros, cons, risks, etc. Figure out how you are going to pay as well. Give it a little time and ask him when it would be a good time to sit down and talk rationally. Some of the pros should include benefits to him as well.

On another note, I have been extremely moody and hot headed too since surgery. I had not given it a lot of thought, just my husband has pointed out that I am so crabby lately. The weird thing is I feel great and happy. I just have a short fuse lately. Maybe it's lack of carbs...Hopefully, whatever it is, it gets better soon.

[SML1997 308]

Honestly, it's sort of a compliment. He believes that you're beautiful now, and will just be "A Knockout" if you have those procedures done. I don't feel you can put off something you really want, because of your husband's insecurities. Unfortunately, he has to deal with those. You have one life to live.. I say go for it if it helps you to feel better. Also, I think once you have those procedures done... You're husband will be like "Wow" and should feel good if other men think your beautiful. Because at the end of the day, he's the one that has you and not them.

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

Thanks for everyone's input about this, I appreciate it

[Christhee VSG 13]

Honestly if you can't handle the saggy titties & saggy skin maybe you shouldn't have gotten the WLS. Here is my theory, I mean go ahead if you want but people part of this road of losing weight you are suppose to learn how to love yourself! How is that loving yourself if you keep losing weight and keep wanting other procedures? What's after a Tummy Tuck and breasts? A face lift? Arm lift? Thigh lift? People be happy that you are finally healthy and those around you love you for who you are..

[kamrie37 134]

Honestly if you can't handle the saggy titties & saggy skin maybe you shouldn't have gotten the WLS. Here is my theory' date=' I mean go ahead if you want but people part of this road of losing weight you are suppose to learn how to love yourself! How is that loving yourself if you keep losing weight and keep wanting other procedures? What's after a Tummy Tuck and breasts? A face lift? Arm lift? Thigh lift? People be happy that you are finally healthy and those around you love you for who you are..[/quote']

Well, honestly, she doesn't have to handle saggy anything. I could also say that you don't need to lose weight to love yourself so why get WLS. If she can afford it and it will make her happy, I say go for it!

[thinoneday 445]

ahhhh, good old husbands. . .mine says the same thing. . .only I tend to agree with mine on plastics. . . due to the fact that my obesity caused me a lot of problems in my lifetime, i have no veins/arteries left in case of emergency except for one, and that one is hard to access due to major scar tissue from too many IV's and such. Even the doctors have warned me not to have "unnecessary" surgeries anymore. During my sleeve process, they couldn't find any veins and had to use the jugular which they had a horrible time accessing (took 12 attempts) because the veins/arteries are so very small and valvy. . . so plastics is not an option for me at all, goal or not. . . it's going to have to be duck tape! lol. . . thank goodness i don't have too much of it. . .

[Catracks 865]

I can see where her husband is coming from. He's not jealous or insecure. Jeeze. The sleve was medically necessary for you to live. Plastics just make you look and feel better. That's a great thing, but one needs to weigh the risks.

I saw a Discovery special and this one man developed a major infection and spent months with drainage tubes in his body. A friend of mine had a mastectomy and prosthetic boobies put in. She got an infection and her incision came apart.

The sleeve is a pretty non-invasive surgery. Plastics put the I into invasive., especially if you are getting a boob job, a Tummy Tuck or one of those 360 things.

I have insurance that will cover my panni, but I don't know if I want to do it. It's a little desirable and more comfortable IN THE LONG RUN perhaps, but no, it is not necessary.

[Wheetsin 714]

Let's be fair. There's such a thing as skin lesions. Panniculectomies are generally covered by insurance, which means that like this "medically necessary" VSG, they too are considered "medically necessary." Granted - boob jobs and tummy tucks generally are not, but that doesn't mean they're any more comfortable to live with. The boob thing especially. I can vouch for the lesions that can occur there as well.

We can be happy we're healthy and are loved, and still want to try and get our bodies back to "normal." You do realize those two things aren't mutually exclusive...?

If your avatar is you, I'm guessing your hair is colored. Shouldn't you just love yourself for you, and be glad you aren't bald? If we break our leg, we don't just let it heal on its own and be happy that we still have it, we want to get it fixed and we want it as close to "how it should be" as possible. Do you think burn victims should forego the "optional" surgeries to repair function and form, outside of what's absolutely required, and just be glad that they have "some" skin, or that they have scar tissue instead of open wounds? She's wanted to repair damage done and get her "real" body back. Don't most people want to repair damage?

If someone has destroyed their body through obesity, but it's in their means to try and correct the damage, what's the harm? Is it like some kind of a sentence that we must live with the day-to-day discomfort of our stretched-out bodies? It's not like she's talking about body dysmorphic disorder.

I certainly don't wear my pannus like a badge of honor...

Honestly if you can't handle the saggy titties & saggy skin maybe you shouldn't have gotten the WLS. Here is my theory, I mean go ahead if you want but people part of this road of losing weight you are suppose to learn how to love yourself! How is that loving yourself if you keep losing weight and keep wanting other procedures? What's after a Tummy Tuck and breasts? A face lift? Arm lift? Thigh lift? People be happy that you are finally healthy and those around you love you for who you are..

[Catracks 865]

What I meant is that plastics are not necessary to live. In many cases they are medically necessary, but I could survive without it. I hate it, but I could live.

I'm just saying that her husband feels he doesn't want her to risk it. It comes down to her decision, but I'm just saying that I can see where he is coming from.

[Wheetsin 714]

Maybe you just caught him at a bad time?

This is the second time I've been through the weightloss (second WLS). DH and I have had the plastics talk. He does worry about it - but he also worried about my sleeve. He saw one as more "required" than another - and I agree. The risk is more worth it when it's required than when it's optional. I get that. But I also have daily discomfort and I'm not even halfway to goal. In the end he wants me to do what will make me feel best about myself. Skinny or not, I'm no hottie so I don't think it's a matter of insecurity for him. I think he's just able to see past the SERIOULSY DEFORMED skin I have. Much more so than I am.

I really don't understand the guy insecurity thing. Like our relationships are threatened just because someone else might find us more attractive than they did before...? Does that mean they were initially attracted to us because we were "safe bets"??? And IDK... most of my friends are guys... married guys... and I think they'd like the "arm candy" more than they'd worry about the security of their marriage. Hehe.

But I can tell you that guys tend to be much more face value, as long as it's not something that embarasses them. If he's telling you voluntarily that it's about his insecurities, either it is - or it's something even worse. I know it's old news, but just talk to him about it. Even if it doesn't solve anything, at least neither of you will have questions or doubts.

Personally I don't get it, I love my husband, he had loved me at almost 300lbs. I feel I'm going to love him no matter what happens. This is something I want, it's hard to think about going against something he wants because he gives me everything I want, and is sooo good to me. This whole incident is totally out of character for him.

I'm always saying I think my sleeve is making me crazy, cause of my out there mood swings, looks like its rubbing off on him.

[Wheetsin 714]

Oh I agree with you. (My response was mainly to someone else -- if you were even posting that for my benefit.)

I'd like to have my non-destroyed body back some day. But I'm just not sure it will ever be worth it to me. And I don't mean financially. I mean - risk, results (umm lots of ppl who had plastics look kinda butchered...), recovery, etc.

What I meant is that plastics are not necessary to live. In many cases they are medically necessary, but I could survive without it. I hate it, but I could live.

I'm just saying that her husband feels he doesn't want her to risk it. It comes down to her decision, but I'm just saying that I can see where he is coming from.