Alcohol And Non Compliant Husband

[Healthy Mama 1]

I'm trying to be more patient with the process. I am sick of Water, indigestion and trouble sleeping, but my spousal problem is front and center.

I am SO grateful for my lack of desire to drink alcohol as it used to be a regular part of my life. That said I am having huge problem with my husband's lack of desire to change eating and drinking habits. Pre-op we talked in depth and he agreed things would change for the better, but they have not. I hate being around someone that is so opposite all that I am trying so hard to be. Last week he bought fried chicken for he and our 9 year old. He is 50 lbs overweight with high cholesterol and in complete denial. We are arguing terribly as well. He disgusts me with his choices and most of all his denial. I don't want to do anything drastic but I want a healthy household for our son and me and I certainly think about how much easier it would be without him around.

Yes, I know he probably needs AA, but he will not go, so all other advice is more than appreciated!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

People have to want to change. Your husband is clearly not there yet. Perhaps once he sees your great results before his own eyes he will be more motivated. Your frustration, while understandable, will not move him to help himself.

Meanwhile do what you have to for yourself and your son. Put your foot down about his health. Next time you see fried chicken in the house throw it in the garbage and make something healthy. My coworkers are always bringing donuts, pizza or kolaches and leaving them out for everyone to eat, and severely tempting me. I have thrown more than one box of donuts in the dumpster. As I lose, others around me are starting to get inspired to do the same, but I don't try to convince anyone to do it....they have to really want it.

Hang in there. This is a tough situation.

[MinaT 669]

I can see what you are dealing with and my recommendation to you is something a bit different. You have control only over what you eat...and your son eats.

While you love your husband, it is up to him what he eats, what he drinks. Arguing with him has not helped as you have pointed out, being disgusted with him isn't helping, now it's time for you to let go of trying to control what he does and focus on you and your son. If you husband wants fried chicken, throwing it out, will only lead to more drama. Your sole responsibility is to your child and your health at this point.

I am almost 9 weeks out. I started the process in November 2011. Every month I lost 10 pounds before surgery on low carb, high Protein. I went through with the surgery, even after I lost 70 pounds. Right before surgery my father started talking to me about what I was eating, I explained it to him in detail. He has gone from 200 to 169. My son has lost 20 pounds, my husband has lost about 10 pounds (he's more resistant to my diet). Only my parents and husband and son knew about my surgery. Now my neighbors are dieting, my sister in law and brother are dieting, people that have seen me and asked what I have been doing I told and they looked at me while shoving chips & dip in their mouth previously, are all like NO WAY, now I'm going to be the fat one in the family.

Now everyone is on a health kick because they seen what bad shape I was in and truly, I look good now.

If you do not want your son to go through what you are going through, you need to take control of him only. Your husband will have to make that decision on his own. You continue cooking your healthy food, this is what you made for dinner, your husband has a choice of eating it or going to McDonalds, he has a choice of drinking alcohol or not, you do NOT have to stoop to his level and go back into your old ways. He has to change.

The more you nag him the more he will resent you. Ultimatums never work. Tell him you love him, tell him you want to see him healthy, and that when he's ready to change his eating, you will be there for him, but until then, you and your son will be eating healthy, and doing things that will benefit your health because you don't want your son to be an unhealthy adult. You love him, but the unhealthy stuff can't be around your son. If he needs food that is unhealthy, buy it just for himself because it's not part of your life anymore.

Stay strong for yourself and son, eventually your husband will come around and if not, you still have to work on being healthy for your son and yourself.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

healthy momma

it is hard when your spouse/SA/ family are not supportive,they buy stuff that is not good food, for you or anyone

DH is overweight, is your young son following his bad foot steps

you don't want son to be overweight as a kid - then continue as an overweight adult - that seems to happen alot

good luck - concentrate on yourself with your eating, and maybe with your help - son will follow your new eating patterns.

think about yourself - the fact that your not drinking anymore shows your strength, good for you

keep up the great work

good luck

kathy

[Bubbaloo10 55]

For most of us, this surgery has worked so well and, like someone who has suddenly found religion after a lifetime of sin, we want to spread the word. We hope everyone will be as enthusiastic about it as we are. The sad fact is that you can't change someone else's behavior unless he wants to change. I would suggest that you dial back the judgement and criticism as far as he is concerned. It will only breed resentment for him and for you. Stick to your guns for you and your son and you will be happier. Good luck....

[gustavo52974 369]

Next time you see fried chicken in the house throw it in the garbage and make something healthy. My coworkers are always bringing donuts, pizza or kolaches and leaving them out for everyone to eat, and severely tempting me. I have thrown more than one box of donuts in the dumpster.

Um, throwing his food, or anyone else's food, in the garbage isn't going to help the situation. Just my two cents, speaking from years of experience.