Final Post

[Bigdogkc 53]

I am one month out, and I am now canceling this account. I joined this site to find support from people that have lived in similar situations as myself. I have found many helpful people in that reguard, but mostly there are a lot of judmental people that reply to posts in counterproductive ways, that are usually boadering on mean. If someone posts on here asking for help, you should certainly give them some answers, but if you start your reply with "Why would you go against your doctor's orders" then you are an idiot. That isn't helpful. They know they are doing something wrong, or they wouldn't have posted for help. Instead, why not actually tell them something that can help them, which will most likely be in their doctor's orders. See then you are talking from your experiance (which is what they are asking for) and not telling them they are a horrible person for not following the rules.

You people on here that post those negative things that someone tried to pass as "tough love" need to understand the consequences of your actions. When someone is making mistakes, and post on here, chances are they are at a minimum down in the dumps, at worse they could be in full on depression. You don't talk down, or lecture a person in that state. You want to build them up, and make them feel like they are a part of a community that cares about them. Instead you make mean and hurtful posts, because in my opinion it makes you feel some how supieror to be able to tell someone else how bad they suck at this. If you think you are somehow helping them, you are off your rocker. You don't get to call yourself a supportive person if you are knocking someone down for making mistakes. These people need help and compassion, not for you to place yourself above them and to pass judment upon them.

The funniest thing about this to me, is that every single person on here joined this site, because we have an issue. We overeat, and have never had enough disciplne to lose the weight on our own. We all needed the help of the Sleeve to lose weight, none of us have done it on our own. But some still think it is ok to talk down to people that aren't doing as well as them. Well I guess in a group of fat people that makes you the best fatty around. Congrats on being better than the rest of us. If you really are that great and special though, you don't need help, so quit coming here and ruining it for newbies.

For the newbies that read this, keep in mind that the answers you want will probably be posted, but they take a little longer toget to, because the mean people seem to be on here the most and like to insult you, so they can feel better about themselves. There are more good poeple than bad here, but it i sometimes difficult to read through all the negative comments to get to the ones that are actually helpful. If you can do that, then this site can help you. Or if you are like me and the negativity is just too much, then leave and find another support group. There are other sites out there that don't have this happen nearly as often.

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

Too many caring people are leaving, I wish you would consider staying. People do come here for support and I can see by your post you know exactly how to support people. It does take empathy and understanding and that does seem to be lacking here lately.

[ShouldBlittler 89]

Good luck!

[Rootman 1,101]

Friend, we all wish you the best on your continuing journey. I've found my experience to be just the opposite of yours, typically people are very supportive and have some wonderful ideas, you've seemed to run aground in a different situation. That's a pity, more for this site than for you.

Again, the best of luck friend, we all do wish you well.

EDIT: Please use the REPORT button on the bottom of each post to report anyone truly being an a$$, I know the admins will hop right on it and take care of the situation.

Also, please remember you just had major surgery, your body is injured and your diet has drastically changed, it's bound change you mentally at least a little and perhaps left you a tad touchy, perhaps you are overreacting a little? Please don't take some peoples fun and trying to bring a little levity into the day as being mean. If you can find the posts that you object to then use the report button and let the admins decide.

[traceyinflorida 499]

Bigdog, I wish you wouldn't leave. It sounds like, as lessofmeismore said, you are a very compassionate and caring person. Most of the posts I see on this site are from compassionate and caring people trying to support one another. None of us is an expert, but it is really helpful to learn from eachother's experience and knowlege. Unfortunately, you are right, there are a few posters who come across as very judgemental and it is very unproductive. I always try to remember that text carries no inflection so it easy to take the intention or meaning of someone's words the wrong way. However, if someone is truely being mean or judgemental, chances are likely they are very unhappy or insecure themselves and that is their way of masking it. It may be hard, but I suggest try to forgive them and move on to the more supportive and productive posts.

I hope to continue to see you around here, but if not I still wish you all the best in your journey to a healthy you!

[gustavo52974 369]

Wow! I know I haven't been on here very long, but I have found nothing but the most amazing, jaw-dropping love and support on this site. I can't imagine making this journey without this kind of forum and the people on here. My experience on here makes me think of the time before the internet and how much different my life would have been without being able to connect with people in this manner.

I'm shocked and dismayed that you feel the way you do. I've never seen anyone say to someone else "you are an idiot" on here. Where did this happen? Who said this?

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

I find it sad that you acknowledge that the answers are here and there is definately more positive reinforcement than negative. And yet you still chose to depart rather than being another person on the positive side of this.

I wish you luck in wherever you choose to go from here. But keep this in mind. There is an old saying " If you are not part of the soloution, then you are part of the problem.".

I think you could definately be part of the soloution if you wanted to be. Farewell

[brymstone 0]

I'm shocked and dismayed that you feel the way you do. I've never seen anyone say to someone else "you are an idiot" on here. Where did this happen? Who said this?

that would be the pot calling the kettle black.. The very person that said there were too many folks on here just being mean is the very same person that said "you are an idiot".

I'm shocked and dismayed that you feel the way you do. I've never seen anyone say to someone else "you are an idiot" on here. Where did this happen? Who said this?

[IsB 209]

Sorry to see you go but if it isn't helping then you really should find something else that works better for you. Good luck

[Piplula 709]

Gosh..I am sadden to hear that you feel your experience here has been a disappointment. I have not had that experience. I hope you will reconsider, but I understand! I wish you the best!

[Sherry77 166]

Sorry to see you go big dog.... Unfortunately much of what you say is true. I do think this site can be very supportive in many ways though, you just need to weed through the negative comments and those who comment on everything regardless, if they know how to answere the questions. I guess when there are 35,000 people, there are bound to be several not so great ones in the bunch.... Good luck to you.

[Marty McSkinnystein 342]

My first thought is I haven't had any bad experiences and only support here and I can be quite sensitive.

But just the other day I just talked with a friend from here on the phone and we both said if we ever messed up bad we probably wouldn't say it here.

So that kinda means I do understand.

I guess some people fear that if they say "Don't worry. Everyone makes mistakes, just get back on the horse" that they'll be giving permission for everyone to "break the rules" and put many reading at a big risk for complications.

It's a big world and just like at work and in the world you don't always don't along with everyone or respect some, same here. We'd expect/hope for only acceptance but I guess it's not realistic from every person.

I'm not going anywhere.

But I wish you luck and hope you find a place that suits your needs.

Maybe you'll come back sometime.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

mean people seem to be on here the most and like to insult you,

Bigdogkc

i hope you are visiting the board for awhile, so you read the many replies to your post.

i've been here for 7 1/2 months - i only see positive remarks, suggestions, sympathy on this board

in life, you might come across people that might be too blunt, not meaning to be hurtful - not the most personable people. unfortunately this is a true statement

it might come across that way. or maybe there are some people that could be down right obnoxious - i haven't seen those posts though

you possibly might have misunderstood the way someone replied to a post - its hard to read people well when you can't see their faces

i only wish i could talk to you in person so we could discuss the situation one on one

many, many newbies, veterans periodically say how much they appreciate the help they receive on the boards

sorry for your bad experiences

continued good luck with your sleeve and weight loss

kathy

[TracyLynn 30]

I am new here, just looking around a lot. I wish you well through all of this and you find a good place. Even though some people can appear to be rude, you cannot tell the tone of text, I hope this is the issue, not that there are those whom are being judgemental.

I agree with what you said, some people here are at the end of their rope, and they do not have anyone supportive around them at home. Sometimes one rude thing being said can ruin someones day or make them hurt even more.

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

Good luck to you.

I know you have made up your mind and you are leaving. But hope you give us all another chance.