Not Looking Forward To The Attention!

[carolc 94]

Does this sound crazy?

I am a very friendly, sociable person but not one that enjoys the spotlight. I remember the last time I got thin, it was very uncomfortable to have so much attention. I will admit that positive attention is much easier to take than the hushed negative whispers "oh my gosh, she got so fat" kind of attention.

Then there is the other nasty problem:

I am already dreading the bunches of people (and I know who they are) who will be giving me attention and compliments on my weight loss. I was an average size person and then I gained a lot of weight after having 3 kids, and then I was heavy (not this heavy though) for years, I finally lost a lot after the last baby and noticed all of these new friends I was making! These were the groups of people that I knew the entire time I was pregnant and they never noticed me once. After I gained this current weight, all of a sudden I wasn't included in events or even conversations. The bigger I get the more invisible I become! I am onto the shallowminded people now and won't fall for that nonsense anymore but it does really irk me that our friendship depends entirely on my weight.

Anyone else have similar feelings?

[traceyc 89]

I know the feeling. I noticed the more weight I gained the less people would do nice things like hold doors open. I still think sometimes this is all in my head, but I don't think all of it can be. I do think that some of the people not talking to me as much when I became larger was because I was not confident in myself and people were getting that vibe. I was miserable at my highest weight and I think that showed. People I think can see the unhappy and just naturally stay away, but there are for sure people out there that judge just on looks unfortunately.

[TMyers1471 87]

I was having the same fears, but, surprisingly, I LOVE the attention because I am learning to love ME!!!!

[kittenkate 186]

I have never had a problem with the spotlight being on me. I spent soooo many years in the shadows because of my weight that I am soaking up every ounce of positive attention I can get. Sometimes I think "If I had just lost this weight in high school I would have been so much more popular". However. I am very strong minded and strong willed and down to earth. That may not be the case had I not had to be strong and deal with the negativity from my peers growing up.

That being said. The tables have turned and now its other people wanting to be MY friend instead of the other way around. Guys hold doors for me, buy me drinks, give me compliments. I'm strong enough and smart enough to be able to appreciate and enjoy the attention without leading them to believe something is going to happen that SO isn't.

Everyone is different. You're either comfortable or you aren't. We had this surgery to improve our lives, not other people's lives. Surround yourself with people you trust and love. Everyone else is just trying to mooch off your happiness and success!

[Supersweetums 1,164]

I can totally understand that, especially since these so called "friends" are obviously very shallow and judgmental. Maybe look at it with a new spin, they will all of a sudden want to be YOUR friend, and you, conveniently, just will not have any time for them. Could end up being more rewarding if you shine a different light on it??

I am glad that you have realized that those people are not your friends and you can surround yourself with your loving family and true friends to support you.

And we are discriminated against, no doubt about it! Maybe there are times that we think people are judging us when they really are not, but I know there are times that they are. It is so sad that humans treat other humans so poorly.

[keldolbeth 262]

I can't say I've felt the exact same way you do because I've always been a big girl, no ups and downs. However, I do agree with whoever said that part of it is because we are happier and more confident. The new friends isn't all related to being more accepted as a smaller person.

I do fear the new attention I am and will be getting as I lose more weight. As of now I like it because I still look like me (aka I'm still fat). But once I become a more normal sized person I almost don't want the attention. I discussed it with my psychologist and explained that for my entire life most of the attention I got due to my body was negative. It's hard to get it out of my head that I'm getting positive attention for my body because any attention seems negative. This scares me because I'm already noticing that I don't know how to respond when people compliment me. However, a few friends (some close, some not) have included "you've always been beautiful/hot/pretty/etc" which I know is true so that flatters and doesn't bother me.

I think it's a learning curve for most and an especially sensitive one since weight is such a personal and overly scrutinized issue.

[Izuri 428]

I think about this too. I lost weight a few years ago, never got to goal, but significantly thinner and it was really amazing how different people, even just my coworkers, treated me.

I am trying not to think about it at this point and just enjoy the good feeling of getting healthy. I am planning on enrolling in counseling and I think this will definitely be one of the topics I bring up. I feel like half of me will like the attention and half of me will resent the people who suddenly are my friends again. I'm hoping to convert it mostly if not all to happy =) I want to be able to enjoy my success without things like that bringing me down.