Let's Try This Again...shall We?

[tallysfunny 363]

Ok...where to start. I have been big all my life, but when I was young I was an athletic kind of big. I played sports from the time I was 8 until I blew my knee out during softball season my junior year of high school. By then I had played softball annually, field hockey for a couple years and basketball. I was my current height (6') by the time I was 14. Which for a chick...is freaking tall. I'm from a family of giants.

I have a horrible family history with regards to obesity. Grandfather died at 48 from a heart attack. My uncle had gastric bypass but failed it. Lost 150 in a short time, but put it all back and then some. He has stretched his stomach out and eats all the things he shouldn't eat. My dad is overweight, but not by much. My other uncle is the biggest I have ever seen him. My youngest cousin is bigger than I ever was at that age. It's a horrible up hill battle that I have been fighting for decades now.

Ok, now for the funny fat chick to kick in. I'm tired of shopping at "Lane Giant" as I am want to call it. I hate putting on a dress because it makes me feel like I am wearing something I picked up from a tent and awning store. It's crap. I'm constantly afraid of starting forest fires with the thigh chaffing I rock. The folds of skin? Over it. The stares, rude comments...over it. Being overlooked or ignored and having people act surprised when they walk into me...really? I'm huge...how can you NOT see me?im tired of being invisible. Of being unworthy. Of not mattering simply because of my appearance.

So I looked into this in 2001 when I lived in Mass. Insurance denied me despite doing everything they said to. I looked into gastric bypass again in 2008 while living n Greenville, SC. No deal with the insurance again. So I gave up. Ate myself into an oblivion...stayed in a bad marriage far too long. Generally just hated life.

Now I am doing the insurance approval marathon. I live in Florida now and I'm doing everything that my insurance company said to. I have been assured by the program coordinator that it's a done deal. I have the comorbities that I didn't have back then. I'm also heavier than I have been in a long time. I am in week 3 of a 16 week Weight management program. This is required by my insurance. I meet my surgeon next Tuesday. I have a cardiologist appointment on Thursday of this week. And I will find out next week who else my surgeon wants clearance from.

Here's some stats...I'm 33, 6' tall and I weigh 320. I'm looking to get down to 170. That puts me into a normal BMI. And I want a little normalcy in my life right now. I'm sick of carrying this burden. And I'm really tired of the push back I am getting about choosing the sleeve. I know I don't look like I'm as heavy as the scale says I am, it doesn't change the reality of my situation.

Tentatively according to my coordinator, I should have a surgery date for the first or second week i November. I'm nervous but not too bad. I hope to make some friends here and get the support I need and we all need to traverse this life changing decision.

***i have attached a sort of before pic to show what I am starting with.

[unknown54678997 50]

Firstly, I think its so sad the way us 'fat people perceive ourselves. I read your story then I looked at your photo and thought 'what the hell?'. The photo doesn't match the story. We are our worst critics! I totally understand where you are coming from. When I announced that I was having surgery, most responses were 'why? your not THAT big'. I had to refrain from answering because my list of why's is a metre long. At the end of the day its about how we feel. I wish you all the best with your approval. I am 6 days post op and have no regrets whatsoever. I'm excited for the future. Now that alone is a feeling I haven't felt for quite some years. Keep us posted on your progress. I'm Michelle 37, 5'4, starting weight 93kilo, weight now 89kilo. Goal weight 63kilo

[kelliecalgary 18]

I thought the same exact thing. It took me a long time to realize that some people don't see themselves the same way I do. My mother in law thinks that she is overweight, and I think she is skinny as a rail. Same with both my sisters who are size 0 and size 2!!

Personally I think you are an ideal size! One that I am striving to get to. You have curves!

But I wish you the best with your journey and hope that you are able to get to where you want to be....

[Jen K 20]

Let me start by saying welcome. You sound like a woman who knows what she wants. I agree with the above post, we are our worst critics. You are a beautiful woman and I hope one day soon you will feel that way too! Best of luck in your insurance obstacle. :-)

[shelly77 20]

Your story really hit home with me. I have been overweight my entire life. Coming from a musical family, not an athletic one, I was a size 18/20 in high school. Marching band was my only form of exercise! Now, I'm 35 and had tried every kind of diet and exercise program I could, and would do good, but ultimately fail. I tried and tried, always knowing this time would be different, but I'd end up failing, and feeling like a failure. I know and understand how you see yourself, but when I saw your picture, I didnt see what you do. You are a very pretty person.

I thought for years about surgery. I went round and round with my insurance company who refused to cover my surgery. I was on blood pressure medicine, pre-diabetic, and both my parents have died with heart disease...and neither one of them were near as overweight as I am. So, I decided even without my insurance covering, I was doing this. I figured if I needed a car, I would either save or finance it, and my health is more important than a car. I am by no means wealthy. I teach in a public school and my husband is self-employed. With my husband's full support, I had my sleeve almost 2 weeks ago. (July 18th)

I am 5'7", 35 years old, and have lost 16 pounds since my surgery, putting me at 266. It has been difficult, but so worth it. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Believe in yourself!!!! I wish you the best.

[tallysfunny 363]

Firstly' date=' I think its so sad the way us 'fat people perceive ourselves. I read your story then I looked at your photo and thought 'what the hell?'. The photo doesn't match the story. We are our worst critics! I totally understand where you are coming from. When I announced that I was having surgery, most responses were 'why? your not THAT big'. I had to refrain from answering because my list of why's is a metre long. At the end of the day its about how we feel. I wish you all the best with your approval. I am 6 days post op and have no regrets whatsoever. I'm excited for the future. Now that alone is a feeling I haven't felt for quite some years. Keep us posted on your progress. I'm Michelle 37, 5'4, starting weight 93kilo, weight now 89kilo. Goal weight 63kilo [/quote']

I hear that comment " why? You're not THAT big" all the time. And I work in a hospital. All my docs that I need clearance from aside from the surgeon and psychologist are my coworkers. Even my cardiologist is like girl you are so fit. But I'm not. Besides being able to reach the stuff on high shelves and being able to see the top of the refrigerator...I'm extremely tall. That means my weight is distributed so much differently than most women. Plus I carry a lot of muscle. But I'm still a 26 bottom and a 20/22 top. Depends on where I get my clothes.

I think it comes down to wanting whats best for me. And being willing to fight for it. I am worth it! We are all worth it!!

It's great to meet you Michelle. I'm Tally. Lemme know how it goes for you too!!

[tallysfunny 363]

I thought the same exact thing. It took me a long time to realize that some people don't see themselves the same way I do. My mother in law thinks that she is overweight' date=' and I think she is skinny as a rail. Same with both my sisters who are size 0 and size 2!!

Personally I think you are an ideal size! One that I am striving to get to. You have curves!

But I wish you the best with your journey and hope that you are able to get to where you want to be....[/quote']

No one ever believes me when I tell them my size or weight. I get no way! That's impossible. I do have curves and I plan on keeping them...I just want a healthier version of me. I haven't always been so open of even confident. I just decided to hell with people and what they think of me. It's my opinion that what anyone else thinks of me is none of my business. It's so freeing to finally embrace that thought.

[tallysfunny 363]

Let me start by saying welcome. You sound like a woman who knows what she wants. I agree with the above post' date=' we are our worst critics. You are a beautiful woman and I hope one day soon you will feel that way too! Best of luck in your insurance obstacle. :-)[/quote']

Thanks for the welcome. I have been lurking for about a month now. Light posts here and there. Ihopeto embrace one day what others see.

[tallysfunny 363]

Your story really hit home with me. I have been overweight my entire life. Coming from a musical family' date=' not an athletic one, I was a size 18/20 in high school. Marching band was my only form of exercise! Now, I'm 35 and had tried every kind of diet and exercise program I could, and would do good, but ultimately fail. I tried and tried, always knowing this time would be different, but I'd end up failing, and feeling like a failure. I know and understand how you see yourself, but when I saw your picture, I didnt see what you do. You are a very pretty person.

I thought for years about surgery. I went round and round with my insurance company who refused to cover my surgery. I was on blood pressure medicine, pre-diabetic, and both my parents have died with heart disease...and neither one of them were near as overweight as I am. So, I decided even without my insurance covering, I was doing this. I figured if I needed a car, I would either save or finance it, and my health is more important than a car. I am by no means wealthy. I teach in a public school and my husband is self-employed. With my husband's full support, I had my sleeve almost 2 weeks ago. (July 18th)

I am 5'7", 35 years old, and have lost 16 pounds since my surgery, putting me at 266. It has been difficult, but so worth it. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Believe in yourself!!!! I wish you the best.[/quote']

Thank you so much. I wish you the best too. It seems like such an amazing process for us to undergo. I agree with our health being so important. I need to invest in myself just as I would anything else of importance. My PCP wanted me to do this a year ago. I asked for one year to do it on my own. All I ended up doing was injuring myself over and over again. I gave it a shot, I need more help. And that's ok.

[Prissy 8]

I totally understand where you are coming from! I've been told that I'm not "that big" my whole life. People get comfortable with telling you certain things and it's kinda ridiculous! I hate having to go shopping with my friends and sitting to the side because they can get anything in the store but I'm too embarrassed to ask them to go to a store where I can actually try things on. I'm over people telling me that I have a really big butt( because it's the biggest part on my body) but saying, "that's a good thing!" People are cruel and do not know the affect it leaves on others.

My surgery is next Tuesday and I am ready for it! I cannot wait!! It has been a long time coming! The whole process has taken a really long time but it has made me make sure this is what I want and that I will stay focused and accomplish what I need to for ME to be happy! I hope you are able to accomplish the same for yourself!

I wish you the best of luck with all the insurance stuff and meeting with your surgeon!

[JenC 90]

Oh my gosh, you're funny. If insurance doesn't cover you, you could do stand up to earn the extra cash for surgery. Funny aside, I know where you're coming from with the " you're not that big and you're healthy " comments. I went to information seminars and first consultation appointments 2 years ago where they basically told me gain 40lbs to qualify or book a ticket to Mexico and self pay. I had a BMI of 35 with no co-morbities. I went away discouraged and put it on the back burner. In June I had, had enough... thinking about it time, and picked up the phone and booked a July 14 surgery date with Dr. Aceves in Mexicali Mexico. So far I'm thinking it's the best $8750 I've ever spent. And by the way, if I had to do it again, I would'nt choose to do it anywhere else after the outstanding care and experience that I had.

I'm Jennifer I'm 5'8" / 17 days post op / down 17 pounds. Good luck with the insurance battle, hope you win but if you don't there are excellent alternatives. I look forward to hearing more about your journey.

[Gastricsleeve4me 186]

Good luck! I'm 5'7" and started at 250...people I've told are shocked when I told them I had surgery, since they never thought I was "huge". But 10 weeks and nearly 50 lbs lighter, it feels awesome to get all the comments from people saying how good I'm looking. And shedding those lbs (I was similar sizes to you) pushing me into an 18 and soon a 16...and so on. It feels amazing and I say go for it. I opted to say screw the insurance process even though I have it, and went to Mexico. I just didn't want the hassle and was fortunate that it was an option for me. Something to consider if insurance doesn't work out!

[tallysfunny 363]

It's definitely something I will explore if need be. I think my coordinator this time around is gonna make all the difference in the world. She is amazing, so sweet and on top of her game. Plus my appointments have so far just been falling to my lap, plus my insurance just approved the sleeve effect 06/01/2012. So how awesome is that.

[Gastricsleeve4me 186]

It's definitely something I will explore if need be. I think my coordinator this time around is gonna make all the difference in the world. She is amazing' date=' so sweet and on top of her game. Plus my appointments have so far just been falling to my lap, plus my insurance just approved the sleeve effect 06/01/2012. So how awesome is that.[/quote']

That IS awesome! I think you'll really love the experience. Ironically, while those of us who are fortunate to not yet have debilitating illness due to obesity are probably often seen as needing the surgery less, part of me wanted it before I had those problems and to up my chances of a healthy/speedy recovery. Emotionally stuff has been hard but my physical recovery has been absolutely flawless. Part great surgeon, part good luck...but I think part that I went into it "healthy" (emotionally and physically) and bounced back

[Gastricsleeve4me 186]

Oh my gosh' date=' you're funny. If insurance doesn't cover you, you could do stand up to earn the extra cash for surgery. Funny aside, I know where you're coming from with the " you're not that big and you're healthy " comments. I went to information seminars and first consultation appointments 2 years ago where they basically told me gain 40lbs to qualify or book a ticket to Mexico and self pay. I had a BMI of 35 with no co-morbities. I went away discouraged and put it on the back burner. In June I had, had enough... thinking about it time, and picked up the phone and booked a July 14 surgery date with Dr. Aceves in Mexicali Mexico. So far I'm thinking it's the best 8750 I've ever spent. And by the way, if I had to do it again, I would'nt choose to do it anywhere else after the outstanding care and experience that I had.

I'm Jennifer I'm 5'8" / 17 days post op / down 17 pounds. Good luck with the insurance battle, hope you win but if you don't there are excellent alternatives. I look forward to hearing more about your journey.[/quote']

Also had aceves! May 21. The best thing I've ever done for myself, though breast reduction was a close one. Wish I would have switched the order of those surgeries, lol