To Tell Or Not To Tell?

[Tisa 52]

Hey there, well i'm getting all my pre op stuff out of the way for surgery, and i haven't told my dad or sister, just my mom and one of my friends. I don't really want to tell anyone, not because i'm ashamed just because i don't want to be the poster child for wls. i feel like my sis and dad are very judgemental but people are eventually going to notice me not eating that much sooner or later. What do you guys think i should do? I was thinking about telling people im getting back surgery because technically this is for my back pain mostly but then again maybe i just shouldnt say anything at all? I feel like most people have the wrong idea about wls and are too quick to judge. Were you guys open or secretive about your surgery

[JenC 90]

I told my husband, who accompanied me and is totally supportive and my sister in law...so someone had our travel itenarary to Mexico, and no one else. Like you I don't want to be anyone's poster child. Nor do I want to have to spend time and energy explaining, defending or discussing the merits or risks with anyone else. I've done my research and I've made my own decision. I decided this time and this journey was for me and I'm keeping it personal...only sharing it with a few thousand people going through the same thing here on these boards...lol. When people ask what I'm doing (re: my eating habits or right now lack thereof) I just say I'm eating less and moving more which is all true.

Once I'm further in my journey if someone I know is looking for support or advice and asks my opinion I will gladly share my support and experience but until then for me....mums the word.

[ibehere10 163]

Hi Tesa

Like you I have been very selective as to who I tell. I have a sister and brother that I have not told yet as I am pretty sure they will be judgemental about my choice. I will tell them once I get approval from insurane company which should be in the next 10 days or so. The others I have told are very supportive and for that I am grateful! So do what you believe is best for you, you certainly don't need any more stress at this time!

Diane

[Helene13 9]

I as well have told few people and those I did tell are very supportive. I didn't tell my husband family because they are so judgmental and I do not want to hear it and they LOVE to talk crap about people. All I am going to say is just like my RN told be at my post office visit- "I have been eating less and moving more" - Which is not a lie. So, thats the story I am going with. Good luck and this is your decision to make you feel better!

[thehappycat 91]

I've been pretty open about my surgery and so far everyone has been supportive, even people who don't really agree with what I'm doing (i.e. my mom). I think you should say something to the people closest to you as they're going to notice how little you're eating and your massive weight loss.

I'd say go for it and if you do get some negative responses, ignore them. You know why you're doing this, you don't need anyone else's opinion on it.

[iegal 460]

I told no one but a select few girlfriends and my DH. My mom was not told until 3 months after surgery which was a hard secret since she only lives a block away. Daughter only found out after she found paperwork in my bedroom. My dad still does not know. Slowly I have told a few trusted family members. Glad I faced my demons on my own and was not scrutinized at every bite I took...or didn't take.

At almost two years out - I have no regrets of having VSG surgery.

Wishing you the best!

[Izuri 428]

Whether or not you want to tell people is definitely a very personal decision. I think you should go with whatever you feel deep down. I was not very open about my surgery until Thursday when I had it done, but more because I didn't want to tell everyone and have a complication come up and not get the surgery and have told them. Now that I am sleeved, I have let my family know it's okay to tell. Everyone so far has been super supportive, with the exception of one or two friends. The only people who haven't been supportive are people who have dieted and lost on their own. When we talked about it it felt a little like they felt my surgery was scoffing at their hard work or something. I'm happy with my surgery, and if it helps me get more years back on my life free from disease, then they can say whatever they want. The people who really care about me will at least be happy that I'm healthier =)

[amykins 202]

I have only told one close friend who supports me completely even though she is naturally thin. But she has seen me struggle over ther the past 12-14 years. My closet is full of clothes from size 10-16. I really need 18 pants but I refuse to go there. I don't plan to tell anyone before and probably for a while after. My parents are severely overweight and smoke and have health issues but I can guarantee that they would have a fit about it, much less that I'm going to Mexico to have it done. I am stressing enough enough about this 180 degree life change. I don't need negative feedback from anyone.

[iggychic 1,405]

Only my mom and husband know. I told mom because if there was a complication and I didn't make it I wouldn't want to have kept her in the dark. My sn knows I have an owwie in my tummy (he's six) and then I also told his nanny because I'll need her extra help. Aside from that I am not telling anyone. My line in response to "you look great what are you doing?" is going to be "a strict liquid diet and HARD work) which isn't a lie .

[hope2beslim 17]

I am with everyone on this... Had mine done on Monday and only my husband and son know. If anyone asks its a strict liquid only diet and hard work to get the weight off.

[iggychic 1,405]

I was going to add...I'm a fairly private person. I wouldn't tell anyone except the above mentioned people if I was having a Tummy Tuck, boob job or cheek implants so to me this is no different. My medical history is between me and the doc and even close friends don't need to know it. That's just how I roll .

[prettysleeved1 173]

I assume you're over 18 and you're either using your own insurance or your own money so you can tell or not tell whomever you want because it's nobody's business.

[Back~To~Amy 307]

I think you should tell only who you want to tell. My immediate family knows but none of my extended family does. I've told a few close friends and some coworkers. Other coworkers now know though as people can't keep their mouth shut. At first it bothered me but now it doesn't. Probably because they've all been supportive. Anyway, my point there is to be careful because some people you tell may tell others even of you ask them not to. Good luck in your journey.

[kczar 166]

I've told pretty much everyone in my life. When I focus in on something, I tend to be obsessive. The sleeve has kind of taken over my thoughts and I want to talk about it a lot. I'm also lousy about hiding my emotions and I'm so excited the news spills out almost on its own.

I've gotten really positive feedback from everyone, aside from a couple of people telling me I'm "not big enough" to have the surgery. I chalk that up to the fact that they love me so don't see how I truly look.

Everyone is different. If you're a private person, you're not going to want to share. If not, or if you get really excited about it, you'll want to shout it from the rooftops. Good luck and I hope you get support from everyone you do choose to tell.

[IMSKINNY 160]

I've told 2 of my 3 brothers and a few close friends, but I have to admit that it has been eating me up not telling my parents. My brothers convinced me to tell my Dad something. So, I told him I was having a hernia repair (true), but I didn't tell him about the sleeve. I regret telling him what I told him. He's 83 and very active, but a worrier. My mother is 77 and worse than he is about worrying. Now, he's saying they will come visit after the surgery. I shouldn't have told him! I could care less about what the rest of the folks around here think! When weightloss becomes noticeable, I will share with people that are sincere in their concern. The rest will get the old diet and exercise story!