How dare she!!!

[green 6]

When I had a job where I had to deal with people, a long, long time ago, I would just say "can I help you?" This is entirely neutral. What bothers me are individuals who wish to sell me something and open up contact by asking me, a complete stranger, how I am. On the phone or at my front door they will do this even before identifying who they are. I remember when I was very young a salesperson would say, "Hello. My name is (fill in the blanks) and I represent the so and so company and I would like to interest you in (fill in the blanks)." Very brief and to the point.

Now they say "how are you?" How are you going to reply to that? None of your biz. Ya really wanna know?? Fine, and yourself (not that I am interested because you are a stranger). Fine, thanx, is what I say and then I say "so what do you want to sell me?" That always shocks them.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

When I go to the doctor's office and a nurse greets me with, "Hello. How are you?", I usually respond with "Not well enough not to be here."

I was in the hospital many years ago and a woman that I assumed was a nurse came over to me and (like a dozen women previously had) asked, "How are you?" and I said "fine, thank you". I received a bill in the mail for $150 for consultation by Dr. xxxxxx.

Since then, whenever a medical person asks, "How are you?" I ask "Who are you?" and then I ask "Is that a medical question or a greeting?"

[Bettina 0]

Since we're on the topic of weight descrimination here, I have a little story for you all. I used to be an elementary school teacher. My first teaching job was third grade in the town next to ours. I was overweight, maybe 225 at the time and 29 years old. I was hired with 4 other women at the same time. The other women were fresh out of college, young and thin. The vice principal would come in our rooms and check on our lessons occasionally as we were new teachers. He would give us feedback on how we were doing and what needed improvement.

Every time this man came into my class, the feedback he would give me would be the same, "You need to move around more, circulate more. You look lazy" It got to the point where I was never allowed to sit at my desk, not even to take the attendance!!! I was extremely frusterated with what he was telling me, because it just didn't make sense. My students were learning, I was getting praise from parents about how motivated the kids were. It just made no sense.

I didn't get it until I saw him observing one of the other new teachers. She was sitting on her desk the entire time she taught a math lesson. Didn't get up once!! I met her in the teacher's lounge on our break and asked what feedback the vice principal gave her, (assuming she caught hell for sitting on the desk) and she said that he told her she did a wonderful job!!!!

Because she was thin, she was allowed to sit on a desk while teaching a lesson and since I was overweight I had to be constantly moving in order to not appear "LAZY". It was a double standard I couldn't bear and I left that school at the end of that year. BTW, I got tons of letters and phone calls from parents devastated that I wouldn't be there to teach their younger children.

The descrimination exists and it's cruel.[/quot]

That is exactly why I am being banded.....i am done college in 3 semesters. It is so wrong to descriminate, but it happens. I don't want to be a heavy teacher.....i hear how the kids talk about their teachers: gotta be pretty and thin. I applaud you for leaving...do the parents know why you left??

As far as the other postings about the stupid clerk...I just wouldnt shop there.....fat is a descrimination you can't really fight..its telling people how they are supposed to think...just feel sorry for these idiots...If it were me, when I get thin I'd go back if the clerk was still there...have her help me with $600 worth of clothes (or more) and then change my mind!! Ha ha.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Unfortunately discrimination is alive and well in many aspects of life, but being plus size we do have a big advantage, we can change our weight. But being skin color, ethnicity, and race can not be changed. As much as I hate being fat I have myself to blame.

People hate others that are not like them. And actually I think that overweight people can threatening to others. Most of my skinny friends tell me that they wish they could be as happy as me. They don't know I am just being the life of the party so I make sure they are laughing with me, not at me.

:think

[housecatgirl 0]

Originally Posted by Teresita

Insert gripe here: I can't stand when the cashier puts the money on the counter.....what......I will stare at them and continue to hold my hand out until it gets in the palm of my hand. Please forgive me but I have run across this only with asians on about 4 occasions. If I am with someone and the cashier does that, I tell them not to pick it up. If you had put the money down on the counter I could understand but you didn't, you put it in their hand. Phone call, email, letter, something.....

While living in Brooklyn, I knew some Asians on a personal basis and I was told that it is considered disrespectful to touch another person without their permission. I know it annoys me too.

Yes, my husband is asian, as is my mother in law. She thought I was crazy when I started hugging her goodbye after a visit. Now she's used to me. I really don't think they are trying to be disrespectful by laying it on the counter...I think it's just the opposite...they probably think you would be uncomfortable with it being placed in your hand. Oh and it's not because you're not asian they are that way with eachother, too.

[green 6]

My family comes from England. We were always very formal with people and never touched except in times of great emotion. I am still somewhat uncomfortable with hugging people unless I have been drinking. When I was living in France I had to learn a new trick. Folks over there give each other air kisses on both cheeks when they greet each other and again when they say good bye. Though I lived there for 3 years I never really got comfortable with that. I was raised that kissing someone was a sign of the great affection you felt for them. Remember, I have trouble even hugging folks. In France I was routinely kissed by individuals whom I knew personally loathed me. Of course it is just a custom there but one which I never learned to like. Still, one of the interesting things about being around different people is exactly that, their differences. I learn a lot about people and even more about myself.:puke:

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

I know how you feel, but in reverse. My wife's British family acted like they had shields around them. The only person that hugged me was my wife. Shaking hands with relatives seemed so formal. :puke:

[green 6]

LOL! You and I are built back to front. When someone throws themselves into my arms I find myself gingerly tapping them on the back with my fingertips. It's the way I was brought up.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

I find that so much can be accomplished by simple communication.

I tried discussing the situation first with my wife and then with her siblings who I thought would be most receptive. The father-in-law never loosened up beyond playful humor. Dialog can be constructive as long as it does not start with "why don't you do it the right way?" or "why don't you do it my way"?

"I noticed that our families don't share the same type of closeness when we greet each other. I just would like to explain how I was brought up..." seemed to work to some degree.

I even tried a similar approach with a store keeper who's store that I frequented very often. I started by always saying hello, how are you? and goodbye. After about ten visits, when there was no one else within hearing distance, I asked if he felt offended if our hands would touch during an exchange of money and then went from there.

[wavydaby 1]

I had to share this.

The beginning of August I was enrolled in our corporate diversity two day class, manditory class. (ugh, I hate everyone with equal opportunity)

So I go and we are learning skills to greet people with differences and not to ignore differences. Ok, I buy that.

We were all asked at one point to share a discrimination. We had a couple of African American men and women to share their stories, a couple of homosexual people, a couple of women who were discriminated against by men.. you know the drill. So I shared my "I'm fat" discrimination story.

Get this, the freaks who were TEACHING the class, said, "oh, well, mm, next story" All of the other stories got, "oh so sorry" and "class, what should we do to help over come this type of discrimination".

So being fat and discriminated against is not as impt as being gay or black.

Just wanted everyone to know.

And yes, I let them have it on the evaluations and wrote a letter to our training dpt.

[green 6]

Sometimes it seems as though fat is the final frontier, doesn't it? I feel badly that your/our concern got such short schrift in the corporate diversity class, wavy, especially as much more is known about this issue of weight now. We know, for instance, that it has to do with the luck of the genetic deck as much as anything else, and we know that the entire industrialised world is getting fatter. It was discriminatory and therefore wrong for your issue to be ignored in that class. Perhaps you may wish to write them a letter or a manifesto at some future point. I myself am always annoyed at the lack of decent clothing choices once a grrl hits size big and bitch about this routinely on my own blog and elsewhere.

As for being brought up British, it sure has presented me with problems over the years. My discomfort when anyone infringes the 3-foot no-fly zone extends to everyone except my mate. This means that I am always exceedingly uncomfortable around tiny children who naturally think that every lap is theirs to sit on. And I remember my horror when I was small and adults wanted to pick me up and give me a kiss! How I detested this in much the same way that I hate it now when folks insist that their children kiss me. I am more physically friendly now but this has been learned behaviour on my part. I think to myself must touch arm or pat shoulder! I guess I show my affection for people through my conversation and my letters....

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Sometimes it seems as though fat is the final frontier, doesn't it? I feel badly that your/our concern got such short schrift in the corporate diversity class, wavy, especially as much more is known about this issue of weight now. We know, for instance, that it has to do with the luck of the genetic deck as much as anything else, and we know that the entire industrialised world is getting fatter. It was discriminatory and therefore wrong for your issue to be ignored in that class. Perhaps you may wish to write them a letter or a manifesto at some future point. I myself am always annoyed at the lack of decent clothing choices once a grrl hits size big and bitch about this routinely on my own blog and elsewhere.

I guess the feeling is that Blacks can't help being Black, Gays may not be able to help being Gay, but Fat people can just stop eating so much and exercise more. They have no pity on us because they see us as self-inflicting our problems.

As for being brought up British, it sure has presented me with problems over the years. My discomfort when anyone infringes the 3-foot no-fly zone extends to everyone except my mate. This means that I am always exceedingly uncomfortable around tiny children who naturally think that every lap is theirs to sit on. And I remember my horror when I was small and adults wanted to pick me up and give me a kiss! How I detested this in much the same way that I hate it now when folks insist that their children kiss me. I am more physically friendly now but this has been learned behaviour on my part. I think to myself must touch arm or pat shoulder! I guess I show my affection for people through my conversation and my letters....

I have been able to help my wife overcome her stiff upper-lip veneer to some extent. She can pass herself off as US born. She still has some issues with people getting close to her face, but she is only really bad about dogs now. We have had at least one dog for each of the past 36 years (at times 3 at once), yet she acts like their fur and mouth contain poison which must not be handled. People are a little easier for her to deal with except when she is eating.

[wavydaby 1]

I guess the feeling is that Blacks can't help being Black, Gays may not be able to help being Gay, but Fat people can just stop eating so much and exercise more. They have no pity on us because they see us as self-inflicting our problems.

/quote]

I guess thats the problem, pity. No one wants pity for being they way they are, they want respect. Too many people think of respecting diversity is about pity.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

I guess thats the problem, pity. No one wants pity for being they way they are, they want respect. Too many people think of respecting diversity is about pity.

I agree with you. I do not want pity either. I hope that you understand that the expression "Have no Pity on us" is not a request or a desire for pity, but a request and desire for equal treatment. It is just an expression.

I was lucky when working. I was always able to outshine 99% of my co-workers, so that while they might first feel superior to me because of my weight and age, they usually got left in the dust when it was time to perform. But I had a job that was not based on the need for human respect. No plane ever said to me, "you can't fix me because you are too fat or too old".

In other jobs, people do not buy from or take advice from people based on age, weight, gender, racial or ethnic background. I was lucky, planes are neutral and do not discriminate.

[green 6]

When I started builing aircraft I was a lot thinner and so did not get any crap on this score. My "embiggening" has been due to being post-menopausal, a raft of "fattening" drugs which are used to treat depression, and my deep love of carbs and cheese. I was initially treated badly on the floor because I am a woman and because it was suspected that I am Jewish; thus I got the old one-two of sexist and racist discrimination and life on the shop floor was bad, very bad, for the first 2-3 years. But the job paid extremely well and I was able to stick it out and prove myself, to boot. (I did all my crying at home of course.) And I couldn't complain about the harrassment to anyone; my life really would have been a living hell!

I am surprised to hear that your wife doesn't like dogs,T.O.M. The Brits are often quite fond of animals, lavishing on them all the physical affection that they can't lavish on their fellow human beings. Look at the Queen and her corgis.