How dare she!!!

[Telly 4]

*use emoticons so your eyes won't get so bored*

JoJo,

I've been on both sides of the fence with my weight, (from skinny to obese and now somewhere in between) and in my opinion, obese people are treated very differently than normal sized people therefore I can understand how you were feeling about what she said to you.

Don't get me wrong, I know there are quite a bit of people in the world who would love nothing more than to call you out on your weight.

Some people really do just HATE HATE HATE obese people and target you just b/c you are heavy. I used to chat in a weightloss room on yahoo and more often than not, people would come into the chat room and abuse everyone that was overweight saying fat jokes and yelling, "STOP EATING"...etc. It hardens you over time. Abuse like that can make you a really paranoid and defensive person.

Nowadays, I really try my very hardest ..not to assume I know what people are thinking when they say what they say if it comes out in a negative way. :huytsao Everyone has a filtration system. When we hear something, it becomes absorbed and we filter it.

I could have filtered what the store clerk said, the same way you have JoJo, however I would also throw out the "What If she really meant ..or what if she was really just trying to save me from embarrassment by letting me know up front that I just won't find clothes here for me"..... just to give everyone the benefit of a doubt. If that clerk was a teen then you have to take her age into consideration. In my opinion, (my son for example) they just haven't experienced the world enough to know the consequences of saying things that may have hurt or have a negative effect on people.

Obesity had made me a very paranoid person:paranoid . I always thought everyone's eyes were glued to me when I would attend family functions, shop for food, eat at restaurants, etc. I felt my every bite was recorded in the eyes of the people around me. I would get quickly defensive if my weight was ever subject or target of a conversation, like shopping for clothes or hearing that I looked like I've gained weight.

If I browsed a Junior size rack of clothes 4 months ago and was approached in the same way as you were by a store assistant, you bet I'd respond defensively without recourse. I would have responded that way only because of my insecurities of being obese and the need to protect my feelings. But now that the weight is coming off.. I don't think that way anymore. My confidence is back:clap2: . I don't know if it's the fact that I'm no longer paranoid about what people see me as or if they really do treat you differently when you are normal in weight or close to it. Either way, my obesity/protection/barrier/insecurities shield has been retired and now I don't see skinny people as being so cruel and evil anymore.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Life can be a vicious cycle. You let people pick on you because you feel inferior (because of your weight) and you feel inferior because people pick on you.

YOU CAN NOT CHANGE THE WORLD OR THE PEOPLE IN IT

But you can change your own attitude. If you have lost 10 pounds since your last fill or since your surgery, tell yourself, "I knew I could do it. I am just as good as them". Use any reason you can find to feel better about yourself. Read a non-fiction book and be proud that you know something. Watch the History Channel or Discovery Cannel and be proud that you know something. Take a college course.

You can only change yourself. A positive outlook is important. Just don't look down at them, while looking up at yourself.

[hootiebelle 0]

That same thing happened to me in reverse I had lost weight and went into Layne Bryant and the clerk told me the same thing......That was long ago.....but the weird thing was I was upset also......who knows why we are in a store and who we are buying for...fat or thin....

[em1125 0]

It's just pure ignorance. I know it's hurtful and completely embarrassing but she was very young and at her age not very mindful of others. We learn to be more mindful of others as we grow within ourselves. Tom hit the nail on the head. Perfectly said Tom.

So sorry you felt hurt. I think at one point in most of our lives we've come across at least one ignorant person. Hopefully, after the sales girl saw your anger she will think differently next time. A lesson well learned for her. It's a shame it at had to be at your expense.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Just remember each time we laugh at a joke about some other group especially in front of our children, we perpetuate the problem.

When we laugh at a joke or make fun of or say something derogatory about a group such as minorities, skinny people, ugly people, people of a different religion, people in a different income bracket, different life-style, handicapped people, gays, opposite gender, hair color, other political party, foreigners whether here in the USA or in their own country, people that dress differently or any other group, we are doing to them what we hate being done to us.

Children pick it up and repeat it. We must do more than not laugh, we must express our distaste for mean spirited jokes. It is easier said than done and most of us are so used to it, that we don't see it. Today, all we hear and see is ads telling us to be like everyone else. But we are all different and we should not be singled out for being different. You don't like it when it is done to you.

[DonnaB 3]

I am so pissed off right now!

This morning I got dressed feeling proud of the progress I've made since having my surgery and went shopping for some clothes for my daughter.

I walked into a shop and started looking through the racks when I noticed one of those 20yr old anorexic waif-like shop assistants staring at me....I continued looking at the clothes when all of a sudden she snuck up behind me and said........."you know we only cater up to a size 14(US12)" .....aaaarrrrggghhhhh! :angry

I replied "I know"........then she said "so what can I help you with then?"

I said "you can help me by getting the manager of the shop". She then went and got the manager and I told her that I was actually looking for clothes for my daughter and that I was prepared to spend a lot of money in her shop but after being treated so rudely by her staff I was going to shop elsewhere....(it was a real Julia Roberts/Pretty woman moment...."Big mistake"!)

Don't these people realise I could be shopping for my daughter, neice, sister etc......am I not allowed in their shop because I am over a size 14 (US12)?.....who do they think they are...the size police!

On the bright side . . . .

Statistically, that "20yr old anorexic waif-like shop assistant" will most likely find herself obese in her mid 30s or 40s and facing some obnoxious, 20yr old anorexic waif-like shop assistant being incredibly obtuse and rude to her. When it happens, I hope she remembers her behaviour to you today. It's not likely, but, it could happen.

Feel better? Nah, me neither. It still sucks.

To those of you who tried to defend this person, shame on you. Why should jojo cut her ANY slack? She certainly didn't give jojo any. 20 is old enough to understand empathy. 20 is old enough to understand good manners. 20 is definitely old enough to realize that your crappy, low-paying retail job is STILL making your car payment or paying for your life-style in some way. She should be fired.

[nursekathy2u 0]

I have seen sales clerks tell thin people in Lane Bryant and the Avenue that they only carry size 14 and up. The people were shopping for their mothers or sisters etc. So it goes both ways.

There is always a nice way to say things.. Here at work I was offended by one nurse who would announce to the patient in front of the entire outpatient department.. "Oh I better get you a big gown" or "Hold on I need to go get a gown that will fit you". I was sick of it and always embarrased for the patient beyond words.. I finally pulled the girl aside and told her how she came across to me and probably to the patients.. She had no clue.. she was not saying anything bad really.. just factual.. but it is frequently PERCEIVED as rude by the obese folks. She asked me what do I say? I told her I always tell the patient "If you will bear with me a minute I am going to go get a gown for you that you will feel more comfortable in" I am saying the same thing but emphasizing the patients comfort over their size.. She was just overcome with how many people she had probably ofended and has used "my line" ever since.. She is a thin, petite girl who has never battled her weight or been sensitive about it and she really never had a clue she sounded that way...

[GeezerSue 7]

Well...I can see that a number of you prefer to take the high road. I like it down here where I am, because it's less crowded.

I can be nice as can be to skinny people. I just can't be nice to STUPID people who work in retail and cannot comprehend that not every woman who walks through their doors is shopping for herself. They don't make that assumption when I go into baby clothing stores or the men's clothing areas of department stores and they probably don't make similar assumptions when I pause to look at a skateboard helmet or a Sawzall.

If it were even the store owner who didn't want fat folks clogging up the aisles and scaring off skinny shoppers, I'd have to excuse it. It's HER business, she can run it into the ground anyway she wants.

But, I've been shopping at the Beverly Center in Los Angeles (Beverly Hills adjacent) and it's AMAZING how many people who work there for--one can only assume--less than stellar wages, snicker at people who actually HAVE $300 and change for not wanting to SPEND $300 and change for a freakin' HOODIE...and they want to laugh in your face and tell you that it's really a very reasonable price. Hello? Have you SEEN your paycheck? Have you NOTICED how close to your credit card limit you are and how much further into debt you go every month?

Stupid, snippy salesclerks just piss me off. Skinny is cool. I don't mind skinny at all.

[Telly 4]

To those of you who tried to defend this person, shame on you. Why should jojo cut her ANY slack? She certainly didn't give jojo any. 20 is old enough to understand empathy. 20 is old enough to understand good manners. 20 is definitely old enough to realize that your crappy, low-paying retail job is STILL making your car payment or paying for your life-style in some way. She should be fired.

Ok calm down kiddo. Everyone deserves a benefit of a doubt unless they do something like call you names, stick out their foot to trip you up. Allz I am saying here is.. what if? Some people look at things flatly, whereas, it's either black or white, all or none. Try to look at it differently.

[Wheetsin 714]

I never defended the person, I simply said there might be another perspective involved.

And if 20 is old enough to understand all that, then we're old enough to understand the point I made about "we don't have your size" being BAD, but "anorexic waif" being OK. Again - not a defense, just an observation.

At the very least it keeps my typing fingers nimble.

[faybie 0]

Stupid, snippy salesclerks just piss me off. Skinny is cool. I don't mind skinny at all.

LMAO, this cracked me up! I'm still chuckling.....

~~~~~~~

Unfortunately, it happens to us all. I am a business professional and I shop for business professional clothes, lol (go figure?). I don't always do it fully dressed up with jewelry, make-up, hose and high heel shoes on. Most times, I go shopping on the weekends, when I have wash and go hair, shorts and a t-shirt with flip-flops on. How many times have I gotten the "eye of inquisition", do I really belong in the up-scale store? LOL. Try buying a wallet at Louis Vitton dressed like that, you practically have to chase and tackle the sales person. But I don't, I wait patiently for someone to come over and greet me, and when they do, they very well may make a better sale than the salesperson chasing down someone based on their "stereotype" that should be shoping at the store.

Actually Jojo, it would be interesting to find out if the store that you were shopping at pays based on commission or sales goals bonuses. If they do, you can still shop at the store with a good a conscious knowing that she will not reap the benefits of your business.

Jojo, you may very well never see this girl again. Don't let her have the power over you to ruin your moment, day, week, family dinner, etc.

[Telly 4]

I never defended the person, I simply said there might be another perspective involved.

And if 20 is old enough to understand all that, then we're old enough to understand the point I made about "we don't have your size" being BAD, but "anorexic waif" being OK. Again - not a defense, just an observation.

At the very least it keeps my typing fingers nimble.

That's a great observation Wheetsin.

JoJo, DonnaB & GeezerSue,

Not that you asked but here's what I think:

1. I DO think it's wrong for the assistant to have assumed JoJo was shopping for herself. Hurtful, but easy mistake.
   
2. I DO NOT think it's wrong for her to tell you "we don't have your size" she was being honest regarding her assumptions:rolleyes:
   
3. I DO think it's wrong to reference her the way JoJo, GeezerSue did. "Anorexic Waif", "Stupid, snippy salesclerks".
   
4. I DO think it's wrong to degrade someone's job. At least she has a job. She may not be the best sales clerk but hey, carve her out of the equation of the unemployed, welfare community.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

How about, "Can I help you?"?

[Telly 4]

I think it's "May I help you?"

[PattiCakes 0]

When I interviewed for my graduate program in Industrial Organizational Psychology they told me that I should really lose weight if I wanted to be "marketable" in a very "lookism" society. I politely told them that the fact that I graduated with a 4.0 and that I am a member of the All USA Academic team would speak for itself! I was right! Sure, maybe there will be a job someday that I don't get because I am bigger than they want me to be, but when I lose weight will I REALLY want to work there.....NO Thank you. My daughter and I are in the exact same educational boat (same degree, etc.) but she is a size 2, it really has not affected are lives to this point....Well, in work or school anyways! LOL

You know, I don't think that was much help! lol I just wanted to say that I am empathetic to what you went through, and it sucks!

Patti