Feeling Ashamed....

[Half~of~Bri 25]

I get mad at myself when I think about how I actually let myself get to this point. For most of my teenage years I weighed roughly around 150. I wasn't thin, but definitely not fat at all- even though back then I thought I was the fattest thing ever! I remember when I got out of high school, left my abusive high school sweetheart and moved across the country. I started going out just about every night, drinking all kinds of high calorie drinks and eating late at night. I packed on about 80 pounds in a year. I think that maybe I had post traumatic stress syndrome or something and that's how I was dealing with it. Now that I've gained the weight, I've tried and tried to get it off. I will lose at the most 30 pounds and I regain it back. I know that I can't do this on my own any longer. It's been ten years now and The scale goes up not down. I thought about looking into WLS years ago, but knew that I couldn't afford it. Someone just recently told me about going to Mexico for a fraction of the cost! That's what I intend on doing. I just have to save up and then I'm going! I'm scared out of my mind, but this has to be done.

Our stories are eerily similar. I, too weighed around 150 in high school. I was also in a very verbally, physically and even sexually abusive relationship for 6 yrs with my high school sweetheart which led to me becoming a mother at 17. It's been 7 years since I ended the relationship and I'm still dealing with PTSD, depression and anxiety as a result. Counseling has helped a lot with that and I've come along way but I know that my past baggage is what got me 292.7 lbs. I know it may seem like I'm sharing a lot of heavy stuff to many people but I'm putting this out there as part of my healing process and learning that I can't be ashamed of my past and what I've gone through is not my fault. If you ever want to talk to someone who can relate to what you've been through I'm here.

[Jesser 295]

Thank you! I never did get counseling, I just started drinking like a fool and not using my head. That was my way of dealing with it. I didn't stop drinking until I got pregnant with my little one who is now almost 3 years old. I believe that he saved my life but his "father" has nothing to do with him and he's pretty much abandoned him. So, that's just one more ordeal you can put in my list I guess lol

[Half~of~Bri 25]

Thank you! I never did get counseling, I just started drinking like a fool and not using my head. That was my way of dealing with it. I didn't stop drinking until I got pregnant with my little one who is now almost 3 years old. I believe that he saved my life but his "father" has nothing to do with him and he's pretty much abandoned him. So, that's just one more ordeal you can put in my list I guess lol

Totally understood. My daughter, who I had at 17, was also abandoned by her father. I'm now married to a wonderful man who my girl thinks of as her Daddy, and he's in the process of adopting her. I totally get where you're coming from.

[Jesser 295]

I hope that I can find someone like that someday. They are hard to find that's for sure!

[MKinVA 20]

My surgery is on Monday (July 30). When I first decided to have surgery, I thought to myself that this was an unnatural thing and that I was a fool (and a failure) for going this route until I told myself that being 400+ pounds was also not natural or normal. I am ready! I am getting impatient for the new me!

[carioca 7]

Hi everyone, my surgery is next Tuesday. I have struggled with the decision for almost two years and I also avoid telling people about my surgery because most of my friends just don't get it. They tell me to go on a diet or start running lol. That's pretty much what I have been trying to do since I was 18 (and I'm 33 now). So, actually, I don't think I'm ashamed of my decision but I also don't feel the need to have this talk over and over again and try to convince people of something I have decided for myself. My husband and my parents support me, my therapist is ok with it and I hope everything will be just fine. See you all on the other side. xoxo

[Susan G 1]

My surgery is on Monday. I have been busy telling everyone. I am a teacher and off for the summer, but the staff that I have visited with this summer have been nothing but positive. I am usually a very independent person at work and don't ask for help. I start work 2 weeks after surgery and decided that I needed to have people ready to help me with lifting etc. Everyone has told me that it was wonderful that I was doing this for myself. I know the difference this time is that I am ready for this and I am proud that I am taking this step for my health.

[MKinVA 20]

Hi Susan G!

My surgery is Monday as well, AND I am a teacher, AND I will have only two weeks before I have to report back to school as well! I am concerned about pain, fatigue, making time to drink and eat, nausea, and bathroom breaks! I don't want to push myself too far too fast, but I also just don't want to lie around either. I have already drafted my son and daughter to help with moving items and setting up my classroom. I haven't told my administration or anyone else about my surgery, just a few close friends. I am determined to make this work, though! Good luck on Monday!

[Red597 35]

I have struggled with these feelings as well. And I felt (OK..sometimes still feel) doubly ashamed because I am a Registered Dietitian who sometimes works in a surgical weight loss clinic - go figure! But I had to come to the realization, with a lot of therapy and prayer and wise counsel, that I am doing this for my health, and that everyone needs help. And it also took a friend of mine who has had RYN to help me see that I will actually be able to better help my patients because I will truly understand what theyhave gone and are going through.

I had a hard time telling my boss as well because she is a "streotypical Type-A personality" RD, so I wasn't sure how she was going to react. But I've been struggling with my weight and all of the accompany issues, including clincal depression, for over 30 years, and I'm am tired.

So, I had to get myself to a place where I am at peace with myself and my decision. And now, I am just ready to get on with it and have the 2nd half of my life be so much better than the 1st!

[IsB 209]

I'd be more ashamed if I didn't do everything possible to get healthy. Each and every one of us owes that to themselves.

[prettysleeved1 173]

I can relate, OP. Like Kenny Rogers said, "you got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em'..." I just could not do diet insanity and bounce all over the scale again. It's not good for the body nor my state of mind. Just don't tell anyone you don't feel comfortable telling.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I think a lot of us struggle with the decision. It's easy to think of this decision as "giving up". But in reality it's more like facing facts. The numbers don't lie, the vast majority of obese people cannot keep the weight off on their own.

As for telling other people and what they might think, I've told every one around me and I haven't heard one negative comment. I've asked a few people if they've ever known anyone who had WLS and did they ever hear any negative comments behind that person's back. The answer has always been no. I've read many posts on this forum about people who have shared their surgery with everyone in their lives, and the majority of those people seem glad they did it.

My point is, if you do choose to tell people you've had the surgery, I think people will be more supportive than you expect. Most people don't want to be jerks (there are exceptions). Most people want to be supportive. But I also believe a big factor in how well that works out is YOU. If people think they can manipulate you and shame or cajole you into doing things their way, they will try. If you are a confident person and you stand behind your decisions, people will know you cannot be swayed so why waste the energy.

But either way, if you believe having WLS is the right decision for you, don't let what other people think about it stop you.

[PeaceLove&Tash 27]

Thanks so much guys! You have really helped me out I am feeling a lot better now. I told my sister today...big leap...eeeek....at first she said she was mad that I didn't tell her sooner but she understands why I am doing it. It feels like a burden has been lifted off me...hopefully she will keep it quiet

[LeahDiarrhea 50]

Thanks so much guys! You have really helped me out I am feeling a lot better now. I told my sister today...big leap...eeeek....at first she said she was mad that I didn't tell her sooner but she understands why I am doing it. It feels like a burden has been lifted off me...hopefully she will keep it quiet

My sister was one of the first people I told and she couldn't keep her trap shut! I think it was because she was so happy for me. I was a little annoyed at first because i asked her not to tell anyone But I eventually decided to be open about it anyways and hopefully inspire people in any way I can. Good luck to you!

[Izuri 428]

PLT, I just want to say you are very brave and should be proud of yourself. I do not think surgery is a low like many portray it. It is a high point because you are willing to admit you need help and have not been successful on your own. Some people can make it through alone, and others, like us, cannot. That is nothing to be ashamed of, because the bottom line is we are doing this because we love ourselves and the people around us and want to be around with them for years to come. I didn't want to be under thirty and developing diabetes, and if this will help me prevent that, along with the other increases in health it will give me, then people can disagree with me all day, because I know I did the right thing for my body. I'm really glad your sister took it well =) I hope you are feeling better!