Feeling Ashamed....

[PeaceLove&Tash 27]

I know I shouldn't think like this....but I am sort of ashamed to get surgery....I haven't even told my sister because I don't want anyone to know (she can't keep a secret). Also I keep thinking maybe I could diet one more time...I might stick to it this time. Then I think no I do need this...I'm at a tug of war feeling so down about my self....that I am sinking to a low of surgery? Just throwing my thoughts out there...

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Have you thought about seeing a therapist to help deal with the shame of needing to have this surgery. We have all tried these diet fads and have failed. We all have thoughts that sabotage our successes. I am 9.5 months post op and I am working on issues relating to my eating. I am reading a few books now and plus i talk with a therapist on a regular basic. I am identifying my negative thoughts that contribute to my eating the wrong foods. There is nothing to be ashamed about with getting this surgery. We are so lucky that it is available because it does save our lives.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I did not tell everyone, but you really do want to be comfortable with your decision.

[smellbug 43]

I have had feelings of being a failure. I have spoke to my husband about it and he knows how hard I have tried to get this weight off on my own. He told me I am not a failure and that just because I have the surgery things will not be easy. I still need to do the work. The sleeve will not let me fall off the wagon and over eat.I will choose what I eat and if I work out. Once I thought of things that way I felt better. I also thought of why I was doing this. To be healthier, live a long life, enjoy my children and one day grandchildren. I stopped letting what other people think bother me. Good luck in your journey.

Tara

[FishingNurse 1,210]

sadly 95% of people gain their weight back within 3 years of weight loss (with out weight loss surgery) I had the same thoughts as you! you will not feel ashamed when you look and feel great!

[Mzluvee 41]

I too have had doubts, i have been on this roller coaster of WLS for about 5 years. It is very much a mental, I had to be really ready for everything that comes with it. I am finally ready, and don't have a problem telling anyone. I was embarrassed before and kept it to myself, because I was not sure what people would say. Now forget it, I am ready and excited about it. I agree, with Dorrie you should seek professional assistance. It will help. Wishing you the best!

[justmeandmysleeve 91]

I absolutely feel your pain. My surgery was 6 days ago and I couldn't tell any of my co-workers yet. I felt like I was weak and a failure, that they would see me as fat and lazy. I was able to talk to all of my family members and friends and surprisingly received a lot of positive support.

I can tell you that one week later I know this was the best decision of my life!!! I have lost 15 pounds in the first week and I would have dieted for months to achieve that 15 pounds before surgery. I really believe this is the tool I need to keep myself healthy for the rest of my life.

Tell only who you feel comfortable telling. Also, I saw a psychologist who specializing in eating disorders for a year before my surgery. I have alot of issues regarding my emotional overeating and while I am still a work in progress I didn't want to take the step of surgery only to sabatoge myself later!

Best of luck on your journey, this process isn't for the weak!!! You can do it!

[sandipq 8]

The shame should be to those who don't take advantage of opportunities like wls surgery. I am thankful that this tool is available. My mother passed away last Oct and she had struggled with obesity her entire life. I know if she had been able to take advantage of a tool like wls surgery years ago she would have been healthier and still be here today to enjoy her grand children. I have realized that it takes a lot of courage to take this giant step toward healthier living and it causes some amount of doubt, fear and shame in all of us.... But would you be ashamed to get chemo for cancer.... Probably not... But it is what is recommended to cure the cancer and wls is what is recommended to cure your food addiction.

[COnative 192]

I know I shouldn't think like this....but I am sort of ashamed to get surgery....I haven't even told my sister because I don't want anyone to know (she can't keep a secret). Also I keep thinking maybe I could diet one more time...I might stick to it this time. Then I think no I do need this...I'm at a tug of war feeling so down about my self....that I am sinking to a low of surgery? Just throwing my thoughts out there...

U are so not alone. This is my fifth time putting the weight on. I'm sick of living like this. And as I get older the harder it is. We deserve this surgery. I am sure one of the biggest reasons ur doing is to have a healthier life for u and your family AND to feel better about yourself. I am in the same boat with everything u said. I just keep focusing on the better life that lies ahead.

[PeaceLove&Tash 27]

The shame should be to those who don't take advantage of opportunities like wls surgery. I am thankful that this tool is available. My mother passed away last Oct and she had struggled with obesity her entire life. I know if she had been able to take advantage of a tool like wls surgery years ago she would have been healthier and still be here today to enjoy her grand children. I have realized that it takes a lot of courage to take this giant step toward healthier living and it causes some amount of doubt' date=' fear and shame in all of us.... But would you be ashamed to get chemo for cancer.... Probably not... But it is what is recommended to cure the cancer and wls is what is recommended to cure your food addiction.[/quote']

Wow...you really hit home with me. I have admitted the I am addicted to food. I was overweight in high school but always ran for basketball and volleyball maintained around 220 I'm 5'8. I always ate what I wanted because I would run it off. Well my habits continued and here I am now 260 and with HTN. I am ready to take control but I am really scared too. I don't want anyone to think I took an easy way out? According to my surgeon I should lose 125 pounds. I don't ever remember being 130 pounds? Freshman year I weighed 190. I know I could never lose 125 without help.

[PeaceLove&Tash 27]

U are so not alone. This is my fifth time putting the weight on. I'm sick of living like this. And as I get older the harder it is. We deserve this surgery. I am sure one of the biggest reasons ur doing is to have a healthier life for u and your family AND to feel better about yourself. I am in the same boat with everything u said. I just keep focusing on the better life that lies ahead.

You are right We all are WORTH it!

[Dooter 1,457]

I know I shouldn't think like this....but I am sort of ashamed to get surgery....I haven't even told my sister because I don't want anyone to know (she can't keep a secret). Also I keep thinking maybe I could diet one more time...I might stick to it this time. Then I think no I do need this...I'm at a tug of war feeling so down about my self....that I am sinking to a low of surgery? Just throwing my thoughts out there...

There's no shame in doing what's best for your health. Look around you and see how well everyone is doing with yo yo dieting. As Doctor Phil would say- "How's that werking fer yeeewww???" LOL

My MD said that once the BMI hits a certain point, there is very little chance of getting and staying thin under your own power without this type of assistance. We have the technology!!!

I was very guarded with telling anyone about the surgery beforehand, but now if they ask "how are you doing this??" I tell them. They're usually very happy for me that I am returning to health.

[his2my2our4 120]

You're absolutely not alone on this one!!!! I decided to tell only a very few people...and even now 8 months later, haven't told another person. I was ashamed also, almost like I was giving in or taking the easy way out (which we all know is completlely crazy!). I think I was scared that it wouldn't work for me and I would be guilty of falling into the yo yo thing again...and how humiliating would that be?

I even find myself fudging how much I've actually lost because I cant believe I had that much to lose in the first place!! I've lost 148lbs and just yesterday someone asked me how much I had lost and I said almost 100lbs. Explain that to me? lol I'm thrilled with the loss and will never go back....cannot believe that I am where I am and wouldn't change a thing (except maybe doubting myself or waiting so long to have the sleeve). Yet, I still find myself in a place where I value how others see me and this journey. I feel like if you need to tell, then tell. If you need to keep it quiet, then keep it quiet. This is YOUR journey and you need to approach it in the way that best suits you.

[Half~of~Bri 25]

I felt the same way in the beginning. I went back and forth - every time I thought "Ok, I'm going to do this!", I would start the process and inevitably back out thinking maybe if I tried one more time I could do this on my own. I would cry to my husband that I was ashamed and embarrassed that my life had come to this. I did this back and forth game for a year and a half! Now that I'm only 2 1/2 weeks from surgery and I realize I could have been living my dream much sooner if I would have just admitted to myself that I need help. I thought if I admitted to my family and friends (besides my parents and husband, who knew I was going through the process) that would be like admitting that I've failed at my own attempts at weight loss and couldn't do it. I was also afraid of receiving criticism from others. I'm not a very assertive person so the thought of that intimidated me. I didn't want to have to explain all my reasoning for having the surgery if they weren't supportive anyway.That feeling was embarrassing for me so I decided to tell only my parents, brother, in-laws and grandparents. I chose to tell those specific people because I tried to think of how I would feel if they had major surgery without telling me first. I waited until I had my surgery date to tell everyone other than my mom and husband. As my surgery has gotten closer and I've grown more excited I've realized that this is a decision I should be PROUD of. It's hard to come out of denial and admit that you couldn't do it on your own, but making a decision to have a tool to help you through makes you a stronger person, not a weaker one.

I've now told some extended family and my best friends. Mostly anyone I talk to on a regular basis that will certainly notice my weight loss (at that point, I'll probably end up telling them anyway, so why wait?) EVERY SINGLE PERSON that I've told has been 100% supportive and excited for me. Nearly everyone told me it made them so happy that I'm doing this because they know I've struggled with my weight for a long time

Only YOU can decide if this surgery is right for you. If you know in your heart that it is and you're just embarrassed or ashamed, please talk to a family member or friend who you know will be supportive and can keep a secret. (Or you can talk to me, too.) You can tell as many or as few people as you would like, but please don't let a fear of being criticized hold you back from sharing this dream come true with others. Good luck sweetie <3

[Jesser 295]

I get mad at myself when I think about how I actually let myself get to this point. For most of my teenage years I weighed roughly around 150. I wasn't thin, but definitely not fat at all- even though back then I thought I was the fattest thing ever! I remember when I got out of high school, left my abusive high school sweetheart and moved across the country. I started going out just about every night, drinking all kinds of high calorie drinks and eating late at night. I packed on about 80 pounds in a year. I think that maybe I had post traumatic stress syndrome or something and that's how I was dealing with it. Now that I've gained the weight, I've tried and tried to get it off. I will lose at the most 30 pounds and I regain it back. I know that I can't do this on my own any longer. It's been ten years now and The scale goes up not down. I thought about looking into WLS years ago, but knew that I couldn't afford it. Someone just recently told me about going to Mexico for a fraction of the cost! That's what I intend on doing. I just have to save up and then I'm going! I'm scared out of my mind, but this has to be done.