Learn To Take A Compliment Already!

[mommymar 34]

Now that I have gone down 8 sizes, I am trying to wear clothes that actually fit. (new one for me) When I was a size 28/30 I would always buy the biggest size they had. The baggier the better (really, who was I kidding?)

When I wear the correct size is when I get people coming up to me and saying, wow you look great or have you lost weight, you look wonderful. This is SOOOO uncomfortable. I have spent the last 15 years trying to fade into the background. Trying to NOT get noticed. Now when people say anything to me I awkwardly change the subject or mumble a "thanks" and put my head down. How do I get over this? I am probably just at the beginning of these compliments. Honestly, as proud as I am that I am a size 20 I am under no illusion that I am "small".

What did you say, or are planning or hoping to say, when people compliment you? I don't like it when I give people a compliment and get "oh, I have so much to go" or "no, I really don't" as a reply. I don't want to be that person.

[AJAgwu 5]

I completely understand how you feel. It's tough because our minds aren't changing as quickly as our physical appearance. I just smile and say thank you for noticing. People are just trying to be nice an have no idea how we feel emotionally. I realized I get on average about three comments a day so just smile, thank them and move on.

[Sammi25 18]

i also have a hard time with this, but i learned that it doesnt go away so you have to embrace it. i always just respond with thank you so much! i still have a long way to go but I'm trying! this kind of cuts off the awkward feeling i get of thinking that i am too big to be complimented and kind of diverts people from asking too many questions. i work in a big building and find people come up to me daily, who i dont ever remember seeing before, to tell me i look great. sometimes it is uncomfortable but you really just have to learn that it is just people genuinely being happy for you, and you should be happy too. Just because you arent a goal weight doesn't mean you cant Celebrate how far you have come!

[7carol3 212]

I too have this problem. I do try to just say thank you but it sometimes doesn't sound sincere. People I see quite a bit I explain that I'm not great at accepting compliments yet but I appreciate their kind words. We need to learn to take people for what they say but it is so much easier said than done. I also hate it when people say "what are you doing? You look great!" I have been counseled to tell them thank you and that I have been exercising and watching what I eat and eating less. I don't have to tell EVERYONE that I had surgery and I don't have to feel like I'm not really doing anything. I AM exercising and yes, I can't eat as much as I used to but I AM also watching what I'm eating. We all need to do more patting ourselves on the back. Good luck to you and if you come up with anything that really helps you in these awkward situations, please let me know what it is.

[Finding MeMe 204]

I smile and say thank you "I am shrinking down nicely, glad you noticed because I have been working hard". I am happy about the complements and don't dwell in conversations with people about it. If they want to discuss it which most don't, I do tell them what I am doing for the wt loss.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I say thank you. Smile and don't dwell on it. It reinforces that I'm looking good and that I need to cheerish that. I deserve it! So I recommend holding your head high, look them in the eyes, smile and say "thank you." Your intervoice is telling you, "yayyyyyyyyyyyyy I'm am successful and the benefit is looking so good!" You've earned this so embrace it.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Phew! You figure it out you let me know. It is hard. I still don't see myself at the size I am.

I just had a young lady from the acro yoga class post to Facebook that "we all think you are amazing and we love you so much!" - I haven't even responded. I don't know what to say, WE? that caught me too - because I know I am occasionally a 'topic' and people discuss me, but when it is brought to my attention I just don't know what to say.

I was in the middle of a field last weekend, and TEN people from the group I practice with all walked up to me at once, and these are just kids - teens, early twenties, students, waiters, some grads - and they all were like "no offense, is this you?" and they had a pic of me posted to a friend's gun range, and I was a size 28 then. Before I could die of embarassment one of the guys said - "I told you she did it, and that was how I knew I could too" - and I was like what??? But then I realized this was the same man that I had a conversation with in March - but about 40 lbs lighter. To make a long story short I faced all these people and they all wanted answers, because they ALL had people they loved, and wanted them well, and it was overwhelming.

My husband has begun to read me well, he knows when to come in and get his arms around me, even if we are just standing around somewhere. He kids me that I have changed so much, and I have noticed my friends are more protective now. Has anyone else noticed this?

[Wheetsin 714]

I don't think we can get over it, so to speak. I know that even after losing almost 200 lbs, I sure didn't. Lots & lots of reasons why a lot of us tend to have a hard time accepting compliments -- at least ones that deal with our physical appearance -- and especially physical appearance related to body. E.g. at my highest weight, if someone complimented my hair - fine. I didn't relish it, but I was ok with it. Someone complimented an outfit - totally uncomfortable. Someone complimented something odd (I once had someone tell me I had nice toes) - awkward, but not in an uncomfortable way, more in a "weirdo..." kind of way.

I shared once that people are noticing something is different about me, but maybe they can't quite place it. So I'm getting scrutinized a bit. And I'm really not comfortable with the attention. I hate people looking at me. I really do. I do everything I can to avoid any kind of spotlight.

That's my personality. It's part just who I am, and part what I learned after years & years of being MO. We are the sum of our experiences, so everything we've dealth with as O/MO folks has helped mould who we are.

I mean - if someone is complimenting me, it's probably a joke, or mean-spirited. At least that's what got in my head. Or maybe they felt sorry for me. Or wanted their good deed of the day. There's no way they could actually be sincere.

If people are complimenting your weightloss, it's really noticeable. Normally if people think maybe, or she seems a little... they don't say anything, because how awkward would it be if they were wrong? Most people only feel comfortable saying anything once it's pretty much undeniable. So in that sense, it's a good thing.

A smile, and a "Thanks, that's really sweet of you to say" or "Thanks, I've been trying hard so I'm glad you noticed" (sincere or not) is all it takes. Just practice it, and it will become pretty automatic.

[piper 13]

Say thank you n walk away. IMO People that comment on your weight are rude. Bugs the crap out of me. There should be a campaign to educate folks to just quit harping on weight. Why not say, "you look nice today, love the dress" "your are glowing today" ....endless possibilities. When my children were small one of them was chubby at around ten. She is very athletic n fit now, at 19 . Anyhow, when we would visit my inlaws the harping would begin. "don't eat that, it will make you fat" asking me, "whys she fat"? I finally told them to stop focusing on the shell and tell her she is a lovely young woman, focus on the positive and all her countless wonderful characteristics. I feared the harping would compromise her self image and lay foundation for eating disorder. No one heard a word I said. I think commenting on weight loss is just as intrusive. There are so many other meaningful characteristics to comment on.

[mommymar 34]

Piper- I agree with you.... I do realize people really mean it because I know I truly do. The one I have the HARDEST with right now is, "you look great! How much have you lost?" I understand people are excited for me or have secretly wanted to know how long I have been working and they haven't noticed (I have thought that, but don't like the question so I haven't EVER asked) I am embarrassed to say 53lbs. Because my friends that think their 20 extra pounds is just horrid I think "yes I said 53 and yes, I still have lots more to go"

It is nice to know you aren't alone in these feelings. I have perfected the blending in the background and now I am being forced out of the shadows (yes, I chose this) but it came faster than I expected. I am going just make a goal that the next time I get a compliment I will say thanks and look them in the eye. If I can change how I eat and if I can learn to love my 5am workouts, I can certainly learn this.... hmmm it would be nice to have a surgery to work on this brain of mine :-)

I am going to make a confession here. I did a lot of research before I chose WLS. I read a lot of blogs, posts and websites. Each one cautioned it was hard on the psyche. Each time I thought: I won't have a problem with that. (I knew I had issues with food but didn't see the body issues coming) I thought, I am not going to have a problem wrapping my brain around a new body. I am sure it's not going to even be am issue for me. I AM WRONG! 100% dead wrong...... This is a problem I can be grateful for every day of my life. Much better than obesity.

[shell12 18]

I hate the fact that just because we are overweight people think they can be rude about it. Someone once stopped me in the grocery store and congratulated me on my pregnancy. When I let her know I wasn't pregnant, she then went ahead and told me what items in my cart were making me fat and that I shouldn't buy them.

[Catracks 865]

I don't mind people commenting on the weight loss at all. I'd rather have a bunch of those than people who don't comment at all because either they are afraid they will offend or just don't care.

I did lose weight and it's not like they are insulting me. It's a compliment.

Now the "You have quite a tan" is confusing to me. Do I say "Thank you?" I didn't do anything. It's just what my skin does in the sun.

[DallasMomofTwins 31]

You all are lucky if you get compliments..i have gone from a 22 to a 12 and no one here at work has said a thing!

[7carol3 212]

You all are lucky if you get compliments..i have gone from a 22 to a 12 and no one here at work has said a thing!

I dislike this very much! That is an amazing accompishment!! Way to go!

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Say thank you n walk away. IMO People that comment on your weight are rude. Bugs the crap out of me. There should be a campaign to educate folks to just quit harping on weight. Why not say' date=' "you look nice today, love the dress" "your are glowing today" ....endless possibilities. When my children were small one of them was chubby at around ten. She is very athletic n fit now, at 19 . Anyhow, when we would visit my inlaws the harping would begin. "don't eat that, it will make you fat" asking me, "whys she fat"? I finally told them to stop focusing on the shell and tell her she is a lovely young woman, focus on the positive and all her countless wonderful characteristics. I feared the harping would compromise her self image and lay foundation for eating disorder. No one heard a word I said. I think commenting on weight loss is just as intrusive. There are so many other meaningful characteristics to comment on.[/quote']

I couldn't disagree more. We as a country have gone WAY overboard in political correctness & being afraid of hurting someones feelings. We've gone so far that we tell morbidly obese people "you are perfect just the way you are". That is total bull#!+! They(we) are killing themselves, that is not perfect.....far from it. We give kids trophys for just showing up. How does this prepare them for life? We have a generation of youth now that are so ilprepared to fend for themselves it's just crazy

It's just my opinion, but I think we need to have more people that are willing to speak the truth & not worry about how thin skinned other people are. candy coating stuff just allows people to live in denial even longer.