How Do You Deal With.....

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

OMG! That is horrible to lie, but even worse to say it's cancer. Yea, I'd stay away from her too.

Sometime I wonder what goes on in peoples head...

Yeah, it was craziness. I had a weight problem back then and she had asked me about the RNY. She knows I research everything. So then I decided at that time in my life RNY was not for me. So she asked me about it, seeked consult and then lied to us.

Anyway, I think sometimes people just hate. But dang, if you can't talk to your friends does what does that mean?

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Pretty much' date=' this things gives me the blues.........[/quote']

They're not called crackberries for nothing. I'm an iPhone guy myself. Don't know how I ever lived w/o Apple

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

They're not called crackberries for nothing. I'm an iPhone guy myself. Don't know how I ever lived w/o Apple

Believe you me, when I hit US soil, I will be IPHONE all the way!!!

[NtvTxn 1,262]

Maybe I'm speaking out-of-turn since I havent been sleeved yet and I too am only looking to loose 65 lbs. Jealousy? Maybe they wish they had done it earlier? Also, maybe your friend is one of those who always wishes they looked like you only being 60 lbs overweight, now she's getting noticed more, and you're going to come along and be thinner than her, possibly sooner. Stealing her Thunder so-to-speak.

Maybe just reassure them both that you admire them, etc. and how brave they were to take the 1st step and you are following them? Just my opinion

I wanted to lose 60 lbs, I was self pay because my BMI was 35 or 36. Many thought I did not NEED to have surgery but my one friend who had WLS is the one who convinced me I would not be sorry. She was right....never even one regret, it's the best decision I've ever made!! It was far better than I'd hoped/prayed it would be. I was down 50 lbs lickity split....and kept going, at one time I was down TOO much, almost 90 lbs. I've regained some, I went to low.....but now I go between 77 lbs and 84 lbs lost. I am sure you'll lose MORE than what you want to lose at this moment.....you'll love it!!!

[Ready4success 380]

My good friend from 1st grade had RNY back in 2001, and she's probably gained all but 50 pounds back. Although I was overweight too, I knew that WLS wasn't for me back then. Now, I'm getting sleeved, and if I text or mention the surgery, she completely ignores me. It was hurtful in the beginning, but now I don't care. I even asked her for a ride home from the hospital, since she works nearby. I have to do this for me.

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

OMG!! I haven't even spoken to the so called friend who was sleeved a year ago. And the other friend who had the RNY didn't acknowledge a text I sent her so I will no longer be sharing where I am at in the process nor will I share when I have the surgery. I did see her the other day and she looks great. She on the other hand kept telling DH that I was crazy that she lost 120+ lbs. in 7 months and where the heck was I going to lose the all that weight. That I was going to look anorexic and blah, blah, blah..... This time it didn't bother me. I appreciate all of your support. I know I can always count on you guys for true support. THANKS!!!

[makemyownluck 785]

Your RNY friend may have a point. I don't think I'd be looking into surgery if I was 60lbs overweight. Of course, I don't know... personally, I'm 200+ overweight and so I really see this as something I need to do because I'm in a drastic situation. But you DID ask for her opinion and she gave it to you... you should really listen to what she's saying. She's saying that SHE would do it again, because she was 200lbs overweight. She had complications, but it was what she had to do to change her life. Maybe if she was getting it done now, she'd do a sleeve - who knows? She's assuming you'd have the same complications, which may or may not be true. I think what she's saying is that she would go through the complications again because it got her to where she is now, but she wouldn't go through all that to lose 60lbs...

That said, it's your choice whether or not to have surgery, and considering you are diabetic, I'd say it's the way to go because you are going to have to change your eating habits either way and this will be a helpful tool. For someone with 60 to lose who didn't have co-morbids... idk... seems like a drastic step. But everyone makes the choice for themselves, and if you WERE NOT a candidate, then no surgeon would operate on you! The MD can decide if you're qualified, you have to make sure YOU'RE PREPARED.

I wish you luck! Take your friend's advice for what it is - an educated, but not a professional opinion. In the end, if they are your friends, they will support whatever decision you make.

[LindaS 316]

I can kind of understand why the successful sleever suggested you look online rather than just talk to her. I'm with the ones that suggest she was doing it with the best of intentions.

My mother-in-law is in the process of getting the sleeve, and I had it done a year ago. I am VERY nervous about this. I am excited for her, but I am also worried that if she ends up having a bad experience or problems that I am to blame. I am very nervous about this.

When I first had the sleeve, she openly declared she'd never get WLS. I remember posting in the rants section because she kept bringing over food when I was in the liquid phase. Then a cardiologist suggested WLS to her, and she has seen how it has helped me, and she is looking forward to WLS. She has been struggling to lose weight through diet and exercise, and we all know how hard that can be.

Before she decided to have WLS, I didn't talk about my experience much because I could easily monopolize a conversation with everything I was feeling and experiencing. When she was looking into it, I was very cautious about telling her about my choice because I wanted her to make her own choice. I talked to her about the various Centers of Excellence and why I went with the one I did. She decided to go to the same place.

I went with her to the initial meeting that tells about the various options, and I've gone with her to most of her appointments. I have tried to be very supportive with her while still trying not to influence her into doing it "my way." Still, she decided to go with the sleeve, and she even ended up being assigned my surgeon.

She likes that I've done what she is doing now because I can help her find where she is going and tell her what to expect.

My mil hasn't told a lot of people that she is going to get WLS. She is still finishing all of the requirements and something could still halt the process. She had a second endoscopy today, and she has an appointment with a pulminologist (sp?) in the future.

Yesterday, she finally told her daughter about it. Her daughter probably has a bmi of 60 or higher. Several years ago, the daughter looked into getting sleeved and even started the process, but her insurance denied her coverage. Since then she lost her insurance and hasn't restarted the process with her new insurance. My sil has been going to a different center of excellence than I did.

One of the first things the daughter said was that she wanted to be at the hospital with her mom. Her mom told her no that either her husband or I would be with her. My mil wasn't being mean. My sil has some medical issues that make it hard for her to travel, and she also doesn't have a lot of money. The location my mil is having surgery would place a burden on my sil financially and medically.

All of this is a very long winded way of saying that it feels very scary to be an adviser to someone starting on this process. I am glad to help, but I worry that my comments will influence my mil to make a choice that won't be right for her. It is easier to do it in this forum where my comments are one of many and my influence doesn't have such a direct impact on my life.

For instance -- if my mil has surgery this fall, it is possible that she will still be on a liquid diet at Thanksgiving. She is the one who normally cooks thanksgiving dinner. Will she still want to do that? And if she doesn't, who will? And how will my extended family feel if my mil decides that a family tradition won't be happening this year? Will I get blamed? Or worse, will I be expected to cook and host Thanksgiving? I've never cooked a turkey!

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

Your RNY friend may have a point. I don't think I'd be looking into surgery if I was 60lbs overweight. Of course, I don't know... personally, I'm 200+ overweight and so I really see this as something I need to do because I'm in a drastic situation. But you DID ask for her opinion and she gave it to you... you should really listen to what she's saying. She's saying that SHE would do it again, because she was 200lbs overweight. She had complications, but it was what she had to do to change her life. Maybe if she was getting it done now, she'd do a sleeve - who knows? She's assuming you'd have the same complications, which may or may not be true. I think what she's saying is that she would go through the complications again because it got her to where she is now, but she wouldn't go through all that to lose 60lbs...

That said, it's your choice whether or not to have surgery, and considering you are diabetic, I'd say it's the way to go because you are going to have to change your eating habits either way and this will be a helpful tool. For someone with 60 to lose who didn't have co-morbids... idk... seems like a drastic step. But everyone makes the choice for themselves, and if you WERE NOT a candidate, then no surgeon would operate on you! The MD can decide if you're qualified, you have to make sure YOU'RE PREPARED.

I wish you luck! Take your friend's advice for what it is - an educated, but not a professional opinion. In the end, if they are your friends, they will support whatever decision you make.

You are right if I didn't have diabetes the medication for diabetes makes me very sick, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea I wouldn't do it. But I do have all the above and that is why I was approved for the surgery. I don't think I would do it if I didn't have the comorbitities.

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

I can kind of understand why the successful sleever suggested you look online rather than just talk to her. I'm with the ones that suggest she was doing it with the best of intentions.

My mother-in-law is in the process of getting the sleeve, and I had it done a year ago. I am VERY nervous about this. I am excited for her, but I am also worried that if she ends up having a bad experience or problems that I am to blame. I am very nervous about this.

When I first had the sleeve, she openly declared she'd never get WLS. I remember posting in the rants section because she kept bringing over food when I was in the liquid phase. Then a cardiologist suggested WLS to her, and she has seen how it has helped me, and she is looking forward to WLS. She has been struggling to lose weight through diet and exercise, and we all know how hard that can be.

Before she decided to have WLS, I didn't talk about my experience much because I could easily monopolize a conversation with everything I was feeling and experiencing. When she was looking into it, I was very cautious about telling her about my choice because I wanted her to make her own choice. I talked to her about the various Centers of Excellence and why I went with the one I did. She decided to go to the same place.

I went with her to the initial meeting that tells about the various options, and I've gone with her to most of her appointments. I have tried to be very supportive with her while still trying not to influence her into doing it "my way." Still, she decided to go with the sleeve, and she even ended up being assigned my surgeon.

She likes that I've done what she is doing now because I can help her find where she is going and tell her what to expect.

My mil hasn't told a lot of people that she is going to get WLS. She is still finishing all of the requirements and something could still halt the process. She had a second endoscopy today, and she has an appointment with a pulminologist (sp?) in the future.

Yesterday, she finally told her daughter about it. Her daughter probably has a bmi of 60 or higher. Several years ago, the daughter looked into getting sleeved and even started the process, but her insurance denied her coverage. Since then she lost her insurance and hasn't restarted the process with her new insurance. My sil has been going to a different center of excellence than I did.

One of the first things the daughter said was that she wanted to be at the hospital with her mom. Her mom told her no that either her husband or I would be with her. My mil wasn't being mean. My sil has some medical issues that make it hard for her to travel, and she also doesn't have a lot of money. The location my mil is having surgery would place a burden on my sil financially and medically.

All of this is a very long winded way of saying that it feels very scary to be an adviser to someone starting on this process. I am glad to help, but I worry that my comments will influence my mil to make a choice that won't be right for her. It is easier to do it in this forum where my comments are one of many and my influence doesn't have such a direct impact on my life.

For instance -- if my mil has surgery this fall, it is possible that she will still be on a liquid diet at Thanksgiving. She is the one who normally cooks thanksgiving dinner. Will she still want to do that? And if she doesn't, who will? And how will my extended family feel if my mil decides that a family tradition won't be happening this year? Will I get blamed? Or worse, will I be expected to cook and host Thanksgiving? I've never cooked a turkey!

I understand completely. And I am sure that your MIL will be fine. Thanks for sharing and I understand your point of view.

[Ready4success 380]

For instance -- if my mil has surgery this fall' date=' it is possible that she will still be on a liquid diet at Thanksgiving. She is the one who normally cooks thanksgiving dinner. Will she still want to do that? And if she doesn't, who will? And how will my extended family feel if my mil decides that a family tradition won't be happening this year? Will I get blamed? Or worse, will I be expected to cook and host Thanksgiving? I've never cooked a turkey![/quote']

I think you and your family will be just fine if your mil is unable to cook the Thanksgiving dinner this year. Who says the tradition has to end? You could even make it an extra special day this year by showing that y'all are "thankful" for all the previous Thanksgiving dinners that she has cooked in the past, and that it will be a pleasure to cook the dinner this year. It will probably make this Thanksgiving more memorable than the ones in the past. Get everyone on board, and then google how to bake a turkey.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Or worse' date=' will I be expected to cook and host Thanksgiving? I've never cooked a turkey![/quote']

Hey, just a suggestion, almost every town has a really good smokehouse. If your MIL chooses not to prepare the turkey, thr smokehouses typically offer thei services to smoke your turkey for about 20. If you have a big family you'll need 2 birds though, since smoking a bird over 16lb doesn't work out so well.

I personally have one smoked & I fry one (I know frying is bad. But if you've ever had fried turkey, you'll completely understand)

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

Fried turkey...Yum!!!!