Why Are/were You Fat?

[Gastricsleeve4me 186]

At 11 years old I was living with my mother and step father. My father was no where to be found. My step dad worked nights from about 3pm to midnight, leaving my mom with their 4 year old and a newborn. My mother, diagnosed only a few years ago, is bipolar. Two young children and a husband away in the evenings was too much for her to bear. But, at 11, after spending much of my time caring for their first child, I was well equipped. There were diapers to be changed, and dinners to be made, and someone to watch the kids while my mother needed "alone time", pursued a variety of different careers to keep her occupied and out of the house, or disappeared for days on end when life was too overwhelming. At that age, "normal" is whatever your life is. So, I did what I believed I was supposed to. But there was not much time to be a kid. No one to scream at to when my brother stuffed yet another box of crayons in the VCR or my sister decided to "puffy paint" the bathroom towels. No one to cry to when I was home taking care of two kids when everyone else was playing sports or meeting boys. So I ate. I used food to comfort me for the adult stressors I was incapable of handling at such a young age (and had been primed for over years before). Who do you cry to when your step dad says he needs to pick up your mom at the suicide clinic so make sure the kids get to bed on time? I became an expert at being capable. At being resilient. At relying on no one. But food. Food was my best friend and a constant. For years later during high school my parents would "scold" me for sitting on the couch to catch an hour of tv after working one of my two jobs (by 15), presumably because they noticed my growing waistline and assumed it to be lack of exercise (as a varsity gymnast holding down two jobs and "babysitting" every day you'd think they would have figured out it wasn't my ability to commit to hard work or the result of laziness). I left home at 17 and, by now the consummate overachiever, graduated with my bachelors at 20 and began a career I'm continuing 12 years later, becoming the youngest manger in my region, then the most quickly promoted sr manager, and so on. But always heavy. Always. The stress of two young kids was replaced by stress at work, the need to succeed, anger/grief/etc at my parents when I realized later how different my childhood was...but I never learned how to cope with thes emotions. Being dumped 5 weeks before your wedding, losing a best friend to sudden death at 28, funerals for 16 yr old cousins, and uncles who died too early, friends and family with brain cancer. I was ill-equipped to do anything but make it to therapy, and eat. So, at 32, I needed a catalyst. A push. A drastic change. Enter the sleeve. At nine weeks out my journey is an emotional one. One that I'm conquering. Slowly. But surely. With the guidance of a therpist who specializes in food and has picked up where other therapists began (but without the weight connection). It's not easy, and it's not about Protein or Water intake. It's about becoming more emotionally mature. And I'm committed. And I'm nothing if not resilient.

Jo - sleeved 5/21/12

Everyone has a story and, I'm curious, what's yours?

[notime 340]

Thanks for sharing your story. I was slender, under 120 pounds until I reached forty. That was when the lack of exercise and huge appetite caught up with me. From then on, I put on weight fast. At 186 pounds, I had enough.Hello sleeve!

[MyGastricSleeveLife 180]

Well, it's not really WHY I became fat, but I wrote a blog post last month more about why I stayed fat and how it changed my self esteem - http://mygastricsleevelife.blogspot.com/2012/06/learning-to-love-myself-again.html

Why I became fat in the first place was more because of not watching what I ate during my first pregnancy. I gained 75 lbs (and she was even born 10 weeks early!!!) - then with stress and moves across country and job changes and family deaths and so on, I turned to food and developed a food addiction. Even though I wanted to change, I let the food addiction control my life and diets and exercise and so forth went out the window when things got tough - until now!

By the way, thanks for sharing your story! It's quite amazing the things you've had to deal with & have finally been able to conquer!!

[Imlosing big 112]

We grew up very poor never ate out lived on noodles and ceral mostly, and spaghetti no meat. When I got old enough to get a job and I had money. I tried all the things I was never able to due to my upbringing and I loved it all way to much; that I ate myself to morbib obesity.

[chitowngirl 885]

Wow you have a very touching story.

Growing up my father was a heroin addict my whole life. My parents divorces when I was 3. I lived with my mother and my sister who is 4 years older than me. My mother is deaf and grew up in a residential school. Which in effect caused her to be very distant and emotionally disconnected. Once I was in 8th grade my mother kicked me out of the house, because she was tired of the responsibility, and it was my dads turn to deal with me. So then I went to live with my heroin addict father. Needless I was exposed to a lot of things for a teenage child. Needless to say as soon as I finished high school, thank god I had sense enough to realize that school was important, I left with the first decent guy that came my way. So I had my son at 20 years old, and then realized that I rushed into the unhealthy relationship. So I moved out on my own, and was the primary caregiver for my son. I feel that during my early 20's I got pcos, however i didn't officially get diagnosed until I was 30. I can honestly say I always felt food was the one constant in my life. I feel as my son got older I really started to analyze how I feel about him and all of the extremes I am willing to do for him, and I realize that neither of my parents every felt that amount of love for me. It made me sad, but I really didn't have time to reflect or be sad, so I ate.

[mesaucedo 207]

My life started out in a really great place. My dad was a retired Aerospace engineer turned Dentist and my mum stayed at home with us. When I was 7 he was diagnosed with cancer and died when I was 10. We all had to stand by and watch him fall apart not being able to do anything.

My mom became an alcoholic after he died and my older brother pretty much avoided us at all costs. My mom married an abusive man who blew all my dad's life insurance policy on himself and then left her. I raised my younger sister it was hard doing all that at that age. When I was 13 my mom got arrested for assaulting an officer when she was drunk and making a scene. She continued to get DUIs and get arrested for years. I turned to food to make me feel better. I developed a passion for baking and cooking and learned how to cook well on a budget -- of whatever I could scrounge up from my brother and my part time after school jobs.

So I guess it was just really emotions. I didn't want to burden my little girl with my problems, I was supposed to be the strong one who could handle it. So I ate my feelings and hid them from her.

Luckily my mom just recently pushed a little too far and got mandatory rehab. She finally realized what she was doing to us. She was so supportive and loving but just not a mom -- she was like a really cool friend. She is 2 years sober now and I think I really needed that to deal with my issues and my problem with food.< /p>

[Gastricsleeve4me 186]

I'm really enjoying reading each of your stories...amazing the role food has played in each of our lives. The times, they are a'changing

[Nikki613 120]

great topic. Seems I am not alone in the bad childhood department. To keep it short, my was diagnosed skitso when I was a baby. Dad was a drug addict, alcoholic grandparents raised me, Dad wasnt really around.

I started gaining weight after quitting smoking pot 6 years ago. It was my medication. I replaced it with food and now here I am 100 lbs later.

Time to do some work, mentally and physically.

[Nikki613 120]

My mom is skitso. ooops should have proof read

[Eos38 12]

My father dropped me off at an airport when I was 5 and I never saw him again. My stepfather tried, but was a physically abusive jerk to me, while his brother molested me. During my life I have turned food into a friend, a lover, a comfortor because the peole in my life sucked. I compare my eating to a heroin addict, at first its great and everything tastes so good, but soon you just maintain adn eventually that little high that I got when I put the first bite into my mouth wasn't there anymore. I would crave tastes that I didn't even know or remember what they were, just that I wanted some. I have spent some of the most horrible times of my life in the comfort of a fast food bag. Now I have problems walking, breathing and I can't tie my shoes. I was going to die and the only thing I could think about was...nobody will be able to lift the casket so I should be cremated. Then I called BMI and started the process. I am starting to feel better and starting to do nice things for myself that I never felt I deserved in the past. I like myself..for the first time. By going through this process I have given me back to me.

[Pre-OpLoser619 36]

All of your stories are heartbreaking and yet so inspiring at the same time. I have mentioned on this forum several times, that heavy people are some of the strongest, bravest people I have ever met not only because of the prejudices and cruelty we face each day as heavy people but because I am all too aware of the trauma that many of us have gone through that helped form our poisonous relationship with food. I too suffered through horrible things as a child and I suppose throughout my life so far. For a long time those things drove me to be a perfectionist and over achiever, except where food was concerned. Food was my friend, it reminded me of some of the best times in my life vs the ugly that was rattling around in my head. I was sad, I ate. I was happy, I ate. I was mad, I ate. I was stressed, I ate. See the common theme there. It wasn't until my miracle was born almost 5 years ago that I really began to examine myself, my thoughts, everything. It took me almost 5 years and a couple of scary close calls in the er to really shake me and wake me up that if I didn't change, really change, I wouldn't be around to see my daughter grow up or grow old with my husband. I had gotten pcos, high blood pressure, pre-diabetes and most recently fibromyalgia and autoimmune issues yet all of this and all the meds didn't wake me up to what I was doing... Slowly killing myself. It was the accumulation of all these things and also the grace of God that finally made me see things clearly for the first time in 37 years. Whether I end up having this surgery or not... I know things will be different this time and I will get to my goal either way! Thanks for letting me share my story!

[KikiCC 83]

Well I was 140 lbs beforw pregnancy at 28. Then I gained 80 lbs with my pregnancy and never lost them. The sad thing is that at 220 lbs, I was too comfortable in my own skin. I was wearing a tankini at the beach a remember! I felt beautiful. It wasn't until I went through a divorce, when back to school, got a stressful job and gained an additional 40 lbs when I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. For 7 years, I was between 250-262 until the day the day of my surgery. That day i was 258.5. That was 2 weeks ago, on July 9th. I am at 243 now . The lowest I've been in a looong time. Tankini, mama is coming back!!!!!

[bigsleeve56 266]

This makes me feel bad I am fat and do not have a reason like these people.

[dar1983 751]

This makes me feel bad I am fat and do not have a reason like these people.

...I know. Had a good childhood and have a good marriage, fabulous daughters. I wasn't an obese child, but always a few burgers away from fat. I had a decent body in college...then everything went to hell! I am, I realize, an emotional eater. I was sleeved July 3, and ready for a new, slimmer life.

[Webtrekker 39]

I was at a good weight until a car accident that left me unable to walk for six years due to back injuries. I raised two daughters from bed with them coming in after school to tell me how their day had gone. My only friend all those years was food. It took 13 years and three major surgeries along with about 150 minor procedures for me to be able to walk and lead a "normal" life again.

That time I spent alone and although I never thought of myself as depressed I don't know what else you could have called it. A year ago I decided I needed to do something. I can't exercise because of my back. I needed to get the weight off. New insurance company at work and the sleeve was covered. it's been a month and a half and I can already feel the difference in my body and my mind.