Support As A Facade ...

[Lauren86 0]

I am having a hard time with my significant other not trying to understand what I am going through. Firstly, he has no problem telling me he is going to eat hot dogs for dinner every day since I am not eating dinner with him. I feel like he is looking for a reaction, and the thing is- he's over weight too! Only by like 20 pounds, but you can tell. Another thing is, we made a deal that I would lose weight and he would quit smoking. Well I made the ultimate commitment to losing weight, and he went off his zyban because he doesn't want to continue trying. I am just at a loss, and don't feel like after 5 years he gets me any more than he did the day we met...

I realize this is me having a pity party, and I AM freshly post-op! Any suggestions?

[Lissa 2,631]

Yes. Ignore him! He's having to adjust to your changes and you're dumping hormones like a crazy person right now. Those hormones will make you insane for a bit. If he wants to eat hot dogs, let him. He's only hurting himself. Once your weight loss starts showing and he sees that you are serious about adopting new, healthier habits, hopefully he'll get on the healthy bandwagon. But, you don't want to make any significant changes until you know that your hormone levels have evened out.

At that point, I'll be your cheerleader if you smack him upside the head, but family members have a tendency to irritate the tar out of us, especially in those early post-op months because WE are out of whack.

Good luck!

[Lauren86 0]

Thank you! I needed this! Normally my mom is the one to tell me to stop being irrational, but she's living in another state : /

[Lissa 2,631]

I'd NEVER tell someone they're being irrational in so many words. I just know that our hormones are way out of whack for a while after surgery and we must be cautious not to do something we can't undo later, like murder!

[praldous 19]

When he sees how good you are doing hell get on ur wagon. Maybe not with surgey but eating healthier and adopting a healthier lifestyle with you.

[JustSkinnyMeInside 89]

I know you're still in early diet stage, but I bought a cookbook called "Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery" by Patt Levine and Michele Bontempo-Saray. It has all kinds of recipes that focus on flavor, so that they taste good if you have to blend them in the blender (for mushies), or as a regular meal. The point is, you can make these foods for dinner, serve to your husband, and YOU can eat the same food as well. Every recipe lists the portions and calorie/protein, etc. breakdown for a regular person portion (ie., your husband) or for post-surgery portion. This cookbook is older than the gastric sleeve procedure, so it doesn't specifically reference the sleeve, but you would use the same portion for the sleeve as for lap band referenced in the book.

Hope this helps! Just hang in there!!!

[SpecialK1960 252]

I am very lucky in that I have a very supportive spouse.

Here is my suggestion - refocus his attitude into motivation for you. Every time he makes a comment or gives you a look, just register that up in the motivation bank. Use it to keep you motivated. It's kind of like when someone says that you can't do something - use it to prove them wrong.

And remember you made the decision to change your eating habits - he has not made that decision yet. But he will... Trust me when you start really losing inches - so that it is obvious - it will make a difference.

Good luck and remember to stay true to yourself and your decision - and congratulations for making the decision to improve!!

[SMP1126 76]

Right now, IMO your biggest concern should be YOU! Don't stress over what he does or doesn't do, he's an adult too and he's gonna make his own choices. Sometimes, you need to focus inward and take care of yourself. Once that is well underway, you can at least then try to understand what's going on in his head.

[KristiP 51]

I think right now, you need to be a little selfish and just worry about YOU. Don't worry about what he's thinking and feeling when he throws out reaction seeking behavior. Hes lost his side kick in a way. Youre no longer dong things that support his lifestyle choices and it makes hm feel ....well, i dont know what it makes him feel, but it sounds to me like there might be some co-dependancy issues there?

Bottomline is, we all have to own our choices.

I'm lucky I've got a really supportive spouse. Even if he doesn't quite agree with the method or route, if I feel that's the best way for me to go, he backs me up. We have our moments of course, who doesn't? Lol. But, I know that ultimately he's got my back.

I wish you peace of mind, success and the ability to let him climb onto your wagon, as someone else pit it.

Cheers!

[mesaucedo 207]

Something that I had to realize is that just because I am getting healthy and changing my life it doesn't mean that other people have to or even should.

I would like my fiance to quit eating crap and work out but it is his choice. There is not point in being upset over it. If we lived together and I cooked I am sure he would eat it. But I can't expect him to become healthy just because I am.

If he wants to eat hot dogs, let him.

Soon enough you two will have to start cooking meals for everyone, I am sure they will be healthier, and he will have to eat them.

[Newbie girl 9]

I agree with many of the other posts. I'm married almost 20 years and we've been together close to 25 years. The truth is you can not control the actions of your souse; only your reaction. With the hormones and all the meds, you can also get a little wacky. I have a 4 year old, 10 year old and a husband who works outside all day. When the family comes home, they want to eat so we have all the same food in the house and Im the one who needs to deal with it. I will also say that my husband is very supportive in his own way. Most of the time, he's like "suck it up", although thankfully he hasn't said that yet! Look for support wherever you can get it. This board has been great. Try holding off on reacting to anything for a few weeks and see how you feel then. Good luck!

[Lauren86 0]

Thank you all! I figured it was all in my head