Scared to death of relationships?

[j_war06 0]

Ok so Im in college now and have lots of new friends. Life doesnt get much better, except I do need to eat more, but I think its directly linked to sub conscious stress because I could actually eat today after a nap and just being a hermit for the day. Anyways the reason why I am posting this is I am kind of starting to interest myself with a new guy, the problem is since my last relationship I am scared half-to-death of any kind of relationship whatsoever, especially with men. We talked about it today and decided you know just to play it as it comes, neither one of us is actively seeking a relationship, but HES PERFECT! It scares me to death that he is so perfect. The perfect gentleman, good looks, athletic, and wants to be around me alllllll the time and I love it. He told me the other night that of all the ppl hes met, Im his favorite. We can talk about anything, even if we disagree about the approach of the subject, its still like no prob. Im afraid that he might be a "chubby chaser" or something like that. Ive NEVER had a guy go out of his way JUST for me. He doesnt pull me away from other friends that he may not like, but instead spends time with me and then I spend time with my other friends. The thought of any relationship scares me. I figured I would be single for the rest of my life (no marriage or dating or anything) Not necessarily because of my weight, but because I dont know that I can trust guys after the last relationship. Yes I know it was high school, but it was also 4 years. Ive been single for a year and a half now and I want to have a guy to be boyfriendish, but not controlling and rude and critical and so far every guy ive met is except for him! Its crazy I know, I dont even want to talk about marriage now at all, thats not my point, I dont wanna get into that discussion for many more years, but just dating and having someone to support you would be nice and a little affection (without overstepping boundaries is nice too). I just am so paranoid of men with bigger girlfriends because everyone I see (at this age) is controlled by the guy they date. Its like we are big, so we dont deserve love, just control because we apparently cant control ourselves (not my opinion, but thats how "chubby chasers" percieve it) He never criticizes my surgery or says anything about it except make sure I get food I can eat. I didnt plan on this being so long, but my thoughts kept flowing.

*BTW, it doesnt help matters that he is from Spain and has a totally cute accent like Wilmer Valderama from That 70s Show) Im liking him, but we both have had screwed up relationships in the past.

Anyway, thats wat I was thinking about tonight

[NurseTeresa 0]

Well CONGRATULATIONS AND TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME! No one said you have to rush into anything. Go slow and feel things out. Don't let your guard down completely however don't have a wall so high that no one will ever be able to penetrate it. There are some good men out there. I have had all the relationships good and bad. Skinny and heavy. Learn from your past relationships and take it all for what it is worth cuz it is always a learning experience each and every time. Good luck and keep us informed. PS make sure you eat!

[Elisabethsew 50]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh... to be 18 again! You'll have MANY different relationships with men and some men you love now you'll hate later and vice versa. It's all part of growing up. Live each day to it's fullest. Balance your study time with your "friends" time and also some alone time. College years are wonderful so ENJOY!!!

[mcw12985 0]

I second what Elisabeth said. You're 18, probably your first year of college, enjoy yourself. I'm 21 and married to my high school sweet heart, but sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had dated more people. Don't get stuck. Your personality will change drastically from the age of 18 to 25. Have a great time, just don't get pulled into anything that you can't get out of.

Mallorie

[libra 13]

Don't stress so much about it, just take things as they come. You'll be so much happier if you don't overanalyse things. Just enjoy yourself.

[want2lose 1]

I love this post! What memories it brings back. My husband and I started dating in college at age 19. While it was fun and exciting, neither of us expected that would be together for the long term. We are now 37, and have been married for 14 years. I think what worked for us is what many other posters said: enjoy time together, with your friends and even by yourself. College is when you really start to define who you are. You don't want to only define yourself as a couple, you need to be your own person too.

Don't sell yourself short. It's OK to be treated well, and have a guy go out of his way for you. While it might be different from what you experienced in the past, you are worth it.

[barbara465 2]

To be young again. Aaahh, I do remember. He is from Spain and different cultures look upon obesity differently. It just may not be an issue to him and it shouldn't be to you either.

Enjoy his friendship and relax. You are in control. You can only be controlled if you allow it. Keep your studies up and work your band. It doesn't have to be serious relationship to be meaningful.

p.s. there is no man or woman who is perfect. remember that.

[j_war06 0]

See Im not looking for LOVE, just fun and compassion I am young and probably transferring after next year. This is my 2nd year of college and its great, not a whole lot of work, more reading than anything which doesnt take me long. I end up spending much of my time helping my first year counter parts with their classes since they have classes im a Wiz at so I have plenty of time for everything! Ive just been so scarred by relationships in the past that I am scared. I just want to casually date someone, not necessarily for the long run or anything like that, just want to have fun and be normal and not the chick that never has a bf! I dont really care what others think, I just hate them trying to fix me up with every guy in the world lol

[Magic 0]

Take it easy girl, I just finished college 2 years ago and I know the craziness of girls.

I'm sure he did not ask you to get married, neither anybody around you asked you to get married soon. Take it easy, if you like spenidng time with him/and he likes to do the same, then be with him. Being with a guy doesn't mean to get married, but at least some commitment and not acting weird. About not wanting long term relation, this is craziness, do you think whenever 2 people start dating, they put a time line for how long the relation should be???? Go out with him, if you like it then continue, if you you don't then break up.. its that simple

At the end its not rocket science, he is just a guy who likes you:D so don't complicate simple things my dear.. All the best

[j_war06 0]

see thats what I think to, I know you cant put a timeline on relationships, but the fact is we wont be in the same place forever, and I guess I think relationships=marriage in the long run just because of my last one. We thought we had to get married because we were together for so long and I suppose I really believed that. Its a small town life thing, Im really trying to adjust to the city and stuff, I just get freaked out by relationships. If some guy hits on me I dunno if its a dare that his friends made or himself made for a good laugh (not this guy, guys in general). BTW Im rushing next week wish me luck, I decided to try to meet new ppl also, so I am going to rush! Im excited. But Im pissed because Lane Bryant has those skinny models, and all their clothes are too big for me! Pisses me off! Neways, I also was going to say that Im afraid of getting attached to people easily, I just dont want another fiasco like the last relationship. Im scared I will like him so much that when and if we broke up that I would be too attached and have to go through the same exact heartache all over again. :'(

[Marimaru 7]

I guess along with the 'go for it comments' I want to add, just to keep your heart guarded a little bit. I guess I'm saying, don't throw everything into it all at once, you know? :couch2:

Congrats on all the new friends and everything go!!