HELP...Is this the right thing to do???????

[April 0]

Ok, I'm freakin' out! I have a surgery date of 9-18-06. I am currently doing my 4 weeks of pre-op liquid diet (yuck) and it's driving me crazy. I'm excited to finally have my surgery in sight but I'm scaring the crap out of myself. I keep reading all these horror stories and I think I just need a little reassurance from people who have had it done. I know this is the right thing for me because I have tried everything else out there and each time I try it gets harder. I am currently 147 lbs overweight, I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, GERD, heart problems, etc... and I'm only 33. My dad died at 59 and I can see myself in the same boat if I don't get a handle on it soon. I have my stress test tomorrow and hopefully everything goes well because that surgery date hangs in the balance depending on this test. I have only told my Husband, Brother, Sister, Mother In-Law and 1 friend. I still haven't told MY mom, and I don't think I want to because she's hard to deal with. I told work I'm having a hernia operation, and I feel terribly guilty about lying, but it's none of their business and they would not be helpful. Have any of you told work something besides lap-band and how did it play out for you? Do any of you have difficult Moms that you didn't tell and how'd that work out for you? Any words of encouragement, or even constructive criticism??? I need all the advice you can give. :omg:

[Carlene 12]

We might need a little more info, April.

[SherryW 4]

Yeap sounds like the same thing most about to be banded folks do. Quite frankly if you weren't a bit nervous that would be scarey. I told my boss what I was having done but, everyone else I told them it was abdominal surgery. Only a few asked what kind of surgery or why and I just said female reasons and they let it be lol. It will explain when you go back to work why you might be walking slower or at times get uncomfortable if you sit too long. :guess

For quite some time it was only my DH that knew I was doing this. I didn't tell my mom until after I had a surgery date and only because she lives with us in her own apartment but the same house. I didn't want her to worry when she didn't see me home. She also struggles with her weight so she understood why I wanted to do this. After I had a date I did tell one close friend at work because she'd have to help keep things running for me while I was gone. (I'm her supervisor as well as an outside friend for over 17 years) and one other friend whos now going through the process. (Great Gals, very supportive) Now that I'm almost 7 months out, a few more people from work now know what I had done because I did tell them. When you order lunch together it's kinda hard for someone to not notice you're eating differently. Others...I just tell them I'm dieting eating Proteins first, veggies, fruits then carbs and they don't push further.

Congrats on your decision and good luch and best wishes with your surgery and recovery :eek:

[LapBandit 5]

April-You're having the same pre-band freak out that many of us had. If you are committed to changing your life for the better then you'll be fine!

As far as telling your Mom, or anyone else for that matter, it has to be your choice to decide who to tell.

For me, I didn't make big announcements at work but now it's a little akward because people are noticing my loss and keep asking me how I'm doing it. I feel stupid telling them that I had major surgery 4 months ago!

That's why I decided to tell my family...I imagined how offended I'd feel if I found out my Mom snuck out and had major surgery without telling me.

But that's MY opinion. You are entitled to your own. My point is just to think down the road when family starts noticing your loss...what do you plan to tell them?

That's my two cents. Good luck with surgery and you'll do great!

[April 0]

Sorry Ladies, I got a little ahead of myself...

[AnotherMe 0]

April,

You're right, sounds like the liquid pre-op diet has you a little loopy! Truthfully, I believe it's something we all begin to worry about as the date draws near. I was flip-flopping between the money argument (I was self pay) and trying to convince myself I could try again on my own. Who was I kidding? The most success I've ever had alone was 25 lbs or so, and like they say - I got it back and then some!

Best advice I can give you is - YOU deserve to do this for your own health. For this one instance, think of yourself! You have some wicked comorbidities added to the fraternal history of health problems. But, you're on the right path to doing something about it now. The next few weeks will be a nervous, anxious time... I spent it connecting with the great people here and learned I wasn't all alone. I hope you find something useful here too!

I had an endoscopy a couple of months prior to Lapband surgery, where they did find a small hernia. It didn't require repair, but that didn't keep me from using it as my excuse anyway!! And, it's handy because I can still use it as my excuse why I can't eat as much as before.. "hernia didn't heal properly and I still get bad heartburn" - will keep everyone from trying to get me to eat more!! by then, they usually want to give me a remedy :eek:

My Mom & Dad, brother, and one close friend know... I would say tell your mom -- you'll need her support. If she can't offer that, then she doesn't deserve to share in your success with the band. She's your mom, I hope she'll be real happy when she see's the improvement in your health.

All the best,

Karla

[Parvathi 2]

April, its completely normal to be nervous and have your head play a few games with you. If you weren't, then you'd be loopy lol.

My band has slipped and I might have to have a revision surgery, but even now, with as fickle as the band can sometimes be, I recognize that this is the best thing I've ever done, just for me. I've managed to lose around 90 lbs (although I have put a few back on) and I feel fantastic.

As for your decision on whether or not to tell family/friends/coworkers, that's one only you can make. I told my immediate family beforehand, all the gory details. The rest of the family knew I was having surgery, but didn't know what for - figured it was girlie stuff. After I started losing, when they asked, I'd tell them.

I work for my husband's company, so the boss knew lol .. but I told everyone else too. There's only one other girl in our office - the rest are 20something boys (all hotties too lol). They've all been extremely supportive.

For me, it was easier telling people upfront, rather than having to make excuses as to why I couldn't join in on the massive feed they were having for lunch or whatever.

Best of luck to you in your upcoming surgery. You'll do fine :eek:

[KariK 0]

Hi April, I have a very difficult mom too, and I have not told her. I don't plan to tell her anytime soon if ever. I've lost 18 lbs and I just say Im dieting and exercising which I am. I have only told my husband and my sister. Im really glad personally that I kept it under wraps im the type of person that doesn't like to be the center of attention and I know it would absolutely drive me nuts to have ppl questioning me about it all the time. The thing is you can always tell ppl later if you want, but once you tell you can't take it back. The jitters you are having are normal! I had them too but so far so good and I have no regrets. Best of luck to you, you'll be fine.

[gonnabethin 10]

My mom is also difficult, manipulative, guilt driving, still trying to mother me at 40!!

I have not told her Im having surgery. When I told her I was considering it and looking into it- she was so negative, non supportive that assisted me im the decision to not tell her. She said we dont have obesity in her side of the family....she is 5'2'' and 240 - Can you say MO. She cant!!

If she asks- Ive drastically cut back and am exercising- both of which are TRUE!! I dont need or want the lecture, so somethings are best not disclosed to those who cant be supportive. Anyone else who asks that doesnt have the need to know I will be telling them Ive made some drastic lifestyle changes- TRUE again. There are tons of ways without overtly lying. You need to role play in your head and be ready tho.

NO GUILT you have to take care of you and your family choose the supportive people and move on!!

This is helpful to read. several who posted told and wish they hadnt. one thing that struck me was if you tell it you cant take it back- if you dont tell you can always tell later!!!

Open vs Closet Bander Questions (1 2 3)

[StephM 0]

I still haven't told MY mom, and I don't think I want to because she's hard to deal with. Do any of you have difficult Moms that you didn't tell and how'd that work out for you?

My mom has not necessisarily been the most supportive to my MANY previous weight loss attempts and I was SCARED TO DEATH to tell her what I was doing. I finally decided I had to since we usually went to dinner together at least once a week. When I told her, she was so supportive and told me if I needed anything to let her know. Of course the closer I got to the surgery date, she kept asking me if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. Now that I have had the surgery, she is always asking how much I've lost, how I am feeling overall, and when we are going clothes shopping.

It will be scary to tell your mom, but you need to do this for yourself. Your mom has two choices: 1) Accept and support or 2) Not accept and be a pain. If she chooses #1 GREAT, and if she chooses #2 it's her loss to accompany you through the tremendous journey.

Good Luck!

[neverland 0]

My band was my aunt's idea, and my mom even went to the doctor and got the date before she told me. I was forced into it... so i guess she was 'supportive'....

though she reallly freaked out after I got sick after the operation because of some needle problems... She actually broke a candlestick..

[SharynP 0]

Hi April,

I can't add much to what others have said about jitters - normal I am lucky I didnt have a pre-op diet. I didn't tell my mother and I'm glad I didn't. She only found out a week after the op because I had to go and tell her her sister had died. Even now she doesn't comment on my weight loss except to say she likes me better fatter!!! The only person who knew was my husband - even my grown up kids didn't know. I didn't want any negative comments at all during the jitter period. I told one workmate but now a few more know as I have become more comfortable talking about it. Two are now considering getting banded! I didn't tell people at work because I wanted to get my head around it all first. I told my boss the second week I was back at work because he was genuinely concerned I was seriously ill. He kept popping his head into my office and asking if I was alright. I had two weeks off work that stretched to three because of a chest infection so by that time the weight loss in my face was noticeable. As the weight loss becomes noticeable people ask how do you do it? Some I tell, some I don't :nervous Today someone said to me.. You are looking thinner what are you eating? Or not eating? I just said... three small meals a day, no snacking, no drinking before, with or after meals, no caloried drinks and exercise ... and smiled

[labradoodle 0]

Hi. I am due to have surgery on 20-09-06 and I feel kind of nervous, excited and just wishing the whole thing over before i chicken out. I have tried every other way under the sun and now reckon with 8 stone to lose if I wish to be here to see my children grow up i desperately need to lose it. How do other people cope with the pre-op stage and who did they tell?

[Poodles 0]

Well Ms. April, let me tell you what I have learned in three months.

Don't eat high calorie things... even if that is all you seem to get down.

Don't get too fill happy. Getting to full too fast is painful.

Be prepared to crush all of your meds. I realized this today, when I went to CVS to buy some cold medicine. It was really weird asking the pharmasist if I could crush my OTC meds.

Be prepared to face weird looks, no matter who you tell or don't tell. The ones that know watch to see how fast you lose... the ones that don't know wonder why you are eating differently and different things.

Be prepared to NOT lose weight until you get everything else figured out. I am 3 months out and just now starting to lose because I have figured out how to make low carb mushies to go thru my band. I am too tight, so I drink coffee in the morning then drink a Protein shake, have something similar/safe for lunch at work, and then drink coffee before dinner and eat a small meal.

Once I stopped eating ice cream, pudding, mashed potatoes, stuffing, chips... you know the crap that goes thru the band... then I started losing.

My "skinney clothes" fit now, and I am looking forward to hitting my first goal of 50 lbs. When I hit that, I will be the thinnest I have been in 12 years.

The band is very helpful... but it is life changing. You must make the right food choices, the band is only there to help.

Good luck!

[juliegeraci 7]

I was freaking out too. You will do fine. Keep the faith.