Not Alone, Or Am I

[grammyto2 8]

I feel like hiding at all times, and not from a few but everyone! I am so aware of my size that I can't even be comfortable at home alone, but at least at home I am alone. It's kind of strange that I've shared on this forum the things I've shared as I usually lurk but stay hidden like you might see me even here. I'm in the process of getting this all figured out so I can have this surgery with Dr. Kelly, but a part of me feels like a failure for having to do something so drastic to myself to accomplish what I've done in the past, but it didn't last. I do have family and bf that love me unconditionally, but I even close myself off to them too because they don't understand obesity as they are "normal" bmi's. Ok, I'm 5'6", 240 lbs, and feeling older than my almost 48 years! Every step I take my knees ache something fierce, I wear the baggiest clothes I can find and I wear the same things over and over (washed a lot) till I can no longer wear them cuz I out grow them, or they wear out from being washed too much or from the rolls rubbing! I haven't always been this size, but I have always had issues with my weight since I gave birth to my oldest 28 years ago. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has felt like this and been depressed, but it sure feels like I'm alone. Does it really get better after surgery? Does life return to a more normal existence afterwards? Does the back, knees, joint aches actually subside? Does incontinence get better? And does the skin and hair become healthier down the road? For those with asthma, sleep apnea, and GERDS does losing the weight give you relief? For some reason this last year has been the hardest one I've had, and people have been more than willing to let me know they notice the weight and their remedies for weight control, I really want to crawl under a rock, but unfortunately I'm too big. Please forgive me for rambling and being too sensitive again, I'm just having a really bad time at present. But if you feel like answeing any of the above questions I'd appreciate it.

[chitowngirl 885]

You are not alone. The sleee will help you with your weight loss and many of your medical conditions. However it will not fix your self esteem, you sound like that maybe something you may want to start working on. The sleeve is a great too, but it is not a fix all, there are other factors that come into play, such as not being able to turn to food in times of stress. A great attitude always helps, wishing you the best.

[Foxbins 625]

Yes, it gets better. I was 56 when I had my sleeve, 232 lbs and I'm 5'8". I used to get out of breath going upstairs and my back ached if I stood too long. Don't even get me started on knee pain! I had GERD as well. Now, 18 months post-op, I eat what I want, in moderation and with Protein first. I have lost 95 lbs. My knees and back don't hurt, I walk and run because it's easy now. I had a hiatal hernia repaired so my GERD is gone.

However--if you think that WLS surgery is going to change everything in your life and make it all rainbows and unicorns (not saying that you are, but some people think surgery changes everything) it won't. If you are staying inside because of reasons other than your weight, those reasons will keep you inside even when you are thin. I stayed inside a lot because I hated how I looked and thought other people were judging me for my obesity, so that went away as I lost weight. But I still have the same problems with a demanding job, a picky boss, and too little money to take all the trips I want. But at least I'm a slender person with problems!

Think hard about what's weight-related and what's not. You aren't too old to change anything about yourself that you want to change, just take a tiny step toward your goal.

[girlnamedNikki 19]

Oh sweetie I can relate! I felt what you are feeling leading up to my surgery and truly felt no one could relate and what's worse is the month prior, I had to travel every weekend for work. Arrgh. Traveling on planes is the worse, nothing worse than being asked if I purchased 2 seats or if the person next to me minds that I am spilling into their seat. (could have stabbed a b***h flight attendant for saying that) But the one thing you have to give yourself credit for is although you may have tried other things or not tried other things - you are tying this! And this is the next step to the rest of your life. Be proud that you are making this step. I'm only 1 week from post-op in a ton of pain and haven't lost any weight yet (altho I didn't weigh myself on my scale before surgery - and if I went by my doctors scale I've lost 15 pounds but I'm only going by my scale for consistency) anyway the point is I am trying! I have made this the thing I am giving my all to. I even started to cheat 4 days out and then 6 days out realized I'm only cheating myself and how horrible is that so I cut myself off and went back to my liquid diet. You have to give yourself a break. Be confident that you can be successful and you are worth this life change and worth success. I do think you will need therapy because you don't want to live your life beating yourself up every time you slip up. We are all human and no where near perfect. I hope you take what I'm saying to you to heart, applaud yourself for taking this step, it's not a small one - it's a huge life change and you are doing it!

[Territravel 217]

Yes, once you begin to lose weight you will notice how your knees and back don't hurt as much. I'm sleeping better, and my asthma and allergies seem better as well! I'm down 25lbs as of now.

As you get to feel and look better, your self-esteem should go up. Someone else mentioned it, but it couldn't hurt to get some counseling now before the surgery.

Good luck, and hugs from the mid-south!

Terri

[grammyto2 8]

You are not alone. The sleee will help you with your weight loss and many of your medical conditions. However it will not fix your self esteem, you sound like that maybe something you may want to start working on. The sleeve is a great too, but it is not a fix all, there are other factors that come into play, such as not being able to turn to food in times of stress. A great attitude always helps, wishing you the best.

Thank you, and I understand what you have told me.

[grammyto2 8]

Foxbins, and girl namednikki I relate to the things you have both shared with me and it definitely makes me feel a bit lighter! Thanks to the both of you!

[grammyto2 8]

Yes, once you begin to lose weight you will notice how your knees and back don't hurt as much. I'm sleeping better, and my asthma and allergies seem better as well! I'm down 25lbs as of now.

As you get to feel and look better, your self-esteem should go up. Someone else mentioned it, but it couldn't hurt to get some counseling now before the surgery.

You have given me hope for tomorrow that it is possible to not be in physical pain 95% of the time, and that I might actually breathe better! These are issues that are very draining for me. Thank you. And I am working on self-esteem, but it doesn't come easy for me. It's like one step forward, and WHAM something (too much overtime, exhaustion, a person, clothes too small, etc...) you backwards for a while. You know?!

Good luck, and hugs from the mid-south!

Terri

[grammyto2 8]

Territravel excuse my oops on that msg, I'm still learning how to use quote thing...lol

And I haven't figured out how to fix it, sorry.

[BunnyFoodRocks 23]

It takes courage to share our personal pain and stories. You have demonstrated strength and bravery by reaching out. Be proud of the steps you are taking and soon you will see that each step forward provides rewards that will give you a sense of pride and increased confidence.

While we attach much of our self worth to the size on our clothes, the number on the scale and the opinions of others...it can be difficult to believe in our own self worth.

When we work on believing in ourselves, separate and apart from our weight and Celebrate our strengths in other areas we gain the confidence to lose.

You sound like you are so ready for positive change. That is the first step to a healthier, happier, more confident you.

I know how it feels to want to crawl under a rock and hide from the world. I also know it feels so much better to sit on that rock and watch the sun set after a hike through the woods with my friends :0)

Know that you are not alone and it will get better.

[grammyto2 8]

BFR thank you for your message it is very true, and I needed to see that! I finally got some much needed sleep last night and I'm feeling better than yesterday.

[thetruedream 54]

I can relate with you too. I'm 5'2 240lbs. I'm always home and no clothed either I thrown them away cause either I ripped them or They are all faded away.I dont have health issues yet. But I have pains in my knees and back. I already have my surgery date . I already started thinking different. Now I have days that I will get in the morning and feel good. I put make up do my hair just feeling good. nd i still havent have my surgery..

Cheer urselfe up... I know sometime we have good and bad days but I believe it will get better lets do it for ourselves girl..

Good luck...

[grammyto2 8]

I can relate with you too. I'm 5'2 240lbs. I'm always home and no clothed either I thrown them away cause either I ripped them or They are all faded away.I dont have health issues yet. But I have pains in my knees and back. I already have my surgery date . I already started thinking different. Now I have days that I will get in the morning and feel good. I put make up do my hair just feeling good. nd i still havent have my surgery..

Cheer urselfe up... I know sometime we have good and bad days but I believe it will get better lets do it for ourselves girl..

Good luck...

Thank you !

[gaye jarvis 751]

Hi Grammy, let me tell you I know just how you feel, I'm 47 and I have been overweight all my life, with 4 sisters who are all slim and trim which only made it worse, I kept gaining weight until I was at 334 lbs, and even at 5'11" it still was unbelievable just how big I had let myself get. My knees hurt so bad every day, I was put on blood pressure meds and heart meds, my feet swelled every day, my back pain was constant, I couldnt even get a good nights sleep cause i kept wakeing myself up cause i couldnt breathe! I hated how I looked! Fast forward to 5 weeks ago when I was sleeved, no more swelling or pain anywhere! I'm off of all meds already and I'm down 52 lbs, I have finally slept all night the last week or so, this is the best decision I have ever made for my health!

[grammyto2 8]

Hi Grammy, let me tell you I know just how you feel, I'm 47 and I have been overweight all my life, with 4 sisters who are all slim and trim which only made it worse, I kept gaining weight until I was at 334 lbs, and even at 5'11" it still was unbelievable just how big I had let myself get. My knees hurt so bad every day, I was put on blood pressure meds and heart meds, my feet swelled every day, my back pain was constant, I couldnt even get a good nights sleep cause i kept wakeing myself up cause i couldnt breathe! I hated how I looked! Fast forward to 5 weeks ago when I was sleeved, no more swelling or pain anywhere! I'm off of all meds already and I'm down 52 lbs, I have finally slept all night the last week or so, this is the best decision I have ever made for my health!

Yes, I too have 4 siblings and the sisters are younger, and are petite (tiny), and brothers are in normal bmi's and older but I look and feel older! I also don't sleep well due to feeling like I'm suffocating, but as bad as this is going to sound I'm glad there are others like me out there that I can relate to. It's also nice because many of you have gone before me and you all can brief me on how vsg has improved your health, and what to expect! For that I'm greatful and thankful to those of you that have chosen to share these things with me including the uplifting words that I'm noticing a lot of us have needed on ocassions. Thanks so much for have a good spirit!