Im Not Ashamed But Need Help Coping With Questions I Dont Want To Answer...

[LorenaVaca 29]

I have only told my parents siblings and my sons godmother about having surgery. How do i answer to my co workers and friends and other family about why ive lost so much weight all of a sudden? Its not that i am ashamed its all the negative responses im worried about. My supervisor has asked several times whats wrong and i tell her i am fine its just a medical procedure im having done but i will be fine. She proceeds to give me a the ugliest look and says that i sure am being real secretive but that if i say im fine then she just wont worry for about me then.(grrr it was so rude of her!) Its not like it is their business anyways, right!?!? Please help!

[Lissa 2,631]

If you say "Female Surgery", most people won't ask any more questions.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

Isnt' it called HIPAA Laws, so she can ask for a dr's note, but she has no legal right to know why you are out!!!! NONE OF HER BUSINESS! I bet if you say your are protected under HIPAA she won't ask you another question.

Requests from your employer

The Privacy Rule does not prevent your supervisor, human resources worker or others from asking you for a doctor’s note or other information about your health if your employer needs the information to administer sick leave, workers’ compensation, wellness programs, or health insurance.

[MG in SD 75]

I work at a college and I was very open with my co-workers and bosses and they have all been super supportive. Some people had questions, but when I tell them the surgery is a tool to help because I haven't been able to keep the weight off on my own, they ultimately understand. I explained that it is about heath, not vanity (or at least not all about vanity ) and they get that too. But, I am a very straightforward person and I don't know any other approach, and I do understand that everyone is not comfotrable with that. Now when I come to work I have a ton of supporters, who are constantally cheering me on and encouraging me. Feels good.

[JMarshall 352]

I am pretty open when people ask questions about my spontaneous weight loss. i tell them i had a surgery to help cure my "fattness". i generally get some laughs but in all honesty i dont care how other people feel about MY decision. most people are supportive and some are negative but at the end of the day you are having this surgery. As far as work the supervisor/work issue. the "Female Surgery" excuse should work.

If you say "Female Surgery", most people won't ask any more questions.

[kczar 166]

The poster that mentioned HIPPA is right. You do have the right to not have to divulge this information. But as you've seen, its not always easy to do so. If your company is large enough, you can go to your hr rep for help.

I'm fortunate that I work for a small company and have a supportive boss. I know not everyone is that lucky.

You've said all you really need to. Good luck!

[Amie 90]

If you don't act ashamed of your choice then people won't really say much. You let then know that you are taking the steps you need to to become the person you want to be. It's worked pretty well for me. I've even turned a couple anti surgery guys into pro surgery after I explained all my pains and years of dieting and failure. I know not everyone is an open book like me but I think it helps people understand when you are more open about it. I can't wait for my surgery, just waiting to make my appointment with the surgeon. Good luck.

[LorenaVaca 29]

Thank you all you have all helped me open my eyes a lot more. As far as the HIPPA LAW i was so close to bringing it up to her but didnt, just to stay on good terms. I really am so very proud of having my surgery i know its the best for me and my health. I appreciate all of your advice... There are times i feel like ppl are going to judge me and say im lazy and that i am taking the easy way out but i know that that is absolutely not true if anything this will probably be ten times harder because you have to have strength will power courage and so much more... You women are awesome and i know now in my heart i truly have a support group, thank you!

[Izuri 428]

One of my past coworkers had bypass surgery and everyone was very supportive of her, so I guess I was lucky in knowing that ahead of time. I have not told all of them yet, but I have told my boss and scheduler and they have both been very supportive (And my boss has assured me that she will not under any circumstances tell anyone unless I have told her that I'd like people know).

But I think in your situation if I wasn't going to let my boss know I would let her know that I appreciate her concern and support, but that it's kind of personal and if you are ready to talk about it at some point you will. I'd just stress the part that you think she is being sweet caring about you and if/when you decide to share, she will be in the loop. That way even if you never tell her, you're still acknowledging her.

On another note, whether or not people think you are taking an easy way out (Which I've heard from one friend and it bothered me too), it's your body and you are doing something to be healthy. Ten years from now when you are healthy instead of diabetic or when you have less health problems than you do now, it will not matter if Suzy Q thought you took the easy way out because you'll be around still.

[melbelinc 33]

Ok, so I'm a hairdresser. I work with the public and some of my clients have been with me for 10 years. Yet I have only told a select few. My coworkers know. At first I told a few people I was having "Lady surgery" but since I had a Hiatal Hernia, that worked even better. I just tell people that was why I was on a liquid only diet. But from there I tell people and my friends who don't know that the liquid diet jump started my weight loss and I wasn't going to let it go to waste. You just tell people that you are working hard to lose. One nice thing about the sleeve is that the weight loss is a little slower, you can totally pull it off as you are doing it with diet and exercise alone. Oh by the way, you are working hard and doing it with diet and exercise! This surgery doesn't do it for you. It's just a tool to help. Bypass surgery kinda does it for you at first, That's why people lose it so fast. But average weight loss with the sleeve is about 2 pounds a week. Uh, about the same as weight watchers. Again, this is a tool.

Feel free to use my story. It all makes so much sense. Even the scars can make sense. Hey thats just how your surgeon does things.

[shell12 18]

I work within the department that cares for sleeve patients, so I have been pretty open about it.

[Losingitforgood! 50]

Im having my surgery in the hospital I work at- so the people who will be caring for me are my co workers. I am pretty open with everyone- although there has been a few ( like my MIL) I have held off on telling. She always is always suggesting diets and other programs she hears about on Dr. Oz and the Dr's. She just loves telling me about other peoples success. (although oddly enough she is overweight herself and has yet to lose an ounce from her suggestions). I don't really know what she has against WLS- but she has her opinion. I don't really care- this procedure is not about her decision- its about mine!!!

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

I see so many threads about "I don't want anybody to know". Have tou ever stopped to think about the other side of the coin? When people are secretive about things if you enquire, don't you then assume the worst case scenario? In an office environment the rumors are always so much worse than what is really going on.

My suggestion is to tell them what is going on. You don't have to go so far as to disclose everything. But give them enough to relax their curiosity or concern.

For example. Do you have diabetes? Tell them you are undergoing a procedure that will hopefully cure your diabetes.

Do you have sleep apnea, heart issues? Tell them you are getting a procedure that will cure ore minimize these conditions.

All of these would be true, and once you've had the surgery, you can go back and tell the rest of the story if you so chose.

[helgaready 34]

I have told alot of people either. I am not ashamed and do not neccessarily feel the need to hide it. However, I am not sure I am prepared to deal with all the questions. I had a previous surgery date about three years and when I told people I was having surgery, there were so many who came out against it. This time around I just want to get through the surgery without have to answer a gazillion questions while on the other hand I am still trying to wade through all my answers as well. My journey is made even more difficult as I am having surgery with Dr. A in Mexico so I get that "you must be crazy" to go to Mexico to have surgery along with the usual you dont need that spill...you can do it own your own...I know this person that had it and they had so many complications or those doctors do not know the long term effect of that stuff so why you want to be the text case. So I am keeping my decision to a select few for now...

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

I am still confused on why people think their coworkers need to know. I say let them talk. I work in a fish bowl, because we live, work, and sleep in the same place. (you know the saying don't eat where you sh*t) Not literally, but it feels like that is my life at times. I feel like if I was on fire nobody in my job would piss on me. With that being said, they have no right to my business. I just don't see why this is a big issue.

MOO-my own opinion.

Edit to add- you don't even have to lie to them. I honestly believe it is rude for them to ask. Why spend time trying to make up some mysterious "surgery". Tell them it's classified, if I tell you, I would have to kill you HA!