To Tell Or Not To Tell....

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

I have only told my husband, mother, my two really good friends and the one person that has already had it. She is amazing support. I know there will people that do not agree and honestly, I do not feel the need to discuss or defend my decision. I am not embarrassed or ashamed, but I just want it to be a good experience. I don't feel like having the extra stress of being on defense.

[Gr8rLuv4Me 19]

Truth is there will always be people who won't be on your wls cheer team. Some will speculate about your methods no matter what you tell them. Lets face it, Its hard to lose weight.....so when you see someone drop 40-60 pounds in 3-4months then continue to steadily lose....well, you kind of wonder. I work in a hospital with other nurses who are post op. They take their lunch breaks alone like their afraid of being found out. I decided not to live like I'm ashamed, so I tell. I don't have to educate but I do it with passion. I talk to them about my unhealthy relationship with food and the affect it has had on my body...Joint pain and sleep apnea...then we talk about years of yo-yo dieting losing 5lbs and gaining 10lbs. People come my way, they can expect to hear my weightloss testamony!! I tell them the things that I've learned about wls...how hard it really is. No doubt it won't stop them from talking....but at least they'll have a better understanding of why I choose to use the tool.

[GreginMI 76]

I respect everyone's decision on this, but for me I needed to tell. I would have felt bad about myself lying to people every time I was asked how I did it, and pleasantly found that no one made any derogatory comments to my face (which is all I care about--people will think what they will think and I could care less what that is). Now I'm a year out from surgery and everyone is used to how I look now at 122 lbs down from a top weight of 320 in only a year. I'm a guy and maintaining 198 lbs at 5'9 and feel great! So anyway, I rarely anymore have people ask me how I lost the weight except for the occasional person that I haven't seen in a very long time. What I do when someone asks is just launch into this exhuberant dialogue about it. I say, well I had a new kind of weight loss surgery about a year ago that's only been out for about 5 years now. They sometimes ask if it's the band or bypass and I say neither, it's the sleeve and the only difference between you and I is that my stomach is smaller and doesn't hold as much as yours. I tell them I've probably lost 100 lbs three different times in my life but always gained it back and I was looking for a permanent solution so I can live long and enjoy my grandkids. I get a really good response from saying it this way and no one has ever acted differently to me after it. The great thing about telling (for me) was that I didn't have to remember the lie all the time when people would ask me why I'm not eating much or why I'm not drinking anything with my meal or why I have to wait 30 minutes after my meal before I drink. I just say you know why, because I can't, remember? And they say oh, yeah. The other good thing is that because of my results and being open about it, several people have approached me about having the procedure and a couple have even scheduled the surgery. If I can help change one person's life by telling, it was worth it. I only tell if they ask me directly how I did it. If they just say wow you lost a lot of weight, I say yep, I eat a lot less these days. It's a personal decision whether you tell, but I will say if you have friends that criticize you for trying to be healthy and live a long time, they are not your friends and you should ditch them. People in your life that truly love you will be happy for you and proud of you. I'll end by saying that if you lose 100 lbs in less than a year, everyone is going to wonder if you had surgery, no matter what you say to them. Don't be naive to think otherwise.

[loveoften 18]

Hello All...

I have not told a soul. I am going to Mexico while my boys are with their Dad out of town. I do worry that if something happens no one will know where I am. I am considering putting letters in my home in case the worse happens! I truly don't believe anything bad will happen but I would want my boys to know how much I loved them.

It will be strange that friends will wonder what I've done differently... my plan is to say I am learning to control my portions. When I eat out with them, they will see that I am eating much less than normal. I have never mentioned surgery was even a consideration so I don't believe that is what people will expect.

I am rooting for everyone to be safe and successful! I love hearing about all your trials and tribulations along the way!

K.

[JDHenin 165]

I tell everyone who notices my weight loss and asks 'how did u do it'? I am not ashamed and won't lie. Everyone I've told have been super supportive and so happy for me. I actually love talking about it.

[petite-size-me! 70]

I haven't told many, and won't tell everyone. But I am part of a weightloss group (I initiated it last year) and I did tell these ladies because like the above poster said, it's not fair to tell them I did it with will power, high Protein, low carbs, small portions and then not tell them I have an extra tool in my arsenal. How would they feel doing everything I do and struggling? How would our friendship go if they ever found out? So I told the whole group. I asked for their confidence until such a time I am ready to share with other ppl.

It's not my friends I worry about telling, it's those ppl in my life I would rather not know but have to for whatever reason-- social or family ties. Judgmental, back bitey and female doggish...

[Izuri 428]

I struggled with this question quite a bit. I settled on that I was going to tell people. I generally am a very private person, and I wondered at first if maybe it would be best to keep it to myself for similar reasons. I have not told everyone yet, as I have decided that I will wait until post surgery to come out of the surgery closet, but I do plan on telling my friends/coworkers/family. I feel like it is important because not only will I eventually be eating around them and they will notice a drastic change, but these are people that I would rely on to help me in a medical emergency. This thought never even entered my head until a couple years ago when out of the blue I had a seizure at work while helping a customer. While I won't be running up and down the aisles at work shouting it to everyone, I think it would pertinent information for paramedics if I ever did have a health issue. Plus, I trust my coworkers and consider most of them friends, so I think it will be a good thing to share with them.

I also have found that the closer that I come to the date of surgery, the less I feel like I care what people think about it. I am doing something incredibly positive for my quality of life, and if they can't respect that, then that just sucks for them =) When I'm able to live a full healthy life, the people who really care about me will be happy for me, whether or not I did it by surgery.

[PeaceLove&Tash 27]

Thanks for all your stories I have decided to keep it a secret. When asked I will simply say Portion Control, exercising, and eating healthy. Which is not a lie. What I do to my body is my business. I mean it's my stomach....not a boob job lol can't lie about that one. No one can look at me and say see look! Her stomach is smaller! I am a private person, and keep things to myself and even though I don't care what people think about me, I kinda do when it comes to my body image. Hooray for all of you who have decided to tell and hooray for all of you that aren't

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

It seems that some people equate not wanting to tell as being ashamed. I honestly, believe in "NEED TO KNOW", like my husband needs to know, my MIL not so much. I am not ashamed or embarrassed. This has been 15 years in the decision making process. I don't feel like hearing peoples negative banter. I think we all know in our lives who needs to know. I just honestly believe in life not everyone is happy for you. That goes for anything. I don't feel like dealing with haters and/or pessimists.

[loveoften 18]

After I had my two boys, I had a breast augmentation and Tummy Tuck. I shared it with my friends and family. From that point forward whenever I would get a compliment - especially in front of my sister - she would be sure to let everyone know I had help from a plastic surgeon. My best friend likes to tell people the same thing swearing she would never stoop to such levels - well 5 years later she is trying to find the money to make it happen. I don't need to be the fodder for their own issues. I made this decision for me... not to impress anyone else. My kids deserve a healthy happy and content mom. I feel I must add that I've had a little fantasy about wearing something stunning in front of ex-husband and leaving him drooling.... that feels petty but I am only human

K.

[pdog 51]

I don't plan on telling anyone but my mom, mother in law and husband. But my mom wants me to tell my sister...but my sister can't keep a secret and has burned me in the past revealing my secrets....my sister is bigger than me and wants to have surgery but never follows through with all the requirements so I know she is going to have hurt feelings when I have it done in 2 weeks...also I'm not sure what to do about my best friend. I don't mind if she knows but I know she will tell her mom and her brother and her boyfriend and I don't want all those people knowing.

[PreciousCargo 55]

When people ask me how I have lost so much weight I do share that I have had weight loss surgery. I am not ashamed and I am pround of my accomplishments. However, you do get a few snide remarks such as "oh you took the easy way out". I dont consider this any easier than losing weight by counting calories, etc. The surgery was hard, and eating still can be difficult. It is a matter of what you feel comfortable sharing.

[mom2han 5]

I think I have told just about everyone I know. I have gotten positive and negative responses. I have alot of overweight friends that have not been supportive and they say I'm taking the easy way out and i should do it with diet and exercise. Everyone in my office has constantly counting calories and points for years, they should all be rail thin and they are all still overweight. I guarantee when they see my success they will be climbing onboard.

I want to be able to share my experience and knowledge with others and offer them hope. I can't do that if I keep my surgery a secret.

[bakawaka 59]

I tell everyone.

[bakawaka 59]

One way to tell everyone at work is to tell the most gossipy person in the office. All offices have such persons. These people can make the announcements for you.