Im Worried About Surgery

[Desirae Grunwell 9]

Hello everyone :]

Im new here, and my names Desirae.

Today was my second day on my pre surgery liquid diet. I feel as if im looseing a friend, as sad as it sounds. My stomache hurts, and has for the past few days. My body is like "Whoa?! what are you doing?" I think. I wanted surgery, and I know in the end It will be one of the best choices I've ever made,but this is so hard. Protine is awful! I find comfort knowing after surgery I have more to choose from and don't have to do awful shakes. (trying not to cry right know, phew..) I feel i should share my story real quick..

Im 17 (im 18now) ,and for a long as i can remember I have been big. Ive always been differnt and looked at like i was a zombie. Growing up though,i never felt different,it wasnt untill i turned about 10 when i relized peoples glares,and pointing and how differnt i looked in the mirror but how i felt no differnt at all. I went through a moment in my life where i hated myself. I didnt like who i was,i felt alone like "who would want to be with the fat chick...that's all ill ever be"somehow, i brought myself up from the hole i dug myself in,with lots of help,of course. Ive grown alot since then,and like most people have tried everyyyyy thing to get in shape. Pill,diet plans,south beach,curves...i went went as far and raiseing money for two years to go to weight loss camp in Wisconson for month. Dont get my wrong,these things work for many people...but not for me. So i decided being a Jr in highschool at the time i needed to change and start anew in college. For the past 10months,ive been going though a program though U of M (hospital not college >.<) Its called MPOWER.. Its for young adults and teens who are overweight and need to change there lifestyles. Ive been changeing my life from how i think,to what i eat to how to train my brain to work in my favor. Just recently i was approved by the team of experts at U of M that they feel Gastric Bypass surgery is best for me. I had to go through the mpower program (6months) for them to even concider approveing becuase im 17,and gastric is an adult surgery. Now im going though the process of getting everything i need to get done,done so i can have surgery (billing,support groups,blood test..ect) . My Surgery date...December 14. HOLY CRAP! ...im shakeing in my freaken boots! am i excited...heck yeah. am i scared as hell? yeah...i mean im not afraid of dieing,everyone always askes if im afraid of the surgery itself. Even though i was told when they knock me out heck im really gonna be out,i wont be able to even breath on my own,yet im still not scared of dieng;and trust me ive though about it,but thats another blog. I will die trying to accomplish what some people never do,what some of the most beautiful people dont have...Inner happiness! Amongst all the other reasons i want surgery....i wanna be comfortable in my own skin. I wanna feel beautiful...>.> anyway,im afraid of the life style change. Going to one extream to another..its my worst fear. i fear i will fail..im terrified of faileing and gaining my weight back and throwing away a year of work,gas,tears,pain suffering,money...i just pray everyday,i can do this..and for thoese of you who read this.

Well, that never happend. Becuase i was only 17 insurence denyed me. IT felt like being pushed down onto the pavement..and i gave up inside. months later after a year into my program my mom got a call saying because i was 18 now, insurence gave there approval! My emotions hit me hard. I was suppost to have surgery in April,but that was cancled as well due to the fact the surgernt doing my surgery needs to be acompanied by another and there was not one to be with him. So this is how i got here..My surgery is the july 24. Im terrifed, about everthing. I feel almost outcasted becuase everyones so afraid to eat knowing i can't. My craveings for food are ridculous..and i cry myself to sleep knowing i have to force feed myself the awful shakes. I never expected surgery to be a walk in the park, but i just pray i have enough strength to do this..

[iegal 460]

The preop diet is torture. Accept that nothing is going to make this part of your weight loss journey any easier. But you are strong with all you have gone through to this point and surgery is so very close. Remember that, okay?.

Just like any addict - take one day at a time. Today you will choke down protien drinks. Today you won't consume any anything not allowed on preop diet. Today is your walk towards a new life.

Grab this opportunity (with a small price of preop diet) and be happy.

[Shelleypg19 11]

I am so proud of you and I don't even know you! I am glad you have a support group. And I am glad you came here. I am new here as well but it seems to be very supportive.

Do you have someone at your school to talk to? I think it is important to have someone like a counselor to talk to and most schools offer that at a very low cost or for free! Please don't take that the wrong way! I just believe in counseling so much. It has helped me very much in the past. When you are young like you are and facing adult decisions, it is a blessing to have someone to talk to to sort it all out. And it might help to have a plan to deal with the cravings. I know for me, I crave food for the emotional support.

Best of luck to you. You can do it!

[angelakay2 117]

Your surgery will be over before you know it! First I want to say that you are a very pretty young lady and you have a whole life ahead of you to LIVE! The pre-op diet and the first week of post-op are difficult but you've come so far and already jumped the obstacles that have been hurdled in your direction! You've got this!! Keep us posted!

[Toni Day 18]

Let me start by saying how fortunate you are to get this amazing opportunity at such a young age. I was over weight my whole life and didn't have this opportunity at your age. I had to wait till 43 years old to start my journey. This will change your whole life for the better. You can do this and in a year will look back and be amazed at how well you feel and look. We are all here to support you with questions and concerns. Your age is on your side. Good luck!

[Lissa 2,631]

Desirae, First, congrats on working so hard to get here! It takes a lot of inner strength to know yourself as well as you do!

Second, yes, the pre-op diet is tough, but it is SO worth it. It helps your body and liver prepare for surgery and it helps you detox from bad things like sugar and caffeine. Believe me, you don't want to be going through those withdrawals post op along with the liquid diet!

Third, I believe I know another girl that is in the same program, a young lady named Whitney. I'm not sure if you attend meetings as a group, but please say hello to her for me if you do. She's the daughter of an online friend I've known for nearly 20 years.

Lastly, good luck on your journey!!!

[SML1997 308]

Good luck to you. Because youre getting this done at such a young age you will have the rest of your life to live so many great moments. Don't give up. Don't be scared. Go for your dreams.

[mokee 588]

Desirae,

You are so strong and lucky. I also was an obese child, an obese teen, an obese adult. I was teased, ridiculed, laughed at and as an adult you know by the looks you get they are laughing behind your back. Now I am 65 and going to take the plunge. Maybe it will extend my life a few years, maybe I will have less pain, maybe I will feel better about myself. But I must try. You are so young and you can be anything you want to be. Take this opportunity and fly. Keep in touch with all of us, we need you as much as you need us.

[Trcyprkr70 69]

Hello everyone :]

Im new here' date=' and my names Desirae.

Today was my second day on my pre surgery liquid diet. I feel as if im looseing a friend, as sad as it sounds. My stomache hurts, and has for the past few days. My body is like "Whoa?! what are you doing?" I think. I wanted surgery, and I know in the end It will be one of the best choices I've ever made,but this is so hard. Protine is awful! I find comfort knowing after surgery I have more to choose from and don't have to do awful shakes. (trying not to cry right know, phew..) I feel i should share my story real quick..

Im 17 (im 18now) ,and for a long as i can remember I have been big. Ive always been differnt and looked at like i was a zombie. Growing up though,i never felt different,it wasnt untill i turned about 10 when i relized peoples glares,and pointing and how differnt i looked in the mirror but how i felt no differnt at all. I went through a moment in my life where i hated myself. I didnt like who i was,i felt alone like "who would want to be with the fat chick...that's all ill ever be"somehow, i brought myself up from the hole i dug myself in,with lots of help,of course. Ive grown alot since then,and like most people have tried everyyyyy thing to get in shape. Pill,diet plans,south beach,curves...i went went as far and raiseing money for two years to go to weight loss camp in Wisconson for month. Dont get my wrong,these things work for many people...but not for me. So i decided being a Jr in highschool at the time i needed to change and start anew in college. For the past 10months,ive been going though a program though U of M (hospital not college >.<) Its called MPOWER.. Its for young adults and teens who are overweight and need to change there lifestyles. Ive been changeing my life from how i think,to what i eat to how to train my brain to work in my favor. Just recently i was approved by the team of experts at U of M that they feel Gastric Bypass surgery is best for me. I had to go through the mpower program (6months) for them to even concider approveing becuase im 17,and gastric is an adult surgery. Now im going though the process of getting everything i need to get done,done so i can have surgery (billing,support groups,blood test..ect) . My Surgery date...December 14. HOLY CRAP! ...im shakeing in my freaken boots! am i excited...heck yeah. am i scared as hell? yeah...i mean im not afraid of dieing,everyone always askes if im afraid of the surgery itself. Even though i was told when they knock me out heck im really gonna be out,i wont be able to even breath on my own,yet im still not scared of dieng;and trust me ive though about it,but thats another blog. I will die trying to accomplish what some people never do,what some of the most beautiful people dont have...Inner happiness! Amongst all the other reasons i want surgery....i wanna be comfortable in my own skin. I wanna feel beautiful...>.> anyway,im afraid of the life style change. Going to one extream to another..its my worst fear. i fear i will fail..im terrified of faileing and gaining my weight back and throwing away a year of work,gas,tears,pain suffering,money...i just pray everyday,i can do this..and for thoese of you who read this.

Well, that never happend. Becuase i was only 17 insurence denyed me. IT felt like being pushed down onto the pavement..and i gave up inside. months later after a year into my program my mom got a call saying because i was 18 now, insurence gave there approval! My emotions hit me hard. I was suppost to have surgery in April,but that was cancled as well due to the fact the surgernt doing my surgery needs to be acompanied by another and there was not one to be with him. So this is how i got here..My surgery is the july 24. Im terrifed, about everthing. I feel almost outcasted becuase everyones so afraid to eat knowing i can't. My craveings for food are ridculous..and i cry myself to sleep knowing i have to force feed myself the awful shakes. I never expected surgery to be a walk in the park, but i just pray i have enough strength to do this..[/quote']

Desirae, you will do fine, I to am having surgery July 24.... I am 41 years old n afraid as well. My mother is flying to California to be with me for two weeks. Pray first and interact with people that are supportive. You are not alone, I will be praying for you and waiting to here your victory story.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S using VST

[Desirae Grunwell 9]

Thank you all so much. Im crying so hard reading your post,just thankful to have your support. It means alot to me to hear from people going though what i am,or will be. You guys are part my strength! Im seven days down today :] and am proud of myself! Im all together terrified and excited all together. Now the hunger plains have calmed themselves, and i found the inner strength within me. The hardest part for me know is i miss flavor..i've wanted nothing but subway for a week haha. But i know this is all worth it. I also miss the joy of eating. Im young and social and miss the joy of being able to hang out with with my friends and go out to dinner, or to eat with my family. I went to the beach the other day,and we went to a restaurant..it was so awkward for me to sit and watch them eat and smell the food and awkward for them to know i cant eat. i miss those enjoyments, but i keep in mind phase one of this journey is almost done..then starts another. I have family, friends,my docs back of U Of M,and my new online family here to help me.

Im thankful for this chance, taking it one day at a time. <3

[Piplula 709]

What a strong, beautiful young lady you are. I have been obese most of my adult life and now at 39 years old I had the courage to change. How awesome are you tht you made this decision at a younger age and can preent damage to yourself! Hang in there..the first weeks are the hardest and it will get better and better as you give yourself time to heal, recover, and get on with life uninhibited by your weight because it will no longer be holding you back! Remember, we are all here ..reach out and someone here will help! Good luck to you!!!

[Desirae Grunwell 9]

Thank you so much for your kind words. They make the days go by easier for me. Im so scared for surgery..it's such a big change but i wanna be comfortable in my own skin and catchy up for lost time while im still young. It's great to know if i ever need anything..i have a wonderful online family <3

[Desirae Grunwell 9]

My surgery is tuesday...My nerves have finally kicked in. Wish me luck everyone<3

[Trcyprkr70 69]

You will do fine my surgery is Tuesday as well. You and I along with others that share the same date have a special bond. Praying for all of us and our other July sleevers....

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S using VST

[Desirae Grunwell 9]

Evening loves :]

So surgery went well,as for everyone else I am praying for you<3 I only spent 2days in the hospital because i was doing so well. Now im home resting, doing some mild walking as well. Thats the hardest part ..like, i never realized how much i take doing the simplest things like showing for granted. That stuff is hard to do on my own, but im healing well and am looking forward to the future. Thank you loves<3