I'm Being A Hypocrite, Aren't I?

[keldolbeth 262]

I am still a ways away from my goal weight but I've experienced some of the feelings you are having. Everyone has different reasons for their preferences. It doesn't sound like yours are superficial or shallow, if it's related to lifestyle and not appearance.

I used to only like skinny guys because I like the fact that they didn't know what it was like to be fat. Then I started liking chunkier guys because their size made me feel more feminine and not so enormous. About a year ago I met a guy on match and went out with him. I found it funny that neither of us had full body pics on our profile and I think we were both surprised when we met. He was a very, very big guy. I've never been attracted to men over a certain size because I know how limited I am in certain aspects of life and I don't want someone who is the same. (Personally, for me, I always think "how is sex gonna work?" lol) My weight is a super personal issue to me, one that I don't share with many, so being with someone who actually can relate and know how I feel kinda scares the sh*t out of me. I felt like a total hypocrite for not liking him but I couldn't help it. He was a nice guy but it was due to my own insecurities really. Conversely, it's so hard to judge attraction from a picture on the internet, even if they have multiple. Attraction has so much more to do with personality, mannerisms, body language, intellect, sense of humor, etc. So you just might be surprised.

That being sad, I agree with most everyone here and you should definitely go on the date just for the experience. One date isn't going to give him the idea you want to marry him. I've had plenty of "one and done" men from online dating. I know it's scary because of the lack of experience, but don't let that stop you. The only way to gain experience and get rid of the nerves is to go out there and do it!

I just met a guy on match and at first I was totally intimidated by him. He was good looking, "normal size," a lawyer, rich, independent, no kids or baggage, etc. I thought he was too good for me. I told him I had been losing weight and when I had surgery but he doesn't know what kind yet. (I fully intend on telling him soon.) I worry that he's the kind of guy who just likes big girls and won't be attracted to me later. BUT, a few weeks into talking to him I found out he's lost about 150 pounds!!! We haven't gotten to the how yet, he just mentioned it a few times. When we went swimming the other day I picked up on a little insecurity because he has some excess skin. It really just made me giggle because I was thinking about how we could bond over it! lol I didn't have the "omg, he knows what it's like to be fat" reaction that usually scares me because eventually neither of us are going to be fat and I hope not to have those same issues and insecurities. It excites me that he's made changes and is active now. There are so many things I can't wait to experience with him.

Point is, you can talk yourself away from any man for any reason... you are only going to find out what you like by finding out what you don't. So GGOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[minaleigh 95]

Thanks for the advice and stories guys! I never was going to back out. Thing is, he told me he's never had a girlfriend and he's been very clingy...

I just feel like I shouldn't have to settle just because of my previous size. Sure, I know I'm not going to get a hunky, man-of-my-dreams guy the first time. I'd have to say my ideal guy would be tall (at least 3 inches taller than me would be nice!) and average. Some of my friends are into big guys, but I'm just not... Even when I was heavier I wasn't, but I'm not into over-muscled guys either.

I'm still going to give him a chance. I'll just see how it goes.

[littlebits 154]

I have never been into super skinny or big guys. I don't think that it's superficial...it's personal preference. You can't help who you are attracted to...good luck!!!

Littlebits