How Do Newly Skinny View Those Who Still Struggle With Their Weight?

[NDN_RN 527]

An interesting point was brought up in another thread. How do you deal with the emotions of being skinny when you see someone that looks like you used to? I know most will have outward empathy, of course, but is there some part of you afraid to face the mirror of the past?

My response was this

I am going through something like that now. Although I haven't been sleeved yet, I most definitely plan to do so, barring some blip in the universe that prevents me from doing so. I feel like an evangelist,I see other overweight people and think to myself , why don't they have WLS. I want to go over and tell them of the great opportunity. Then I slap myself into reality. I am not a fan of evangelism. To each his own, I say. My decision is my own, not everyone I know would agree with it (if I even told them). So how would I feel about my obese brothers and sisters, after the weight loss. The way I feel about those I have worked with as a nurse over the years...the poor, the disenfranchised, the sick, the homeless. I don't feel sorry for them, I want to help, or at least support them because, in the end, There but for the grace of God, go I.

[Heyher 581]

I wonder my self at times why they don't. But then I think they could have some dismorphia about them not seeing them selves as big as they truly are. Or they don't have the means to have the surgery. Or any one of the many other possibilities. Or it could be they are perfectly fine with how they look or are not willing to make the sacrifices needed for the surgery.

Whatever their reasoning, I just tell myself I can't judge them and pray for their health and happiness.

:::steps off soap box::: :-)

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I am still having issues with seeing myself the size I am, so I don't have the before/after thing yet...but interesting question.

food for thought!

Get it, food?

:/

[Rootman 1,101]

Funny you should ask, last week we went to an art gallery, they had these giant golf carts to shuttle people to the parking lots since it was a few blocks and over 100 degrees out. The next one came and a bunch of fat people got on it, what should of held 7 passengers could only hold 5 as the people were so huge they could only sit 2 across instead of 3. I immediately had ill thoughts then caught myself - hey that used to be YOU. I can see how easy it is to resent people for taking more of their fair share of something.

We ended up walking as they only had 2 carts, both had just gone out and wouldn't return for 15 to 20 minutes. I'm glad I'm in shape now the 1/4 mile walk was easy since I've lost weight and the heat hardly bothered me.

[Stacy P 7]

I think an addiction is an addiction no matter what it is, food, drugs, alcohol....... There comes a point of getting sick and tired and a willingness to change something... I am still on my journey but when I see people larger than myself I have compassion because I feel their pain.......

[MinaT 669]

I saw someone recently that was extremely large and I could tell the feet and ankle swelling was so rough and I could see that walking was not easy and though she had a cane and she seemed younger than me. I felt so bad for her, because I knew the struggle she was in, but then I got a great whiff of cigarette smell on her and I didn't feel so darn bad for her. Losing weight is rough, you have to eat to survive, but when you have severe medical conditions, and you are young and then you add smoking to it, I lost a lot of my pity. I know this post may irk smokers, but some people, like me literally have issues not so much with the "smoke" coming off the cigarette as they do the particles that lay on your clothings in your hair, those particles, which are finer than dust find their way into my lungs and I end up coughing up eventually a nice big old size lougie. I have to use ventolin inhaler. My parents smoke. They open up their home and air it out with fans, and spray crap and will not smoke inside for about 5 hours before I come and being there for less than an hour, I go home sick. I've been in there car (which was cleaned the day before) they have to take me to the doctor and I went into the doctor's office and I was told "i should stop smoking"...my parents car was cleaned before I got in it, but the cigarette crap clings to everything enough that a doctor..that should have known I don't smoke accused me of smoking.

Her heaviness, I felt for, the fact that she's sick and heavy and can barely walk and breath and she just put a cigarette out before coming into the building...well that I did judge. Yes, I'm an anti-cigarette snob.

[Stacy P 7]

I try not to judge, like I said it's better for me to have compassion and pray for those still struggling. However I am an ex smoker myself, I agree it's nasty but it is also an addiction.

[MinaT 669]

I agree it's an addiction, you don't have to smoke to live, you have to eat to live. I try not to be so judgmental but when the smell makes me sick, it's a little harder. Hopefully the surgeon makes her quit smoking before he will perform surgery on her.

[LindaS 316]

I am a lot like the OP in that I want to tell people about my WLS even though I know my words wouldn't be welcome. I feel sad sometimes, and if it is a family member, I feel guilty.

I don't hide my WLS, but I've realized lately that I do hide that I work out. How weird is that?

When I first had WLS, my mil said she absolutely would not do it. She is now 3 months into her 6 month supervised diet thing required by her insurance. She plans to be sleeved in late September/early October.

I just found out one of my younger cousins just started the process for WLS. She is one that I really wanted to talk to about, but I felt it wasn't my place. She has a new baby, and she is in her early 20s, and her movement is severely restricted by her size and health. I was happy to hear she is looking into WLS. She is having bypass. I haven't talked to her about WLS but that doesn't mean she hasn't heard things about my own experience through the family grapevine.

The guilt comes in when I'm dealing with family members who need the surgery but can't get it because of insurance/money issues. My sil has some very serious issues, and I know in her mind I didn't need the surgery. I try not to talk about it with her, but she does ask me. She has also been very positive to me. I just feel guilty that I was able to do it, and she needs it so much more than I did (because of serious health issues) and can't get it.

[Fallenangel2904 494]

This is coming from a pre op so maybe my views will change. Maybe it's just the fact that I've known/know many very large people but I feel to each is own. Even being obese, when I was younger I would see a very large person an automatically feel sorry for them. But over the years, meeting more people who are very large I've learned to not automatically assume the part of feeling sorry. Being a very large person, sympathy is not something I've ever wanted from thin folk. I don't think I would ever go up to another fat person and tell them about WLS. I'm sure they are aware of their options and I know being a fat person if someone ever came up to me and started talking about WLS I would have been mortified and a little angry. I guess we sometimes think that every big person is miserable and feels trapped but I've seen that not to be the case for everyone believe it or not, so I wouldn't assume it for them. Of course weight loss would make every big persons life easier but not everyone suffers from it as much as others. I personally am at the place where I AM suffering, and have gotten TOO fat where it's gotten in the way of my life so I've decided to change it. But not everyone feels the need to take it this far. I've known a few big people who are anti WLS and it's their body and their right to choose, same as it's mine to chose to have it. I guess I learned not to judge and just hope for happiness and good health (which I hope for myself too of course lol)

Perhaps my view will change if and when I actually get skinny (hopefully lol) Just my two cents.